Kai’s face softened as he sighed again. Shaking his head, he ran his hands back through his hair. “What do you want from me, Jessie? You are the one that thought placing someone between us would help. Isn’t that what you said? We needed a buffer? If April is too close to you, if seeing us is too hard, then what do we do, Jessie? Who will make this easier? Who should I be with?”
Jessie pressed against him, her hands coming up to cup his cheeks, her body compressing against his. Against everything inside of her, every single instinct she had, she whispered, “Me. You should be with me. You’re supposed to be with me.”
Kai rested his head on hers, shaking it gently. “Jess…it’s not right. I can’t… We can’t…” He sighed and didn’t say what they were both clearly feeling. Exhaling heavily, he stared at her for long, intense moments. Then he brought a hand up to run it through her hair. She inhaled quickly, her hands still touching his face. “We can’t, Jessie…”
Then his lips crashed down to hers and the world outside stopped mattering. Her friends in the house no longer existed. The matching blood running through their bodies didn’t matter. All that mattered was his hand slowly running from her hair to her neck. All Jessie could concentrate on was that hand clenching around her, and drawing her in, forcing her lips firmly onto his. Then, everything else disappeared.
Twisting them around, he slammed her back into her bedroom door. She grunted and then groaned as his lips and body crushed against hers. Her hands drifted down his chest, then around and up his back, under his multiple layers of shirts. Letting the passion they usually pushed back flood into her, she was quickly drenched, perfectly ready for him. She wanted him. She wanted him so much.
He grunted and pushed his hips into hers. Jessie could feel his desire for her pressing into her abdomen. She wanted him lower. She wanted him inside of her. Remembering the feel of him, the fullness of him, she wanted him deep inside of her, thrusting over and over until they both cried out. Her hands trailed down his back, slipping around to his waistband. Anxiously, her fingers tried to pop open the button.
Kai exhaled with a low moan, his hand on her neck running up to grab a fistful of her hair. Tilting her head, he drove his tongue deep inside of her. Jessie whimpered with the forcefulness, the unrestraint they both felt. She pulled away from the door fractionally and he pushed her back into it with a dull thud. Her fingers, finally having unsnapped his button, flattened between them.
He groaned as she let out a soft cry. She wanted him so bad. His free hand slipped under her shirt. Ripping aside the fabric of her bra, his fingers cupped her breast. Inhaling a quick breath, Kai rested his head against hers, a low swear passing his lips. Jessie reached out with the tip of her tongue, just barely catching the edge of his upper lip.
Panting, she let out a low groan and successfully shoved her hand down the front of his open jeans, just barely squeezing in-between their smashed together bodies. She wanted to feel him. She needed to feel him. Just as he moaned in a way that made Jessie ache with the need for him to touch her, she grazed the tip of him. His fingers tightened and pinched her nipple and she cried out again, banging her head back against the door.
Slipping his hands down her body, he quickly lifted both of her legs up around his waist. They staggered forward a step and then he slammed her back into the door again. His hands slid down the knit pants she had on, cupping her backside. Jessie groaned, rubbing herself against the hardness in his jeans, his arousal finally where she needed it most. Hissing a quick breath in her ear, he exhaled in a groan as his hand ran down the back of her underwear. Jessie whimpered into his mouth then arched her back, her aching body needing him to be touching her.
She bucked against him, her back knocking harshly into the door, as his finger slipped across her wet flesh. Smashing her back up against the door, she fought for space between them so she could push his jeans down. Her overheated body needed more than one finger sliding up and down her sensitive core. She needed all of his marvelous length and width sliding inside of her. His lips attacked hers as his finger running against her picked up pace. She managed to get his jeans partially down his hips, her hand wrapping around him, just as he managed to slip his finger inside of her.
Before she could cry out in ecstasy, the door they were pressed against was knocked on.
“Uh, Jess…you guys okay?” Harmony’s voice sounded concerned.
Jessie stopped breathing, stopped moving. Her eyes popped open and she stared at Kai, his face mirroring her startlement. Then the horror of what they were doing crashed down on her. She immediately yanked her hand out of his pants and brought it up to cover her mouth. She felt like screaming, she felt like vomiting. She’d never been so conflicted.
Kai quickly set her down and took a step back, his hand also retreating from underneath her clothes. His jeans were still open, still slightly shoved down his hips as he glanced at the door, down to Jessie, then back to the door. His hands ran back through his hair as he chewed on his lip.
The knock sounded again. “Jess?”
Feeling able to breathe again, Jessie snapped back, “Yeah, Harm, we’re fine. Just…give us a minute!”
“Geeze, sorry, just checking to make sure you guys weren’t fighting or anything. There’s a lot of banging going on in there. No need to bite my head off.” She heard Harmony grumble something else, then mutter, “April would like her date back, by the way.” Then Jessie heard her walk away.
Jessie crumpled down to the floor, her knees no longer able to keep her standing. Tears sprang to her eyes as both of her hands lifted to cover her face. Barely able to still see Kai over the tips of her fingers, her hazy vision, she watched him pull up and re-button his jeans.
With one hand on his hip, he ran the other down his face. His tan skin seemed much, much paler to her. Both of them were silent as their breaths and heartbeats returned to normal. Well, as normal as they could. Jessie felt like hers would never stop frantically racing. Closing her eyes, she rested her head against the door. Had she really just knowingly made out with her cousin? Had she really just shoved her hand down his pants and let him do the same to her? God, had Harmony heard any of that? They hadn’t exactly been quiet, what with their panting and groaning and door banging. Jessie could hear the TV blaring in the living room, but surely they’d heard some of that. Harmony had certainly heard enough to make her ask if they were okay.
“Jessie?” Kai finally broke the silence. Glancing up at him, she felt the tears sliding down her cheeks. Kai looked torn as he watched her visible pain. He pointed to the door she was blocking. “I should… I should go…”
A soft sob escaping her, Jessie nodded and made herself stand up. Leaning against the wall next to the door, she bit her lip to hold back the confused tears. Kai silently walked up to the door and put his hand on the knob. Hesitating, he looked over at her. “I’m sorry, Jessie,” he whispered.
Jessie felt that sob escape anyway and nodded, tears dripping off her cheeks. “I’m sorry too, Kai.”
His eyes watered, the beautiful blue-green looking a little duller than usual as he nodded. Looking defeated, he left her alone in the room. Jessie sank back to the floor, softly sobbing into her knees.
************
Kai closed the door to Jessie’s room. He could hear her, lightly crying on the other side of it. He wanted to sink to the ground and join her. He’d just let happen what he swore he’d never let happen. He’d made out with his cousin. No, that wasn’t just making out. That, was a full on precursor to intercourse. He knew enough, about himself and Jessie, to know exactly where that would have headed, if they’d been more alone.
It made him ill.
Gathering his strength, he struggled to remember what he’d been doing before that moment. Had anything happened today before that moment? It was so cataclysmic to him, that it was almost as if the world hadn’t begun turning until he and Jessie had finally caved. Souring his stomach even more was the fact that Kai had started it. Je
ssie may have cupped his face, may have begged him with those beautiful brown eyes to be with her, but he was the one that had slipped up. He was the one that hadn’t been able to resist the draw of her lips anymore.
Weeks of another woman on his mouth had only made the need to have Jessie’s body against him that much stronger. He hadn’t realized it, until that split-second that he’d debated, struggled with what to do. Not that he’d really had much choice in the matter. He needed Jessie. He couldn’t resist her anymore. Therein lay the problem.
Walking in a zombie-like daze to the living room, Kai blinked at the seeming normalness of it all. Harmony was sitting on the couch, a bowl of popcorn on her lap as she watched a movie. April was sitting across from her, a pout on her lips as she impatiently strummed her fingers against her folded arms.
Kai’s world had just been flipped upside down, why wasn’t the rest of the world following suit? Shouldn’t the sky be green and cats and dogs have learned to talk in his absence. That’s how rocked he felt.
April glanced up as he woodenly walked into the completely still normal room. Her frown deepened as she stood and Kai suddenly remembered why she wasn’t happy. Jessie had sort of gone off on her, when she’d walked in on the two of them kissing. Kai sighed softly as his melodramatic thoughts calmed down. What was going on with his cousin was intense and painful, but what was going on with him and April was just…wrong.
He shouldn’t be with someone, just so he wouldn’t be with someone else. That’s how people got hurt. And Kai wasn’t looking to hurt anyone, even though he seemed to be really good at it. But his continuing to see April would be misleading to the girl, since his feelings were obviously tangled up elsewhere. It would be cruel to let her fall any deeper, if she was.
She sauntered over to him, her arms across her chest. Harmony glanced up, then forcefully redirected her eyes back to the TV. April’s lips turned down to a perfect pout as she stood before him. Kai thought back to kissing April; it seemed a lifetime ago, so much had changed. He’d been trying. He’d tried to feel that heat and passion for April. But kissing her, while entertaining, just didn’t give him the same flying sensations that he got with…others. He’d even let himself make the first move, something he hadn’t needed to do, since April was not shy about planting him with affection. But he’d wanted to see if he could. And while he definitely had…he still hadn’t felt that spark.
Glancing over his shoulder at Jessie’s bedroom door, she heatedly snapped, “You talk her down off her high horse?”
Kai’s lips turned up fractionally and then he shook his head. “I’m sorry you got dragged into the middle of that, April, but trust me when I say that all of Jessie’s comments were more directed towards me than you.”
April glanced back at the hall and then back to Kai, her brow furrowed, like he’d just spoken in another language. Kai supposed he had, since none of that would have made any sense to her. He nearly sighed again. He was going to have to find a way to be honest with April, without actually being honest.
As she looked about to ask him what the heck he was talking about, Kai grabbed her fingers and walked her over to the back door. She followed, obviously curious. Kai’s heart leadening at what he was about to do, he slid open the door and walked through it with her. April shivered and rubbed her arms, and Kai stepped back inside and grabbed their coats off the couch. Slipping them on, April started frowning sadly, like she knew something was up.
Sliding the door shut, so they’d at least have some verbal privacy, Kai glanced at Harmony watching them through the glass, then back to April. Her eyes were narrow slits as she peered at him intently. Kai sighed and looked down. Mentally, he traced a long line in the cracked patio cement while he composed his thoughts. He didn’t want to mess this up.
In his silence, April spoke, “You want to tell me what’s going on, Kai?” Her voice was slightly accusatory, but mainly worried. Kai swallowed. He’d let this go on for far too long. He should have ended things after that disastrous first date.
Looking up at her, he whispered, “This is all my fault. Please, don’ be mad at Jessie for what she said to you. She’s angry at me, not you.” He shook his head. “She just didn’t express it right, but she really was looking out for you.” Kai wanted to cringe, knowing he was pushing the envelope of truth in that statement, but it was, in a way, true. Jessie’s anger had more been directed at Kai than April.
As April shook her head, confused, Kai shook his. “She adores you, April. She just doesn’t want to see you get hurt.” Kai smiled softly; that had been completely true.
April shook her head again, shoving her hands in her coat pockets. “You wouldn’t hurt me. You’re a good guy.”
Kai looked away, hating what he knew that April didn’t. A good guy didn’t shove his hands down a girl’s pants while preparing for a date with a different one. A good guy didn’t do the things he’d done with his cousin. Kai felt like anything but a good guy. But maybe he could start atoning, right now. Looking back at her, his eyes watered. “There’s someone else…a girl, from my past.”
Kai blinked back the emotion in his eyes at saying that out loud. April’s face paled and her mouth dropped open; that was a sentence no woman liked hearing. A wrenching pain ripped through Kai, but he fortified his stomach. He had to do this. He shook his head. “I’m so sorry. She and I…can’t be together, and I really thought that if I went out with you, I could get over her. I thought I could move on.” He sighed, thoughts of Jessie filing his brain. “But I can’t move on, and she’s all I think about…”
Sadness swept through him, as the feelings for his cousin that he tried to keep buried deep, bubbled up, burning his heart as each one busted open. He glanced up at April and watched her eyes glass over, maybe finally realizing what he was saying to her. “I don’t see us going anywhere, April, and I think, if we kept seeing each other, I’d just be leading you on.” He shrugged and when he spoke again, his voice was ragged with emotion. “My heart is…somewhere else. I’m sorry.”
April was silent for long moments, her eyes watering to a point that Kai was sure was going to spill over into tears. Then she inhaled deep and slightly shook her head. “I guess I should have known that a guy as great as you, wouldn’t really be available.” She sighed, her shoulders slumping. With a thumb over her shoulder, she indicated where Jessie was. Kai followed the motion with his eyes, his stomach twisting as he thought of Jessie still crying in there. “Is that why she got so weird? Why she didn’t want us to sleep together?”
Kai sighed, his eyes still on Jessie’s room. “Yes,” he whispered. “She knows…how I feel.” About her, he added in his head. And she also knows why we can’t feel that way about each other.
April sighed and Kai dragged his eyes back to her. “So…” She smiled with one edge of her lip, it was a sad one. “I suppose I should thank you, for telling me this before we slept together. Most men would have waited until afterwards.”
Kai gave her an equally sad smile, then frowned. “I should have said something earlier. I’m sorry. I was just hoping to feel…something for you.” He smiled wider. “I wanted to like you, April. I really did want to feel it. You’re very…enticing.”
April flushed and bit her lip, staring at the ground. Shifting her hip, she sighed and glanced up at him. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but a part of me wishes you’d waited until afterwards.” She laughed huskily and eyed his body up and down.
Kai felt his cheeks heat and bit back a smile. “Well, I think it’s better this way.” He eyed her for a moment. Her undeniable beauty, her sensual nature, but underneath it all, she had a good heart. He hoped some guy would take the time to find it one day. Giving her a serious look, he quietly said, “You don’t need to try so hard, you know.” She frowned and furrowed her brow again. “To get guys to notice you.” Kai smiled warmly at her. “They do. Trust me, they do notice you.”
April smiled warmly at him, once again shaking her head. “Whoever thi
s girl is…she’s an idiot for not being with you.” Kai swallowed and forced a smile on his face. No, that wasn’t an option, but April didn’t need to know that. Not noticing the rigidness of his smile, she sighed and said, “I’m going to miss going out on dates with you.”
Kai laughed and gave her a wry smile. “April, you hated the date I took you on.”
April grinned, crossing her arms over my chest. “Yeah, sorry, I did.” She eyed him up and down. “And you hated the date I took you on, didn’t you?”
Kai grinned and nodded. “I hate costumes.” He playfully raised an eyebrow at her.
She twisted her lips, amused. “I hate bugs.”
Kai chuckled. “I hate techno music.”
April let a small laugh escape. “I hate wearing a helmet.”
Kai smiled at her admission. “I hate drinks that come with little umbrellas.”
April smiled at his. “I hate carnations.”
Kai laughed, remembering her words when she’d taken them from Jessie. He shook his head. “I hate being put on display in front of other people, especially when I’m dressed as a pirate.”