Sympathy flooded Mason as he felt the young man shaking. For the first time ever, Mason wanted to embrace his son, show him the warmth that he’d felt building for awhile, warmth that he now recognized as a version, different, but similar, to what he’d felt for Leilani. Mason wasn’t sure when, but somewhere along the way, he had grown to love the son before him. His voice coming out thick with that emotion, he spoke his heart to his long lost child.
“I didn’t want to tell you this, Kai. Honestly, at first, I just didn’t want to be bothered with it.” Kai’s eyes flew open as he stared at Mason. Mason squeezed Kai’s shoulders. “I’ve spent the bulk of my life alone. I know nothing about kids.” He smiled warmly at Kai, feeling his own tears stinging him. His rational brain thought that was a curious reaction. His emotional brain was too busy connecting with his son to care. “But meeting you, working with you…I’ve grown to respect and admire you, and I’d be proud to call you son.” His voice broke after he squeezed that out.
Kai blinked, a tear almost escaping his eye when he did. “But you hate me,” he whispered.
Now Mason blinked. Taking a step back from Kai, he dropped his hands from his shoulders and ran them through his hair again. “Oh, no, I never hated you, Kai.” He shrugged. “You were just…thrust at me, and I didn’t know what to do with…the situation.” Looking down at the floor, he sighed. “I had a hard time dealing with what I knew I needed to do…” he peeked back up at Kai’s pale face, “but I never hated you. Ever. And I’m sorry if you ever felt that way.” Smiling he added, “You’re an incredible asset here…I hope you’ll stay.”
Kai seemed to ignore that as his head drifted back to hit the door lightly. “I don’t believe this…” His hands came up to run through his hair, much like Mason had done earlier. Then his head snapped down. “Did you see the test results?”
Mason blinked, then shook his head. “No…but, I don’t really need to.”
Kai narrowed his near perfectly matching eyes. “Why?”
Mason smiled wryly. He pointed at their shared feature. “Let’s just say that I see a lot of similarities.”
Kai’s brow pushed to a deep point. “Because of our eye color?” He shook his head. “That’s not good enough.” Stammering a bit, he looked around the room, almost like he was seeing through it. “I need proof. I need to see a test.”
Mason smiled and slowly shook his head. “Always the scientist…yet another way that we’re alike.”
Kai cast him an odd glance and Mason shrugged. “We have the machines here. I could test us now, Kai, if that would ease your mind.”
Kai started nodding as he moved away from the door. “Nothing right now is going to ease my mind.” He yanked open the door. “But it will end the doubt.” Without meeting Mason’s eyes, he stormed through the door.
Mason paused before following him. “Yes…yes it will, son. But are you ready for that?”
Chapter 21
I Need You
Jessie was exhausted. Driving home on her lunch break, she was glad her next appointment had cancelled and she didn’t have to go back for awhile. There was something about the ambiance in her work space – the soft flickering candlelight, the quiet soothing music – that made her eyes water near uncontrollably. She already missed Kai. Just the thought of him making preparations to leave her, made her miss him. It also didn’t help anything that they were keeping their space…until the end.
Jessie couldn’t even bring herself to think about what would be their final moment together. She knew it was going to be horrible, one of those cheesy, godforsaken moments where the woman is a blubbering, uncontrollable mess while the man stoical leaves her, never to be seen again. It was a movie moment that always made Jessie groan, and know it was about to be her movie moment. And she was positive that she would be just as much of a wreck as the fictional woman.
Just driving down the road, her hands safely at ten and two, her vision hazed over with unshed tears. She couldn’t seem to make it an hour before the urge to cry started creeping up on her. Jessie swallowed repeatedly to clear her sight. She had to be stronger than this, or else she’d never make it through the next couple of weeks.
Of course, it didn’t help that she hadn’t slept more than a couple of hours since racing home to Kai. After their horrid goodbye, Jessie had numbly walked to the nearest café. Settling herself in a secluded corner, she’d laid her head on the table and silently cried.
They’d finally said I love you, and it was awful, wonderfully awful. Finally expressing their feelings only made the situation seem that much crueler. It probably would have been better for them both, if they’d just never said it. Because now she knew. She’d already been nearly certain, but now there was no denying it. He loved her, she loved him. But the chasm between them was an un-crossable one, one that he’d smoothly pointed out, even while professing his devotion.
I love you too…Jessica Marie.
Jessica Marie, the name that only family ever called her. He’d made it clear in that one sentence that while he loved her, ached for her, he wouldn’t be with her, anymore than she’d be with him. And now, he was leaving, and Jessie couldn’t sleep.
Jessie vaguely remembered a concerned elderly couple at the restaurant. Noticing her red eyes and distraught appearance, they’d given her a ride home. Jessie had thanked them, feeling empty but very gracious for their offer. She’d felt even more gracious to discover that her roommates were asleep when she got home. Jessie had spent the rest of the afternoon staring at her ceiling, her mind spinning.
Eventually a refreshed Harmony had popped in and asked her how things had gone with Kai. Amazingly enough, Jessie had been able to shrug…and completely lie. She hated herself, but she told Harmony that a good friend of Kai’s back home had been seriously injured. Harmony had been appropriately shocked at that. Jessie had hated to say it, but the story allowed her to be sad and melancholy around her roommates. The lie also gave Jessie a convincing segue for Kai returning home. She’d told her friends that he was making arrangement s to go back for awhile to be with his friend…and he wasn’t sure if he’d return. Harmony had hugged her after she’d told her and Jessie hadn’t been able to stop the tears.
Sighing at all the dramatics in her life lately, she glumly pulled onto her street. Jessie planned on spending her extended lunch break staring blankly at the TV, not even caring if it was on or not. She just needed the distraction of not thinking for awhile.
But pulling up to her house, all thoughts of doing anything immediately left her. Her heart started to race as she approached her driveway. Jessie couldn’t believe it. She vaguely considered the possibility that in her exhaustion, she’d fallen asleep at the wheel and was in actuality about to crash headfirst into a light post. That scenario seemed much more plausible to her than what she was looking at.
Parked in the empty driveway, where April usually had her Jetta, was Kai’s bright red Honda.
Jessie didn’t see him anywhere near the bike and zipped into her driveway while looking for him out of the corner of her eye. Why was he here? During the middle of the day? When they were supposed to be avoiding each other? Jessie had absolutely no answers for any of those questions.
Unbuckling herself as she shut her truck off, Jessie called out his name. Willing her heart to stop rattling against her ribcage, she glanced at the bike, then the front door, then the empty street. She did all of that in a rapid succession, wondering where he was and why he was here. She started walking towards the house, her breath making a cloud of fog in front of her face as she panted. “Kai?”
“Jessie…”
Her name being whispered brought her attention back to the front of the house. Staring at the front door as she strode over to it, she still didn’t see him at first. But then he lifted his head. He’d been sitting on the edge of the front step, farther away from the door and much lower to the ground than her franticly searching eyes had been looking. An overgrown bush was creeping towards the hou
se there, and between the leaves and his low, stone-still position, Jessie’s anxious eyes had passed right over him.
As he looked up to her, her heart flew to her throat and she darted to his side. Pushing back some bushes, she knelt directly in front of him. He stared at her blankly. He was dressed in his work clothes, so he’d definitely gone in today, but for some reason he didn’t have a jacket on, and he was shivering near uncontrollably in the frigid December air.
Jessie rubbed her hands up and down the thin, long sleeved shirt he was wearing under his polo. Kai had started acclimating to the climate when he was indoors, but even Jessie would be freezing in the outfit he had on. “Kai…what are you doing out here?”
He still blankly stared at her, his jaw chattering as he shook. His lips were pale and his face was worn, like he’d just witnessed a horrible accident that he couldn’t get out of his mind. His jaw still trembling, he spoke, his eyes finally shifting to see her. “I’m s-s-s-sorry. I know…I’m not…supposed to be here.” His eyes looked over Jessie’s face, watering. Her heart hammered at the emotion in them. “I just didn’t…know where else…to go,” he stammered, so cold he could hardly speak.
She brought her relatively warmer hands to his face, cupping his cheeks; they felt like ice packs. Glancing at his body, she noticed his wet, dirty slacks. Peeking at his bike, she noted the lack of a helmet. Twisting back to him, she scooted closer, encouraging him to lean into her. He did, his entire body shaking as badly as his jaw was. Running her hands around his shoulders as he slipped his under her thick jacket, she said, “Where’s your coat…your helmet? Did you ride here like this?” Jessie pulled back to look at him. “What’s wrong, Kai?”
His eyes searched her face. “Everything…is a lie.”
Not understanding, Jessie shook her head. Sighing, she tucked her arms under his shoulders and attempted to get him to stand up. “Come on, let’s get you inside, you’re frozen.” He awkwardly stood and Jessie supported him while she opened the door. They stumbled through together, Kai still looking too dazed to do anything very well. Jessie bit her lip, compassion and apprehension running through her. Something had happed to him. He was obviously in shock.
Feeling the warmth of the house on her chilly cheeks, she ushered Kai to the couch. With both of her roommates gone to work, the home was quiet, filled only with the sound of Kai’s teeth chattering and Jessie wrapping some blankets around him. Once he was draped in fleece, she sat beside him, rubbing his hands to get the blood flowing again. He sniffed at the change of temperature, but after long, silent moments, his shaking eased, and then eventually stopped.
When he seemed calmer, staring at Jessie’s hands running over his, he started speaking. “It was a match…it really was a match.” His brows bunched together as he said it, like he couldn’t believe it. “He was telling the truth.”
Jessie didn’t know what he was talking about and cupped his cheek, swinging his vision to her. “What was a match?” she asked softly, not wanting to send him into another bout of panic, since he seemed calmer. Immensely bothered by…whatever truth he’d learned, but still, calmer.
Kai shook his head, his mouth matching the disbelief in his eyes. “He’s my father. I’m his son…”
Jessie scrunched her eyebrows as she frowned. His father? He must have talked to Uncle Nate today. Jessie couldn’t imagine what Kai’s father had said to make him react like this. Unless…Kai had told him about going home, and somehow his father had correctly guessed why? Maybe Jessie’s uncle had pieced together what had happened between the cousins. She dropped her hand from Kai’s still cold skin. “Kai…does Uncle Nate know?”
Kai’s eyes widened as he turned to stare straight in front of him. “Yes…he’s known for so long now…how could he lie to me? And mom…she had to know, or suspect, from the very beginning. Why didn’t she tell me…?” His voice trailed off as his eyes watered even more.
Confused, Jessie put a hand on his back, rubbing a circle into the blanket surrounding him. Jessie felt the sadness, confusion, and revulsion bubbling up within her. So that was it. She didn’t quite understand all of what he’d said, but ultimately, he’d said yes, they knew. His family knew their horrid secret. It wouldn’t be long now before even more family members knew…maybe even Jessie’s parents. Her eyes watered as she considered it. What would her parents do? What would Kai’s parents do? What did they do now?
Sighing, Jessie rested her head on his shoulder. “What happens now, Kai?” she whispered, not even wanting to think about it.
Kai shook his head and she peeked up at him. His lips were still tinged with an icy blueness of cold, and he stared in front of him with a dazed look, like his world had just been turned upside down. While Jessie was sad and upset, she was puzzled over the severity of his reaction. And his odd comments. Many of them just didn’t make any sense. Like, ‘it was a match.’ Jessie still had no clue what that meant.
Answering her, his voice came out hollow. “I don’t know…what do I say to them? What do I say to my…him?”
Lifting her head, Jessie scrunched her brow. She was obviously missing some vital piece of this conversation. Maybe…maybe this had nothing to do with their secret. Sweeping tiny slices of hair off his forehead, she whispered, “I think I’m confused. What are you talking about, Kai?”
He looked over at her then, suddenly seeming to realize that she was still there. He bit his lip, then freed his arms so he could engulf her in a chilly hug. She held him back as he squeezed her so tight her breath was shortened. “I’m sorry I’m here. I just needed to get out of there, and I didn’t know where else to go. I thought of driving to your work when I realized you weren’t here, but once I sat down, I couldn’t make myself move again.”
Kai pulled back to look at her and Jessie took a deep, steadying breath. Shaking his head, seeming more himself than he had been since she’d found him, he quietly said, “I’m sorry, but I need you.”
Jessie’s arms tightened around him, drawing him back into her. Concern overriding her curiosity, she nodded. “Of course. I’m here for you if you need me, Kai, no matter what else is going on.” Relaxing in her arms, he nodded into her shoulder. “Can you tell me what happened?” she said after a minute.
He sighed and pulled back to look at her. Swallowing, he closed his tropical eyes for a second. Opening them slowly, he quietly said, “I just found out…that Nathan Harper…isn’t my father.”
That was about the last thing in the world that Jessie had expected to hear him say. Her mind could barely comprehend the words he’d just spoken. It made no sense. Of course Uncle Nate was his father. Who else would be? Was he…adopted or something? “What?” she asked softly, cupping his distraught face.
Kai blinked and shook his head, reaching up to grab her hand. “I’m not his son…and he knew that. All this time…since I was a boy…he’s known that I wasn’t really his.” Leaning back against the couch, he huddled himself in the blankets. Jessie sat back with him, running her arm around his shoulders as she comforted him. He looked over at her, his eyes looking older than she’d ever seen.
“What do you mean, Kai? Of course he’s your dad…right?” Jessie still couldn’t quite wrap her head around it.
As Kai scrunched up his brows, it seemed that he couldn’t quite wrap his head around it either. “No. I saw the test…we can’t be a match.” Exhaling slowly, he ran a hand down his face. “He can’t be my father…because someone else is. I matched with him…all the markers were there. There’s no denying the genetics.”
Jessie rubbed his low back, only understanding that Kai had seen proof, proof that he wasn’t Uncle Nate’s child. Curiosity drove her to ask, “Who was a match, Kai? Who are you talking about?”
Kai sighed and laid his head back on the couch. “Mason Thomas is my father.” He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply.
Jessie stopped rubbing him. Mason? Tilting her head she asked, “Your boss, Mason?”
Kai opened his eyes and twiste
d his head to look at her. Wearily, he nodded. Shrugging, he said, “I went into his office to give him my notice…and he told me that he’d had an affair with my mother, and I was the end result.” He shook his head, his eyes searching Jessie’s face. “I didn’t believe him. I made him prove it…” Kai sighed, his head dropping. “He did. He compared our DNA. You can’t fight the science…”
“Oh…Kai.” She leaned in to wrap her arms around his blanketed body. Jessie couldn’t imagine finding out that your entire childhood was a lie. She couldn’t imagine someone telling her that her father was genetically a stranger. Kai sniffed as she held him. “I’m so sorry, Kai. That’s…that’s awful.” Pulling back, she stoked his cheek, his eyes moist as he watched her.
“The worst part…the absolute worst part…they all knew.” He shrugged. “My parents have known since I was young. My mom, in some way, since I was born. And they all lied to me.” He shook his head, anger in his eyes as he looked away. “They all let me believe…”
Jessie brought his gaze back to her, calmly rubbing her thumb against him. “You were a child, Kai. They probably didn’t want to…upset you like that at such a young age.”