Kai dropped his head. “It doesn’t feel any easier now…” He looked back up at her. “And they sent me to…to…my real father, so he could tell me.” He shook his head, a tear finally dropping to his cheek, around her fingers. “They still couldn’t even tell me.” Bringing his hand out from under the blankets, he pointed across the room to the mountain range he’d left behind this morning. “They sent me to a stranger, and let him tell me.” He dropped his hand, defeated. “Why would they do that?”
Jessie dried his cheek and pulled him into a hug. “I don’t know, Kai. It couldn’t have been an easy decision for them. It’s probably been tearing them up, waiting to hear if you…knew.”
Kai pulled back from her suddenly, his eyes wide. “That’s why.” His eyes shifted over her shoulder as his mind made some connection. “That’s why my mom always asks about work, about if I like my boss. She’s been waiting to hear if he…” Kai sighed and closed his eyes. “And my dad…no wonder he’s been so distant lately. They were both waiting for me to…suddenly hate them or something.”
Opening his eyes, he shook his head. “They’re entire reason for arranging for me to be out here was duplicitous. How am I supposed to feel about that?”
Jessie sighed, her fingers running down his shoulder to grab his hand; it was finally warm. “Angry. Hurt. Confused.” She shook her head. “Whatever you’re feeling right now is just what you should be feeling, and it’s okay to feel it.” Kai tilted his head at her and nodded. Jessie sighed and stared at their hands laced together. “Do you think…Grams…knows?”
She peeked up at him when she heard him sigh. “Yeah…I think she does.” He shook his head, sighing again as he looked away. “She stopped coming around when my parents divorced. I didn’t think much about it until I was older, and even then, I figured she just didn’t like someone hurting her son…” Looking down, he shrugged. “But that wasn’t entirely it. She hates my mom…because she knows about the affair…she knows about me.”
Jessie shook her head, lowering it to look up into his face. “You can’t know that. Divorces happen for all sorts of reasons, Kai. She didn’t necessarily know, your dad didn’t necessarily tell her.”
Kai looked over at her, his face blank. “She asks if I’m happy at work almost every time I see her. Why would she do that…if she wasn’t waiting for me to be suddenly…unhappy?”
Jessie looked away, thinking. He was right. Grams always seemed like she was waiting for Kai to have a breakdown. In fact, she was always telling Jessie that she needed to stay close to Kai, that he needed them. Jessie had just assumed that she meant ‘in the grand scheme of life, they needed each other,’ but she didn’t. She’d specifically meant that once Kai found out the truth, he would need their support.
Jessie closed her eyes, compassion flooding through her for Kai. Everyone he was closest to had kept this from him. She slowly nodded. “You’re right…she knows, she’s always known.”
Jessie opened her eyes to find Kai staring at her, his face worn, exhausted and heartbroken. She hated seeing that look on his face and cupped his cheek again with her free hand. Closing his eyes, he leaned into it.”I’m so glad I have you, Jessie,” he whispered as he opened his eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Jessie nodded, her eyes starting to brim. Then she pulled him back in for another hug. Kai sighed and held her tight, burying his head in her shoulder. She rocked him, warmed him, and comforted him as best she could. Jessie wasn’t really sure how to help him through this. How do you help someone who just found out that the family they’d thought was theirs their entire life…wasn’t?
Jessie stopped rocking side to side with him as that realization struck her through her very core. He…wasn’t family. Not to Jessie. To Jessie, he was as much a stranger, genetically, as Jeremy had been. She stiffened rod straight in his arms as what that meant for them seeped into her.
Confused by the rigidness in her, Kai pulled back to stare at her. She knew her eyes were wide as his searched hers. “Jessie?” he whispered.
Jessie didn’t know exactly what to feel. She’d wanted him for so long, but he’d always been out of reach. A taboo. Someone that society had told her never to touch. And now…while it would seem to most that they were still cousins, they both knew that they actually weren’t. That changed a lot. That changed…everything.
“We’re not related, Kai,” she whispered, her voice sounding as dazed as his had earlier.
He scrunched his face and then his mouth fell open. Kai had been preoccupied with trying to absorb the reality of his parentage, he probably hadn’t had a chance yet to contemplate what his lineage meant…for them. His hand came up to cup her cheek, his eyes searching over her face. “We’re…not related,” he repeated.
They both stared at each silently, processing. Jessie’s heart started to race as he stroked her cheek. His eyes flashed over her face before settling on hers. His breath picked up a trace as they watched each other. It had been so wrong for so long that it was a little hard to move past that.
But…they did.
At the same time that Kai leaned his face to hers, she leaned over to him. They met in the middle, exhaling with relief as they finally felt each other without that sting of guilt and revulsion.
They kissed softly, letting just their lips explore the other. It was simple and honest and pure, and it nearly bursted Jessie’s heart open. She’d wanted this for so long…and it was finally okay to have it.
Kai strung his fingers through her hair, not deepening the kiss in anyway, just savoring the curled strands that he’d once mentioned he loved. They sat on the couch side-by-side and moved their mouths together as innocently and sweetly as if it was their first kiss…with anyone. Jessie reveled in his soft lips, the way his hand brushing through her hair would sometimes run down her cheek. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been with a boy and just enjoyed the simple act of kissing.
But they weren’t exactly teenagers anymore, and they’d been denying themselves this moment for a really long time now. After a long eternity of sweetly feeling each other, Jessie pressed harder against his lips and finally flicked her tongue along the tip of his. Kai’s chest rumbled with some sort of approval and he tilted his mouth against her, caressing his tongue against the length of hers.
Jessie’s hands ran up his chest, running up to his hair to lock in the dark thickness as their mouths moved with more urgency, more passion. He ignited her with every twist of his lip, exhale of breath, and touch of his tongue. She wanted to expand on this feeling blossoming in her body. She wanted to feel what it would be like to connect with him intimately, without that association of familial horror that they’d been fighting through. Now that he was essentially a stranger again, in the genetic sense, she wanted to express how much she loved him. She wanted to give him every part of her.
As her hands tightened in his hair, as his hands gently rested on her neck, his thumbs stroking her jaw, as their mouths moved in perfect synch, exploring, tasting, indulging, Jessie decided to be the forward one. She decided to ask for what she wanted, now that she could with a clear conscience.
She broke away from his searching mouth, pulling back to gaze at him intently. Those beautiful ocean eyes, eyes that had captivated her from the very first glance, stared straight back at her, unafraid, unregretful, and with a clear desire starting to burn in them. Jessie swallowed, absorbing the passion awaiting her, then she breathily said his name. “Kai?”
He swallowed, kissing her softly before pulling back to stare at her again. “Yes, Jessie?
She smiled briefly, wondering if his thoughts were in line with hers. “Will you do something for me?”
Kai smiled too, shaking his head as he leaned in for a long, deep kiss. Pulling back enough to speak, he breathed, “Anything.” His breath tickled her skin, but that one single word ignited her.
Biting her lip, she pushed him back enough so that they could stare at each other again. Jessie w
anted him to see her face when she said what was in her heart, what she wanted more than anything, what, if she were honest with herself, she’d always wanted. Her gaze drifted between his eyes while he waited for her to speak, a soft smile on his lips. When she finally did, a similar smile was on hers.
“Make love to me?”
**********************
Make love to me.
The words echoed in Kai’s head as he stared into the beautiful brown depths of Jessie’s eyes. In moments of weakness, moments of loneliness, he’d fantasized about hearing her say that to him. But he never, ever thought it would ever happen. There was too much in their way, too many barriers that even the immense love between them couldn’t break through. And then today, possibly the worst day of his life, they’d been broken down for them.
So much had been running through his head today, most of it horrible and painful, that the one bright spot in all of this hadn’t immediately shown itself to him. It had taken Jessie’s sudden realization of it for that to happen. By losing what he’d thought was his genetic father, he’d also lost his genetic tie to Jessie. Now they were nothing more than…step-cousins. And not even that, since his parents were no longer married. They were ex step-cousins. He could live with that.
Kai could scarcely believe that the woman he’d wanted for months, the woman that he’d, quite possibly, been waiting his entire life for, he could finally have…freely, with no guilt, no disgust. The joy in his heart made all of the ache that had filled it earlier momentarily evaporate. The pain of betrayal was still there, but he pushed it deep down. He’d have time to let that pain wash over him, but, for right now, he wanted to feel something…incredible, something life altering. Kai wanted to show her how much he loved her, how deeply entrenched in his heart she was.
Kai cupped her cheeks as she waited for his response. He opened his mouth but a knot of emotion cut off his throat. Swallowing, he tried again. “I’d make love to you every day, if you’d have me.”
Jessie smiled widely between his palms, her eyes watering. “I’ll have you,” she whispered, laughing softly on the end. The warmth in that soft laugh echoed throughout every part of him, and he finally felt the rest of the residual chill leave his body. He finally felt warm again.
Kai’s mouth returned to Jessie’s, hating to be apart from her, while his hands unwrapped the blanket from around his body; he no longer needed it. Their lips never parting, he stood, his arms around her waist encouraging her to stand with him. Walking her backwards, he headed to the hall, to her bedroom. Heated memories of them together awaited him in there, but he now welcomed them.
Jessie’s arms slunk around his neck as she shuffled forward, following his steps. It was difficult to walk backwards, especially in a house that he didn’t have memorized, especially with a gorgeous woman sliding her tongue along the roof of his mouth. Kai couldn’t help but close his eyes and groan. He also smacked right into an end table. Laughing huskily as they broke apart, Kai involuntarily sat down on the edge of the table. Jessie took the opportunity to straddle his thighs and press her full chest into his face.
Grinning at her crookedly, he leaned down to kiss a soft mound through her jacket, never stopping eye contact with her. She bit her lip then ripped off her jacket. Kai smiled fully, then stopped. Not satisfied with just her jacket off, Jessie stripped off the tight sweater she was wearing too. Desire shot right through Kai as he stared at the bounty displayed for him in…dear god…black lace. He hardened instantly as she dug her hands through his hair and forced his lips down to that soft skin. Damn, he loved it when she was aggressive.
Cupping her backside as he tasted the sweet flavor of her flesh, he pulled her into him. She groaned when her hips pressed against his readiness. He loved that he couldn’t hide how much he wanted her. He loved that she knew just how much he ached for her. And he really loved the moan in his ear when she lowered her hips to his and stroked against his erection. Kai could feel his body throb and had to remind himself to be patient. Taking her on the end table in the living room was probably not her idea of ‘making love.’ Although, with the way she rubbed against him, he started to wonder if the location really mattered much to her at this point.
Grunting, he made himself stand up with her. No, Kai wanted to do something that he’d wanted to do for awhile. He wanted to take his time.
Placing her on the ground, Kai resumed walking and kissing, only this time she was backwards. Jessie had a lot less trouble traversing her own home blind and didn’t bump into anything. As his hands ran through her hair, along her face, down her neck, hers started unfastening her jeans. By the time they were halfway down the hall, she’d shimmied them down her hips and was kicking her shoes off in-between steps. By the time they made it to her bedroom, she’d freed herself of the denim, and all she was left wearing…was black lace.
Kai stopped once they were both inside the door, pulling away from her to admire the beautiful woman before him. He smiled as she stepped forward and closed the door. With just their breaths filling up the space in the quiet room, they reunited.
Kai’s hands slid over the bare areas of her body, highlighted in that wondrous lace. Jessie’s fingers slid under the layers of his shirts, yanking them up. Kai helped her, stretching the multiple pieces of fabric over his head. Her eyes widened at the sight of him bare-chested, her fingers trailing up his skin. Every time a nail grazed him, it sent electricity through him. Her lips attached to his chest and he closed his eyes as her tongue swirled around his nipple.
Breathing heavier, Kai shucked off his shoes, then worked on the button of his pants. He was having trouble concentrating, especially when Jessie playfully nipped him. He groaned, and eventually felt her fingers join his at his waistband, helping him…always helping him.
She helped him push down his slacks and Kai kicked them away. Jessie automatically slipped her fingers into his boxer-briefs and gently pulled them off. Sinking to her knees, she lifted each foot in turn, removing the last piece of Kai’s clothing. Still on her knees, she gazed up at him and then up at his face. Kai held his breath at the look in her eye. He’d never had anyone look at him like that before. There was so much love, adoration, and friendship there, that it warmed his spirit. But underneath that, smoldering in her eyes and behind her smile, was a passion that ignited his body. He felt on fire. He needed her.
Bending down to her, he gently pulled her back up his body. Her fingers ran up his chest. Their lips melding, Kai’s hands made short work of the scant scraps of clothing still left on her. Once her body was as free from constraints as his was, she pulled his neck, leading him to her bed.
Jessie sat down on the edge, once she backed into it, then seductively crawled into the middle and laid back, waiting for him. Kai smiled down at her, loving how free and comfortable they were together. There was nothing that he couldn’t imagine telling her. There was nothing that he couldn’t imagine doing with her. And now that he was allowed to think the thoughts that he’d held back for so long, he found that there were quite a few things he’d like to try with her.
But there would be time for that. If it were up to him, there would be a lifetime of exploring each other, learning the different ways to touch each other. They had endless nights to be together now. He hoped so, anyway.
Running his hands up her thighs, her body squirmed slightly. He kissed her knee. “I love your legs.” He smiled wider. “I really love when you wear those boots that go all the way up them.”
Laughing huskily, she tilted her head as she smiled down at him. Kai ran his fingers along the outside of her hips. Pausing to place a kiss along the edge of her hip bone, he muttered, “I love how you sway your hips when you walk, when you’re feeling sexy.” Peeking up at her, he gave her a crooked grin as her mouth dropped open at his words. “You should always feel sexy.”
Noting her breath faster, he ran his hands over the curves of her hips, his mouth over the softness of her belly. His own body was screaming at him to
plunge deep inside of her already, but he wasn’t listening yet. He’d wanted her for too long, he wanted this to last. He ran his tongue up her stomach to her belly button, dipping inside for a quick second. “I love when your shirt lifts just enough for me to see this. I love seeing your skin, it drives me crazy.”
She shifted her body under him, her hands reaching down for his shoulders, trying to pull him up to her. “Oh god, Kai, you’re driving me crazy.”
He laughed huskily, resisting her impatience. He could be patient enough for the both of them…for now. Keeping his lower body away from her, his fingers grazed over her ribs. She sucked in a breath, laughing lightly where he tickled her. Smiling, he kissed one rib and then another, working his way up each one. Her breath was heavier the farther up her chest he traveled, and her fingers abandoned his shoulder to tighten in his hair. Kai exhaled at the chill that gave him.
“I love the heart hiding under here.” He kissed the underside of her breast. “I love how you care about people.” He ran his tongue between her full breasts. “I love the way you care about me.” He kissed above her breast, over her heart, her wonderful heart that he loved and adored, and wanted near him, always.