Chapter 19
The Airborne Cannot wait!
They moved forward, slowly circling the Black Tower. Some of the steps leaned downwards at acute angles so that even with the crampons digging deeply into the ice they were still balanced precariously over the dizzying drop. There was nothing to hang onto and a slip meant would mean certain death.
They advanced to a point about half way up the tower when a bird suddenly. It flew alongside and hovered, wings beating rapidly.
"Blow Torch is worried. He wants a sitrep," the bird croaked.
"We are half way! I intend to shoot the Undead Guardian!" said Jake.
The bird flew off, heading towards the distant Welsh coalmine where the dragon waited. The climbers pressed on, one agonizing step after another, digging crampons into the hard, black ice of the seemingly endless series of steps. As they climbed higher, the cold seemed to becaome more intense. Jake’s feet and hand were numb.
His brain was also numb but that was more or less normal.
Abruptly they reached the final pitch of the tower. They moved slowly upward until at last the staircase ended. The way ahead now crossed a small courtyard at the top of the tower. However, any further progress was blocked by the awesome, frightening figure of a ragged knight in rusted armour.
The figure had a deathly white face.
This grim apparitIon was covered in frost and carried a long bow.
It spoke. "Who visits the Black Tower? Who will join in combat with the mighty Undead Knight to join his collection of frozen corpses?" said the knight in a harsh, deep voice.
He raised his bow with a frozen arrow already notched. "Advance into the arena! Kill or be killed! Do you wish to fight as individuals or as a tag team?"
"What is a tag team?" Jake addressed his question to CLEO as his small group stumbled up the remaining steps. Finally, they stood at the very top of the tower and unhitched the rope. Behind the knight they could see a low building.
A face was peering out from a small window which was partially clear of snow.
"He has been watching Wrestling on TV," said CLEO. "One wrestler fights until he is almost knocked senseless. But if that person is able to touch a second wrestler in his tag team he is allowed to rest and the second wrestler takes up the fight. However I do not see how a tag team can functIon when the first fighter has been killed! And I do not understand how he can be a tag team on his own when he is only one dead person or one undead knight. Ask him to explain the rules."
"Explain the difference between fighting as individuals or as a Tag Team?" shouted Jake.
"If you fight as individuals I will kill each of you in any order that is convenient," said the Undead Knight. "If you fight as a Tag Team I will program one arrow to kill you in sequence! You cannot kill me because I am already dead! I, myself and I are a complete tag team! We do not require any help!”
"OK, icicle, we'll fight creatively!" shouted Jake bravely. "You won't be able to kill any of us because you will be finally fully dead yourself!"
"I am already fully dead!" the knight replied "To be accurate I am Undead which is more or less the same thing. Are you ready to meet your end, Big Head?"
Jake drew out the Gadder.
With his teeth chattering and with frozen fingers he pulled a stone from his pocket and loaded the catapult.
He turned the control to Maximum PenetratIon.
"I have a brief message for you!" he shouted.
He drew back the Gadder and took aim on the knight. He released the missile. The stone flew, scorching through the air with an incredible rasping sound. The velocity of the stone appeared to be irresistible. However, the Undead Knight could apparently see the stone approaching. He did not even duck! Instead, he watched with interest as the stone smashed into some kind of invisible barrier and vanished with a crackle of flame and a puff of smoke.
"Well," said CLEO. "So much for the idea that his field only stops metal!"
"Was that feeble missile your only challenge?" said the Undead Knight mockingly.
He began to tension the arrow in his bow and aimed at Jake.
"Now what can we do?" cried Alaric. "He will electrocute FIDO with his electrical field. The same horrid field will short out our swords! We have no defense against his arrows! He will slaughter us and add our bodies to his collection of frozen meat!"
"Let's get back down the staircase," said Jake urgently. "We must get out of his line of fire! I definitely need to think!"
FIDO stepped back and took the lead. The robot retreated down the staircase. FIDO reached a point which was out of sight of the Undead Knight. He telescoped out one arm. Remarkably the arm curved and formed a hand rail around the edge of the tower. Jake and Alaric had something to grasp as they rushed back down the staircase.
Even with this aid they almost fell off, slipping on the treacherous frozen surface.
Finally they both rounded a corner and stopped next to FIDO.
Suddenly the messenger bird appeared, fluttering close by.
"The Airborne cannot wait!!!" cried the bird. " ETA 2 minutes!"
An ack ack gun suddenly began firing from a nearby valley. Suddenly, the immense figure of Blow Torch appeared, mighty wings outstretched, zooming down from behind a cloud. There was a massive blast of tightly focused flame from the dragons mouth. The ack ack stopped abruptly. The dragon then executed a superb Immelman roll and began diving almost vertically towards the top of the tower. The knight appeared to suddenly become aware of the attacking dragon! He raised his bow. But his action was too late. Blow Torch blasted a second burst of intense yellow fire. Bow and arrow both burst into flame and vanished. The Undead Guardian himself appeared to rock on his heels. He tried to reach a sword attached to his belt. His rocking motion intensified as flames played over his entire body. The sword glowed and became white hot before melting.
Suddenly, the knight crashed to the ground and lay still.
Smoke jetted from his blackened armor
He lay inert as Blow Torch landed on the open area of the tower.
The dragon filled a substantial portion of the courtyard.
Blow Torch gazed down the staircase as Jake peered back around a corner of the rock. The dragon inspected the surface of the stairs "All frozen up!" he said. "Stand back and jump up!"
Jake,Alaric hung on to FIDO’s outstretch super arm so their feet were in the air.
FIDO stood solidly.
A blast of thinly layered fire scorched down the staircase, melting the ice, revealing pitted black rock below.The steps were completely warm and dry within a few seconds.
Jake and Alaric were now able to move back down from the rail, climb up the steps and join the dragon at the top of the tower.
As they stood surveying the surroundings, a door suddenly opened and two young girls stepped out onto the open space.
"Gemini's!" cried the dragon. "It's them! My riders have arrived! MY RIDERS!!!!" He started hopping around joyfully but stopped when the entire building began to shake alarmingly under the massive impact of his giant feet. The dragon continued: "My wonderful riders are here, the greatest riders in the Multiverse! I have found them! Eureka! Now we will joust the Pernod skies for Glory, Fame and Massive Riches!"
"Good heavens!" said the leading girl. "Glory, Fame and Massive Riches! Your offer sounds too good to be true! But, if we stay here we will eventually be executed on the orders of the mad tyrant who now rules our rightful realm! He is not a good loser! After we both thrashed him in the NatIonal Joust he has been quite unable to forgive and forget! He was initially beaten with my sisters mace which put a large dent in his helmet and gave him a king sized headache! He insisted on continuing to joust. In the second round I caught him with my lance and he fell off his horse! I had the point of my sword at his throat ready for the coup de grace. The crowd roared for the kill! But he pleaded fo
r his life, babbling and bawling like a babe! I let him live! He had us arrested ten minutes later! We were thrown into this tower awaiting execution! How will he react to the dispatch of his Undead Knight? But I run ahead of myself! Let us follow protocol. I am the Princess Gemini One. My sister is the Princess Gemini Two! What is your name, dragon? And what are the names of the good looking boys and the metal man?"
She indicated Jake, Alaric and FIDO
"I am Blow Torch and they are my friends!" said the dragon. "They are Jake, Elf Lord Alaric and robot FIDO. There is a fourth member of the party. The Elvish Princess Cleopatra. She is a trifle…. indisposed and asleep! My friends climbed the Icy Steps and challenged the Undead Guardian in order to facilitate your release!"
"They are heroes then! True heroes! But, how did they come to be here in this backwater of a Universe?" asked the second Princess. "According to our family lore we are not in the normal universe at all. We are in some kind of cul de sac!"
The dragon answered, apparently having full knowledge of Jake's previous activities. "That is true, Riders Gemini! We are all currently in a fractal universe which is a kind of spin off from Universe Zero Plus. The Elvish Princess Cleopatra arrived at planet Earth in Universe Zero Plus. She was accompanied by FIDO and Jake. They had all returned to Earth from Central Power. Elf Lord Alaric joined them on earth. They had several unfortunate happenings which culminated when they attempted to get to Central Power! Instead, they landed in this fractal Universe. And they still need to retrieve two playing cards held on planet Earth in Universe Zero. In that Universe, a group of human soldiers and scientists are investigating events that occurred when Jake first moved! He was at that time living under an oak tree near to a house on Kingswood Drive, Chirnside Park, Victoria, Australia. Alaric and Jake ordered a stressed Multiverse Station to open and it imploded! They were then obliged to flee! Two important data cards, both disguised as playing cards were lost during this flight. Both cards must be retrieved! Riders! This presents me with an Idea. We must prove that we are worthy of our place in the Premier League The proof required is that I can do various complex maneuvers and that that my riders can do anything! We can pass the Competitors Admission Test by retrieving the two datal cards and returning them to this party. The cards are Magical Objects. Getting them will save a great deal of trouble and may even enable Jake to carry out his ultimate plan! He aims to be the great train spotter.
"How fascinating!" the two girls spoke in unison. "We must definitely help our Hero!" They both patted Jake fondly.
Jake blushed scarlet.
The dragon spoke again, his voice booming around the rocky courtyard of the tower. "In any event, we should return to more suitable surroundings. I will convey you! Please assume your fighting positions!"
The two girls seemed to understand exactly what was required. They climbed up and mounted a double saddle. In front of each rider, an assortment of lethal looking weapons gleamed in the dim light.
"What about us?" said Jake.
"It’s a long way down! The steps are freezing up again already!"
"Hop on behind and I will give you a lift to the train!" said the dragon. Jake, Alaric and FIDO sat behind the two ladies. Jake had one arm around Gemini Two while Alaric clung on behind him.
FIDO sat at the back of the great beast, firmly attached by some kind of suckers which he had extruded from both hands and feet.
The dragon took off, chortling and singing "Come fly with me!"
They few in a great circle around the tower, gradually descending. Then with his great wings beating rapidly the dragon hovered at a spot close to the station. Jake, Alaric and FIDO scrambled down, first onto the dragons giant paws and then onto the ground.
The dragon flew off, rising rapidly, turning in the general direction of the coal mine. Jake and Alaric climbed into the carriage and changed back into their overalls. FIDO produced two cups of tea from some unknown store and they relaxed for a short break.
Jake reviewed his scanty plans. .
They must first get back into Universe Zero, in the year 2010. He would find his parents and explain that he would be away for a while. He needed to cop all the namers! He knew that CLEO had a Time Machine so he could travel back to 1952. He would allow CLEO to spot with him in order to avoid conflict! He had far greater plans than copping the lot for only one year! His target was all namers for all time! He could afford to share a little glory. CLEO could print a Super Platinum Rail Rover. This would allow him to travel anywhere, anytime. CLEO would travel in his satchel with his sandwiches. He would also need a book of Shed Passes, money for food, a sleeping bag for bunking down in stations and a few changes of clothing. Once he had copped all the LNER namers in 1952 he could move on to the LMS, the SR and the GWR.
Then and only then would he be prepared to help Alaric find this missing Elf Prince.. Following his initial record, he would assist on locating the Elf Prince, he would return to Earth, use the Time Machine and go on to cop every namer on every railway in every year since railways began!
But right now his primary objective must be to Cop the Lot at least for one year! Once he had achieved this ambition he was prepared to take part in a search for the missing Prince. He was motivated in this area by the fact that he would get his normal human ears back and also get massive rewards. The missing Prince must give him a big reward for returning the royal ears in a medical swop. Jake would return to earth and cop all steam namers on every region for every year since 1840! No one could ever surpass such a record!
How many namers were there on all regions between 1840 and 1960?
He asked CLEO. The computer said that there were 72,453 steam namers! Alaric listened patiently but said nothing. The total of possible namers then began to grew significantly. Jake told CLEO to include all foreign railways and their namers. With massive travel funds and a time machine he could actually cop the lot for all time internationally! After about two hours the number of namers from all countries since 1820 had grown to 243,451. Jake pronounced himself satisfied with this figure as the Super Spotters Absolute Target.
But, he still had the problem of getting back to Universe Zero.
CLEO admitted that she did not currently have a solution but she was working on it. Finally, Jake and Alaric left the carriage and climbed back into the engine cab. Jake reversed the engine. They clanked slowly backwards until they arrived at the site of the coal mine. Jake stopped the engine. Looking over the site of the mine they found a large throng busily putting up tables and cooking various items over bonfires.
Strangely, there was no sign of the dragon or his riders.
As the train arrived the people all stopped working and gathered around the engine. They began clapping and then singing softly:
The dragon returned and did a fancy roll,
And then dived into the smoking hole!
Two lovely Princesses cried goodbye!
Gone to a strange home in the sky!
Druids Taff and Taffy hurried forward and climbed into the engine. "Prince Jake!" said Taff. "You have fulfilled the prophecy! But the dragon has kidnapped two girls! Both are lost!"
"What happened?" asked Jake,
"The dragon came back and did a victory roll over the mine !" said the second druid. "Somehow the riders hung on! In fact they waved and shouted Goodbye! Bravery beyond belief! The dragon dived straight into the coal mine! He has taken two maidens to his dragons den!"
"The ladies will get riches and fame beyond hope!" said Jake. It was obvious that the druids did not understand his comments. They merely bowed and muttered what sounded like: "Hail to the Mighty Elf Prince!"
Jake gave up on his explanation and climbed down from the cab, followed by Alaric. He said: "Let's get stuck into the feast!"
The twenty course meal that followed provided another memorable occasion. Jake's only regret about such feasts was that they seemed to only occur at very extended intervals
. At the end of the feast there was a presentation ceremony. The two chief druids presented Jake with a steam car! The car, a De Dion steamer which had been made in France had been smuggled into Wales. Apparently the druids had been so sure that Jake would come that a considerable portion of the treasury had been used to get a “suitable present.” Jake admired the car, an open two seater with a large buggy seat behind. It was fuelled by logs and had a top speed of 20 mph. “You will be able to find plenty of wood along side the road,” said the presenting druid. “Water should be refilled every 100 miles or so. We were told to point out that water cans are carried behind the chassis and that should ensure they are refilled whenever you get the chance.”
A second presentation was made by a dignitary who had the title of “Jake Jones.” This was apparently a title of great importance. This dignitary sang a short song in accompanied by drum, double bass and four guitars. the song was: “Its not unusual to be mad with anyone...” Quite how this fitted to the actual situation was not explained, Following the song “Jake Jones” presented Jake with a steam driven bow. This was quite a remarkable piece of ordinance. The bow had two canisters on either side. The canisters were filled with dry wood and light, The bow then gradually tensed and a short demo showed that it would fire a metal arrow straight through a large tree! Jake then retired and enjoyed a good night sleep.
On waking, he asked CLEO if she had now found any way to get back to "the normal Universe.”
CLEO said that she was currently unable to get them back to Universe Zero. She was working on the task. To locate his parents Jake must give more details of his former place of residence. She needed the names of his parents, the names or nicknames of his friends, the name of his school, what hobbies he had, etc. Jake said that he may have lived near to either Picallily or Kings Crossings. The name of his parents must be the same as his own name.. CLEO then pointed out that Piccadilly and Kings Cross were two places which had been featured in a video he had watched while he was held in his original prison.
Could he remember any other place names?"
Jake was unable to remember any other places.
Instead he said: "Conjournicolly!"
Alaric immediately pounced on this word. The Elf Lord said it was an Elvish word which meant "stop bothering me with stupid questions!" This lead to the usual argument about Jake's identity. Jake said the matter could only be resolved by a quick trip back to Universe Zero. CLEO said that such a trip was impossible due to problems with the transfer equipment and the fact that there were in a sub universe.
At this impasse there was a sudden boom in the meadow and a Yellow Cab appeared!
“It is a Multiverse Yellow Cab!” cried Alaric. “Capable of navigated the Multiverse!”
After a few moments a cloud of steam dispersed and a driver peered out of the front cab. He said: "Special Delivery! Package for Prince Jake! Which is he?"
Alaric pointed to Jake and the driver handed over a small package.
It contained the two missing Stuff It cards along with a short note:
"Dear Prince Jake, we knocked out Colonel Viljoen and fifteen soldiers plus a funny little man in a white coat. We have retrieved the enclosed magical objects! Lethal force was not necessary. We used only disabling karate chops! Regret delay but had to win enough funds to pay for a two way taxi trip so you could get home to EBase! We are joustingr next week in the Finals! We hope you will visit us soon. Love everyone at Team Blow Torch!
Alaric was stunned. "How can this be? They only left a couple of hours ago!"
The cab driver looked at him strangely.
"Don't you know anything about the Multiverse?" he said. "Time in this backwater passes extremely slowly. Blow Torch and his team have been fighting for months! Winning everything in sight. They must have made a huge amount even to pay this fare!" he said "It costs a fortune to travel outbound from Central Power. The cost of an inbound defies comprehension! The Multiverse Yellow Cab Company do not normally even offer inbounds! The cab goes back empty! They must have paid a staggering amount to get you an inbound!"
Alaric was overjoyed. His glowing form lit up until he was almost dazzling. "We have finally had a turn of good fortune, Prince Jake! Your brilliant victory at the Black Tower has secured us a ticket home! We have the Stuff It cards and a free trip! You can lead the search for your missing sister, the beautiful and adorable Princess Cleopatra!"
Jake: “The main concern is lack of namers! The namers I got in this wierd dimension don't count. They aren't even listed in a proper ABC! In this dimension there is no Flying Scotsman! There is no Sir Ralph Wedgewood! There is no Nottingham Forest! There are no proper namers at all! Therefore, I must get back to Universe Zero. I MUST COP THE LOT!"
"WE must cop the lot." squeaked CLEO, her voice sounding from Jake's back pack. "It's vital! WE MUST COP THE LOT!"
Then FIDO joined in! “We must all cop the lot!” he said.
"But we have no way of getting back to Universe Zero!" said Alaric patiently. "If we get home to Central Power we can plan a new trip and try again. With the return of Blow Torch we will also share an enormous reward. You can buy your own dimensional ship and try again!"
"Wait!" said Jake, struck by a brilliant idea. "We can use this taxi to get back to Universe Zero! I can find my parents and let them know I am OK. I must either live in Undone or Chirnside Park. I can check both! Then I can spot what's left of the namers and cop the lot! That will at least be something! Once I've got a decent start on copping the proper lot I am prepared to help you find the prince. Then I can get my ears changed back to normal and collect my reward! And then I can really get stuck in! I can buy a time machine and cop the lot for all time, all regions! LNER, LMS, GWR and Southern. In fact, I will do the entire planet for all time! I don’t want some freak stealing any of my glory!"
"A freak? A freak? I am not a freak! One region is all I ask!" said CLEO. “One region will also do for me!” said robot FIDO. “I am also not a freak!”
The taxi driver spoke.
"You won't get back to Universe Zero in this taxi! “said the driver. "You can only go to Central Power in Universe One, via Wormhole 772/13. I have programmed my return to Central Power through that Wormhole and I can't make changes at this end. The meter is running!"
He pointed to a meter on the side of his cab.
The dial was whizzing around at high speed.
Smoke was trickling around the machine.
The driver continued. "I suggest you get in, sit down and shut up. If you stay around arguing, I'm off! Gone! Left! Vamoosed! I can say I couldn't find you! You will be stuck forever in this wierdo dump!"
He looked around at the druids.
His lip curled up in a sneer.
"Wierdo dump!" he repeated.
"Prince Jake, with my share of the enormous reward I can pay off my debts!" said Alaric. "I will even buy you a new transporter! My 60% will get you a trip anywhere in the Multiverse!"
"Your sixty percent!" said CLEO. "You are not due for sixty percent! Jake took all the risks and fronted against that horrible undead thing! As a Prisoner of the Crown he must get 100% so the Elvish Royal Crown will get 100%! And even that input would not be enough for him to pay off his unpaid speeding fines. They are constantly accruing interest!"
"Speeding fines!" cried Jake. "They were pretend fines on a holo car! I don't owe real money!"
"The court will consider that interesting plea!?" said CLEO.
The driver revved up the taxi impatiently.
The entire surrounding environment sJugg.
Jake finally made up his mind .
"I agree that it's best we get back to Central Power!" he said. "Everybody get in!"
He removed his pack and put it onto an empty seat. Alaric climbed aboard followed by FIDO. There was a sudden pop and the craft vanished from view of the assembled crowd.