"I don't wish to explain anything right now," I told them all. But the comment was directed to Dorin. I didn't like speaking almost harshly to my uncle again, but in his effort to protect me, he was inadvertently undermining my authority by questioning my motives.
Of course, Flaviu smirked and undermined me on purpose, addressing all the Elders. "Nothing has changed! She acts out of fear! She knows that Lucius grows weak without blood, and she gambles on a trial to save him from the state of luat—although she almost certainly dooms him, anyway. Lucius's stake tells us all that we need to know!"
I rose again, just like Mihaela Dragomir would have done, and although my knees shook, my voice was completely steady. "You will not address me as if I'm not even here—unless you want to join Lucius in the dungeons. And then we'll see how long you last without blood, because you are two hundred years older and nowhere near as strong as my husband."
My words surprised even me—I'd gone farther than I'd expected. Flaviu was clearly taken aback, too. His eyebrows shot up, and he almost started to laugh, like I was a little kid who'd suddenly thrown a tantrum. "You are joking. You wouldn't dare."
I raised my eyebrows, too. Wouldn't I?
And suddenly I was so pissed at all of them that my knees started shaking with anger, and I knew that I had to be careful not to lose control in a new way. I wasn't about to pass out or hallucinate, but all at once I wanted to scream at them. Months of frustration and fear, everything I'd felt since my wedding, since I'd started to crumble, came close to rushing out of me.
They'd beaten Raniero until he was broken and on the brink of destruction, at least one of them was responsible for Lucius's current state, they laughed at me—and they were the worst bunch of gossiping, conniving backstabbers I'd ever met, just in general.
I might not have transferred to a new school, but it was still like I'd joined the world's oldest, grayest, least peppy cheerleading squad, and I was sick of being stuck in a castle like a prisoner myself with the whole lousy bunch of them.
"Garda! Vin aici!" I heard myself growling in a voice I'd never used before.
I wasn't sure where the words came from, either. They weren't on my DVD, but I must have heard Lucius summon the guards often enough that when I really needed to use the phrase it just came out, and both of the vampires who were posted at the doors stepped to my sides.
I didn't look around at the Elders—I wasn't about to stop glaring at my new worst enemy—but I heard murmurs again, like everybody was more surprised by my flawless Romanian than by my announcement about the trial.
I narrowed my eyes at Flaviu. "Well? Do you want to see how long you can last without blood?"
Our stares stayed locked, and the smirk that had been on his face gradually faded, replaced by a new anger that I knew was dangerous. But Flaviu had always been dangerous. It was better to face him head-on. It felt better.
"Well?" I repeated.
"Continue with your meeting," he finally agreed, looking away again. "Set your trial date and save—or more likely doom—your husband."
There was still a disrespectful edge to his voice and his words, but not enough for me to make a big deal over it. I was lucky I had won a small victory, and I jerked my head to send the guards back to their places. Then I said again, "I propose that we establish the date of Lucius's trial for two days from this one, meeting in the Sala de Justitie at dawn."
Most everyone started nodding, and so I added, "All agreed, raise your left hand."
Dorin nearly raised his right—by accident again, or not? Then he joined the others in raising his left. I watched all of their faces carefully as I counted the votes. Was there a clue, a sign of guilt in someone's eyes? Did they look too often at Flaviu?
I wished I could have studied them more, but I could only delay for so long, so I announced the count as unanimously in favor, then said, "Meeting adjourned."
I didn't move, acting like I was setting a new protocol by letting them leave first again—but only because my knees began shaking like crazy and I was afraid to try to walk. Apparently, I had been pretty scared, deep inside. But I'd mastered it for as long as I'd needed to. It was a start.
As the Elders filed out, I looked to Dorin for congratulations, but he didn't meet my eyes, like he was suddenly afraid of me. He only managed to smile for a second and say, "You did well," as he left the room with the others.
When they were all gone, I slid down in the chair and exhaled with a whoosh as everything I'd just done sank in.
I might have just taken my first tiny step toward securing the future that Lucius dreamed about for ourselves and our families. I had seen, if not the guilt and nervousness I'd hoped for, respect on a few faces. Maybe, just maybe, I had won my first votes of confidence.
I closed my eyes, trying to regroup.
Or maybe I had just doomed to destruction the vampire I loved more than my own existence.
Why didn't Flaviu seem more nervous?
Chapter 92
Antanasia
RANIERO—THE LATEST incarnation—was waiting for me in the camera de miza, and I nearly gasped when I saw him.
The transformation he'd been making from surfer back to assassin was complete.
It wasn't just the way he stood, with no trace of his old slouch, but not stiffly, either. He was drawn up tall but at ease, like Lucius stood. Like nobility. And it wasn't just the clothes he wore, or even the haircut and shave that I assumed Mindy had given him, because I knew her handiwork, knew how she liked guys to look, and Raniero Vladescu Lovatu looked like the culmination of every fantasy she'd ever described. A guy whose strong jaw and high Vladescu cheekbones, which you could finally see, looked like the culmination of a lot of girls' fantasies.
But it wasn't even the sum of all those things that made him look like the royal, dangerous vampire he'd been raised to be.
No, it was mainly the freshly carved stake that he was tucking in the back of his jeans as he asked, "Are you ready for your second lesson, Antanasia? Do you bring your own weapon?"
Chapter 93
Antanasia
"RANIERO, ARE YOU sure you should be carrying that?" I didn't have to say what. "Is it even allowed?"
"I do not work within the restriction of laws," he said. "Not anymore. But if you directly order me to be without a weapon, of course I will bow to your decision."
I watched him for a few seconds, trying to gauge his expression, but his eyes seemed closed off. "Are you sure you need a stake right now?"
"Antanasia, there is one vampire already destroyed, and a prince about to go on trial. I am foolish not to be armed when I am asking questions about the murder. Very often, those who ask questions find themselves the next with a hole in the chest, yes?"
I didn't want to agree, but he was right. And like Lucius had been when he'd first summoned his cousin back to Romania, I was a little worried that Raniero would ultimately disobey if I did order him to forego carrying a weapon. Not to mention that I probably owed it to him to allow him to protect himself..."Okay, keep it, if you want."
But please don't use it. Not unless you have no choice.
He dipped his newly shorn head. "Grazie."
"You said you're asking questions—"
"And learning nothing. I ask everyone on the staff if they see anything the morning of Claudiu's death." He gave me a level look. "Including a prince who should not have been about."
My heart skipped a beat, not because I distrusted Lucius, but because I realized I never had learned where he'd been that night. "And?"
"No one sees anything. They can tell me nothing unusual."
"Oh." I was relieved and disappointed at the same time.
Raniero's eyes softened, just a little. "Do not worry, Antanasia. We will discover the truth. And of course I listened from the antechamber, and you do well at the meeting, when you set the trial date. There are Elder vampires who will see you in a different way now."
I looked down at the stake in my hands
. "I hope so."
And in that second when my eyes were averted, Raniero chose to begin our lesson—so the next thing I knew I was pinned against his chest, the same way I'd once been pinned against Lucius's, with a stake to my breastbone, as he advised me, "It is never wise to express doubt in front of an armed and dangerous vampire, especially if it causes you to bow your head like a sacrifice—and drop your own weapon."
Chapter 94
Antanasia
"RANIERO... WHAT ARE you doing?"
I fought to quiet my breathing and not succumb to panic. Raniero was incredibly strong. His chest was hard against my back, and his hand was firmly planted against my stomach, right under my breastbone. I could feel the point of the stake.
"Raniero!" I said a little louder.
He had both my wrists trapped in his one formidable hand, and he tightened his grip. But his voice wasn't threatening—just clearer than usual—when he said, "I am showing you, in one quick motion, almost everything you will need to know if you are ever to truly use a stake."
"Okay, show me." He sounded calm, but I fought hard to control my voice, which wanted to shake.
"You will remain still and listen carefully, yes?"
"Yes," I agreed. I had no choice. "I will."
"You are small, and therefore it is to your advantage to act first," he said. "To use the element of surprise, if possible. You see how easily I took you, because you were not ready."
I hadn't even seen him move. "Okay, I understand."
"And this..." He squeezed his arm against my chest. "This is the best position to inflict serious harm. Your own body provides the resistance, so there is more power when you thrust the stake. It is a principle of leverage, and especially important for someone small, like yourself."
I nodded, my head tapping his chest. "I get it."
"If you cannot trap your opponent like this, try to make sure his back is against a wall. Otherwise, you may find yourself stabbing several times, which is dangerous. A weak fighter too often ends up lunging several times in panic, during which time his opponent begins to fight back. You cannot afford that."
I nodded again, trying to focus in spite of the pressure of the stake, which he was still pressing close to my heart. I trust him. "I will ... I would try to use a wall."
My trust wavered when he pressed the stake more firmly, causing me to wince. But his words made sense. "This is the spot where the point must enter. Remember it, yes? Otherwise—again—you may not destroy the first time. And then you will find yourself in a struggle."
"I'll remember." I did remember that spot, from the time Lucius had nearly destroyed me. I would never forget that spot.
We stood in silence, and I waited for him to keep talking—or let me go. But he didn't do anything else. We stayed locked in place, and I could feel him breathing against my ear, and I finally said, in a voice that I hoped projected authority that would reach him, if he really was spinning out of control, and this "lesson" was nothing more than a ruse to make me vulnerable, and he was at that very moment trying to decide what would happen next...
"Raniero, I order you to let me go. Now."
Immediately, he released me, and I turned around and saw that he was nodding with approval. He tucked his weapon back into his jeans. "This is the last point that I wish to make. A lesson which you are learning on your own, and can only learn on your own."
I stepped away from him, still wary. "I don't understand."
"You are royalty," he said. "That carries with it a special power, and if you believe that, you enter any battle with an advantage. You see how I step aside, upon your order, the moment when you remember who you are."
"I don't think somebody who's trying to destroy me will listen to my orders."
Raniero smiled, but not warmly. It was a warrior's smile, maybe sparked by some remembered triumph. "No, perhaps not. But your opponent may hesitate, just for a moment—and that is when the battle is won."
Is he thinking of that momentary advantage over Lucius? I nodded. "I understand."
"I am sorry for frightening you," he added. "But your fear will help you recall everything I have taught you. I promise that you will remember every moment we have just shared."
"Yes, I definitely will." I bent to pick up the stake I'd dropped—without taking my eyes off him. "And I think that's enough for tonight."
But when I straightened, Raniero grabbed my wrist, stopping me again. "With your permission, I would also like to administer a small test to you. A challenge. And if you pass this—if you can do as I ask—I think you will be ready to carry a weapon with assurance."
My gaze darted to my hand and he let go. "What kind of test?"
"You are becoming very courageous, and very quickly," he said. "But do you have the nerve to actually use the stake?"
"Use it? Like stab something?"
He nodded. "Si."
I wasn't supposed to look away from an armed vampire, but I gave a quick check around the small room. "There's nothing here but more stakes. What would I use?"
"We can use this."
"What?"
I looked over to see that Raniero wasn't holding anything. He was just pointing to his chest.
Chapter 95
Antanasia
"YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT?"
For a moment I wasn't sure if Raniero was teasing or actually offering to let me destroy him. Then he held up his hand and said, "I will place my hand upon the table, and you will drive the stake through. This is how you learn what it feels like to cause a wound."
"You can't be serious."
"I am very serious. You cannot imagine how it feels to cause harm until you actually do it. If you are not to hesitate at a crucial moment, it is best to have the experience safely first. And soon, like many other things, causing harm becomes easy with practice."
I heard the wistful, bitter quality return to his voice, and once again, it made me trust him more. He regretted what he'd done in the past. "But I can't even imagine how much it would hurt you if I actually staked your hand."
He didn't seem concerned. "Enduring pain is like causing pain. It, too, becomes easier with practice. And you know, of course, that vampires heal quickly." He spread his tattooed hand on the table and indicated the fleshy part between his thumb and forefinger. "There is no bone here. The wound will last a few days, at most."
I shook my head, appalled. "No ... I couldn't."
Raniero smiled at my horror. "The Buddha himself says, 'Life is suffering.' Pain cannot be avoided, only fully faced and accepted. A moment of discomfort is nothing to me."
"I don't think Buddha would approve of my deliberately stabbing you."
The smile slowly left his lips, and I knew that I had accidentally brought his new philosophies crashing into his old life, where they didn't fit quite as well as they did on the beach. Which was precisely why he didn't want to be here.
"This is how Lucius and I trained," he said. "And while I cannot order you, as you are a sovereign, I strongly suggest that you do this if you wish to have the skills you will need to survive in your new role."
I drew back. "You and Lucius deliberately staked each other's hands?"
He didn't answer, but I could tell from his expression that they had done it. Had been forced to do it. And maybe more than once—which was probably why he'd been able to stake Lucius's chest.
He leaned against the table, watching my face, and grew reflective. "Have you ever hurt anything or anyone, Antanasia? I do not speak of stepping on a spider, but of causing true pain."
"Well, I did stab Lucius's foot with a pitchfork once."
Raniero's lips, no longer hidden by his goatee, twitched with amusement, like he knew that story and didn't think it counted.
"No. I guess I haven't really hurt anyone," I conceded.
"You left the courtroom, unable to even vote to destroy a vampire," he surprised—and embarrassed—me by saying.
"How do you know that?"
He sh
rugged. "News travels even to vampires who live on beaches."
Even Raniero knew what had happened, and he deliberately kept himself away from the gossip. I leaned on the table, too, my new bravado taking a small hit. "If everyone knows I ran away, how can I even dream of being elevated to queen?"
Then the vampire who thought he'd shed his philosopher persona gave me another profound thing to reflect on—and this time, it was a quote from Raniero, not the Buddha.
"If you cannot destroy a vampire who deserves such, in accordance with law, perhaps you should not wish to be queen."
I took a few moments to let that sink in, and suddenly it was like my eyes were opened.
What I'd wished for was to be Lucius's wife. That was what I'd really wanted when I'd agreed to be a princess. And I had accepted the idea of building a better kingdom for the subjects I'd gained when I'd slipped on my wedding ring. I did want to do that—for Lucius, mainly.
But it struck me then ... had I ever really, honestly, wanted to be a ruler?
And I knew the answer was no.
Being a princess had always just been an unhappy circumstance of my birth and the unfortunate door prize that came along with being Lucius's wife. I hadn't just been failing as royalty because I didn't try hard enough to read Romanian or study the old law books or learn my way around the castle—although those were pretty big mistakes on my part.
I had been failing because my goal had only been to act like a ruler.
I hadn't wanted to be a monarch in my gut, like the vampire who was lying in a cell, and who craved the chance to be king—a good king—with every weakening beat of his heart.
I owed it to him to want to rule by his side—not because it was the price of being near him, but because I believed in being a leader. Had to have that scepter in my hands. To give anything less wouldn't just be cheating my subjects or myself—or my birth parents, even. It would be cheating Lucius.