And I wouldn't do that. Somehow, I would change not only my actions, but my attitude. Somehow, I would will myself to want—and claim—my birthright.
I had fallen so deep into thought that I'd almost forgotten Raniero was at my side until the very perceptive vampire whom I was slowly coming to understand—even as he felt he was losing himself—said, "Well, Antanasia? What do you wish to do?"
I met his eyes for a long moment, then shifted my stake in my hand until it sat the proper way and told him, with conviction that I would feel—was in fact already starting to muster—"I wish to be Princess Antanasia Dragomir Vladescu, ruler of the world's most venerable vampire clans."
Without hesitating, Raniero placed his hand on the table, and I drove the stake into his flesh with every ounce of strength I possessed.
Chapter 96
Mindy
"YOU'RE GONNA LOOK great," I told Ylenia.
And she would look awesome, 'cause I was doing her hair, and I didn't do bad work, even for a girl I hated—maybe for the right reasons or maybe for the wrong ones. I could hardly tell anymore.
"Thanks, Mindy," she said. "It's nice of you to help me." Her pale cheeks got a tiny bit red. "I know I'm not so good with hair and clothes."
"You do okay," I fibbed. "But I helped Jess win Lucius, so I do think I got the touch."
"It's not a date," Ylenia said, way too quick. "He just asked to talk. And I couldn't even believe he did that."
"Yeah, well, you never know with Raniero, right?" You really didn't anymore. I tugged a little too hard, trying to get the boar-bristle brush I'd bought specially for Jess's curls through Ylenia's frizz. "And it never hurts to look good."
She smiled and looked honestly shy, like Raniero said she was. "No, I guess not."
"So ... where are you going?" That was what I really wanted to know, and why I'd volunteered to fix her up in the first place.
"I told you, it's no big deal." She shrugged her bony shoulders. "Just for a walk in the formal gardens."
"Oh." I tugged way too hard—not 'cause I hated her. It was just that my fingers got shaky.
Maybe I was keeping my frenemy too close. I wanted to hate her, and I still didn't trust her, but right then I felt sorry for her, too. Raniero had bit her and then left her, and no matter what she said, she was excited that he wanted to talk.
Or was it her fault that he was damned? And that Jess and Lukey were in trouble?
Or was I the crazy one, seeing stuff where it really wasn't? 'Cause I was almost insane with jealousy right then to think about her and Raniero walking around a beautiful garden, just like him and me used to walk around a stupid park in Lancaster.
The whole time I was thinking, my fingers were moving, and I got lost in my head and her mess of curls, and my box of makeup, and when I finally stepped back from my second makeover that week so Ylenia could stand up and do a little twirl, I just about screamed to see her glossy curls and her big, bright eyes, 'cause she'd ditched the glasses for once...
Jeez, I did way too good a job.
Even though her skirt was totally out of date, the rest of her looked almost like ... Jess.
Almost like an honest-to-goodness vampire princess.
Chapter 97
Lucius
R—
Yes, I recall many things from the convocation which resulted in the mark upon your hand. I venture more and more into the past, or what seems to be the past, until memory is clearer than reality. And on that night, I recall that you were angry—but sane. You rebuffed even my attempts at conversation, seeming to prefer to remain aloof—until Ylenia Dragomir approached you.
How strange that seemed to me ... A girl who was always at the margins, and a Dragomir, at that...
I recall thinking, as you walked off together, too close to one another, "This is a mistake." For the look in your eyes was dangerous, Raniero—because, to me, you appeared not threatening, but rather vulnerable. (It is strange to use that word to describe you—but it is accurate.)
And when I saw you next, your eyes were unfocused and wild—different even from how you appeared on the day that you nearly destroyed me—and you stood in a pool of blood with a newly bitten vampire at your side—and a dead vampire at your feet.
As one who slips slowly toward madness myself, Raniero, I know—with even more certainty than I knew on that night—that the change you experienced in minutes usually happens in hours or days or years. I knew, even then, that Claudiu must have done something to alter you, hoping to get you destroyed by a mob, because it was not enough to send you away for months at a time. Even that could not ease his worry that one day the truth about how he incited you to destroy me would come out.
And of course I have always known that it was Claudiu who prompted you to attack. I have ALWAYS trusted you, Raniero. It was not the jest I made that day that spared my life. You were never truly as close to ending my existence as you have come to believe.
It takes all of my energy to write this, and to remain focused, but if it helps you to realize that you are not only fit to rejoin our society, but to reclaim your place among royalty...
This is perhaps my last missive, and so before I rejoin my dreams, which grow darker and longer, I issue one final command. When I am gone, as seems likely, either by destruction or into the realm of mad imaginings, claim your place as regent and rule by Antanasia's side, for we both know that there is no restriction against a blestemata vampire ruling. No precedent, and so no restriction.
Do this for ALL of us, brother—best man—protector of the bride...
With gratitude as eternal as I hope your existence is, L
Chapter 98
Antanasia
"'IN CAZUL IN care acuzatul nu poate vorbi,'" Raniero read aloud, his finger tracing the words, and because I was nowhere close to understanding the complex sentences in the law books we were poring over, I found myself fixating on the bandage on his hand.
I did that to him—and it felt terrible. But powerful, too.
The stake hadn't gone all the way through, but I'd done some damage. Much more than when I'd struck Lucius's foot with a pitchfork. And Raniero believed I'd done well.
"This is the passage we seek," he said, jolting me from my thoughts. "A case from 1622, but relevant. In realtà, the Elders will respect such a venerable precedent. Some may even recall the trial."
"What does it say, exactly? I need to know the precise wording."
Raniero took a slip of paper off Lucius's desk and began to write. "In the event that the accused is unable to speak..." He finished and slid the note to me, and when his hand moved, Lucius's laptop sprang to life for the third time that evening. And for the third time, I saw my husband's e-mail messages. All those exchanges with Raniero, some dated right before Claudiu's destruction.
What did they discuss? Soccer and surfing? Or secrets and statecraft?
"If you have what you need for now, it grows late, and I have an appointment," Raniero hinted.
I wanted to study those law books all night. Lucius's trial was less than a day away. But I had already asked enough of Raniero for one day. Probably for one lifetime. I didn't even have the right to ask him what who his "appointment" was with.
Does it involve Mindy? Because she is not ready to handle the emerging Raniero.
"I will not see Mindy Sue," he surprised me by saying. My concern must have been obvious. "Do not worry for her." He smiled sadly and bitterly, combining the only kinds of smiles he had anymore. "I have told her everything about my past as she uses her scissors, and whatever is left between us disappears with my hair. I promise you."
I started to stand up. "I should go see her. She must be upset."
But he put a hand on my shoulder, pressing me down. "She is fine—and has plans, too, I believe."
Plans? Late at night in a lonely castle?
But I took Raniero at his word, because I couldn't help Mindy much anyhow. Not until I saved Lucius. Then I would give her a shoulder to
cry on for eternity, if she needed it. "Okay, if you're sure she's fine."
"You should go rest," Raniero suggested, heading for the door. "You need strength as much as knowledge."
I sat back in Lucius's chair. "No, I'll keep working. I can sleep when Lucius is free."
"This is a good attitude." Raniero opened the door. "Even better than your husband's, I think." Then he left before I could ask what he knew of Lucius's outlook—or his sanity.
I knew I needed to work, but when I was alone, I wasn't sure what to do. I was running out of time to exonerate Lucius, and I had ... nothing. As I struggled to think, I absently reached for the mouse to his laptop and shook it, so the computer woke up again, and this time I gave in to temptation and clicked on his e-mail.
I wasn't really snooping, I was just looking for any kind of information that might help him. I wanted to know more about Raniero, too, because the conflicted assassin was part of my life now. And part of me craved even that little contact with Lucius. Wanted to read his long-winded, witty, sarcastic prose, which was so ... him.
With just the slightest twinge of guilt, I opened the last message between the two powerful, mysterious vampires and scrolled to the bottom of correspondence that started weeks before my wedding and continued, sporadically, up to the morning Claudiu had been destroyed.
The e-mails were, of course, meant for Raniero, and I did get some insight into their friendship—and their suspicions. But I also found something else scattered through the messages, and it was almost better than clues.
A love letter to me.
At least, it started out that way.
Chapter 99
Mindy
I SHOULDA KNOWN Raniero would meet Ylenia in a garden. He always liked to be outside and said buildings suffocated him, and no matter what he thought about himself, I knew he wasn't really changing. He might have better clothes, and a new haircut, and even look mad sometimes, but he was still sweet, do-no-harm, nature-loving Ronnie.
If he wasn't a good guy, he wouldn't of agreed to do the right thing by Ylenia, who was already sitting next to him on a bench under the stars. I got there late, 'cause I had to ask directions from two different servants, but it didn't seem like I missed much. From where I stood in the shadows, it seemed like all the worst, most painful stuff was happening right then.
"Ylenia," Raniero said, sounding very sorry. "I think that I have been wrong not to speak with you before now. I believed, at first, that I am doing you a favor, because I cannot imagine who would want a blestemata vampire, but perhaps that choice should also be yours, yes? For our tradition says that what we have shared together—blood—is binding for eternity."
I stood like one of the marble statues I could see in the bushes around me, like the Italian Renaissance was still going on, and I couldn't move, either. I was like made of stone, too.
I shouldn't have come there to spy on them. I wasn't really there to catch Ylenia doing or saying something wrong. I was there 'cause this part of me wanted to watch the guy I'd thrown away—and who I wanted back—leave me forever.
I, like, wanted to hurt. And I got what I wanted.
"I understand why you acted like you did," Ylenia told him. "That whole night went so wrong..."
"Si. It did."
I saw her reach out and touch him, like I woulda done, and my heart shriveled up in my chest.
"But Lucius obviously believed that you didn't really mean to destroy anyone that night," she said. "And I believe it, too. I don't know what happened, but you didn't mean to do it."
"I still do not understand that, either." He shrugged, almost like he'd given up caring about that bad thing he'd done. "But I do know that we have shared something sacred to vampires, and if you do not despise me—if you wish to begin, somehow, to know one another more slowly, and to determine whether you do, perhaps, want a vampire who is troubled and almost certainly doomed—I will court you, as you deserved and still deserve."
She sat there staring at him, and my shriveled-up heart stopped. Say no! Tell him no! Tell him to get lost!
But, duh, she'd been crazy about him for years—totally hated and loved him—and she said, "I'd like that, Raniero. It would mean a lot to me. Just like that night meant a lot to me."
Neither one of 'em said it in so many words, but I knew what had just happened. She'd basically told him, "I accept you as mine, forever." A lot of vampire life was a mystery to me, but I knew that a girl who'd been bitten had a claim on a guy forever. As a girl who hadn't got bit, I knew that WAY too well.
I pretty much got "destroyed" right then, and the only thing that kept me from screaming was knowing that Raniero hadn't said that night meant a lot to him, too. I was glad for that, at least.
Till he leaned over and kissed her.
It wasn't like the kisses we used to share. It wasn't like Raniero fell on her, and she fell on him, and they couldn't pull themselves apart if the world ended around 'em. It was just a kiss on the cheek—but it was the final big, ugly stake in my heart.
I started to turn around, knowing I'd made a HUGE mistake coming there.
I shouldn't have seen that. It will haunt me forever ... even if I don't have forever, like they're going to, 'cause she will NEVER let him go.
My breath started getting all raggedy and hysterical, and it was a wonder I even heard her whisper to him, "I'll be good to you, Raniero. I promise. And you'll need someone, if ... if the worst happens to Lucius, and you rise to become Antanasia's regent. I promise, I'll be ready to help you rule."
I had my back to them, and I froze again. My fingers clenched so tight my nails dug into my skin.
Bitch. She WAS a conniving bitch.
She didn't give a damn about Jess.
And what the hell did Raniero mean when he said, "Thank you, Ylenia. I believe that you will do well by my side if I take my place as regent, ruling with Antanasia in Lucius's absence."
One of my nails snapped against my hand.
That was all wrong. He shouldn't act like there was any chance Lukey wouldn't be okay. Friends didn't talk like that. And he shouldn't be talking about ruling anything. He didn't want that. He always swore he didn't...
So why did he sound like he was drooling over the chance to take Lukey's place?
All of a sudden, I wasn't sure I'd been right about my ex-boyfriend after all.
I stood there in that garden that got very silent, like maybe two people were kissing some more, and for the first time I actually wondered if Raniero hadn't just hid some very important stuff from me. I wondered if maybe he'd outright lied to all of us all along, pretending to be a good guy and a good friend.
Chapter 100
Antanasia
ALTHOUGH LUCIUS didn't talk about Raniero very often, there were times when they e-mailed quite a bit. Their correspondence was one of those things he kept private even from me—maybe in part because that was where he talked about me. I was sure it was the only forum, outside our bedroom, where Lucius Vladescu came even close to expressing feelings.
"My wife grows weak, Raniero ... I worry for her ... Cannot bear to see her struggle..."
"I'm sorry, Lucius," I muttered, ashamed. "Really sorry."
Scrolling up higher, I realized I'd reached the end of the string of messages, and I sat back in the chair, angry at myself and seeing even more clearly how I'd cowered behind him since our marriage. How I'd let him down and added to his burdens.
Almost all of Lucius's early messages had included—hidden inside the guy banter about sports and stakes and the merits of wearing or not wearing pants—some kind of compliment to me. "Antanasia is brilliant, Raniero. You must come to my wedding, if only to see the woman who has the power to render ME speechless."
Raniero had written about Mindy, too, and while I'd skimmed those parts, not wanting to pry, it was clear, even with all the the LOLs about her shoes, that he cared about her very much, and maybe saw what she needed more clearly than Mindy did. "She attends college, because her m
other wishes this, but I tell her there is a very excellent school of beauty not far from my home upon the beach."
Unfortunately, over time both relationships seemed to disintegrate a little. Raniero's LOLs ended more often with "but sadly," while Lucius began to express regret not for marrying me, exactly, but for dragging me into a life that was slowly crushing me.
I reread one of the last messages, in which Lucius asked Raniero, again, to come help him manage the kingdom so he could focus more on protecting me.
"I'm so sorry," I repeated, raising my finger to close the program.
But just before I clicked, I noticed the time and date stamps on the last few messages, which had been exchanged during a brief period when Lucius mentioned me sleeping nearby, because he sometimes did bring the laptop to our room and work in front of the fire.
Scrolling back down, I followed the trail again, getting excited as images of clocks, and Lucius waking me, and bright red blood suddenly started to dance in front of my eyes.
I forced myself to calm down and think clearly, using both sides of my brain. Think like a vampire—and a mathlete, Jess. Use your rational side and your new familiarity with blood, too. And gradually, the question formed in my mind:
Given the rate at which blood coagulates, could a vampire who was sending messages at 6:47 a.m.—and next to me in bed at 7:15—have been in the foyer at the proper time to drive a stake three times into his foe?
Chapter 101
Antanasia
LUCIUS'S TRIAL WAS looming, and I only had one small bit of evidence in his favor, so I didn't think I'd ever be able to sleep that night. But I'd recently run a stake through Raniero's hand and read up on the law and done my usual study of Romanian, and I guess I was exhausted enough that when my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep almost immediately.