about right now but what was annoying me most was my brother’s whole attitude towards the crisis. I’d thought he would be even more upset than me, but surprisingly, he had managed to handle it all really well.
“I don’t mind going back,” was his response when he heard the news. “It’s too boring out here in the country, anyway. And besides,” he’d added with a grin, “there are so many more hot girls at my old school!”
Girls! I swear that’s all he thinks about these days. It’s actually a miracle that he even manages to get any schoolwork done. And moving in the middle of his final senior year obviously is the worst scenario ever. But he doesn’t seem to care and it really annoyed me not to have his support. Out of everyone in the family, I seemed to be the only one who didn’t want the change.
“She’ll be okay!” I had heard my dad say to Mom the other night. “Just give her some time, she’ll adjust.”
Well if he thought I was going to be happy about the situation, he had that totally wrong! He had no idea what it was like for someone my age. Having to sell our farm and return to our old home in Carindale was all so humiliating. What was everyone going to say? What were they going to think? And apart from that, I was not looking forward to going to a new school.
Mom had tried to convince me that it would all be great. “The new high school that’s been built while we were away looks amazing. And as well, Julia, we’re so lucky to be able to move back into our old house! You’ll have your bedroom back again and we can do it up just the way you always wanted.”
I guess I should be grateful that my parents had decided to keep our house when we moved. A family from out of town had been renting it the whole time, but had recently bought their own place so it was available for us to move back into. At least that was something in our favor.
I followed my parents inside and trudged up the old familiar staircase to my bedroom. Situated at the end of the hallway was the panelled green door that led to my private place, and I raced towards it, desperate to have some time on my own.
Bursting through the door, I was hit with the nostalgia of my childhood. The teddy bear wallpaper still decorated the walls and my old pink curtains hung loosely from the window frame. I remembered choosing the fabric. The little white flowers surrounded by a pretty pink background had been my favorite and I was so proud of the outcome when they were finally fitted to the window.
Recollections of the endless amount of time I had spent staring out onto the garden below came to mind and precious memories flooded my thoughts. It was as if the past three years were totally surreal and hadn’t even happened. Visions of Millie and Blake and the times we had shared filled my awareness and I wondered what their lives were like now.
So many times, I had considered calling them or trying to keep regular contact but I always seemed to have more important things to do. It had been so long since we’d last spoken. Surely though, they’d be happy to see me and have me back? We used to be so close. Perhaps my mom was right and everything would all just fall into place. I felt a spark of hope lift my spirits ever so slightly and then, a vision of Blake, his arms wrapped around my shoulders as he hugged me close, crept into my mind.
Maybe, just maybe, things could return to how they were. I felt my lips twitch, a small smile forming at the corners of my mouth. And then I remembered that Millie had said Blake was going out with someone else.
Three years had passed by after all, so what could I expect? Not that I had found another boy to replace Blake during that time. As I turned to face the open door, something caught my eye. It was a blue scrawl on the wall next to where my bed used to be positioned. The tiny heart I had drawn, all those years ago still remained in clear view. And the letters inside reminded me once more of the romance we had once shared... JJ Loves BJ
Julia Jones Loves Blake Jansen…would I ever find another boy as special? Somehow I felt that did not seem possible!
Doubts…
I decided to give Millie a call.
“Hi, Millie!” I imagined the words I would say. “It’s Julia – you remember me…your long lost friend? Well, guess what! I’m back!”
“OMG, Julia!!! This is the best news I’ve ever heard!!” I pictured her smiling face in my mind, the face that I remembered so well and the reaction that I so desperately needed to hear.
Picking up the phone, I keyed in her number. It was amazing how clearly I remembered it, even though I hadn’t called her for so long. I was sure that her number would forever be ingrained in my memory. Almost every evening after dinner, we would call each other, sometimes talking for an hour or more.
“How can you have so much to say?” my mother would ask. “You’ve been at school together all day and you still manage to spend so long on the phone! Hang up now and go and do your homework!”
That same scenario was repeated almost every night. I’d nod in agreement to my mom, but keep on talking until thirty more minutes had passed by and she was threatening to rip the phone out of my hand.
Impatiently, I waited for the line to connect. Busy signal. Great!
I hung up and waited a few moments before trying again.
“Hello, is this Mrs. Spencer?”
“No, I’m sorry, she’s not here” was the reply.
“I was actually wanting to speak to Millie,” I continued.
“Oh, I’m sorry, dear,” the high pitched tone announced through the earpiece. “You won’t be able to speak to her today. Actually you’ll be waiting quite a while. They’ve gone traveling around Europe for a few months, the lucky things. Haven’t you heard? I was sure that Millie had told all her close friends.”
The annoying voice prattled on and on, as I stood there silently; my mind reeling in disbelief.
“Hello? Hello? Are you there?” continued the screechy voice. “Can I take a message for you?”
“Ah, no, it’s ok. Thank you!” I replied and quickly hung up.
Sinking to the floor, I shook my head in total dismay. School was starting in two days’ time and Millie would not be there. And the fact of the matter was that she was going to be away for quite some time. She had gone to Europe with her family and I’d been completely unaware of it. I felt so guilty.
But perhaps if I’d been allowed to have a Facebook account, or even Instagram, I would know what had been going on in her life.
That was never going to happen while my mother was around though. She was so strict and old fashioned, a real control freak. “You don’t need that sort of distraction,” she always said. “And besides, I’ve heard too many stories of cyber-bullying and terrible things going on all because of social media. You don’t need it, Julia. Just pick up the phone to stay in contact with your friends. That is all that’s necessary!”
Well what did my mother know! If I was allowed to be like any other normal teenager, it would be so simple to stay in contact with everyone.
The familiar uneasy feeling began to form once more in the pit of my stomach, the recurring one that I was experiencing a lot of lately.
“Back with your oldest, dearest friends,” Mom had said to me just that morning, in the sickening, reassuring tone she was always using. “I’m sure Millie is going to be so excited to see you again!”
“Yeah, right!”
Taking a deep breath I picked up the phone and tried Blake’s number.
I could feel my palms sweating and held my breath as I listened to the dull sound of the dial tone.
“What if he’s not home?” I thought to myself. “What if he’s gone away as well? And worse still, what if he answers and doesn’t want to talk to me?”
The phone seemed to ring forever.
“Pick up! Pick up!” I said into the receiver.
Then just as I was about to put the phone down, a deep male voice answered.
“Hello?”
“It must be his dad. It sounds just like his dad. I think I’ll just hang up.” The thoughts raced frantically through my mind but I could not bring myself to speak.
>
“Hello,” the voice repeated. “Is anyone there?”
“H…Hello,” I stammered, my voice croaky with nerves. “Can I please speak to Blake?”
“This is Blake,” was the unexpected reply.
“Blake?” I questioned. “You sound so different!”
“Julia! Julia, is that you?” His voice had become more familiar, definitely deeper than when we’d last spoken, but certainly familiar.
I stood there silently, feeling foolish, but I just couldn’t bring myself to speak.
“Julia, that is you, isn’t it? I’d know that voice anywhere!”
“Yes, Blake. It’s me.”
“This is incredible,” he laughed. “I haven’t heard from you in so long!”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been really slack.” I sat down on my bed and stared blankly at my reflection in the mirror. I felt so awkward and had no idea what to say.
“How are you? And what have you been up to?” his friendly tone was reminiscent of the same Blake I once knew; the Blake from my past life before everything had changed.
“We moved back into our old house a few days ago.” I explained. “Dad has a new job here so we had to sell the farm and come back.”
I held my breath and waited anxiously for his response.
“Wow! Now I’m really in shock!” Was it my imagination or had his enthusiasm dropped somewhat.
Silence came between us then, an awkward silence that I had never experienced when talking with Blake before.
“So you’ll be going to school here as well?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
There seemed to be a moment’s hesitation and then the half-hearted response. “That’s so cool!”
“So I guess I’ll see you on Monday?” My heart was hammering in my chest and a flood of nausea churned in my stomach.
“Yeah, worse luck. It’s so bad that the holidays are over.” Then almost as an afterthought, he added, “But it’ll be great to see you, Julia!”
“Yeah, you too, Blake; it’s been so long! Anyway, I just rang to say hello. I’ll see you on Monday.”
“Ok, see you on Monday, Julia,” and with a click of the phone he was gone.
I brushed the tears from my cheeks. They’d begun falling and I was helpless to stop them. I looked into the mirror once more.
“You’re pathetic,” I said to myself. “What did you expect; that he’d be throwing himself at you, after being apart for three years?”
Well that obviously wasn’t going to happen.
I desperately tried to swallow my disappointment. The situation totally sucked. “Maybe I can just run away from home,” I thought fleetingly.
But where would I go? I had hardly any money in the bank and I’d probably end up as one of those street kids you hear about, doing drugs and in a total mess.
I could hear my mother calling me to go downstairs for dinner. I wished I could ignore her and just go to sleep and never wake up. But I couldn’t stand the thought of her coming into my room and telling me that everything was going to be okay.
With a deep sigh of resignation, I stood up and went downstairs; not that I had any appetite. Right then, the thought of food just made me feel ill. Two more days; two more days of freedom and then my life was going to change yet again. A new school, new friends – or so I hoped!
Right then, I did not feel at all positive about my future, but if I had only known what was in store, perhaps I would have chosen the option of running away after all!
First day back…
As I entered the gates, it was as though a thousand pairs of eyes were staring in my direction. I felt like an object on show at some type of event, where people had to check out the quality of the merchandise.
Keeping my eyes focused on the footpath in front of me, I gripped my books closely to my chest and made my way towards the office entrance. Thankfully, over the course of the weekend, I’d managed to contact a couple of old friends who were actually pleased to hear I was back and as prearranged, they were waiting by the glass doors that led to the office.
“At least I’m not going to be a total loner. That would have really sucked!” The thoughts racing through my head were a mixture of relief and anxiety but the warm welcome from my friends and their genuine pleasure at seeing me again was exactly what I needed to put me at ease.
After exchanging quick hugs, they directed me to the administration desk where I was able to sort out my timetable. To my enormous relief, it appeared that we shared some classes, although I had been assigned to a completely different English class to each of them and typically, that was the first class I had to attend.
We agreed to meet back at the same spot for morning recess and I then headed in the direction of the lockers. As I shoved my books into the locker that would be mine for the semester, I was aware that the area was bustling with students who were taking the opportunity to catch up on all the holiday gossip before being ushered into their first class.
Then, just as I pushed the door of my locker closed, the sound of a familiar voice made my head turn.
“Julia Jones!”
Spinning around I found myself face to face with Sara Hamilton. And in the blink of an eye, I was engulfed in the memories of my past.
The nightmares from middle school struck me with the sheer force of a sledgehammer. Being locked in a tiny tin shed that was hidden away in the depths of rugged bushland was a vision I would rather forget. My screams of terror as the claustrophobia kicked in, were clear in my mind and I could feel the fear that had ripped through me, as clearly as if it had happened only yesterday.
That was only one of many vivid and frightening moments that I had tried to wipe from my memory banks, and time and distance had helped to make that possible. But the sight of Sara, the person who had caused me so much grief for so long, triggered those long forgotten and unwanted memories to reappear. Although we had parted as so-called friends, I knew that I would never really forgive her intense bullying and hatred, all those years ago.
She stood there with her eyebrows raised questioningly and her old, self-assured confident stance. Looking directly at her, I could not help but notice that she was still as pretty as ever. Time hadn’t changed that, and if anything, she was probably even more beautiful than when I had last seen her.
Her long, blonde hair was cut in the latest style. It was parted in the middle and hung loosely in gorgeous layers down the length of her back. The olive complexion, that I had always envied, glowed with a golden tan that set off her striking blue eyes as she stared intensely back at me.
How on earth could she have such a stunning tan in the middle of winter? Maybe it’s a spray on, or I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s been away to some tropical paradise during the Christmas break! The thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there staring in disbelief.
“Sara!” I exclaimed, as I desperately tried to hide the shock waves passing through my body. “I didn’t expect to see you here. I’d heard that you and your family had moved away.”
“Yeah we did. But my dad was transferred back here at the beginning of last semester, so here I am! And what about you? What brings you back?”
“My dad is working here again as well, so we moved back a week ago.”
“Oh, wow! So we’re all here together again, just like the old days!” There was no mistaking the sarcasm in her voice and I felt my skin crawl.
This couldn’t be happening, it just couldn’t. Surely, I was going to wake up any minute and sigh with desperate relief that it had been one really bad dream, over and done with, never to occur again.
I walked with her towards the classroom that I had located on the map I was given by the office staff. All the while, Sara prattled on as if nothing whatsoever was wrong. But I knew her too well and although she had made amends all those years ago, I knew that deep down she would never change. People like her always wanted to be in control. They had that deep-seated need to make themselves look and feel better t
han others.
I never could figure out why Sara was like that. She was the best looking girl in our grade, she had a heap of loyal girlfriends, boys seemed to fall at her feet, and as well as that, her family was so wealthy that she had everything money could buy.
Her excuse had been that she was jealous of me! Hmph! Jealous of me…how pathetic is that! How could someone like Sara possibly be jealous of me?
Then as if things could not get any worse, she walked into the same classroom that I was headed for.
“Nooooo!” I screamed in my mind. “Please tell me she’s not in my English class!”
And as if in response to my unspoken statement, she turned and smiled sweetly, “Looks as though we’re in the same class. It really will be just like the old days!”
Then with a flick of her long hair, she disappeared to the back of the room. But it was what happened next that shocked me more than ever!
Already sitting in the back row, with one vacant seat next to him which was obviously reserved for a friend, was the most gorgeous looking guy I think I had ever seen in my entire life.
He was deep in conversation with the person sitting on the other side and was oblivious to the fact that I was standing at the doorway, gawking at him. I simply could not help myself. It was as though my feet were rooted to the spot.
He flicked back the long, brown locks of hair that hung untidily over his eyes and I watched his face light up in response to some humorous comment or joke made by his friend. That beautiful smile caused my heart to throb and I looked on adoringly from my spot at the front of the room.
Forcing myself to take the nearest seat, I glanced discreetly in his direction. It was then that his face turned, but not towards mine. That beautiful smile that I had just been drooling over, burst into a wide grin as he wrapped his arms in a tight embrace around the girl who had just greeted him.
As she sat down in the seat he had saved for her, Sara looked towards the front of the room, her eyes piercing into mine. Totally smug, she turned to face him once more and planted a possessive kiss on his smiling lips. With her arm around him, she glanced at me again and it was then that he and I made eye contact.
Looking slightly pale and as if the color had drained from his face, he stared at me, his eyes riveted to mine.
The realization shook me to my very core. The love of my life, Blake Jansen was going out with Sara Hamilton! Finally, after years of torment and shameless flirting, she had managed to succeed in winning him over.
And as I turned slowly towards the front of the class, I could feel her evil stare burning into my back.
My head was spinning, my mind reeling with disbelief. I had to fight to keep down the nausea that was rising to my throat and it took every last reserve of self-control to stay in my seat. All I wanted to do was run out of the room. Run away forever!
When the teacher introduced me to the class, I was barely able to nod in acknowledgement. Turning bright red in embarrassment at being singled out, I put my head down and tried to