over there?” she pointed out the one I had noticed her staring at. “He’s a senior at Wesley High. And he’s soooo cute!” It seemed she could not take her eyes off him.
“I met him at a party a month or so ago and we kind of hooked up, but I haven’t seen him since. I’m going to go and say hello.” Then without giving the idea another thought, she was gone.
I watched her as she walked away, looking completely confident and self-assured. “Wow!” I said to Beth, a girl who I had only met just that week. “She’s keen! I’d never just walk up to a guy like that, especially a senior I hardly know.”
“Well they did hook up at a party, remember!” Beth laughed.
The girls are so different here. The thought came abruptly to mind as I stood there feeling slightly uncomfortable about the scenario around me. Although, I had to admit I’d lived a pretty sheltered life on our farm, and what had occupied my time most was my pony, Bella. Horses were my obsession and most of my friends had felt the same way. We kind of had no time for boys. It just seemed that there were more important things to think about.
My thoughts then drifted to the scene I’d witnessed during lunch break at school the day before. I had stared mesmerized as Jackie, the outspoken girl from my Math class, joined her group of friends in stalking Mr. Ryland while he supervised the students in the lunch area. The blatant flirting of the girls was something I had never seen in action before, not in real life anyway.
Jackie in particular, had definitely been the most up front of them all. I remembered the flick of her blonde hair, heavily bleached and straightened which seemed to be the most popular style, as she laughed in unison with him over a joke they had obviously shared. She appeared so comfortable with the situation, as if it were a common occurrence to spend lunch break hanging out with the good looking, young Math teacher.
“That’s so typical of Jackie.” A girl in our group named Suzy rolled her eyes in disgust. “She’ll probably try to get him to ask her out!”
“Or maybe she’s hoping for an A in Math,” laughed Lisa, who was also taking an avid interest in watching the scene in front of us unfold.
“This is better than a daytime soap opera!” she had continued jokingly. “At least we’re being entertained during our lunch break!”
I had to agree with Lisa. It was certainly a scene I’d never witnessed before.
Beth’s voice abruptly interrupted my thoughts, shaking me back to awareness of the shopping center scenario that I had found myself a part of. “Julia, didn’t you used to go out with Blake Jansen? Some of the girls were talking about that today.” Her unexpected question caught me completely off guard.
“Yeah, I did,” I replied hesitatingly, not sure what they all knew about Blake and I. “But that was a long time ago when we were in middle school. Things have changed so much since then.”
“Can you believe it? There he is now!” she grinned and nodded towards a cluster of bench seats that were situated in the center of the complex. The group had their backs towards us, but when one of the boys turned slightly, his profile came into full view and I recognized Blake immediately.
“I bet you wish you were still going out with him!” Beth continued. “He’s so good looking!”
I ignored her comment and looked away, not wanting to think about Blake or Sara for that matter. But Beth wouldn’t let the topic drop.
“So many girls wanted to go out with him, but he just didn’t seem interested in anyone. And then Sara arrived. That’s when it all changed. Although I’m not surprised! The two best looking people in the grade should be together. It’s the way it usually works, don’t you think?”
I could tell there was a tinge of jealousy in her tone. She was obviously envious of the Sara-Blake situation, and it made me curious to know how many other girls also felt the same way. But then she looked at me and must have realized that considering I was his ex-girlfriend, she should probably change the subject.
“Oh, sorry!’ she mumbled apologetically. “I guess you’d rather talk about something else!”
“That’s okay,” I replied. “It was a long time ago that we were together. It’s pretty much ancient history now.”
And just as those words left my lips, I felt my skin tingle. It was a familiar sensation, one I had experienced before. But it was almost like déjà vu, and something made my head turn. It was a force, one that I could not resist. Then staring at me from a distance away, were the bluest eyes I knew I would ever see. Those eyes, how could I ever forget those eyes?
Then unexpectedly, I felt my stomach flutter and I gulped in recognition.
How could it be possible? After all this time I still had such strong feelings for Blake! I glanced once more in his direction, only to find him staring directly back at me.
That was when my insides went crazy; that weird and wonderful sensation when your stomach feels as though it’s doing somersaults.
Instantly I turned away, a red flush creeping over my face. “Are you okay?” Beth asked worriedly. “You don’t look very well.”
“I…I’m alright,” I stammered, desperately trying to regain control. “Actually on second thoughts, I do feel slightly nauseous. Maybe I’m coming down with something! I think I might call my mom to come and pick me up. I’ll see you tomorrow Beth. Say goodbye to the others for me.”
I looked in the direction of the girls we’d been standing with and noticed that they were now mingling with a group of boys whom I didn’t recognize. Rushing off, I waved goodbye and left Beth to join them.
As I approached the exit I shook my head in dismay. “Julia, what is wrong with you! You’re making a fool of yourself; stop being so ridiculous!”
Trying to regain some composure so my mom wouldn’t give me the third degree on the phone, I called our home number, desperate to escape as quickly as possible. I wanted to go home, to the safety of my room where I could be alone and feel sorry for myself. The situation sucked and I knew I was making it worse. But I had no control. Feeling tears form in the corners of my eyes, I brushed them away and listened impatiently into the phone as I stood there waiting for someone to answer. But it just kept on ringing.
Trying again, I stood anxiously, hoping for someone to pick up. I knew that Mom was expecting me to be given a lift home but that didn’t explain her absence. She hadn’t mentioned that she was planning to go out. Although, in light of her erratic behavior over the past few days, anything was possible.
Irritably, I hung up and called her mobile. Waiting for what seemed like a ridiculously long time, I listened for the sound of the dial tone. Finally it connected, but went straight to message bank.
“That’s just great!” I thought with a frustrated sigh as I considered leaving her a message. Mom was hopeless at answering her mobile, she never checked it. I decided that leaving a message was pointless.
Turning back towards the entrance of the center, I briefly pondered my options. The thought of re-joining the group and being confronted with Blake and Sara really did make me feel sick. So I rejected that idea immediately.
As I stood there, thinking of possible alternatives, I noticed a bus pulling away from the kerb and raced over to check the timetable that was attached to the wall of the bus shelter. I realized the last bus that would go in the direction of my house had already left.
Overcome with frustration, I gritted my teeth and headed off down the road, all the while muttering to myself irritably. “Where on earth are you Mom? Why aren’t you answering your phone?”
I could just imagine her reaction if she knew that I was walking home when I was supposed to be getting a lift. But I didn’t care! It was her fault for not answering when I called. What was the point in having a mobile if you weren’t going to answer it, anyway?
Taking long, angry strides, I made my way along the thoroughfare, heading in the direction of my house; the light of the street lamps casting a dull glow on the concrete pavement in front of me. With a sigh, I reflected on my life at that point. Right
then, I felt at a total loss, my once positive outlook that I had always strived to maintain, had appeared to have fallen completely by the wayside.
I had always believed that with a positive mindset, I could create my own reality, but since moving back to Carindale, my life seemed to be following a fast moving downward spiral. And I felt powerless to reverse it. But I just wanted my old life back! Why did things have to change so drastically? Surely I didn’t deserve this!
As I continued along the street, I heard the faint sound of footsteps behind me, and gradually, the click, click, click became much louder and more distinct. Realizing that someone else was also heading in the same direction, I quickened my pace, hoping to increase the distance between us. Concentrating, I listened intently, all the while trying not to give in to the feeling of panic that was taking a firm hold in the pit of my stomach.
Surely, it was simply a case of my overactive imagination wreaking havoc with my senses. This often happened whenever I was nervous or excited and this particular occasion was no different. With my heart hammering in my chest, I tried to convince myself that I was being a drama queen and that the person behind me would innocently pass by, on their way home from a night out; possibly a late-night shopper who had been at the same complex I had left behind. But when the footsteps sounded only inches away, I became numb with