The touch of his hand against mine burned deep within my skin, eliciting a strong reminder of just how quickly I was letting this guy get to me. One second, I hated him. The next, I was wondering what it would be like to run my fingers through his windblown hair. There was just something about him.
I tried to accept that his hand only held mine for guidance purposes; he’d made that perfectly clear back at the car, as we walked along the tree-lined path. The brush grew thicker and thicker, and Luke insisted that I stay close. Even still, I closed my eyes and let him lead the way, pretending, if only for a few moments, that he was the sense of comfort and security I’d been praying for since I’d lost my parents.
The walk didn’t last long, maybe five minutes at most. As we stepped off the trail, I opened my eyes and took in the beautiful view. The last of the trees lined an open field of wildflowers that stretched across acres of rolling hills.
With his hand still pressed firmly against mine, we finally stopped walking when we reached the top of the first hill.
“Have a seat,” he let go of my hand.
I did as I was told and plopped down on the grass.
As I looked up at him from where I sat, I realized how easily I’d dismissed the true nature of his physical beauty. Handsome didn’t quite cut it.
He was simply… perfect.
He sat down next to me and plucked a tall blade of grass from the ground.
“How do you feel right now?” he shot me a look from the corner of his eye. “Angry?”
I shook my head. It was hard to be angry, and at that point, I could barely remember why I’d been so upset back at the car. I looked out at the field and tried to remember what had started our argument, but nothing came to mind. It was almost as if all the negativity had been replaced by this overwhelming sense of goodness. I just had no idea where it had come from.
“Here’s a valuable lesson for your book, Julie,” he took it upon himself to reach into my bag and retrieve my notebook. “Angry cops make bad cops.” When I continued to stare into his deep, brown eyes, he lifted the pen and clicked it. “Write it down.”
I obeyed his order and scribbled the words angry cops make bad cops.
“Anger is a nasty thing, kid. I don’t care if you’re an officer or a civilian. There are better ways to handle emotions. I’ve seen too many good cops lose their heads, and that’s the first sign of a downward spiral.”
“Does it happen to you?” I asked. “Do you ever find yourself in situations that initiate an angry response?”
He smirked as he watched the blade of grass weave through each of his fingers.
“Not so much,” he said, “I have a decent outlet.”
“Which is?” I asked, ready to write.
“Coming here, sitting down, and taking a breath. Sometimes it’s as easy as realizing that I can’t control everything, or everyone.” His eyes wandered across the hills and then back to me. “I’m sorry about...back at the car.”
I nodded. “Thank you, but I’m the one who should apologize.” I took a deep breath and looked down at the patch of wildflowers smashed beneath my sneakers. “You were right; I am ungrateful. I didn’t want to shadow you. I wanted an easy ride. I thought Charlie would pamper me.” I laughed and shook my head, knowing very well that I shouldn’t have expected any less from my uncle. “I guess he had other plans.”
While it made me feel a bit shallow to admit the truth, I also sensed a wave of relief. It felt good to be so open and honest for a change. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d talked so openly about my feelings to anyone, especially a person I barely knew. It was therapeutic, to say the least.
“I really had no idea he was sending me out with you, or I—”
“What? You would’ve chosen to be miserable shadowing someone else?” Luke asked, watching me closely. “Listen, you may not believe this now, and this isn’t my arrogance talking, but I was the best guy for the job, Julie. The other guys thought your uncle was crazier than I did. Most of them, if not all of them, wouldn’t have given you the time of day.”
“So…what?” I asked him, a little heartbroken that so many people found my presence a burden. “He asked everyone at the station until you finally caved?”
“No,” he said, shortly, “I was the only person he asked.”
“Yeah, I know you think I’m a joke, but thanks for trying, at least.”
I found it was only necessary to give credit where it was due. Maybe Luke had thought I was a liability, but at least he’d given me a chance. Not everyone would’ve done that for me, or for Charlie.
He dropped his head and stared at the ground for a few seconds, seemingly contemplating his next words.
“I hope you realize I never said you were a joke, Julie. I was referring to this whole arrangement when I said that.”
“All the same.”
“No, it’s not,” he balled his hands into fists. His knuckles turned white as he held his grip tighter. “Why are you so damn stubborn? Why do you insist on being the victim?”
“I’m not trying to be the victim,” I said, but I wasn’t the least bit convinced that he believed me. “I’m just used to being the victim, and maybe that’s why I’m always ready when the attacks start flying. I mean, you’ve been doing it since the moment we met. You’ve been attacking me left and right, whether it was with your snide remarks or your better-than-thou attitude.”
Luke cast a momentary glance at me and then brought himself to his feet. “We should go.”
“We just got here.”
“But we’re on duty,” he said as if it had just occurred to him. “The car’s been unattended for too long. We need to get back.” He extended a hand and helped me off the ground and back through the trees to the car; neither of us exchanged another word or glance.
Back at the station, I let myself out of the car and walked toward the building in silence. I seriously considered what I could’ve done or said differently to keep the tone from changing. Back there… back at the field, it seemed as though we were finally breaking through some kind of barrier. Call me crazy, but I thought we’d established an open line of communication. I thought we were making some kind of progress in our… friendship?
Just outside the station door, Luke took my elbow and pulled me back.
“Julie,” he lowered his face inches from mine, “let’s quit pretending that you have any kind of interest in my job, and I’ll agree to get off your case. Deal?”
There was uneasiness in his eyes that left my nerves a little unsettled.
“Am I that transparent?”
He smirked. “You’re not fooling anyone, kid. You couldn’t care less about what I do.”
“That’s not true,” I argued, noticing that his hand was still cupped around my elbow. I pulled away and stared at him intently. “I’ve asked questions. I’ve taken notes. I’ve made a point to get to know you.”
“Exactly,” he said as if I’d just proven his point. “You’ve taken the time to get to know me. Not the job.”
“And that’s a problem?”
“It’s not me you’re doing a report on, Julie. It’s the force—”
“But you’re my mentor.”
“Let’s be honest here. You weren’t asking those questions for any other reason than to appease your curiosity about me, and I wasn’t answering the way you wanted me to because you and I both know that this,” he pointed between the two of us, “This could never happen.”
Wait, what?
“What could never happen?” I wondered what in the world he was talking about. I mean, sure I thought he was cute and all, but had I missed something? “Luke,” I lost my patience. “What could never happen?”
He shined his trademark smile and opened the door to the station, only turning back long enough to take me by the arm and gently pull me closer.
“It’s just a little crush,” he whispered. “You don’t have to pretend you hate me. I notice you. I see you, kid.” He put his arm ar
ound my shoulder and pulled me into his chest, playfully teasing my hair. “It’ll pass. All in good time.”
“Congratulations!” I hugged Matt as we sat next to one another outside the French Bistro. “I bet you’re on cloud nine.”
“Something like that, yeah,” he took a gulp of water and leaned back in his chair. He pushed his fingers through his hair and let go of a sigh. “I don’t know how Dad’ll take it, but he’ll adjust to it in time.”
Sure he’ll adjust… when pigs fly.
Matt had just informed me over dinner that he’d accepted a part-time, after-school position in the same restaurant where he’d served his twenty job-shadowing hours, served and completed in less than a week, might I add. And now there he was, one step closer to the rest of his life, while I sat back trying to make sense of my feelings toward a guy that I’d literally only spent six hours with.
“What’s going on?” Matt gave me his full attention.
I gave him a half-hearted smile and shrugged. “I think I have a problem.”
“Wouldn’t have anything to do with your crush on Trigger, would it?”
I studied him for a moment and contemplated an argument, but Matt knew me better than most, and sometimes better than I knew myself. There would be no point putting up a façade.
“What makes you think I have a crush on Luke?” I approached the situation as neutrally as possible to feel him out for answers. Maybe he’d have some insight into what was going on inside my head, and most importantly, my heart.
“For one, you’re not denying it. And I know you well enough to know that you won’t waste your time in a fight you know you can’t win.”
True.
“And I watched you leave the school lot together yesterday. Just the look in your eyes said it all.”
I scoffed, “Funny, because we argued before, during, and after that ride. Any ‘look’ you saw was a complete misinterpretation.”
“What about your notebook?” he tried a different approach. “Have you taken the time to read over any of your notes?”
“No,” I answered honestly, “I’ve only bothered with my notes during the hours I’m with Luke. I haven’t had time to start compiling an essay. Why? What does that have to do with anything?”
Matt smirked and took another drink, acting as though he knew more than he cared to let on.
“You left your bag on the counter last night when you came in,” he said. “I wanted to see what kind of progress you’d made, and I noticed that your notes were a little… doodled on.”
“Doodled on? I don’t doodle.”
“No joke,” he said. “You’re almost too neat when it comes to that kinda crap. But I could barely read anything through the chicken scratch and hearts.”
“Hearts?”
“Hearts. All over the page. Not to mention the huge one around his name.”
“You’re lying,” I said, cupping my mouth. Had I really doodled hearts all over my notes? I sunk my face into my hands and groaned. “What is going on with me?”
“So you like him,” he said, not seeming the least bit surprised. “Big deal.”
I peeked through my fingers.
“I don’t know,” I said, almost sheepishly. I leaned forward in my chair and watched my cousin closely for a reaction. “It’s crazy, Matt. There’s just something about him that makes my heart beat way too fast. My nerves go into overdrive when I’m with him, but I don’t know if it’s because I like him or because I hate him. Because there are these times, more often than not, actually, when he makes me so angry. I mean, I have literally wanted to smack him a thousand times. But then there’s this tiny part of me, and I mean, really tiny part of me, Mattie, that only wants to smack him just so I feel his skin under my palm. And I’m just so confused. I’ve never met anyone so incredible, yet so infuriating—”
“Julie, that’s enough,” Matt interrupted, looking past me. “Not necessary, I get it.”
“And there’s this look, this deep, genuine look, that he gets in his eyes when he’s being sincere that just makes my knees buckle—”
“Okay, Julie.”
“And his hair,” I said, stroking my own, “oh my God, his hair. What I wouldn’t give to just run my fingers through every last strand—”
“Julie!”
“But that’s what trips me up, Mattie. He’s the most beautiful man on the face of the Earth, but I can’t figure him out. He’s hot, and then he’s cold. There’s no way to make sense of it. He’s just… just so… just….”
“What? Just so what?”
But this time it wasn’t Matt’s voice interrupting me. It was Luke’s.
Luke pulled up a chair from the neighboring table and sat down next to us as if invited. I was seeing him for the first time outside of work, and uniform, and I couldn’t even begin to take the time to appreciate how well casual attire suited him.
I stared at him in utter speechlessness, not knowing what to say next, but knowing nothing I could say would take back what he’d already heard.
“No, no,” he said, when my face flushed red, “please don’t stop on my account. I’m dying to hear the rest. What am I?”
“I’m going to kill you,” I turned back to Matt. Without a moment’s hesitation, I stood up, pulled my purse off the back of the chair, and marched down the sidewalk for home.
“Julie,” Matt called after me, “Julie, come on!” When I didn’t give into his plea, he called out louder. “I tried to stop you!”
I turned back to watch as my cousin chased after me, and I caught Luke from the corner of my eye. He slid down in his seat and arched his brow as if his amusement, at the expense of my humiliation, had finally peaked.
What—a—jerk.
SIX