I want nothing but you – but that cannot be.
Ken
Hampton’s heart ached thinking about what his friend had been going through when he wrote that letter.
He’d been so lucky, he realised. Lucky that Charlotte was gadda and so they could be together. Lucky that Kenyon had been on his side, helping him realise that he couldn’t push Charlotte away because of some misguided wish to keep her from harm.
He had so much. Kenyon had lived, and laughed, with so little.
Damn the time difference, he thought. He needed his love.
He pulled on his power and connected with her. ‘Charlotte?’
‘Hampton. I’m in the back of a taxi. I can’t talk now.’ She hadn’t mastered mental communication without the concentration and emotion showing on her face.
‘When will you be at your place?’
‘In about ten minutes.’
‘Contact me when you’re there. I need to see you.’
‘Why? Hampton, what’s wrong?’ Her voice rang with concern.
‘Nothing major, I just need to see you. I love you. I’ll explain everything when I see you.’
‘I love you too.’
Hampton disconnected and, while waiting for her, picked up the next letter. It was from Kenyon and judging by the envelope, this time Nami had received it. It was dated a month after the last one.
Nami
How frail you looked, my pretty darling. How frail, and how beautiful. I look in your eyes and all I can see is life and I wonder how this can be. Then I hold your small hand in mine and I can feel the tenuous hold you have.
I wish I could stay with you. I wish beyond anything that I could. That you were so grand when I left almost killed me. My heart is destroyed – you needing me so desperately and me unable to be there for you.
But that is the last time I will speak of those things – you wish me to be the shining light of happiness for you and that is what I will do. Fresh flowers for you every day. Music. Beautiful materials to drape over your shoulders. Soft soaps to make your skin glow.
And letters, my love. I will call you every day – you know that all ready. But I will write you, so you can hold my love close to your heart.
You are so brave and so beautiful and you are the greatest blessing of my life.
Ken.
‘Hampton? I’m home.’
He picked up the letters, gathered his power and in a flash had moved from his study in Ireland to her loungeroom in Boston. He flung the letters on the coffee table, then pulled her into his arms, hugging her tight against his chest.
Charlotte wrapped her arms around his waist and they stood, silent and still, giving and receiving much needed comfort.
“What’s upset you so much?” she said.
“I’m finding out the truth of Kenyon’s love life, and it’s tragic,” he said.
Charlotte pulled back and frowned up at him. “What?”
“Alana found some letters. I’m reading them. He was in love with a human when he became a guardian.”
“Oh, no. Poor Kenyon.”
“It get’s worse. She had cancer.”
“Oh, poor darling.”
“I wanted to read the rest of them with you,” Hampton said.
So they sat on the lounge, Charlotte on his lap and curled against his chest, and after briefly telling her the letters so far, Hampton opened the next.
Kenyon-kun
The snow start to fall, dance on the window. Outside all is chill and white – inside is warmth, colour, joy. I trust that you are well. I am better than in some time.
Thank you for the flowers, and the music, and the clothe. I love the gold shawl, needled in green with the six-point star and heart. I have it on my knees, so I can look or lift to my cheek. It hum with your humour and kindness and it make my heart sing.
You need not sorry for the things that keep us apart. The universe has made choices for us. I give thanks we had summer, with no calls but to enjoy each other. It gives me great comfort.
Little have what we did and we be happy for it rather than sad it was too short. We were lucky. Very lucky.
Nami
“Oh, she’s so lovely,” Charlotte whispered.
“She reminds me of you,” Hampton said. His reward was a sweet kiss.
“How like Kenyon to find a way to share his gadda heritage with her,” Charlotte said, settling back against his chest. “That shawl sounds just lovely, the green Star of Gulagh would have looked wonderful on the gold. I wonder where it is?”
“Hopefully she kept it, was buried with it or whatever the Japanese do,” Hampton said. “His love forever with her.”
“Read more,” Charlotte said.
Nami
We are yet to see snow here, although there’s been plenty of wind and rain. People often wonder why Ireland is so green – the answer should be obvious. It’s green because it’s wet.
My work here has been very busy. I wish I could tell you the details of it, but secrecy is paramount. Boy, would you laugh at some of the stories. People can be mind-bogglingly stupid. I wonder at times how they manage to get out of bed in the morning without hurting themselves.
You’re laughing now, aren’t you? You’re picturing all the various ways people could hurt themselves getting out of bed – stubbing their toes, banging their heads. No doubt your ideas are even more outrageous than mine.
You have a beautiful laugh – light and melodic, yet very real. Just thinking of your laugh makes me smile. Hearing it I cannot help but join in. How lucky we are, to be able to laugh so much together.
When I come to see you again next month, I will be sure to make you laugh. Then I will kiss you and you will sigh and all will be right with the world.
Ken
Kenyon-kun
It is snowing. It is pretty. Are you well? I am.
The doctor says you not make me laugh. He says is not good for me. I say I laugh and can not stop me.
I giggle at hurt in morning. I thought stab in eye with glasses? Slip on slippers? Stand on cat and get scratched?
Now I too laugh. I feel better.
I miss you. I look to see you soon.
Nami
Nami
I KNEW you’d find the craic. Slipping on slippers. You missed your calling – you should have been a comedienne.
You sounded so tired last night, my darling. Your voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere far away. I think you shouldn’t write to me any more. Of course I will write to you, but you should save your strength.
So what can I tell you? The snow has come to Sclossin and the village looks like a postcard. Most of the residents have taken to spending their days indoors, and at night they gather either at one of the pubs or in each other’s houses and talk and drink and sing. Ah, Nami – you said you loved my singing and if that is true (and you weren’t just being nice to me) then you would adore winter nights in Sclossin, where the people gather and tell tales and some of the world’s most beautiful voices are raised in song. I dare not sing in these gatherings, for compared to them I sound like a sheep in agony.
Beauty is such a wonderful thing, and so often we pass it by without noticing. Now, I notice every time. You taught me that.
Just a few weeks until I see you again, most beloved girl.
Ken
“They sound so much in love,” Charlotte said. “So simpatico.”
“What does that mean?” While Hampton had a reasonable grasp of human terminology thanks to his aborted career as a star musician, some words meant nothing to him.
“In unison. Matching. In symphony.”
“Like we are.”
Charlotte shook her head. “I love you, my darling, but we are more a meeting of opposites.”
“No,” Hampton said. “Sure, there’s extraneous stuff that is different –“
“Like you being the most powerful gadda alive and me hating power?”
“Like that.” Hampton grinned at he
r dry tone. She was exaggerating, but only a little. Charlotte’s new life in Sclossin was going to be a matter of many adjustments. “But heart and soul, we see things the same.”
“That’s true.” Charlotte snuggled against him. “Keep reading. I want to know if Kenyon got to see her again.”
Kenyon-kun
The steam of the volcano rises above the icy wilderness and the ground rumbles beneath our feet. Nature is restless, her heat condensed by winter. I trust this letter finds you well.
The script will tell you I am dictating this letter. My nurse writes. I shall not stop writing, not stop talking to you – not while I am still of this earth.
Ah, now new writing. My nurse not write what I said. Mako now write. He write everything.
Here what I say – I feel my time is close. For so long, I want to fight but now, fight is over. Peace comes with saying that to myself, saying it to others.
I am dying. I will die – soon.
There is much regret – the years with you taken from me. The dreams never come true. I want children – did I tell you? Smile, happy children. Since met you, blue eyed and red haired. Pretty children. The world sadder place for not having them.
My koibito, you own my heart. My real heart, not one failing. So I have true happiness and go knowing I never truly die, for I always with you.
I try hold on you get here – I see your smile once more. It is the only thing I fight for. Then I have peace.
Nami
Charlotte shivered and then huddled closer to him. “I love you,” she said. “I want us to have a very, very long life together.”
Hampton kissed the top of her head. As a guardian, one who had to risk their life for the gadda if necessary, it wasn’t something he could guarantee. “I’ll do my best,” he murmured.
Charlotte softly began to cry. Knowing there was little he could do to comfort her – the reality was what it was – he reached for the next letter. Again without an envelope – another unsent one. Hampton’s hand trembled as he unfolded it and began to read it aloud.
Nami
Mako called me last night and told me that you’d finally lost your brave fight. I can barely see these words through my tears. Yet another letter that you will never see.
I remember when I first met you – I’d just come off my board and bashed myself up quite badly on the coral. I’d got the beach and healed myself and I sitting on the sand, cursing my clumsiness when you appeared through the dunes, running toward me. You’d seen my accident and were coming to save me like a dark angel, wrapped in pink. I had to open the wounds again, so you could tend me and not know my secret.
For a moment, I’d hated that I had to do that – a human had forced that action on me. Then you dropped to your knees in front of me, smiled at me and I knew that I’d do whatever it took – cut myself any way necessary – to see you smile.
Now you’ll never smile again, and thinking about that makes me want to hit something. Worst of all is that I can’t share my pain. Any moment now, I could be summoned to help someone and I’ll have to go and deal with that and none of them can know that the love of my life has just died.
Because you are human, and I am gadda and our love should never have been. But it was, and Nami it was the most magnificent thing I shall ever know.
Mako said the staff found the letters I’d written to you and he will give them to me when I come to the funeral. Star, I can’t believe that I have to face another goodbye to another wonderful woman.
I know you think that we must just bear what the universe gives us but right now – I’m mad. I’m mad as hell. I want to tear the entire world apart with my bare hands.
And to a certain extent, I could. I’m the Garramir. There’s only two people on this planet more powerful than I. I could do some damage before they stopped me.
But I won’t, because I know that would sadden you and I’d never do anything I knew would make you sad. I only want to make you smile, make you laugh, now and forever.
I miss you so much.
You said I had your heart – well unfortunately you took mine with you. A shame, because right now I think I need them both to keep going. I just have to trust that your love will see me through, because I feel like nothing can.
I must go. I would write to you, talk to you, for hours but as always, the universe had other plans. But I hope – I pray – that one day, we will be together again.
Love you, always.
Ken.
Hampton put the letter down and held Charlotte until she was all cried out. Then he picked her up, carried her into her bedroom and made love to her, as Kenyon had never got to do with Nami again.
As they lay on the bed, Hampton stroked the curve of Charlotte’s back and wondered what to do with the letters.
“You’re thinking about what to do, aren’t you?” Charlotte said.
Hampton laughed, and thrilled at the pride he felt flooding through her. Connecting with Charlotte’s power, feeling her love for him was the best part of sex to his mind.
Kenyon and Nami had never known it – humans didn’t have power, so the connection was never felt. He wondered if they had ever made love at all – the flood of power that escaped during arousal and orgasm would have to be contained.
“I’ve an idea,” Charlotte said. “Nami obviously believed in the power of the other, with her offerings for Kenyon’s mother. We could offer their letters, and their love to the God and Goddess. Create a simple ceremony to contain both it and the gadda way.”
“What a wonderful idea,” Hampton said.
So he dressed in his usual black trousers and shirt and watched Charlotte walk outside, naked. Being skyclad helped, she claimed. He wasn’t ready to bare himself to the elements, but he wasn’t going to complain if she wanted to.
He could watch the moonlight on her skin, the sway of her hips, the pull of the muscles under her skin, forever.
He drew a shining star of gulagh around Charlotte’s in ground firepit, the cauldron forming the centre of the heart in the middle. Then Charlotte lit the fire, chanting blessings as she did so. Hampton stood back, watching her. Charlotte’s belief in the tenets of wicca was yet another of those extraneous differences that didn’t matter when their hearts met so perfectly.
“Mother Earth, Father Sky, we ask your blessings on the love of Kenyon and Nami,” Charlotte said. “Their spirits are surely now combined and they deserve to finally find peace in their journey.”
She put her hand out and Hampton handed over the letters. “Take this proof of their love, a love destined to survive even death, and use it to bind them together for all eternity.”
She put the letters in the fire and after a moment of stillness they caught and the flames jumped high, sending ashes scattering across the grass.
Hampton walked up behind Charlotte and put his arms around her waist.
“I will love you for all eternity,” he whispered in her ear.
Charlotte turned and they kissed as Kenyon and Nami’s letters were forever joined as one.
Just The Letters
Kenyon-kun
The sun dance on the waves and the sea crashes. All the smell is crisp and salty. How are you? I am well, I miss you.
I know I am not proper girl to say so, but is true. I look to the waves and I am sad not to see you. When person is funny, I wait to hear your laughter and when it not come, my heart ache.
I do not wish you to feel bad – I know is right and proper that you be with mother at this time. I do not feel you should be with me instead. But in putting these marks on paper I must speak the truth.
I trust your mother rest well, glad for her son. I left offering at the temple and prayed that she would recover, or if this her time that suffering be short.
I wish I could help you, but I know my love will give you all you need.
Nami
Nami
Cheeky girl – don’t tease me about the waves! We’re so far from the sea here, and Ma
is in such a bad way that I’ve all but forgotten the wind on my face, the scratch of the salt on my tongue. I want the craic so badly.
How I love that you suggested we write to each other, as well as call. Letter writing seems to be dying out here in the West, yet how can it be anything but good to hold to your heart the thoughts and words of your beloved?
I am glad you spoke honestly. I miss you too. I walk around my home, venture into the village and it’s like I’m seeing it for the first time because I wonder what you would think. You’d love Sclossin – it’s such a pretty town, with every garden and every house a work of art.
Keep writing. Keep me hungry to return to Japan, and you. Your love is the only brightness in this time.
Ken.
Kenyon-kun
The clouds close over and a chill wind blow through house, showing end of season. Is it change in Ireland? I hope you and mother keep well. I feel the cold, but have good blanket.
In the month you been away, I tidy garden for winter. I paint some silk and I start new obi. I wish to look beautiful for you when you return. I chose the colour green, for your home-land. I very much hope to see it one day.