‘So no pregnant patients in their twenties?’ Emmy prompted.
Dr. Kim untied Emmy’s robe and began to examine her left breast in a firm, circular motion. She stared at the wall as she did this, clearly concentrating. After finishing both sides, she pulled the robe closed again and placed a hand on Emmy’s arm.
‘Only a few,’ she said, looking at Emmy with concern.
‘A few! Last time you said “practically none.”’
‘Only the very young wives of a few Mormon doctors from Utah doing their rotations at Mt. Sinai.’
Emmy breathed a sigh of relief.
‘Are you still happy with your pill?’ Dr. Kim asked, making notations on Emmy’s chart.
‘It’s fine.’ Emmy shrugged and sat up on the table, removing her feet from the sock-covered stirrups. ‘Certainly does work like a charm.’
Dr. Kim laughed. ‘That is the point, isn’t it? I’ll leave you a new script for another six months’ worth at the front desk, okay? We’ll mail your test results within a week, but I don’t foresee any problems at all. Everything looks perfectly healthy.’ She handed Emmy’s chart to the nurse and, after making sure Emmy was covered, opened the door. ‘See you in six months. And sweetheart? Please relax. As your doctor, I’m telling you that there’s absolutely nothing whatsoever to worry about.’
Easy for you to say, with your three kids, Emmy thought as she smiled politely and nodded. You, and Izzie, and all those other gynecologists with gaggles of children or sporting gigantic baby bumps themselves, telling me not to worry. Izzie was due any moment now – she was already three days past her due date, in fact – but to her misery she hadn’t felt a single contraction, nor dilated a fraction of a centimeter. Emmy had grudgingly agreed to wait until Izzie checked herself into the hospital to jump on a flight to Florida (Izzie insisted that first babies could be a week or even two weeks late, and it was stupid to rush down there until they were sure), but she couldn’t stop thinking of her new nephew’s impending arrival.
After dressing, Emmy jumped on the 4 train to Union Square. She figured on a brisk walk directly home to shower – something she always felt compelled to do after the K-Y-heavy exams – but as she exited the subway at Fourteenth and Broadway she found herself heading directly toward Leigh and Adriana’s building. With Leigh’s breakup only a week old and Adriana’s newfound commitment to work, she figured at least one of them had to be home, sulking or writing or both, but the doorman shook his head.
‘They did leave together, though,’ he said, checking his watch. ‘Probably an hour or so ago.’
Emmy texted them both the same message: WTF?? In your lobby. Where are you? and received nearly simultaneous responses. Leigh’s read Shopping w/Adi for your 30th! Talk later; Adriana’s was a bit more concise: If you want a bday present, go home. Emmy sighed, thanked the girls’ doorman, and began the slushy, freezing trudge to Perry Street. It was a cold, wet Friday evening in February, and Emmy was desperate for a shower, but she managed to avoid going home to her empty apartment for nearly two hours, as she found a reason to stop at nearly every block along Thirteenth: a hot coffee from Grey Dog on University; a long, adoring gaze at the puppies playing in the window at Wet Nose; an impromptu manicure and paraffin pedicure at Silk Day Spa, where they were kind enough to take her without an appointment. No point in racing home only to sit by herself as the clock struck twelve and she kissed her twenties good-bye. She’d flat-out rejected the girls’ offer of a fun night out – shot down suggestions for everything from an elegant dinner at Babbo (even though she was dying to try their mint pasta with the spicy lamb sausage) to a regressive night at Culture Club. It was only after weeks of pushing and prodding that Emmy finally agreed to show up the next afternoon for some sort of surprise birthday activity. Adriana and Leigh promised only that it wouldn’t involve men of any kind, so she had grudgingly agreed. She planned to fill the hours between now and then with a bottle of wine and some quality self-pity. Perhaps, if she was feeling really motivated, she’d MaxDelivery herself some cupcakes.
By the time she reached her building and trudged up the five flights of stairs, she was drenched from head to toe: her hair from the freezing rain, her feet from the filthy slush, and her ladyparts from the overzealous application of medical-grade lube. There had been no birthday cards in her mailbox, and not a single package in the hallway outside her door. Nothing. She reminded herself that it was still only the day before, that if all else failed she could certainly rely on something from her mom and Izzie. She stripped just inside the doorway, tossing her wet clothes in a pile by the closet, and made a beeline for the bathroom. It was just as the hot water was fully soaking her hair that she heard her cell phone ring. Her home phone rang next, and then the cell again. She couldn’t help but hope it was Rafi, that he’d tracked down her number somehow and was calling to apologize for being such an ass. Granted, it was unlikely that he’d found both her cell and home numbers, but who knew? He seemed resourceful enough, and besides, he was likely the only one of her recent men – affairs – who might even bother to find her. George had definitely moved on to his next undergraduate already, and there was no reason to believe Croc Dundee would ever be heard from again.
After towel-drying her hair and maneuvering her body next to the toilet so she could open the door, Emmy crossed the small studio and, kneeling down, naked, pulled a shopping bag out from under her bed. She carefully untied the grosgrain ribbon that secured the handles and gingerly removed the tissue-wrapped bundle from inside. Then, losing all patience, she tore the monogrammed foil sticker in half, bunched the tissue paper into a pile, and plunged her hands into the plushness of the single most expensive item she had ever owned. To call it a robe was a disservice to the luxurious softness of the four-ply cashmere, to its rich chocolate color and its elegantly simple monogrammed E. Robes were for covering up flannel pajamas or maintaining a modicum of decency between the locker room and the pool. But this? This was meant to drape sexily over every curve (or, in Emmy’s case, to expertly accentuate what few curves there were), to feel as light as silk but as warm as down. It grazed the floor breezily as she walked, and the cinch-tie at the waist made her feel like a model. She was instantly flooded with relief. It had not been a mistake. She’d seen it a couple of weeks earlier in the window of SoHo’s most expensive lingerie salon, a place where it was impossible to buy three inches of fabric for less than a few hundred dollars. Every bra, every panty, every pair of stockings in the store was more expensive than any dress she owned, which made the robe … well … a bigger chunk of her monthly rent than she cared to remember. How had she worked up the nerve even to enter the store? It remained a blur. All she knew was how good she looked wearing that robe in the plush salon dressing room with the heavy brocade curtains, her lips pursed and her right hip jutted out, standing sexily in the provided pair of stilettos. One look in the mirror tonight confirmed that nothing had changed in the weeks the robe had waited, virginal and wrapped, until her big birthday. Still in front of the mirror, Emmy combed her wet hair back into a chic chignon and bit her lips to make them swell. She slicked on a new sheer berry lip gloss from her makeup drawer and patted a bit onto her cheeks. Not bad, she thought with surprised pleasure. Not bad for thirty at all. Then, suddenly bored with the spontaneous makeover and ravenously hungry, she slid into a pair of snuggly sheepskin booties, retied the cashmere dream around her middle, and headed to the kitchen to make some soup.
The landline jangled again just as she plugged in her hot plate.
Private caller. Hmm.
‘Hello?’ she said, propping the phone between her ear and shoulder while she wrenched open a can of chicken noodle soup.
‘Em? It’s me.’
No matter how many months went by, it felt like Duncan would always say ‘It’s me,’ and Emmy would always know exactly who was speaking. A million thoughts flashed through her mind. He was calling to wish her a happy birthday … which meant he remembered her birthday …
which meant he was thinking about her … which possibly meant he wasn’t thinking about the cheerleader … unless, oh god, he was calling to give her news … news that had everything to do with the cheerleader … news that she was not prepared to hear, not tonight, not ever.
Reflexively she almost hung up, but something forced her to keep the phone to her ear. If she didn’t say something soon she was going to ask him straight-out if he was engaged, so as a purely defensive maneuver she said the first thing that came to her mind.
‘When did you make your number private?’
He laughed. His amused-but-not-totally-enamored Duncan laugh. ‘We don’t talk for months on end and that’s all you have to say?’
‘Were you hoping for something else?’
‘No, I guess not. Listen, I know you just got home and everything, but I was hoping I could come up?’
‘Come up? To my apartment? You’re here?’
‘Yeah, I’ve, uh, been here awhile. At the copy shop across the street, waiting for you to get home. They’re getting a little weirded out by me, I think, so it would be great if I could come in for a minute.’
‘So you’ve been just sitting there watching my apartment?’ How odd to find something so creepy and so flattering at the same time.
Duncan laughed again. ‘Yeah, well, I called a few times before, right when you walked in, but you didn’t pick up. I promise I won’t stay long. I just want to talk to you face-to-face.’
So he was engaged. That asshole! Probably thought he was doing something noble by coming all the way over here to tell her in person. And on the day before her birthday, which she was willing to bet any amount he had completely forgotten. He could take his face-to-face talk and shove it, as far as she was concerned, and without a moment’s hesitation, Emmy told him as much.
‘Emmy, wait, don’t hang up. It’s not like that. I just –’
‘I’m pretty fucking sick of hearing what you want and don’t want, Duncan. In fact, my life has been about a thousand times better without you in it, so why don’t you run home now to your little pom-pom girlfriend and make her miserable. Because I’ll tell you what: I’m not interested.’
She slammed down the phone and felt a wave of tremendous satisfaction, which was instantly followed by a tremendous wave of panic. What had she just done?
Barely sixty seconds passed before she heard a knock at the door.
‘Emmy? I obviously know you’re there. Can you please open up? Just for one minute, I promise.’
She knew she should be supremely pissed off that he’d used the key he’d never bothered to return, but part of her was downright curious: What could possibly be so important that Duncan – Mr. Indifference Personified – would resort to full-fledged stalking? She was also partly relieved; the Duncan she knew would never, ever make such an effort simply to announce his own engagement.
Not even bothering to kick off her furry slippers, Emmy opened the door and leaned against it. ‘What?’ she asked without a smile. ‘What’s so important?’
Winded from the five-flight climb, but significantly less than he used to be – the three or four times in five years he’d bothered to come to her place, that is – he looked pretty damn good, and she suspected the positive changes (thinner face, no deathly pallor, great haircut that hid the small bald spot) were the results of the cheerleader’s hard work, not his own.
‘Can I come in?’ he asked with one of his specialty smiles, a grin that fell somewhere between flirtatious and bored.
Emmy backed against the door and waved her hand toward the apartment, making sure he saw her own supremely indifferent expression.
It took a couple of seconds to close the door and secure the lock, and when Emmy turned around again to face Duncan, he was staring at her with unabashed appreciation. Bordering on worship, were she to be honest with herself. And for possibly the very first time in Duncan’s presence, she didn’t feel the least bit self-conscious about her appearance.
‘Jesus, Em, you look great,’ he said with more sincerity than she thought him capable of.
Emmy looked down at her robe, remembered the mini-makeover she’d performed after getting out of the shower, and secretly thanked the universe that he hadn’t seen her a mere thirty minutes earlier.
‘Thanks.’
His eyes continued to move up and down her body, lingering appreciatively every few inches. ‘No, I mean like really, really great. The best you’ve ever looked. Whatever you’re doing, it’s definitely working for you,’ he said without a hint of irony.
Oh, you mean screwing my brains out with virtually every attractive stranger I meet? Buying sexy lingerie? Refusing to hate my body just because you did? Yes, shockingly, things are going well.
‘Thanks, Duncan’ was all she said.
He looked around the apartment. ‘Where’s Otis?’ he asked, his eyes fixed on the empty cage. ‘Did he finally …’
‘Ha! I wish. Although I guess it’s the next best thing.’
Duncan stared at her questioningly.
‘Adriana watched him during my last work trip – very grudgingly, I have to say – and she bitched about it for days. Then, out of nowhere, I get home, call her to say I’m on my way to pick him up, thank you so much for watching him, blah, blah, blah – literally, I’ve bought her a bottle of hundred-dollar wine as a thank-you and an apology – and she says he can stay for a while.’
‘Stay with her?’
‘Yes! Can you imagine? She said they’ve bonded. That I was underappreciating Otis and that she’s given him a new lease on life.’
‘To which you replied?’
‘Like you even have to ask? I said she’s absolutely right; I have underappreciated him, and it’s true he and I have most definitely never bonded. That if she’d like him to stay for “a while,” I could probably find it in my heart to allow it. That was eight weeks ago. I spoke to her this morning and the two of them were on their way to the “birdie spa” – her words, not mine. I’m just holding my breath and praying it’s not all a dream.’
Duncan took off his overcoat and tossed it on a chair. He was still wearing a suit; he had come straight from work. He was carrying a plain brown shopping bag and Emmy couldn’t help but wonder if this was a birthday present for her.
‘Here, I got you something,’ he said when he saw her looking at it.
‘You did?’ Her voice sounded more hopeful than she would have liked. The bag was bulky when he handed it to her, heavy, and her first thought was that it must be some sort of photography book. Perhaps one of those photographic guides to great hotels, or a tour of one of the Caribbean islands they used to visit during Duncan’s rare vacations.
Emmy eagerly pulled open the bag and was momentarily shocked to discover nothing more than a single ream of printer paper.
Duncan noticed Emmy’s surprised expression and shrugged. ‘I sat in that damn shop for over an hour. I had to buy something.’
‘Uh-huh.’ So he hadn’t remembered her birthday, or picked out his own gift for the very first time. This shouldn’t have been surprising or disappointing, but for some reason, it was both.
‘So, you’re probably, uh, wondering why I’m here …’ He let his voice trail off, but Emmy didn’t say a word. ‘I know that whole situation with Brianna wasn’t easy for either of us, but that’s, uh, over now, and I was hoping we could, uh, try to work through that.’
Well. There it was. Emmy was so surprised she had to grab the counter for support. Her mind barely knew where to begin. He had just dropped three completely independent yet equally shocking bombs in a single sentence. First, there was that bit about calling the dramatic ending of their five-year relationship due to his own infidelity with a fitness trainer Emmy had bought him a ‘situation’ – not to mention that disgusting little addition about it not being easy for him, either. Then there was the casual pronouncement that said ‘situation’ was over, a detail he must have assumed Emmy knew, because how could she not be following th
e minutiae of his life? And last, the biggest one of all: Duncan was sitting in her apartment on a cold Friday night when he’d otherwise be out with his friends, nervously suggesting that they could ‘work through this.’ Emmy knew she was prone to exaggeration and flights of fancy – and of course further confirmation was needed – but this sounded to her like he was asking to get back together.
She had a million, trillion questions for him (Why did they break up? Whose idea was it? And, most important of all, why did he want to get back together with her?), but she refused to give him the satisfaction. Instead, she leaned back against the counter, crossed her arms, and peered at Duncan.
‘Well, aren’t you going to say anything?’ he asked before jamming his pointer finger in his mouth and gnawing on a cuticle. Number eight hundred eighteen of the things I don’t miss, Emmy thought.
‘I’m not feeling so chatty tonight,’ Emmy said evenly, gazing at him.
He sighed as if to suggest this was all very difficult. ‘Em, look, I’m an idiot, okay? I know I fucked up, and I want to make it right. The whole Brianna thing – it was a glitch, a bump in the road, a totally meaningless thing that should’ve never happened in the first place. You and me, we’re meant to be together. We both know it. So what do you say? I’m standing before you, hat in hand’ – at this, he mimed pulling off a cap and holding it toward her –’begging you to come back to me.’
He walked to her, wrapped his arms around her shoulders, and kissed her ever so softly on the lips. Emmy let herself be kissed, let him press his mouth to hers, and reveled in the familiarity and comfort of it. Duncan pulled away, and while gently brushing the hair back off her face, looked into her eyes and asked, ‘So? What do you say?’
Whether she’d admitted it or not, she’d waited ten months for this very moment, and here it was, and it felt every bit as incredible as she had envisioned. Emmy returned his gaze with her sweetest possible smile. ‘What do I say?’ she asked coyly, flirtatiously. ‘I say I’m going to give myself the best thirtieth birthday present on earth and tell you – right here, right now, and for the last time ever – to get the fuck out of my apartment. That’s what I say.’