Justin touched my shoulder, and I recoiled and stood. I felt like I was trapped. The fear and anger was stifling. I had to get out of the club. Running was all I could think about. I didn’t want to see Aubrey. I didn’t want to look at him. I couldn’t look at him, not without completely losing control.
“Rayne, I am sure…” Justin started, but I didn’t stay to listen. I turned and ran down the hall, back the way I had come. I ran through the club, and out into the alley.
I screamed in anger and punched the dumpster next to me. I put a sizable dent in it, but it didn’t ease any of the pain. The hunger came back full force. I’d just fed and it felt like I hadn’t eaten in days. I wanted to feed, had to feed.
“Lillian,” Nick said as he came out of the club. He was sliding his coat on, and had a fresh wound on his neck from Victoria.
“Get away from me,” I growled. I knew that if I fed on him I would kill him. Victoria had already fed, and he would be weak to begin with. He wouldn’t be able to handle my bloodlust.
“Damn, Lily, I thought we were friends,” he said, confused.
“We are, and as your friend, I am telling you to stay away from me,” I said angrily.
He looked like he didn’t understand, but he stayed where he was. The door to the club opened again, and Aubrey walked out. Justin followed. He’d obviously alerted Aubrey to my presence. Aubrey looked me over, and there was a sudden fear in his eyes. “Nick, get behind me,” he growled stepping in front of Nick. He obviously thought I was going to lose it, but he had to know there was no way I would kill Nick.
I watched him. My hands were balled into fists. I was wound so tight with anger, sadness, and hunger, it was almost unbearable. I didn’t speak. I wanted to run, but I was frozen. My eyes were locked with Aubrey’s. I was stuck between loving and hating him.
“Lillian, you need to calm down,” Aubrey said softly. He spoke to me like I was a rabid animal, and it only infuriated me more. “You are losing control; I can see it. Where is Cornelius?”
I began to wonder the same thing. Where was he? If there was ever a time I needed him, it was then. He always seemed to be there when I didn’t need him. Now I was sure I would kill if I was given the chance. My need for Cornelius’s guidance was more overwhelming than ever.
“I am here, love,” Cornelius whispered in my ear. His lips brushed my ear, and I knew he was real, not just in my head. I closed my eyes and sagged in relief as his arms wrapped around me, cradling me. “How could you betray her like that, brother?” Cornelius growled, directing his attention to Aubrey.
“It is obvious I am not the only betrayer here,” Aubrey countered.
“She has done nothing but cling to her love for you. She has done it to the point that it has become exhausting, and this is how you reward her?” Cornelius said angrily.
Aubrey didn’t speak. His eyes met mine, and I turned away. I buried my face in Cornelius’s chest. “Take me away from here,” I begged Cornelius as I desperately clung to him.
“Lillian, I…” Aubrey started, but Cornelius cut him off.
“You made your choice, and so has she,” Cornelius growled. There was a sudden rush. I felt safe now. Heartbroken, but safe.
***
Cornelius laid me on my bed and brushed the hair out of my face. I looked away. I felt that if I looked at him too long, I would start crying. He reminded me of Aubrey. Everything reminded me of Aubrey. I felt like part of me had died.
“Vampires live a very long time. Infidelity is common among us because of the length of time we live. Monogamy is not a common practice for us. My brother is one of those who easily gets distracted. I am sure if you just…”
I cut him off. “I want nothing to do with him. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I don’t want to feel like this.”
“You have to understand, your emotions are a rollercoaster right now. Everything is amplified because of the change. It will pass with time,” he said softly.
I hoped he was right, but I didn’t think a pain like this would pass so easily. I’d loved Aubrey when I was a hunter. Now, the thought of the word “love” left a bitter taste in my mouth. I wondered if he had ever been faithful to me, or if it was all just a lie. I also wondered if Cornelius had something to do with it all. Maybe that was why he was suddenly fine with me running to Aubrey. “Did you know he was with someone else? Is that why you let me go?” I asked, sitting up. The thought infuriated me. I needed someone to blame; it might as well be him.
He looked both offended and amused. “Darling, I would never do that to you. However, if you need a punching bag for your emotions, I will be glad to take the hits.”
I looked away, a little let down. I had been looking forward to having someone to blame, someone other than myself. I was being a stupid, naïve girl, the kind of girl I hated. “I didn’t kill anyone,” I said absently.
“Is that a good thing?” he asked, taking a seat on the bed next to me.
“I wanted to. I really wanted to. I was so angry I was sure I could kill anyone, but I didn’t,” I said, turning toward him.
“That’s good; you are learning control,” he said, smiling.
“Or you are helping me more than you claim,” I said haughtily. I had been thinking about it. I did feel him at odd times when I started to get overwhelmed. It was a little confusing, considering he was all for killing humans. I didn’t understand why he would stop me.
He looked down at his shirt and picked at an invisible piece of lint. “I may on occasion attempt to calm your emotions, or keep you from ripping your friend’s throats out.” His eyes met mine, and I knew that it was more than just “on occasion.” It was the only way I functioned. Without him, I would be like every young vampire. I would kill constantly until I learned, or had so much regret that I stopped.
I moved closer to him and laid my head against his shoulder. “Thank you for that. I don’t know what I would do if I hurt someone.”
He rested his hand on my thigh. I felt my stomach clench from the feeling of pleasure he gave me when he touched me. It was an amazing feeling, when I thought about it. Aubrey didn’t give me the same feeling. “You would learn not to care, like the rest of us,” he said, standing suddenly. He moved away from me, like I’d done something wrong.
“Did I do something?” I asked, confused.
He laughed nervously. “No, you are just very vulnerable right now, and I should take my leave.”
I knew he was right, so I didn’t argue. I was clinging to him because it felt like everything else was falling apart. I was surprised he was being a gentleman about it, but I didn’t want to make the same mistake with him that I did with Aubrey.
“Get some rest. I will see you this evening,” he said softly.
I nodded, and he left me alone. I didn’t feel completely alone, like I had before. I felt like he was still there, just not in the room. I lay back and attempted to relax. I knew it was going to be nearly impossible, but I was going to try.
Chapter 25
I opened my eyes and found myself lying in the same bed as my last dream. I smiled slightly. I knew this was Cornelius’s doing. I sat up, and was surprised to see I was clothed. Well, I was in a shear nighty and a pair of panties, anyway.
“I thought you would rather be dressed,” Cornelius said, amused. He was sitting in a chair near the bed. He was only wearing a pair of silk pajama pants, and was holding a drink, as he always seemed to.
“You call this dressed?” I teased as I climbed out of the bed and walked toward him.
He smiled as his eyes traveled the length of my body. “You are as dressed as I can stand.”
I climbed into his lap and lay against his chest. I closed my eyes. “I like this dream,” I murmured.
He laughed. “I have to say, I do, too. Heaven knows you wouldn’t crawl into my lap if it were real.”
I sighed. “I don’t ever want to feel that way again,” I said sadly.
“Betrayal is one of
the worst feelings. Unfortunately, it is also one of the most common feelings,” he said dryly.
“Why did you kill my parents?” I asked, changing the subject.
I felt him stiffen at the sudden topic change. “I am sure you understand the vampire – hunter rivalry by now.”
“It doesn’t seem like you would be so irrational. You seem so put together and calm,” I said, confused.
“I wasn’t always that way.” He stood suddenly. “You need rest,” He carried me to the bed and laid me down.
I looked up at him. He was avoiding giving me details, and it bothered me. I wanted to question him more, but he saw it in my expression. He pressed his finger to my lips. “Sleep,” he ordered, and everything drifted to black.
***
I woke up slowly as the hunger began. I was a little less appalled by the prospect of feeding. In fact, I was actually looking forward to it. I could hear the party going on, like it always did, and was surprised Cornelius hadn’t come for me yet. It was well after dark.
I showered and dressed. Cornelius had some clothes brought to me. I now had a selection of dresses, instead of just one. I smiled when I came across the scant nighty from the dream, then scowled, suddenly remembering his avoidance of my question.
I slipped out into the hall and hurried downstairs into the main room. I immediately spotted Cornelius sitting in his throne-like chair. Several humans sat at his feet. I made my way through the room. A surprised grin crossed his face when I crawled into his lap, and nestled against his chest. I felt safe with him, as strange as it sounded. I felt devotion and a sense of belonging when it came to Cornelius. It was a feeling I’d never even experienced for my own people. I never felt like I belonged with the hunters, but I belonged here.
“You are in a mood,” he said amused.
“I guess I am,” I said softly, as I ran my hand over his chest. I wanted to question him about my parents, but I had an odd feeling he wouldn’t give me the answers I wanted.
The door slammed open, catching everyone’s attention. Aubrey stormed in, followed by Colin, Luca, Justin, and a woman I didn’t recognize. Aubrey’s expression darkened when he saw me curled in Cornelius’s arms.
“Lillian, we found a witch that can break the binding spell he has on you. You can be free of him,” Aubrey said, watching me.
I felt Cornelius stiffen, but he didn’t argue. I stayed where I was. The idea of being away from Cornelius wasn’t appealing. He was my control, as fucked up as it sounded. He was at my side despite my initial hate for him. He stayed no matter how up or down I was, he was a constant in my life. I couldn’t imagine him not being part of me, keeping me from making mistakes. “I don’t want to be free,” I said softly.
Aubrey, Luca, and Colin looked horrified. Justin looked slightly amused. “How could you say that? After all he has done to you and your people?” Aubrey asked, confused and hurt.
I shrugged absently. “I understand it now. I didn’t understand then.”
“He is controlling everything you say and do,” Colin said angrily, stepping forward.
Luca caught his arm, and Colin glared at him. Luca shook his head. “I know Lily, and I know that is her talking, not him.”
“I am not controlling her as much as you seem to think. In fact, the only thing I have done to control her was to keep her from making mistakes,” Cornelius growled, offended.
“Lillian, he is making everything seem like it makes sense, but it doesn’t. He kills hunters and humans without blinking an eye. He would kill Luca, too, if it suited his need,” Aubrey argued.
“I was just like him. I killed vampires, never caring who they were. I did it because it was a role I was handed. I even tried to kill you the first night we met. I am no different than him,” I said firmly.
Aubrey looked stunned. “So that’s it? You have given in to him. You are going to accept your role as a vampire, and what kill whenever you want?”
“I haven’t killed anyone, and the only reason I haven’t is because Cornelius won’t let me,” I said softly.
“Think about what you are saying, Lillian. He has you where he wants to. All he has to do is flip a switch, and you will lose control. You are afraid of killing, and he is using that to his advantage. He can manipulate you if you get out of line,” Colin argued. His anger was getting the best of him. I could see it.
I looked at Cornelius. I couldn’t read his expression, but I felt an overwhelming sense of trust. “He’s the only one that hasn’t lied to me,” I said, as I looked back at them.
“It is obvious she does not want my help. It’s not my style to force it, and she is not in his trance. I will be taking my leave,” the woman who was obviously the witch said, before she turned and walked out.
I turned my attention back to Aubrey. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he shook his head. “I will leave, then, if you are truly happy here.”
I scoffed. “I never said I was happy. I said I was in control. There is no making me happy, and I fear without Cornelius’s control I will destroy everything I ever loved.”
“Maybe she’s right. Normally a vampire’s maker is the best thing until they are older,” Luca said, watching Aubrey.
“You are asking me to surrender the woman I love to my brother,” Aubrey growled.
Justin scoffed. “You really loved her last night.”
Aubrey turned on him. Justin stood his ground, ready to fight if necessary. Cornelius stood suddenly. He set me in his chair and walked toward them. “Tearing each other apart will solve nothing. Brother, your love changes like the seasons. I have no doubt you care for her, but love is a strong word for you.”
“Don’t you tell me what love is!” Aubrey growled angrily. “You have no clue. The last woman who had your affection you let the hunters murder!”
Cornelius suddenly lunged at Aubrey, sending him he crashing into a table across the room. “Don’t you ever speak of her again!” Cornelius yelled, then stormed out.
I was momentarily stunned by the exchange. I got up and went after Cornelius. Aubrey blocked me. “Please, Lily, come with me. He is blinding you,” Aubrey begged.
“So you weren’t with another woman last night?” I asked angrily.
He hesitated, and I knew the answer. I went to push past him and he grasped my wrist. “It was a mistake. It will never happen again. Cornelius will not be faithful to you.”
I scoffed. “You are mistaken. Cornelius and I are not lovers. He is simply my friend.” I pulled away from Aubrey, and hurried toward the stairs. I wasn’t sure where Cornelius would be, but I was going to find him.
***
I peeked into the library, the last place I knew to look. If Cornelius wasn’t in the library, then he was nowhere in the house. I’d searched high and low for him.
I spotted him sitting in a chair with a book in his hand. He looked relatively relaxed for the amount of emotion he’d showed earlier in the night. He looked up at me as I entered, and a cool, calm smile played at his lips. He was back to being himself. “I was worried about you,” I said softly.
He cleared his throat as he set his book aside. “I am fine. I have a little bit of a temper problem, like everyone else.”
“Who was she?” I asked quietly, as I leaned against the door.
His expression darkened a little, and he looked away from me. I had a feeling he was going to avoid my questions, like he had in my dream. I knew almost nothing about him. He was very secretive, despite his open demeanor. “She was everything to me, and your father took her away,” he said, as he looked at me. I could see all the anger and rage he had for the hunters. There was a reason he’d targeted my family; the same reason I’d targeted him, when I first learned he killed my parents.
“He killed her?” I asked, barely whispering.
“Yes, rather mercilessly. I never paid much attention to the hunters until after that night. I would cross paths with one occasionally, but that was it. He surprised us when we wer
e on our way home from an outing. He injured me and killed her. I couldn’t save her then, but I vowed to take from him what he took from me.” The way he spoke made me shiver. There was so much hate and regret in his voice.
“I’m so sorry,” I said softly. I wanted to touch him, but I was afraid to go near him. His memories of my father may have stirred some hate for me, and I didn’t want to be near him if it had.
He forced a smile and shook his head as he picked his book back up. “There is nothing for you to be sorry for. You didn’t kill her, he did.”
“Why do you keep me around if you hate my father so much?” I asked, a little confused.
He looked up at me briefly, then looked back at his book. He shrugged. “Boredom, I suppose.”
His words hurt a little. I was actually surprised at the effect they had on me. I’d never thought I would care what he thought, but I did. I tried to keep from showing my hurt by changing the subject. “I need to feed.”
“Then go feed. You should be fine on your own, darling. I have confidence that you can handle it,” he said, without looking up, dismissing me.
I didn’t like his sudden coldness. I didn’t think I was ready to be on my own, but he didn’t seem to care. I didn’t argue; I knew he wasn’t in the mood. I turned and left, leaving him alone with his bad memories and his book.
I walked down the stairs to the main room. As always, there were vampires feeding on people. The group of Cornelius’s humans came to me. The hunger was there, but there was also fear, more stifling then the hunger. I wasn’t going to be able to do this on my own.
I turned to walk away, but Charlotte blocked me. “Why are you so hesitant to feed? Do you seriously need him to hold your hand?” she asked, sounding annoyed.
“I am not hungry,” I mumbled, and went to move past her.
She scoffed. “It is obvious you are. You don’t hide it as well as you seem to think. Pick one, and I will help you.”
I looked at her, unsure if I should trust her. But I was hungry, and Cornelius was unavailable. “Okay,” I said nervously, and took a girl’s hand. She was around my age, a pretty, doe-eyed blond.