She nodded. "You used to love me."
"I still do."
"Come on." He pulled her with him when he pictured the caves and arrived back in the living room, with Marina in tow, where he'd popped out of minutes earlier. The other Outsiders swarmed her, except for Leonardo who, as usual, kept himself back from the fray. Drew let the others talk to her; they'd see soon enough what he discovered.
Leonardo walked to his side. "Good job."
"We have a problem."
"You mean besides your having the demon inside of you?"
He nodded. Leonardo could be such a jackass. Lately, more often than not it seemed. If Alexa was his soul mate they might be perfect for one another. They could drive each other crazy and leave the rest of them alone.
"When she got her powers back, they made her…different."
Leonardo pointed his chin toward Marina. "How do you mean?"
"I think you're about to see for yourself very quickly." No way would the others not notice the change immediately. "I've stayed away from her for her own good. I think that's going to have to change."
She needed him and he had to save her before her own abilities made her completely lose track of herself. The girl Fate had given him and placed oceans away where he couldn't help her, he would not fail her again.
He'd die first.
Chapter Five
Marina couldn't breathe. Almost all the people she loved were in the same room with her. And Drew was there. He seemed so much the man she loved and yet he still remained an enigma to her. Did she love him in this life? She wanted to but he stayed away. How was she supposed to feel connected to a person she wasn't sure would be there when the cards were down.
And yet. And yet. And yet…
"You all have to understand." She screamed at the top of her voice and the room shut up. Good, they had to understand. Marina would make them know. And then they would get it.
"What do we have to understand?" Leonardo said from behind the crowd. She hadn't spoken to him yet, he'd stayed back, talking to Drew. Why? Were they discussing her? Did they think something wrong with how she was? They wouldn't. Not after she could make herself clear.
"We can't win."
Kal rolled his eyes and stepped away from her. "Well you came back a bag of good times didn't you?"
"Listen. We've done this before. Over and over. Sometimes we win, sometimes we don't."
Colin held up his hands. "That much we know."
"Even when everything is right we lose. We just do. Or we win. But we can't defeat him starting so far behind the eight ball. Don't you understand? You"—she pointed at Colin—"where is Gia? Why isn't she here with you?"
Gia hadn't been her name the last time but it was in their current manifestation. How did Marina know? Oh, she didn't. But, yes she did.
Colin's eyebrow popped up. "Gia? Who is she?"
Marina waved her hands in the air and stalked toward him. "She's yours. Where is she? Why isn't she here? She should be here. And Zane." He'd been so strong, such a fierce warrior. Many battles had been won thanks to Zane. How could they function without him? "And Raquel, the fire starter."
"Rina." Drew tried to interrupt her only she couldn't let him. They had to see what she saw or there would be no help.
Eden grabbed onto Samuel's arm. "I can see them. She named them and suddenly they're in my visions even though I've never seen them before. The three of them."
"Interesting." Leonardo crossed his arms over his chest.
Oh, Marina couldn't deal with him. His hard-assed attitude would have to change.
The room spun and so she spun with it. "And Alexa. She needs to come. To heal. She isn't bad, Leonardo. I know you hate her. Only you shouldn't. She is yours. Has always been. You're so strong together."
Drew's arms came around her and pulled her hard against him. "There's nothing for either you or Charma to do, Jase."
What was he talking about? He was speaking over her head to the healers. Why? What did he think was going to happen?
Jason said through clenched teeth, "Look at her."
Drew kissed her eyebrow. "There's nothing physically wrong and no emotional wound to soothe. She's going to have to manage it. These are her powers. They were always there. She never tapped them. Only she can pull them back."
"Jason." Marina tried to struggle out of Drew's arms. "Did you know once you saved the demon? You couldn't bring yourself to let him die. It goes against everything in you. But you weren't properly trained that time. Like now. No one has taught you how to use your gifts."
Jason looked past her. Was he making eye contact with Drew? She had no idea.
When Jason finally responded it was with anger in his voice. "I can assure you I am not going to save him this time. He's already technically dead. He doesn't have a body."
No one was listening. She rubbed at her eyes over and over because it made her head feel better. If they could see it. All the worlds passing in front of her vision all at once. Red ones, blue ones, some with three suns. Sometimes the grass looked purple, sometimes gold. Sometimes the Outsiders didn't even look human.
But their souls. They were always the key.
Something was wrong. They had to do battle. She couldn't keep up with the spinning any more. Why did the world move so fast? Why wouldn't it stop? Why was everything so hard?
"We don't all live through this even when we win. Not all of us." She stumbled to the left and gripped the wall. "There is always death. Over and over again. The eighteen of us. It's such loss. Such a punishment for doing what we have to do." The floor seemed like a better place, she sank down. "It's almost better when we lose. We got together, all at once. And we have to be careful what we say. They listen to us. The Fates. And the next battle is worse because we have different roles. His father is going to come. He always does toward the end. Even if Sebastian doesn't want him to."
A sharp pang assaulted her head and she cried out.
"I've got you."
Drew's voice, the last thing she heard before it all went black.
Marina didn't dream and she had no idea how much time passed when she opened her eyes. Everything had stopped moving and her head felt clearer. She blinked to take in her surroundings before she sat up. Marina didn't initially recognize the room where she found herself. The bed, king-sized, had brown covers, which someone had pulled up around her. A table with a lamp sat in the corner and other than that there were no decorations anywhere.
"You're up." Drew walked into the room. "Hungry?"
Her stomach revolted at the thought. "Not even a little. Is this your room? It's empty."
He looked around. "Afraid so. Never planned on staying very long. The caves never suited me much."
"When I said take me home, I forgot it would be here. I thought it would be Maine."
Drew nodded before he sat on the end of the bed. "That was only your home for what? Five years? Did you have a favorite place before that?"
"No." She closed her eyes. "None worth mentioning."
"I've always wondered."
Truth was, Marina felt a little drunk. Like she had a power burnout hangover. She opened her lids to regard him. "Do you know the likelihood is, since you don't want me, I'll die a virgin. Very soon."
Drew jolted, which gave her a tremendous amount of pleasure. The few moments she could manage to throw him from his cool, disconnected zone told her she did matter somewhere inside his physically perfect frame.
"Marina." He rubbed at his eyes. "I think it's past time you knew some things. I thought to spare you the knowing. Stupid, I see that now. Chalk it up to my Outsider instincts. I can't stop trying to protect you from life when it may be you who keeps us all alive in the long run."
Her lazy nonchalance fled immediately. Drew wanted to talk? "Did I nearly die or something?
"For once, no." He shook his head. "I think the five times or so you've been on death's door is enough. Don't you?"
"More than. But you were say
ing…" If he wanted to talk about things, finally, she wasn't going to get in his way.
"I've been hiding something from you but I let the others know, so it's time you did, too."
She sat back on the bed and tried to imagine what he'd been through as he relayed the story of the demon and how it had messed with him from the time he was eight years old. The lengths he'd taken to restrain the thing and his fears about how it would be if he let her inside of him.
When he was finished, he rubbed at his eyes. For the first time in the years she'd known him on this planet, Drew looked tired. Her heart turned over in her chest.
"This is my fault."
He laughed, throwing his head back in one loud sound. "How do you figure?"
"I stopped meeting you in the dream state. Veli told me it wasn't possible, I'd imagined it. He didn't understand about the eighteen of us, not really. I pushed it away. Back then I was really invested in doing whatever Veli wanted so he wouldn't send me back to the children's home in Russia."
"Marina, the decision to do the things Sebastian instructed in the letters rests entirely on my shoulders. I need you to understand why I've kept you at arm's length. You think I don't want you? Of course I do. Any man would and we're predestined, or whatever, for one another. I'm the luckiest son of a bitch ever born. And I need you to do is trust me, even though we can't go where both of us would like to."
His cheeks pinkened and it was everything Marina could do not to laugh. Big, tough Drew got embarrassed.
She tried to ignore her delight in his discomfort and moved on to listen to his words. "You're upset about what happened before with me, with my losing control like that."
"No." He shook his head. "I think you had a real burnout. How could you not?"
"I think it's going to be wonderful now. I can see things which happened in the past and I can help. I know the things he used to do. I can help us win."
Drew took her cheek in his palm. With his thumb, he stroked the side of it. Shivers running up and down her back warred with the warmth his touch on her face caused.
"I don't care two bits about any other lives."
She almost couldn't believe her ears. "You can't be serious."
"Like a heart attack."
"Drew." She had to make him hear her. "We've all done this before. Over and over again. I…"
"No." He shook his head. "I'm not whoever that was any more than you are. If you like, think of them as distant relatives. We share some genetic traits."
"I think it's more than that and you know it." Why was he being so obtuse about this?
"You cannot get so lost in the past you lose the now. Do you understand? You have these powers so they must be able to help us. Great. Since I have no choice but to battle this guy eventually, I'll take all the help I can get. Still, none of us need to be told about our past selves like it's going to solve some kind of mystery having to do with the now."
His words made her want to strangle him yet they pushed at her, making her concentrate on something she'd lost at the same time. A memory struck her. Sebastian had thrown a statement at them before he'd vanished from the condo. He said they wouldn't know something was coming.
She gasped. Yes, the demon was quite right. They hadn't known but when he'd taken away her powers and forced her to reset, she'd remembered the forgotten.
"Drew." She jumped to her feet. "I know what Sebastian went on about. And we need some help. If he's doing what I think he is, we're in big trouble."
"What?" He furrowed his brow. "What is the demon doing?"
"He's going to kill the scribe." The only person who had held off their total destruction and they hadn't even known he existed, which was, of course, the point. Except Sebastian knew because he remembered lifetimes and thank goodness she did, too.
"The who?"
She grabbed Drew's hand and pulled him toward the door. "Come with me. I'll explain it all at once." Marina paused, an idea dawning on her. "And Drew." She turned to look at him. "I'm not scared of anything inside of you. There's nothing in you that could ever hurt me."
Before she changed her mind, she kissed him. To do so took a little maneuvering. She had to go up on tiptoes, and even then it took her a second to reach his mouth. He could have pushed her away, told her no, stepped back. Any number of things to stop what she needed to do. Only he didn't.
Drew's mouth was soft and he tasted of cherries. She let the pressing of her lips to his last for a few seconds. He didn't kiss her back, which hurt a little.
Yet it was okay. A first step.
* * * *
Drew's whole body was on fire. He stood in the corner and listened to Marina explain to the others about the scribe. He'd never heard of him and other than whatever he was going to have to do to save the dude from Sebastian, he really didn't care. Why was there somebody out there following their fates and writing it down in the first place? Who in any dimension had thought this could be in any way a good idea?
And then the dude was going to give some sort of sign to indicate they could all be killed. How nice to know all the near-death before had been just a rehearsal for the main event.
Marina had kissed him. She'd set his body aflame and made his cock harder than it had been since his teenage years. He was a man in serious trouble. How was he supposed to keep his hands off her now, and why the fuck hadn't he pushed her away when he'd had the moment of recognition right before she kissed him?
There was an easy answer…he wanted her lips on him.
"So I think we have to find Alexa." Marina held up her hand to stop Leonardo from objecting when he made a noise to do so. "And when we get to her we'll get to the demon, stop him from harming the scribe, and we'll rescue her at the same time. Two birds, one stone."
A muscle ticked in Leonardo's jaw. "Go ahead then. Gabe. Drew. One of you pop over there and then drag the rest of us with you."
Drew could think of almost anything he'd rather do than pop over to the wild-eyed Alexa. Like take Marina, strip her naked, and give in to what his body demanded. Instead, he tried to picture the dark-haired woman in his mind. The image came easily, he'd only seen her the day before, but his body wouldn't move.
His powers didn't want to bring him there. "Anyone else blocked?"
"Motherfucker, I can't move either." Gabriel responded before tearing over to the window, Loraine close on his tail.
"I'm still good," Charma said, "My powers are working."
"So it's only Alexa we can't get to." Gabriel popped out of the room and then came back in to illustrate he could. "The demon must be blocking her."
"That's all right. We don't need her." Drew stepped forward.
Enough was enough. He'd been prepared to do this earlier and, since the universe handed him another chance, he might as well use the pent-up frustration inside of him to be helpful. "We don't need Alexa when we have me. I can find Sebastian all on my own."
Marina rushed to his side. "Are you sure?"
Having her so close did nothing to alleviate the heat pouring from his pores. "No, I'm not sure of anything. I need to open this up to see what's going to happen. I'll find him for us. I can't promise what will happen afterwards. Step back."
"I'm not leaving your side. Have you lost your mind?" She shook her head vehemently even as the male Outsiders started to surround her. "You can all get as intimidating as you want. I don't care. Drew is mine."
He tried not to feel pride when she said that, only he did. A smile crossed his mouth for a moment before he shut it down. There was no time for niceties.
"I won't have you hurt, Marina." He nodded to Gabriel hoping the other man would know what he wanted without having to say anything.
To his relief, Gabriel did. One second Marina stood next to him, the next she was across the room. She gasped and tried to storm forward but the other male Outsiders had surrounded him again. This time he wouldn't be interrupted. Bringing the demon back inside of him constituted his choice and not any manipulation by Leo
nardo.
Marina wanted to find the demon and save the scribe so that was what they would do.
He'd make it happen. He could give her what she wanted, and knowing he'd be the one to bring her what she said they had to do made his skin tingle. Providing for Marina was what he had been born to do. The years where they had been oceans apart were long past.
Drew took a deep breath and for the first time in twenty-seven years he let go. At first nothing happened. He stood waiting in the center of the room, everyone's gaze pinning him down, and he wondered if he'd made the whole thing up. Had he been fooling himself for years about what would happen if he let go and allowed the demon inside?
"Well this is exciting." Kal rolled his eyes. "Best time I've ever had."
Christophe snorted. "Are you capable of not being an ass?"
Pain scorched Drew's body and he had no ability to follow their nonsense anymore. He doubled over. He'd known the process would involve some agony. How could it not? What he hadn't anticipated was the scent of sulfur permeating throughout the room.
"Can you smell that?" He looked at Jason who shook his head. Apparently, Drew was the only one who could smell the aroma of a demon in his mouth.
Samuel moved forward and knelt in front of him. "Look at me."
He tried to lift his gaze to stare at the other man, it was hard but he managed. "Need something?"
"Listen to the sound of my voice. Pain is nothing. I mean it. Shut it off. You're Drew Dubowski. The toughest son of a bitch I've ever known. You don't take shit and you live life by your own terms. None of us can ever understand you."
"You're not helping." If that was what Samuel intended in the first place. Otherwise, when he got through this he was going to break Samuel's nose.
"Listen to my words. Pain is nothing. There is nothing Sebastian can do you that you won't beat. This is pain. It's nothing. Do you understand?"
Actually, he did. Samuel had been locked in a closet and set on fire. He lived with pain for years until Jason stopped it. Only Drew remained capable of working the experience out.