And then she'd given birth to Henry. He'd had to push past the grief and help Ellie raise an infant while adjusting to life without John.
It was all they could do to keep their heads above water. His parents, who lived in Arizona now, had been frequent visitors and helped with the baby when Nick couldn't. He owned the garage and had people depending on him for their livelihoods. He couldn't abandon them.
It had been a lot. But eventually, he and Ellie had settled into a routine. Thank God for Henry, who'd given them both a reason to keep going.
He wasn't sure he'd have gotten through it without Ellie. He'd figured he'd be the one who was gonna be there for her, but the two of them had spent hour after hour, day after day, month after month talking about John. They'd cried together and laughed together telling stories about John.
Her living there with him had helped him heal from losing his brother.
Now, as he watched Henry dash to the car, he couldn't help but smile. His coat hung open and flapped in the sharp wind, and his hair flew in all directions.
God, he loved that kid, who looked so much like John it made his heart hurt. But it also made him smile, because a part of John lived on through him, and that eased the pain.
Henry pulled the back door open, Ellie right behind to help buckle him into the car seat.
"Hi, Uncle Nick. Guess what I did today?"
"Hey, Henry. What did you do today?"
"We played soccer out back with Oscar's dad and then we played games on his PlayStation and then we ate lunch and I ate spakettie--"
"Spaghetti," Ellie corrected.
"Yeah. Spakettie. And then we played with Oscar's dog, Duke, and then we wrestled with Oscar's big brother, who's in high school." He finished that statement off with wide eyes.
"You did, huh?" Nick asked. "Did you kick his butt?"
Henry giggled. "Nuh-uh. But he let us jump on him."
"I'll bet that was fun."
"It was. Mom said we're having pizza for dinner."
"Yup. What kind do you want?"
"Pepperoni."
"Pepperoni it is. What do you think, Ellie?"
Ellie slid into the front seat and buckled her seat belt, then looked over her shoulder at Henry. "It's my favorite pizza ever."
"Is not," Henry said. "You like all that vegetable stuff."
Henry never let anything get past him, including his mother's favorite pizza.
"Okay, maybe," Ellie said. "But I like pepperoni, too."
"Great. Can we play games, Uncle Nick?" Henry asked.
"You know it, buddy."
"Awesome."
And then Henry settled. Nick put the car into gear and they drove to the pizza place.
"I'll get us a table if you want to order?" Ellie asked.
Nick nodded, so he went to order their pizza and drinks. He knew Ellie would want water, and Ellie required Henry to have a glass of milk before he could have any soda, so he figured he'd order milk for Henry and a soda for himself.
"You here to play the games or are you just into our outstanding pizza?"
He looked up to find a cute blonde, probably college-aged, grinning at him. And very clearly flirting with him.
"Oh, I'm here with my nephew."
She gave him the once-over. "So...no wife or kid of your own yet, huh?"
Oh, yeah, definitely flirting. "Uh, no."
"I see."
She waited, no doubt to see if he'd linger and flirt back. Instead, he placed his order, much to the cute blonde's disappointment.
But he smiled all the way to the table.
Nice to know he still had it goin' on.
He found Ellie and Henry at a table near a group of kids that Henry was already chatting up. Henry wasn't shy at all, which was a great thing. By the time he made it to the table, Henry had run off to the indoor slide with a couple of the kids who looked to be his age. Fortunately, they had a clear sight line to the area from their table, so they could keep an eye on him.
He slid onto the bench next to Ellie. "Already made friends, did he?"
She smiled, a real one this time, and it made his gut tighten. "You know Henry."
"Yeah, I do. I swear that kid is either going to be a politician or the best salesman in the world."
Ellie laughed. "Probably."
He loved hearing her laugh. He hadn't heard much of it the first year after John died. Every year since, he heard it more and more, especially as it related to Henry. He wanted to hear it often, because the sound of it was perfect.
She was perfect.
And she was totally off-limits because she was his brother's widow.
He shifted his gaze to the cute blonde at the counter. Maybe he should consider getting out there and start dating.
Nah. The blonde was really pretty, and if he'd been interested in her, he'd have bantered back and forth with her and maybe made a date with her. Instead, he was thinking about Ellie. He'd been so focused on Ellie and Henry for the past five years he hadn't even considered the idea of dating anyone.
Ellie had been the only person in his life. Plus, she was beautiful, with her shoulder-length brown hair and soulful brown eyes that captured him with their warmth. Those eyes had been filled with sadness for so long, but when she was happy? Damn, those eyes could melt the hardest steel.
Lately there had been a lot more happy days than sad ones. He had to admit, he wanted to be the guy to put a smile on her face, to make her laugh again, and to lace his fingers with hers and--
"What are you so deep in thought about?"
He snapped his attention on Ellie. He definitely didn't want her to know his thoughts had been centered on her. So he turned his head and motioned to Henry. "I was just watching Henry. He's having fun."
"Doesn't he always?"
"Yeah." The one thing they'd always had in common--besides John--was Henry. Henry had been a connection between them through their grief, pushing the ache of loss to the background and forcing them both to function. And now Henry had bonded them as a--
Not a couple. They weren't a couple. They were roommates. But damn if it hadn't started feeling like a lot more lately.
At least to him.
Which was exactly the problem.
Chapter Three
Ellie finished up the laundry, then sat at the table to pay some bills online. By the time she closed her laptop and went into Henry's room, Nick was sitting on the bed next to him, reading him a story. Henry's hair was still a little damp from the bath Nick had given him.
Her heart squeezed at the picture the two of them made. Nick's long legs hung off the bed and Henry's head cuddled against Nick's chest, the two of them so engrossed in the book's adventures they didn't even notice her in the doorway.
She watched as Henry's eyes slowly drifted closed. It wasn't surprising he'd drift off so quickly considering the busy day he'd had. Her son always played hard all day long and well into the evening. Then tonight Henry had helped her bake zucchini bread. Baking with Henry was one of her favorite things to do, even though he often ended up with more flour on himself than there was in the bowl. But it always made him laugh. And hearing Henry laugh? That made her heart happy.
Nick eased Henry's head onto his pillow, smoothed his hand over Henry's head, then kissed him before turning off the light.
Nick stopped in the doorway. "We didn't even make it four pages. My little buddy was wiped tonight."
"More adventures for tomorrow, then."
"Yup."
She yawned.
"Need me to read you to sleep?" Nick asked.
She laughed. "I don't think I'm going to need a book to make me fall asleep."
"True. You usually can't even stay awake through an entire movie."
She playfully shoved his shoulder. "That's so not true. I make it through at least fifty percent of the movies we watch."
He gave her an adorable smirk. "Yeah, sure you do."
Something about Nick's smile made her want to linger, to
breathe him in, to explore. But since they were in Henry's doorway, she pushed off and went into the kitchen, while Nick headed into the living room. They had a routine most nights. After Henry went to bed, Ellie fixed them a snack and they watched television together for an hour or two. They took turns choosing what to watch.
She fixed some warm tea for herself and coffee for Nick, along with slices of zucchini bread for both of them that she'd made earlier in the evening.
"I think it's your turn to pick," Ellie said, pulling her legs up on the sofa and setting her tea down on the table.
"Already got it set. It's an animal show about lions on the hunt."
She groaned. "You really like to torture me, don't you?"
"Hey, if I can watch eight hundred episodes of Grey's Anatomy, you can suck it up and watch a few nature episodes."
"There haven't been eight hundred episodes."
"There's been years of it, Ellie. Years." He took a bite of the bread, chewed, and swallowed. "Plus you watch the reruns, too."
She sighed. He did have a point. "Fine. Lions it is. But you have to admit you enjoy Grey's Anatomy."
"I'll never admit to that."
She laughed, then settled in to watch the lions with him. After a half hour, Nick got up and went into the kitchen.
"Where are you going?"
"I need popcorn."
"You just ate zucchini bread."
He shrugged as he shoved a popcorn bag into the microwave and pressed the button. Ellie rolled her eyes. The man was always hungry. Then again, he worked hard, both at his job and here at home. She always worked the early shift at the hospital, so Nick got Henry up and fed and off to preschool. And when she had to work late, he was there to pick Henry up and take care of dinner. The man even did laundry.
She didn't know why he was so committed to her and to Henry.
Okay, she knew why. Because of John.
And she'd been okay with that in the beginning. She'd needed his help and she hadn't objected when he'd made the offer. But it would be five years this Christmas. Ellie had a stable, great job as a nurse. She made decent money. She'd invested the insurance from John and from the house. She was fine now and could certainly find a place of her own for Henry and herself.
So why hadn't she?
Nick slid onto the sofa and draped his legs over her lap, laying the bowl of popcorn on his stomach. He leveled a wicked smile in her direction. "And don't think I'm sharing any of this with you."
She knew why she hadn't moved out yet. First, because Nick hadn't asked her to. And second, because she was happy here. Nick had carved out a safe, comfortable, happy haven for her and for Henry.
Happy. God, when was the last time that word had entered her mind in the past five years?
Ever?
Of course she'd been happy. She'd cried bittersweet happy tears when Henry had been born. Sad because John would never know him but, at the same time, happy about his birth. Nick had been there, and John and Nick's parents, too. It had been a happy day. And every milestone Henry had achieved had been a happy one. His first smile, first giggle, his first steps...
All of them taking place here, at Nick's house.
This was Henry's house. How could she even think of leaving?
Because Nick isn't yours, and for years you've been holding him back from having his own life.
She was shocked as the realization slapped her in the face. She'd spent so much time the past five years wrapped up in putting her life back together and dealing with Henry's needs, she hadn't realized how much she had taken from Nick.
She sneaked a peek at him, watching him as he focused on the television.
Maybe it was time to give back.
Maybe it was time to let Nick go so he could get on with his life.
And she could get on with hers.
Her chest constricted and she felt the walls closing in on her. Was it panic over the thought of actual dating?
Maybe.
But as she looked over at Nick, she realized it was more likely the thought of each of them getting on with their lives--separate from each other--that was making her heart do that painful squeezy thing.
She stared at Nick, who was currently shoving handfuls of popcorn in his mouth. It would be so easy to ask him to help ease her into the dating pool.
And so utterly unfair. He'd done everything for her. She wouldn't ask him to date her.
Though the idea had its merits. Nick wasn't some random guy she didn't know. And definitely not shabby at all in the looks department. Working at the garage kept him fit. His forearms were well muscled, like the rest of him. He was lean, his stomach flat, his shoulders broad--
"Hey, quit ogling my popcorn."
Her gaze snapped to his when she realized she had been ogling--not his popcorn bowl, but the man holding it. "I don't want your popcorn."
"Liar." He picked up a kernel and tossed it at her.
She grabbed it and ate it. Of course, she couldn't eat just one popcorn kernel, so she leaned over him to grab a handful from the bowl.
"Nuh-uh," he said, keeping the bowl just out of her grasp. "You said you didn't want any."
"I changed my mind. Gimme," she said, laughing as she knocked his legs off her lap, then levered up to reach the bowl.
And her knee connected sharply with his groin.
"Shit," he said, dropping the popcorn bowl on the floor.
"Oh, my God, Nick, I'm so sorry." She reached for him, but he had curled up into the fetal position on the sofa.
"It's okay," he mumbled.
She slid off the sofa and kneeled at his side. "Let me help you. I can get some ice."
"I don't need ice. I'm fine."
He was not fine. She'd shoved her knee right into his balls. "Let me look at it."
His head shot up. "What? No. Just leave me alone."
He slid off the sofa and limped away. Undaunted, she followed as he eased his way down the hall toward his bedroom.
"Nick, you're being ridiculous. Let me look at it."
"I'm not letting you look at my balls. Jesus, Ellie."
"I'm a nurse, Nick."
He grumbled something about "You're way more than that" before shoving his bedroom door in her face.
Of course she was more than that. She was his sister-in-law. It would be awkward, sure, but in times of crisis, she was a medical professional.
That's what he'd meant, right? That it would be awkward because they were family?
Or had he meant something else?
And why was she even thinking about what he'd meant when he was in pain? That's what she needed to deal with right now.
She went into the kitchen and grabbed a package of peas out of the freezer. She wrapped the peas in one of the kitchen towels and went down the hall to lightly knock on Nick's door.
"Hey, it's me. I have frozen peas for your genitals. Can I come in?"
"I don't need peas, Ellie. Go away."
"Nick, please." When he didn't answer right away, she leaned against the wall and waited.
At least a full minute passed before she heard a resigned groan. "Fine."
She turned the knob to find him sitting on his bed. He was wearing only his boxer briefs, both hands cradling his balls. She winced in sympathy though she had no balls.
It had to be so painful.
She walked in and, knowing how much he really didn't want her to touch him, she handed the towel and peas to him.
"I'm really sorry."
He laid them over his crotch. "It's fine. It's not like you meant to do it."
"Of course I didn't. How does it feel?"
He arched a brow. "Great, now that I have magic peas on my balls."
She let out a soft laugh. "I'm sure. It is kind of funny, you know."
"Not at all funny on this side."
"Okay, it'll be funny tomorrow. Or maybe the next day. When your balls don't throb so much."
"Maybe. But a beer would have been better than peas. Or ma
ybe two beers."
"One for each testicle?"
"No. One for my balls and one to drink."
Her lips kicked up and she sat on the edge of his bed. "Oh. Of course. I'll remember that next time."
"Please tell me there won't be a next time."
"Right. No next time. Promise. I won't get anywhere near you with my vicious knees."
Now his lips curved, and she felt immense relief.
"This is really awkward," he said.
"It is, isn't it?"
"Yeah. You're in my bedroom, I'm in my underwear..."
"There are peas..."
"Not beer."
She laughed. "Yes."
She inhaled and let it out. The awkwardness expanded, at least on her part. She was in his bedroom. And Nick was in his underwear, and they were both sitting on his bed, and he looked really damn fine without clothes.
Whoa, Ellie. Time to rein it in.
She stood in a hurry. "If you're okay, I guess I'll leave you alone."
"Yeah. Thanks for the peas."
"You're welcome. Good night, Nick."
"Night, Ellie."
She shut the door to his room, realizing her entire body was on fire.
But it wasn't from embarrassment or anger. It was desire. Hot, flaming, she'd wanted to pounce on him and kiss him desire.
Holy crap. It was a good thing Nick's balls were injured, because if he'd been fully capable, she wasn't sure what she might have done.
Oh, who was she kidding? She knew exactly what she would have done. She'd have gotten him naked or gotten herself naked and then gotten him naked. Or maybe she would have asked him to get her naked. Or any combination thereof would have suited her just fine, as long as they both ended up naked, their bodies touching each other.
Her face flamed as mental visuals of what that would be like assaulted her. She put her hands to her face hoping to cool herself down, then went into the living room, turned off the TV, swept up the spilled popcorn, and did the dishes, none of which turned off her suddenly turned-on libido.
She finally made her way into her bedroom, washed her face and brushed her teeth, changed out of her clothes and got into bed, and stared up at the dark ceiling looking for answers.
She didn't find any.
This was very bad. So bad.
What was she going to do now?
Chapter Four
After a restless night, Ellie had been happy to flee the house extra early this morning for her shift at the hospital. She'd dressed and brewed a cup of coffee, made her lunch as well as Nick's and Henry's, then left a note for Nick so he'd be aware she had already gone.