Cowardly, for sure, but she wasn't yet ready to face him after last night. She figured by the time she got home she might be able to handle it. Handle him.
Or not handle him. She definitely should not handle Nick in any way at all.
She rolled her eyes and parked in the employee parking lot at the hospital, then headed up to the maternity floor. She slid her lunch into the fridge and went downstairs to the cafeteria for breakfast. She'd likely not get a break until lunchtime, which often was an on-the-go and on-her-feet kind of meal. Since she was early this morning, she intended to have a leisurely breakfast while she had the chance.
She got coffee, a bowl of fresh fruit, and an egg-white omelet along with an orange juice, paid for the meal, and carried the tray to a nearby table. The coffee tasted like a small slice of heaven on earth.
It was so rare to have these moments to herself. It might only be fifteen minutes, but this was nirvana.
"You're early today. You're never early."
She looked up to see her friend Francesca Garavaldi slide into the seat across from her.
"I'm early sometimes," Ellie said.
Fran pinned her with a look. "No, sometimes you make it right before shift change. Most times you're running like your hair is on fire and you're late."
"Okay, fine. So this is unusual. I couldn't sleep last night, so I thought I'd start out the week coming in early and having a good breakfast."
Fran picked up her bagel and tore off a piece, chewing while she stared thoughtfully at Ellie. She washed it down with a giant swallow of coffee, then said, "Something's different. What happened?"
"Nothing happened."
"That's a load of BS and you know it. Tell me what's going on. Is Henry okay?"
"Henry's fine. And okay, maybe something happened. Sort of."
"It's not like you to be vague, Ellie."
She was right, of course. "So I kicked Nick in the balls last night. Accidentally," she added quickly.
Fran arched a brow, then grasped her cup in both hands and leaned closer. "I can't wait to hear this story."
"We were watching TV. Nick made popcorn, right after I had served him up some zucchini bread. He's always hungry, you know."
Fran nodded. "Because he's a man."
"Right. Anyway, he was teasing me about not sharing and suddenly we were battling for the popcorn bowl. I scrambled up his body to grab it from him and there went my knee, right into his testicles."
Fran grimaced. "Ouch."
"Yeah. He hurried into his bedroom and shut the door, and wouldn't let me tend to him."
Fran gave Ellie a sideways look. "Imagine that."
"He was rather adamant about it. But come on, Fran. I'm a nurse and we're friends." Though last night Nick said something about them being more than that. And she still didn't know what he meant.
"He's a hot single guy and you're a hot single woman," Fran said.
"It's not like that between us."
"Maybe he wants it to be like that between the two of you. Or maybe you want it to be like that between the two of you."
Ellie shook her head. "I can't. He's John's brother."
"So what? He's gorgeous and has an amazing body. He's smart and he's funny. He's been there every step of the way with you, and you know he's great as a friend. Plus you already know he's an awesome father figure to Henry."
"Yes. Henry loves him."
"So what's the problem?"
"He's John's brother."
Fran rolled her eyes. "You already said that. And that's not even relevant. If you're attracted to him, honey, then go for it."
Ellie took a sip of her coffee, then cupped the warm liquid between her hands. "It just feels wrong somehow. And I can't help but feel the attraction is due to the close proximity we've shared the past five years."
"You mean any guy will do?"
"Ew."
"Well, that's what you meant, wasn't it?"
"No. Not at all. I mean, of course I'm attracted to Nick. How could I not be? He's so fine-looking, and he's responsible and great with Henry."
"So what's the problem?"
Where did she start? "I don't know if I'm ready."
"You know things are going to close up or get moldy down there if you don't get some action soon."
Ellie choked out a laugh. "Fran."
"Well, come on, honey. You're going on five years without sex. Don't you want some sex?"
More than she'd ever tell her best friend. "Yes."
"Okay, then. How about having it with Nick?"
She shrugged. "It just doesn't seem fair to him to even suggest it. I've been the only woman in his life. He hasn't dated, has never brought a woman over, hasn't had a relationship because all he's done is take care of Henry and me."
"So what do you want to do, fix him up with a nice woman so you don't have to feel anything for him?"
She looked down at her coffee cup. "I've considered it."
Fran slanted a flat expression at her. "Ellie. That's ridiculous. You have an incredibly sweet and sexy man you're attracted to, and you want to give him to someone else? That's insane."
"Maybe. But after all he's done for me and for Henry, don't you think I owe it to him to give him a chance to find some happiness?"
She caught the sympathetic look on Fran's face. God knew she'd seen it plenty of times after John died.
"Oh, honey, I totally understand where you're coming from. But what if his chance of happiness could be with you?"
Ellie shook her head. "I'd never ask that of him. Not without giving him an opportunity to step outside the comfort zone we've built together. I owe him that."
"I think your sense of honor is a little warped, but whatever. That's your choice. But I can't help but feel this could be a huge mistake, and one you might regret."
"Possibly. But I just wouldn't feel right unless I gave it a try."
Fran took the last bite of her bagel, chewed, and swallowed. "Okay. So what are you going to do?"
"I haven't figured that out yet. I'll think about it."
"You do that. In the meantime, finish eating. There are mothers in labor waiting for us."
Fran was right. Time to put Nick on the back burner and mommies-to-be on the front burner.
She had a wonderful couple to care for--first-time parents Krista and Brian. He was incredibly solicitous and so sweet to her, even when Krista settled into the not-so-pleasant part of her labor.
Not that any part of labor was a cakewalk, but transition was tough, and Krista was determined to have a natural childbirth.
Ellie admired the hell out of women who opted to deliver without any drugs. Ellie had made it as far as six centimeters dilated when she'd asked for her epidural.
Those damn contractions hurt like hell, and all she'd wanted was pain relief and the sweet comfort of having her husband and the father of her child by her side.
She'd gotten the pain relief, eventually, but John would never be there. Nick had been, though. He'd held her hand and stayed with her through all the gross parts of her delivery, and when it had been time to cut the cord, Nick's eyes filled with tears as he did it. She'd known he was thinking about John as much as she had been, and she'd wanted him in there with her. Nick had been the closest she'd get to having John with her for Henry's birth.
After, she'd been excited and crying and exhausted and Nick had kissed her on the top of her head and told her she was a champion and women were awesome creatures.
She'd felt like a champion that day. She'd always loved being a labor and delivery nurse, but it sure gave her a different perspective having a baby of her own. Because giving birth was the hardest thing in the world.
When Krista and Brian had their sweet baby girl in their arms, it made Ellie's day. She was perfect and pink and squalling and Krista and Brian were both crying happy tears. This was the best part of Ellie's job--a happy ending with no complications.
She'd worked a couple of hours post shift to make sure
she stayed with Krista through her delivery. She often did this, because once a laboring mother was in the hard part of labor, it was traumatic to change nurses. She'd texted Nick and let him know she'd be late getting home, and he'd told her he'd pick up Henry from daycare and feed him dinner.
What would she do without him? The thought sent a wave of panic through her.
If she did move out and live on her own, she'd have to adjust her lifestyle, make arrangements for someone else to be there for Henry.
She thought about that as she went to her locker to get her purse. She'd manage it, because that's what single mothers did all the time.
She paused as she realized she'd never thought of herself as a single mother before, likely because Nick had been there with here since the beginning.
The thought of severing that tie to him was scary--and a little sad. But she still intended to do it.
She had to stop depending on Nick, because Nick wasn't hers.
And it was time to let him go.
Chapter Five
Nick had two brake jobs still to do, and he was working on a transmission when Rob hollered at him.
"Your phone's been vibrating all across the desk for an hour."
Shit. He didn't like to keep his phone on him when he was working on a car. Bad enough his jeans and the rest of him would end up covered in grease and dirt.
"Okay, thanks, Rob." He finished connecting the brake line and slid out from under the Ford, grabbed a shop rag to wipe his hands, and went into the office. Rob was in there on the laptop.
"What's the status on the carburetor for that Mustang?" he asked as he picked up his phone.
"Finished it and doing the invoice now. I already called the customer to let them know it was ready. Next up is the oil pump job."
Nick nodded and checked his phone. Two missed calls from Ellie.
Damn. He frowned, hoping nothing was wrong with Henry. He checked his voice mail.
"Hi, Nick. Nothing urgent. Someone at the hospital just gave me two tickets to a holiday party tonight at the community center. It's a fundraiser, and guests need to bring an unwrapped toy. Anyway, I was hoping you'd go with me. I already got a sitter for Henry. It's at six, so just text me and let me know, okay?"
He went to the next message.
"It's me again. I'll get the toy on my way home from work. Oh, and there's food at the party, so no cooking. How great is that?"
That was the end of the message. He stared at his phone, wondering what alien had possessed Ellie. Sure, the holiday party sounded fine, and who didn't like food, but her voice had sounded way off and unnatural.
Her behavior had been odd lately. Then again, it was the holidays, and she always acted odd around the holidays. But not this kind of odd. Typically she'd withdraw and she wasn't doing that. This was different in a way he couldn't put his finger on.
Whatever. He sent her a text. Party sounds fine.
He shook his head and tossed his phone back on the desk.
"Everything okay at home?" Rob asked.
Rob and Nick had gone to high school together and knew everything about each other's lives. Rob had stood by him--and by Ellie--when John had died.
"Yeah. Ellie wants to go to some fundraiser dinner toy thing tonight."
"Oh, the one at the community center," Rob said. "Melissa wanted to drag me to that."
"So you're going?"
Rob looked over at the shop. "Nah. I have work that'll keep me going until at least six thirty tonight. Plus I might have told Melissa that you need me to close the shop tonight, that way I don't have to go."
"Convenient."
"Yeah, I thought so. Anyway, Melissa will be there. She heard there'll be wine. She'll drop RJ at her parents' and have her dad watch him so her mom can drive and she can drink."
Nick laughed. "Got it all planned out, does she?"
"You know it. So how's the brake work going?"
"It's a pain in my ass. The brakes were toast. I don't know how the customer was stopping their car. They should have put new brakes on a year ago."
Rob laughed. "Maybe they were swinging their foot out the door and using their boot."
Nick snorted and went back to work. He finished up by five. After he washed up, Nick checked his phone again. Ellie had left him a message earlier saying she had left work on time and she was picking Henry up.
He drove home and pulled his truck in behind Ellie's car. He got out and went inside.
It was quiet. Typically, Henry would run and greet him at the door.
"Ellie?"
She didn't answer, either. He figured she must be in her room getting ready, so he went into his, stripped out of his clothes and tossed them in the hamper, then got into the shower to scrub off the grease and grime from today's work. After he showered, he put on clean jeans, then paused. He opened the door to his room and walked across the house and down the hall to Ellie's. He knocked on her door.
She opened it a crack, her eyes widening. "What's up?"
"Should I be dressed up? And where's Henry?"
She took in his bare chest, and he noticed her gaze lingered there before drifting back to his face. "Henry's over at Oscar's for dinner. As far as clothes, a shirt would be appropriate."
"Funny. Like a button-down?"
She chewed her bottom lip. "Tonight is casual. You can wear what you want."
"Okay." He started to walk away.
"Nick?"
He paused. "Yeah?"
"Wear that navy blue button-down."
Curious, he asked, "Why?"
She shrugged. "Because it looks good on you."
Huh. "Sure."
He wandered off, wondering if that lingering gaze she'd given him had been his imagination, or had she really stared at his bare chest? Like, an extra-long stare that maybe indicated she was ogling his chest.
Or maybe his interest in her was making him see things that weren't there.
He grabbed the navy button-down and finished getting dressed, then went into the kitchen and filled a glass with ice water, guzzling it down in a few swallows. He looked down the hall, wondering what Ellie was going to wear tonight.
She'd barely opened the door a crack when he'd knocked on it, making him wonder what had been going on inside her bedroom. Had she been half-dressed like he'd been half-dressed? His mind filled with visuals of Ellie in her underwear.
Or even less.
Take it down a notch, Nick.
"I'm ready."
He looked up. His gut clenched at the sight of her in tight dark jeans, high heels, and a black long-sleeved shirt that hugged her body. She wore that same delicate silver chain she always wore, the one that disappeared under the shirt, making him wonder how far down the chain went. He'd like to go exploring that chain, along with other parts of her body.
"You look really nice," he said, trying to keep his comment friendly. In the friend zone. Where it belonged.
"Thanks. Although I'm just wearing jeans."
Didn't matter. Nick thought she always looked great. But he knew what she meant and didn't want to make things weird, so he gave her a teasing look. "Your dressy jeans. With heels. Fancy."
She laughed. "I am not. Okay, maybe a little. I live in scrubs and tennis shoes. And when we go out to eat, it's usually with Henry. So maybe I wanted to dress it up just a touch tonight."
"It works for you." He wanted to tell her she looked sexy, but after his totally inappropriate comment the other night, he kept that thought to himself.
They put their coats on and got into his truck.
"So what's this thing we're going to tonight?" he asked as he backed down the driveway.
"It's a toy collection and fundraiser for the children's center. Our tickets were paid for by the hospital. Otherwise, it's twenty dollars a plate and all the proceeds go to the center. And everyone donates a toy."
"Sounds great. Hope the food is good."
"It will be. It's being catered by Zia's."
"T
hen I can't wait."
They parked in the lot at the community center and walked through the doors to the gym. This was Nick's neighborhood. He'd grown up here and John and he used to play basketball in the yard after school and on the weekends. Every kid, regardless of circumstance, had always been welcome. He understood how important it was for kids to have a place to go to, especially kids who didn't have anywhere else. Even if Ellie hadn't gotten the tickets for free, he'd have gladly ponied up forty bucks for them to attend.
The place was filled with people and they had holiday decorations on all the tables and a Christmas tree in the corner. Lights were strung up along the ceiling and holiday music played softly in the background.
More importantly, it smelled good in there. It looked like there was a bar set up at the front of the hall.
They dropped off the toys they'd brought at the table near the entrance.
"What would you like to drink?" he asked.
She gave him a thoughtful look. "Um, how about a rum and cola?"
"You got it."
He went to the bar and ordered Ellie's drink, plus a whiskey and soda for himself. When he turned around, he had to look for a bit before he found Ellie. She was standing over by a group of people, Rob's wife, Melissa, included in that group, so he wandered that way.
"Here you go," he said, handing her the drink.
"Thank you."
"Hey, Melissa," Nick said, giving her a kiss on the cheek. "Rob said he was working late deliberately to avoid coming tonight."
Melissa laughed. "I'm going to tell him you said that."
"Go ahead." He took a sip of his whiskey.
Ellie grasped his arm. "Nick, this is Amanda and Paul Satterfield. They're the organizers of the event."
Nick shook their hands. "Nice to meet both of you. This is a great thing you're doing."
"We're happy to do it," Paul said.
"And it's such an amazing turnout tonight," Amanda said. "We couldn't be happier."
"My brother and I grew up on the basketball courts here," Nick said. "I don't know what we would have done without the community center."
Paul nodded. "Me, too. You look about the same age as me. We probably played each other a time or two."
Nick grinned. "It's likely. If we did, I probably kicked your butt."
Paul laughed. "I don't think so. I was pretty good."
Nick and Paul spent some time talking about their childhoods and their basketball prowess, until Ellie came and dragged him away. He told Paul he'd catch up with him later.
"I thought we'd take a look at the silent auction. There's a smoker I thought we might bid on."