“What are you thinking about?” she asked.
“Just how lucky I am to be able to share my dream and this moment with you.”
She leaned into me and softly kissed my lips. “I’m the lucky one.” She smiled.
As we were having our little moment, Candi burst through the doors of the bar. “Hey, boss.” She smiled as she hugged me. “You have no idea how happy I am that you bought this joint.”
Candi was one of the best bartenders I knew. She was forty-two years old, and she had never been married. Maddie had always been jealous of her long, curly black hair, and the two of them worked together for years. Both being single, they were constantly getting hit on by the customers. Candi used to be a prostitute. She stumbled into the bar one night after being beat up by her pimp. She was only twenty-two years old at the time. When Bernie saw her, he took her to the hospital. After she was released, they had a long talk, and Bernie brought her back to the bar, taught her how to make drinks, and gave her a job. That was twenty years ago, and she told us every day how Bernie saved her life and gave her a second chance.
I decided to have a celebration party with family and friends tonight. I put up a sign on the door, saying that the bar was closed for tonight only and would re-open tomorrow. Lily walked over to me and gave me a kiss goodbye. Chris, the principal of the school, had called her in for a meeting. As I looked over at the stage, I chuckled when I saw Charley up there, pretending she was holding a microphone, and singing her little heart out. My mom and dad left just as Sam came walking in.
“Dude, congratulations!” he said as we fist-bumped. “I never thought I’d see this day.”
“Me either, Sam. You and Gretchen are coming tonight, right?”
“Of course we are, and depending on how Giselle is feeling, her and Lucky will be here.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right,” I said as I looked at Sam. “Today’s the day of her appointment at the clinic. Lily wanted to be there with her, but Giselle told her that Lucky was taking her.”
“It sucks that they got themselves into this situation in the first place,” Sam said as I handed him a beer.
“Uncle Sammy!” Charley shrieked. “Did you hear me singing?”
“I sure did, and I think you’re going to be the next Taylor Swift.”
Charley’s eyes widened as she smiled. “Do you really think so?”
“Yes, I do. In fact, I’m going to call up American Idol and tell them I have a nine-year-old celebrity sitting next to me.”
I chuckled as I poured Charley a coke. “Here, peanut. Take this and go sit over at the table.”
“Thanks for the beer, man. I’m going to head home, get changed, and then wait for Gretchen to finish her photo shoot. I’ll see you later,” Sam said as we did our handshake.
***
As I was sitting in my office, going over some paperwork, Lily walked in, and I immediately knew something was wrong.
“Hey, babe. What’s wrong?” I asked as I got up from my chair and wrapped my arms around her.
“The teacher that I’m subbing for is coming back to work on Monday. Her husband passed away sooner than they thought, and she said she needs to come back to teaching to take her mind off of it.”
“Aw, babe, I’m sorry,” I said as I held her tight.
“I mean, I can understand her needing to come back, and I’m sorry her husband passed away, but I’m going to miss my students.” She started to cry.
“I know you will. I know how much they mean to you,” I said as I kissed her head.
My heart broke for her. She loved her job and her students. I wanted to take away her sadness, but I didn’t know what to do for her. “You can work here at the bar.”
She broke our embrace and looked at me. “Thank you, but no. As much as I love you, I don’t want to work for you. Anyway, Chris said that one of the teachers will be retiring at the end of the year, and when they move some other teachers around, there will be a position available, and she said it’s mine. I’ll just focus on photography for a while.”
“That’s my girl.” I smiled.
I tilted my head as I looked at her and gently wiped away her tears. I brought her face closer to mine as I softly brushed her lips. “You know, in order to make this place perfect, we have to have sex here.”
“Is that so?” She smiled as she bit her bottom lip.
“I think my office is the perfect place to start, Miss Gilmore,” I said as I slowly undid the buttons on her shirt, then pushed it off her shoulders.
“I agree, Mr. Matthews,” she smirked as her fingers grabbed the bottom of my t-shirt and she lifted it up over my head.
34
Lily
Luke and I left the bar and headed back to my apartment to change, and get ready for the party. The whole staff was going to be there along with all of Luke’s family and friends. It was going to be a great night, and I wasn’t going to ruin it for me or Luke. As much as I loved my students, maybe it was best that I focused on what I’d always wanted to do—photography. Walking into my apartment, and Luke following behind, I set my purse on the counter and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. As I turned around, Luke put his hands on my hips and looked at me.
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine, Luke.” I smiled.
“I’m going to run next door and grab some fresh clothes. I’ll be right back,” he said as he kissed me on the forehead and walked out the door.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Giselle and what she must be going through right now. She told me and Gretchen that she didn’t want us to go with her to the clinic because it was something her and Lucky needed to do alone. She told me that she’d call me when she had the chance. As I was heading to my bedroom to change my clothes, Luke opened the door and walked in.
“That was quick,” I said as he followed me into the bedroom.
“I’m a guy. Give me a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and I’m happy. We’re not like you women who spend hours deciding what you’re going to wear, how you’re going to do your makeup, and how you’re going to style your hair.”
“I don’t do that!” I exclaimed as I took a dress from my closet, looked at it, and then put it back. “Ok, guilty as charged.” I smiled.
Walking over to my dresser, I looked at Luke as he was getting dressed. “I’m worried about Giselle. Have you heard from Lucky?”
“No, not yet,” he replied, slipping his dark gray t-shirt over his head.
“What are your feelings about all this?”
Luke sat on the edge of the bed and watched me as I ran a brush through my hair. “I don’t know what to think. I’m not happy about the decision they made, but it’s their life, and they have to live with it. Who knows? Maybe fatherhood will change Lucky.”
“Their relationship is weird. They’re more friends with benefits than anything else,” I said as I twisted my hair up in a clip.
“Some people prefer their relationships that way; it’s way less complicated.”
“Are you saying our relationship is complicated?”
“Yes, our relationship is very complicated because I can’t just have sex with you and leave. You plague my thoughts and my dreams when you’re not around. So, I would say that complicates things because when you’re not with me, I feel like life has stopped until you’re by my side again.”
His words were like poetry to me, and they reached deep down to the very core of my soul. What he had just said made tears spring into my eyes. I couldn’t say a word, because if I opened my mouth, I would lose it and cry like a blubbering idiot.
As Luke stood up from the edge of the bed and wrapped his arms around me, he asked me if I was ok. I took in a deep breath and nodded my head.
“I’m sorry, babe. I said too much, and if you respond, you’re going to cry, right?”
Once again, I nodded my head and closed my eyes.
“I love you, Lily.”
“I love you, Luke.”
; “I hate seeing you sad. Don’t worry about this teaching thing; everything will work out, and I’ll be by your side every step of the way.”
The one thing I could always count on Luke for was the fact that he always made me feel better and, suddenly, losing my job as Charley’s teacher didn’t seem so bad anymore.
***
Luke and Maddie were behind the bar, setting up the glasses, while Candi and I were making sure the tables were set up.
“How many people are you expecting, Luke?” Candi shouted across the bar.
“About fifty or so.”
“Who’s watching Charley tonight?” I asked Maddie.
“She’s spending the night at her girlfriend’s house.”
Maddie walked over to me and gave me a hug. “I’m really sorry to hear that Charley’s going to have a new teacher on Monday. I haven’t told her yet; she’s going to be devastated.”
“Thanks,” I said as I looked down. “I’m really going to miss those kids, but I’ll still see Charley every day, and she’s more than welcome to come over whenever she wants. Just send her down.”
Maddie laughed as she placed her hand on my shoulder. “That’s sweet of you, Lily, but I’ll give you a call first in case you and my brother are busy.”
“Ah, that’s a good idea.” I winked.
As I looked over Maddie’s shoulder, I saw Tom and Annie walk into the bar.
“Your mom and dad are here,” I said to her.
“Great, keep them occupied for me.” She smiled as she walked the opposite way.
Following behind them was another couple who walked over to Luke and hugged him. Luke looked over to where I was standing, and he motioned for me to come over to him.
“Lily, I would like you to meet my Aunt Rose and Uncle Matt.”
“My, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Aunt Rose said as she hugged me. “We’ve heard so much about you from Annie and Tom that we feel like we already know you.”
“It’s great to meet both of you.” I smiled.
Rose was Annie’s younger sister, and Matt was her husband. She was a cake decorator and owned a bakery in San Francisco, and he was a retired accountant who did the books for Rose’s bakery. As we were talking, Gretchen and Sam walked in.
“Hey, bro.” He smiled as he and Luke shook hands.
“Hi, Sam,” I said as he gave me a hug.
“Have you heard from Giselle yet?” I asked Gretchen with concern.
“I texted her and she said she’s fine—she’s…”
Before Gretchen could finish her sentence, Giselle and Lucky walked through the door. I put my hand on Luke’s shoulder, and he turned around. The four of us stood there and stared at them.
“We’re having a baby!” She smiled as she threw her hands in the air.
We stood there, unable to say anything, then Luke spoke the first words.
“Awesome.” He smiled as he hugged Giselle and high-fived Lucky.
Sam followed behind Luke and did the same as I looked at her and smiled. Gretchen, Giselle, and I walked over and sat down at a table.
“I couldn’t do it. I was lying down on the table with my feet in the stirrups. Lucky was holding my hand, and the doctor walked in and asked me if I was ready. I told him I was and then he went to check me, and I yelled, ‘stop.’ I looked at Lucky, told him that I couldn’t do it, and he said ‘please don’t.’ So, I sat up, got dressed, and the two of us went out to lunch and talked about what we’re going to do.”
“And what are you going to do?” Gretchen asked as she grabbed Giselle’s hand.
“Lucky and I are going to raise the baby together as friends, with some occasional sex thrown in.” She smiled.
“Is he moving in?”
“No, we’re not moving in together. We’re both going to keep our separate places fully furnished with all the things the baby needs.”
I leaned over and looped my arm around her neck. “If that’s what the two of you want, then I’m happy for you. I can’t tell you how glad I am that you didn’t go through with it.”
“I know you are, Lily, and I gave a lot of thought to what you said about your birth mother. By the way, nobody better cancel on Tuesday, because I want to hear all about it,” she said as she pointed her finger at me and Gretchen.
I felt two strong hands clasp my shoulders. As I looked up, Luke bent down and kissed me. “Come on, babe. There are a few people I want you to meet.”
After meeting all of Luke’s family and friends, Luke walked over and got up on the stage. As he positioned himself in front of the microphone, he held up his beer and yelled, “Welcome to Luke’s Bar and Grille!”
Everyone in the bar whistled and cheered as I stared at Luke’s smiling face. As he looked at me and winked, I held up my beer and blew him a kiss. His happiness is the only thing that matters to me, and I will do everything I can to make sure he stays that way.
***
The next couple of weeks, I barely saw Luke at all. He was at the bar from morning until night. If I wanted to see him, I would have to go to the bar. When he’d come home, he would quietly slip into bed and wrap his arms around me. We’d have dinner together at the bar every night, and he still tried to convince me to work there. He even went as far as to ask me if I would play the guitar and sing a few nights a week. I didn’t have to say a word; he could tell my thoughts on that just by the look on my face. I had Giselle and Gretchen over for dinner like we planned, and I told them everything about Mary. Charley cried almost every day at school because I was no longer her teacher. It had been a clusterfuck of a week, and certain emotions from my past were being stirred up. As I was sitting on the couch, feeling sorry for myself, a text message from Luke came through.
“Hey, babe. Why aren’t you here yet?”
I quickly responded. “I’m not coming to the bar tonight.”
“Why not? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, Luke. I just want to stay home.”
“But I miss you, Lily.”
“Yeah, I miss you too, but you don’t seem to care about that.”
As I sat there and stared at my message to him, I couldn’t believe I had just said that. I didn’t know what was going on with me, and I just wanted to be left alone. When he didn’t respond, I threw my phone across the table. About twenty minutes later, the door opened. I turned around as Luke walked in, threw his keys on the counter, and stood in front of me.
“What the hell was that last text supposed to mean?”
I suppose I was looking for a fight, because I jumped up without hesitation and got in his face.
“It means exactly what I said.”
“What’s the matter with you?” he asked as he softly grabbed my arm when I started to walk away. “Don’t you dare walk away from me!”
I jerked my arm out of his grip. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do!”
“Babe, please tell me what’s going on with you, because right now, you’re not acting like yourself.”
“You want to know what’s wrong? Fine, I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I never see much of you anymore, and when I do, it’s always at the bar with everyone else. We barely eat together anymore, and we don’t go out. You spend every damn, fucking minute at that bar.”
“Watch your mouth, Lily.”
“Oh, and that’s another thing; you don’t get to tell me to watch my mouth, because I can talk anyway I want. I’m an adult, and if I want to scream FUCK to the world, then I fucking will!”
“We talked about this before I bought the bar; that’s why I discussed it with you first, and now you’re behaving like this. Why, Lily? Are you trying to hurt me? You knew the first few months were going to be difficult.”
“Yeah, but then the first few months turn into another few months, and then they turn into years. It’s your passion, and that’s all you’ll ever do, and that’s all you’ll ever think about, Johnny!” I screamed.
The expression on his face nearly killed me; it was f
illed with pain, disgust, and anguish. As he walked to the door, and put his hand on the knob, he turned around and looked at me.
“I’m not your father, Lily.”
He slammed the door behind him, and I stood there with my hand over my mouth as I dropped to my knees. I couldn’t believe I called him “Johnny.” As I closed my eyes, the memories of my mother and father fighting became more vivid. Brynn and I would sit on the stairs and listen to them scream back and forth at each other. I remembered my mother yelling at him about never being around and how he promised things would be better. I began to sob as I buried my face in my hands. I felt two arms wrap themselves around me, and I heard Sam’s voice telling me that it was going to be ok. He helped me up from the floor, and he led me to the couch.
“Lily, please calm down.”
“Sam, I said horrible things to him. I called him ‘Johnny.’ I’m more fucked up than I thought I was.”
35
Luke
As I hopped on my bike and sped out of the parking lot, I couldn’t stop thinking about Lily’s behavior and her attitude towards me. She was being irrational, and I was disturbed by the fact that she called me her father. We’d had a long discussion about how many hours I’d be working at the bar the first few months, and she told me that she understood and that she’d be with me and support me through it all. As I pulled into the parking lot at the bar, I parked my bike on the side of the building and walked through the doors. I sighed as I stepped behind the bar and poured myself a cold beer.
“Where’d you run off to?” Maddie asked as she was making drinks.
“Lily’s apartment.”
“You didn’t bring her back with you?”
“No, we got into a fight.”
Maddie stopped what she was doing and looked at me. “About what?”
“The bar, and how she’s sick of not seeing me, and spending time with her,” I said as I slammed the glass down on the counter and looked at her. “See, this is what I don’t get: we spend time together, and we see each other every day. She comes here, and when I leave, I go home to her place, and I spend every night with her.”