Chapter 21
Jaida
Mak has been locked in the room for two days straight. She doesn’t eat, but binges on snacks and candy bars. When I tried to get her to come out the room and wouldn’t leave her alone she told Donte I was pregnant. Hooker. While I was explaining to him why I hadn’t told him anything even if I wasn’t sure, she snuck back to her room. Yesterday was Labor Day so I left her alone. Today we’re supposed to be at the studio by seven o’clock. After I get dressed I go in the kitchen to find something to eat. She’s already in there.
“He doesn’t even fit the stereotype, Jay.”
I’m assuming she’s talking about Kalil, but I wait for her to say more.
“He doesn’t smoke. I can always reach him. He’s always around. He’s not sleeping around. He’s not driving flashy cars or anything like that. He’s only mean when he has to be. He only has one kid and hell, he married his baby’s mom, they don’t do stuff like that, right? His biggest downfall is him having a potty mouth.”
Really, Mak? Potty mouth? “Those are good things, right?”
“I’m not you, Jay. I don’t know how to be okay with this.”
“I’m not okay with it. I’m just a little more invested, so I’m playing the hand I’ve been dealt.”
She's fighting back tears. “I miss him so much. It’s taking everything in me not to pick the phone up when he calls, to not go home to him. I close my eyes and I see him. I hear his voice in my head. I want him here with me. I want his arms around me. I wanna see his smile, I wanna be able to smell him when I walk into a room he’s been in. It’s like somebody’s standing on my chest and no matter what I do it’s just getting harder and harder to breathe. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep…I can’t do nothing, but think about him. Is this how it’s supposed to be, should I seriously be feeling this way?”
Her voice is fading in and out. Half of what she just said came out in a whisper-cry. I cry with her as I go to her and hug her. I know the Mak who’s struck out on her own and has two businesses that she actually owns. I know the Mak who left an abusive home and never let it keep her from getting what she wanted. I know the strong Mak who has grown women wanting to “be like her when they grow up.” I’ve forgotten the other Mak. The Mak who’s only 19. The Mak. who’s a big ball of nerves for anything that doesn’t involve gymnastics or dancing. The Mak who’s never really been in love before Kalil. The Mak who’s obviously standing in the kitchen with me and realizing how much heartbreak sucks. “That’s exactly how it’s supposed to feel.”
“Then I’ll never let myself fall in love again.”
“Baby, ya’ll gone be late. We need to…” Donte cuts himself off as I look up at him. He’s caught off guard by the sight of us standing in the middle of the kitchen hugging each other and crying. “I’ll come back later.”
“No wait, I’m ready,” Mak says. She wipes her face and goes into the living room. She grabs her bag and goes into the garage.
“How much longer I gotta deal with all this?” he asks as he hugs me.
I smile and say, “We’re a package deal.”
When we get to the studio Mak goes into the gymnastics building. Her first session isn’t for another two hours, so I follow her. “What are you doing over here?”
“I need a distraction.”
She puts her phone to her ear and a little while later asks to speak to Marcus. If she’s calling him there’s only one distraction she could be talking about.
Makynzee
Marcus makes it to the studio about half an hour later. I have my headphones on when he walks in, but I pull them off and speak to him.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?”
He’s smiling so I’m pretty sure he already knows. “Freestyle.”
“How soon?”
“When’s your next competition?”
“Saturday night, in Atlanta.”
I mentally calculate the hours I’d have to put in on top of my current schedule in order to be ready by then. It’s not like I’m doing anything else. “Okay, but there are conditions.”
“Like?”
“The guy from your house that day.” It’s more of a question to see if he remembers Nyeem. He shakes his head up and down. “He’s still out there. I have my routine in my head, but I need to practice a few things. Early mornings and late nights, I can’t be by myself.”
“I’ll stay with you.”
I almost frown. Technically he was with me when Nyeem tried to strangle me. He’s nowhere near enough to make me comfortable. I need Kalil. I need him to get out of my head right now though. “He’s not scared of you. You had a gun pointed at him and he ignored you, it has to be more than you.”
He gives a quick nod of his head. “I know a few cops who owe me favors.”
“Okay, I have a little time before my first session starts, I’ll go over it with you.”
This week races by. Jay complains that I’m pushing myself too hard. I’m at the studio by 7:00 every morning and stay until around 10:30 or 11:00 each night. I’m surprisingly functional and my attitude doesn’t suck as bad as I thought it would, but everybody’s calling me a slave driver. A few extra hours won’t hurt them. I know the only thing keeping me going is if I slow down everything around me becomes Kalil. We have a dance competition on Friday in Atlanta. It actually works out great because I can just stay overnight for the freestyle competition. Today is Thursday. Marcus’s cop friends have been hanging around even when he’s not here. I wonder if he’s paying them. The older girls enjoy the extra attention. I think it’s a distraction, but they actually put more into their moves when they know they’re being watched so I let it be. Right now we’re going over the routine for tomorrow. Atlanta is a tough crowd, so I need them to have their moves perfected. Since this is our first time performing there I want them to dance to someone who reps Atlanta. The song I choose is “Lil Freak” by Usher. The routine is pretty much girls who all want the same guy, so they try to show him who’s the best. It involves a lot of touching and grabbing on Tyler, the male dancer we’re using as a prop. I had a hard time making the choreography more sexy than slutty, but with Jay’s newfound conservativeness we worked it out. Elise is supposed to be the girl Tyler chooses, so why is he sitting there ignoring her and watching me. I hate crushes, especially when all I can think about is Kalil. I stop the music and say, “Elise, you’re losing Tyler. Your moves need to make him focus on you.”
“I know, but that’s impossible to do when he has a hard on for you.”
He actually blushes and turns red. The other girls laugh. I get up from the corner I’m sitting in and move closer to them. “We need to focus guys; we’re performing in less than 24 hours.”
“Tyler needs to focus. Keep staring at Makynzee and we’re going to find Kalil.”
She just earned herself a few laps around the building for mentioning he who shall not be mentioned. “You owe me, Leela. Everybody do it again from the top. No music.”
This time they get it right until they get to the part where Tyler is supposed to try and get to Elise and gets cut off by Leela and KC. He misses his cue and it throws everybody off. I’m not sure what he was focused on this time because he wasn’t watching me. I tell them to take a five-minute break.
“I wanna go home!”
I’m not sure who said it, but I think it was Jordan. “Get it right and I’ll let y’all go.”
“This is cruel and unusual punishment. You and Kalil are obviously fighting or you wouldn’t be driving us crazy like this, you’d be home with him,” Shelley says.
She’s one of six girls in this particular group who is older than I am. “The next person who brings up Kalil is staying with me the rest of the night to run laps while I practice.”
Elise chimes in, “How is that fair to us? We’re not the reason y’all are fighting.”
She’s also older than me. The ones who are my age or younger don’t usually argue when I say something. The ones who are ol
der always do. “Y’all have three minutes left, you shouldn’t waste it worrying about me and Kalil.”
“Well what about his twin over there? Is he fair game?” Jordan asks.
My eyes follow hers. Kaeden is here. Why is Kaeden here? “Sure, have at him. In fact, bring him over here. He can take Tyler’s place for a while.”
While watching Leela and Jordan bring Kaeden to us, Elise says, “He doesn’t know any of the moves. How does that work?”
“That’ll make it better. He’ll genuinely be surprised and technically you’re supposed to be seducing the guy, he’s not biased like Tyler is.” I’m the last person Kaeden should want to look at. I have to get Tyler to focus. I can’t switch him out. He’s one of my best male dancers and it’s too late to try and get one of the other guys to take his place. He’s also one of the four guys I’m using in my freestyle routine.
Kaeden tells me, “I didn’t come here for this.”
“You shouldn’t have come period, but since you’re here make yourself useful.”
I start the music and watch as they begin to dance around him. Him not knowing the routine allows him to be surprised and confused at all the right times. Every time one of them touches him or comes into any kind of contact with his body he plays the part perfectly. Maybe it’s not too late to take Tyler out and use someone else. Thinking this makes me scan the room for him. Go figure. He’s watching me. I walk over to him and turn his face towards the dancers. “You should be watching them, not me.”
Elise shines for Kaeden. His eyes quickly lock on her. When she uses her right index finger to motion for him to come to her, he goes without hesitating. He looks genuinely pissed when KC and Leela cut him off. He’s obviously still a man though. His frown fades as he watches the two of them dancing around him. I laugh. He glances up at me and frowns. Elise commands his attention again and he willingly gives it to her. This time she doesn’t have to tell him to come to her. This is where Tyler would actually be dancing so I stop the music. It takes a few seconds and me clearing my throat for them to look up at me. “We leave at five, be here a quarter til, have a good night.”
“Thank you, Kalil’s twin,” Leela says.
“Leela, meet me next door.” Her mouth just reminded me she owes me. I hear her curse under her breath. Kaeden is still with Elise. They make a cute couple, but I don’t think that’s where his mind is right now. I leave them alone and make my way next door. Tyler follows me.
“Makynzee, you got a minute before we start practicing.”
I do, but I don’t want to talk to him. Reluctantly, I turn to face him.
“I just wanted to apologize for zoning out like that earlier.”
“Tyler, are you going to be able to focus tomorrow and Saturday? If not you need to let me know right now so we can adjust.”
“I’ll be good, I’m just having an off day.”
I’ve been having off days since last weekend. “Get it together.”
I’m practicing my fight with Tyler, Jamel, Niclaus, and Davie when Kaeden comes in. It just so happens to be a part where it looks like I get hit. By the time I realize what’s going on, Niclaus is holding his jaw and cursing at Kaeden who now looks confused.
“That was fake?” he asks.
I tell them to take a break and get ice for Niclaus before turning to Kaeden. “Seriously, why are you here?”
“You can’t be mad at me for that, it looked like he hit you. I just came to check on you since you ignoring the hell out of my brother.”
“I’m fine. I don’t need you here beating up my guys.”
He looks at Tyler and asks, “New boyfriend?”
“Shut up, he’s 18.”
“And you’re 19.”
The obviousness in that hadn’t crossed my mind until now. “Did you come here to spy on me or do you really have a reason for being here?”
“I just said I came to check on you.”
His eyes sweep the building and all the exits before meeting mine. It’s as if he’s looking for someone. Nyeem. “What now?”
He feigns ignorance.
“Who are you looking for, Kaeden?”
“Nobody, I just came to check on you. I’ll stay til you get done. You can call of your version of security.”
“I’m not stupid. If you’re here and feel the need to stay til I’m done that means Nyeem has shown his face again.”
He stares at me in silence for a few seconds then shakes his head from left to right. “Just the opposite. We have no idea where the hell he is?”
He tells me that since they found out who Nyeem really was they were able to find his, who he hangs out with, where he hangs out…everything, but him. He’s nowhere to be found. Maybe he bled to death after Kaeden shot him. I would have no such luck. I was strongly considering making Kaeden leave, but I think I’ll let him stick around. He’s more observant than Kalil and doesn’t hesitate to use a gun when need be. Then again, maybe Kalil’s the same way. He’s obviously kept a lot hidden from me.
I blurt out, “Kalil sells cocaine?” I’m not loud and no one is close enough to hear me even if I was, but Kaeden still looks at me in disbelief.
“What he told you?”
“I didn’t really ask him.”
“Then that’s between y’all. What the hell are we listening to? It’s making me wanna blow my brains out.”
He’s never seen me perform. I think. Maybe Kalil has shown him a video. “Evanescence, Kendra picked it for the quick beat.”
“Kendra should stick to her day job. I got something with a quick beat.” He pulls his phone out and starts looking for a song. “Since y’all gone be in Atlanta and it looks like y’all fighting, try this.” He plays TI’s “Bring ‘Em Out”. I like it.
“You can watch me practice, don’t take it serious though, none of the hitting is real and no Tyler is not my new boyfriend.”
Jay left when she found out Kaeden was staying. She’d told me to let the asshole bring me home. I think their hatred for each other is really just sexual tension and they should just bump uglies, but she says I’m way off and she’s just mad he wouldn’t let her come in the basement. He’s on his phone when Kendra and I walk out. I hear him tell someone he’ll be there after he takes me home. The ride to Jay’s starts out quiet. It’s killing me not to ask where Kalil is. What he’s doing? How he’s doing? Is he as screwed up as I am? KJ should be with him. I miss him as much as I miss Kalil. As if reading my mind Kaeden starts talking.
“KJ’s been asking for you a lot.”
I bite my tongue to keep from responding.
“I think he’d like it if you came to tuck him in tonight.”
I briefly consider this as I stare out the window. I can’t do it for two reasons. One, there’s a good chance Kalil wouldn’t let me leave or bring me back to Jay’s house. Two, I wouldn’t want him to. I don’t know how to accept him right now, so even though I want to see him, I won’t. Kaeden is still talking.
“They’re at home watching the game.”
I wonder if this was planned. Kaeden is usually quiet. Tonight he won’t shut up. We’re pulling into the driveway now. Thank the Lord. I get out and say, “Thanks for the ride.”
“Yup, see you tomorrow.”
Nyeem is somewhere out there. Probably watching me as I walk to the door. My arms are covered with goose bumps as I glance around. I jog to the door and quickly slip inside. Donte and Jay are in the living room snuggled on the couch watching TV. They make me sick.
“Didn’t I say be home by nine?” Donte asks.
“So you’re my daddy now?”
“My house, my rules. I said nine o’clock family time. Tonight’s activity is movie night.”
It’s hard to tell when Donte is serious about something. Right now he seems to be in the middle of joking and being serious. I go with joking. “I’ll do better.”
“Good, don’t let it happen again.”
“Yes, sir
,” I say as I head to my room.
“You should watch this movie with us, we just started it. I’ll make some caramel popcorn,” Jay says.
When did she become so domestic? I haven’t slept much this whole week and it’s finally catching up to me. “I’m tired. I’ll just fall asleep on it.” Not to mention I don’t want to feel like a third wheel and deal with them and all their pregnancy happiness. She opens her mouth to protest and I quickly cut her off. “I’m actually really tired tonight, Jay. I need to sleep.” She takes the hint and says goodnight.
Thoughts of Kalil keep me awake until well after midnight. Even then he dominates my dreams. I wake up for no apparent reason at all at three o’clock the next morning. I try to go back to sleep, but it’s useless. At four I give in to the urge to call him. He doesn’t answer. I don’t leave a message. My practicality kicks in. I automatically think of Melanie Fiona’s song “4am.” I arrange the lyrics to match my thoughts. He’s not answering so the dancer he’s with is probably Dynasty. The thought alone makes me want to cause someone bodily harm. I’ve never seen him drink champagne, so he’s probably sipping Hennessy or Bacardi. I really think I might lose it until I hear his ringtone. It’s been less than a minute, which means he was probably asleep and didn’t catch his phone in time. I smile, but my thoughts are still clouded, so for some unknown reason I don’t answer. The ringing stops and a few seconds later starts up again. This time he leaves a voicemail. I’ll check it later. I finish getting dressed and pack the last few things I need for our weekend in Atlanta. Jay wants to stay until Sunday, so she’s managed to still make me a third wheel. I stay in the room until I hear her voice. She’s saying something to Donte. I grab my bag and go out to meet them.
Jaida
I’m trying to feel Mak out. She seems more distant today than she’s been all week. I wonder if she’s nervous about the group’s performance or thinking about Kalil. Knowing her it’s a mixture of both. We’re waiting for the last of the dancers to arrive when she tells me she’s going to ride the bus instead of riding with me and Donte. “Why? They’re going to be loud and crazy the whole way there.” I answer my own question before I’m even done asking it. That’s the whole purpose. She wants the craziness that comes with being around them. Kalil called me to check on her last night. I wouldn’t be surprised if he shows up in Atlanta this weekend. I am surprised by his brother’s car pulling into the parking lot right now. “What the hell is he doing here?”
“Damn. I forgot to call Elise and tell her to stay away from him.”
“Wait, didn’t she just meet him yesterday?”
Mak gives me a look that says let it go. I can’t. He’s not supposed to like any of them. “She should know better. They don’t even know each other.”
“Jay, she’s grown, hell she’s older than both of us. That’s her personal business. She’s on time and ready to go so what can I say? And you have no room to talk, isn’t that you and Donte’s story, too.”
I ignore that last part. “Isn’t that forbidden or something? She can’t sleep with your brother-in-law.”
She shakes her head at me and walks towards the bus before saying, “Let’s go, we leave in two minutes.”
I complain about Kaeden and Mak’s lack of caring for half the ride to Atlanta. Donte uses the steering wheel controls to sneak and turn the radio up, like I can’t hear the difference. I talk louder each time.
We’re performing at the hotel we’re staying in. Somehow, yet unknown to myself, Kendra, or Javier, Elise manages to sprain her ankle somewhere between checking into the hotel and coming down to do a warm up. We go on in half an hour. Javier and Kendra wrap her ankle with an ace bandage and have her try to do a few of the moves. It’s a disaster. Mak doesn’t know yet. She’s making sure our set is together and the music is right. Elise is crying. She’s more concerned with disappointing Mak than not actually being able to perform. She’s so stupid. We’re trying to decide who will tell Mak what happened when she walks up to us. She looks from us in our huddle to Elise then back to us and frowns. Elise speaks first.
“I’m so sorry, Makynzee. We were messing around in the room and I landed funny when I jumped off the bed.”
She should’ve kept that part to herself.
“Jumped off the bed…Elise you’re a grown ass woman! What were you doing jumping on the bed? Who plays around half an hour before a performance?” She looks from Elise to the rest of the group. “Every single one of you complains and tells me I’m too hard on y’all and I treat y’all like kids, but look what happens when you get a little freedom.”
They all either drop their heads in shame or avert their eyes from her glare.
“And now none of you can talk?”
They say nothing.
“Fine then. Thank Elise and her roommates for a wasted trip since they just caused us to forfeit.”
Shocked gasps ring out. Some of them curse. Mak ignores them as she turns and walks away.
“Jaida talk to her, we can still go on,” Shelley says.
Of course they’d make me be the one to talk to her. When she’s pissed like this everybody steers clear of her. “Why? She’s right. It was stupid of Elise to be playing around like that period, let alone right before a competition.”
“Jaida please! We could win this. She came up with most of the choreography so she knows the routine She could take Elise’s place,” Jordan says.
I look at Javier and Kendra.
“It could work. She’s not listed as the coach. You are, so technically we’re not breaking any rules,” Javier says. He shrugs his shoulders and goes to stop Mak. I follow him. When we catch up to her he says, “Mamacita, calma y nos escuchan,”
“Not now, Javi. If I go back there I’m putting my hands on one of them.”
She’s frustrated. I know there’s more to it than them not being able to compete. I say, “You know all the choreography.” She stares at me, but doesn’t respond. I can’t read her expression, but she’s not frowning, so I keep going. “You could do her part. Your name’s not listed as the coach. We wouldn’t be breaking any rules and you’re in the age group.”
She has her hands on her hips. It looks like she’s thinking about it. I glance back to where the group is standing. They’re all staring expectantly at us. We hear an announcer say, “Rockstar 102, first call.”
“Come on Mak, they’re counting on you.”
She rolls her eyes as she takes a deep breath.
“Alright. Tell Elise to bring me her shirt and for her sake she’d better wear a size 91/2 in shoes.”
Mak dancing with the group makes much more of an impact than Elise would have. I’ve seen her perform so many times and yet I’m in awe as I watch her now. Tyler looks love struck. I knew he had a crush on her, but it seems as though it goes to another level when she dances for him. Having her take Elise’s spot was good for the competition, but not for him. The dance routine is supposed to end with Elise and Tyler hugging, one of her legs lifted and slightly wrapped around him, his hand on her thigh and a quick peck on the lips. Tyler’s hand is on her butt. She drops her head to his shoulder to keep from kissing him. He doesn’t even look disappointed. He’s happy with just having her in his arms. Kalil is going to kill him.