Chapter 24
Kalil
It’s been two days since I’ve seen or spoken to Mak. She took the coupe, so that means she’s not really gone, just mad at me. I’m not sure, because I could have been dreaming, but I think she came in the room where I was Tuesday morning. I think she gave me a kiss and told me she loves me, but when I actually looked around no one was there. It felt real though. I miss her. I tried the whole “give her space thing,” but it’s not working out too well for me. That’s why I’m headed to her studio now. Does that make me selfish? Jaida said she left her and Javier there ten minutes ago. Javier’s car isn’t here. Nyeem is still out there somewhere so it pisses me off that she’d stay here alone. The doors are locked, so that eases my mind a little. I go inside and follow the music. It takes me a while to figure out the song, but I realize it’s Beyoncé’. One of her old tracks, “Dangerously in Love.” I haven’t heard her playing anything, but slow songs since we went to Atlanta. They’re usually breakup songs, so I’m surprised this one is actually a love song. When I finally get to where she is I see her dancing. It’s not her usual hip-hop, fast paced dancing. It’s not even her usual slow grind dancing. It’s just as sultry and seductive though. Wait…it’s ballet! I thought I’d seen all that she could do, but she continues to surprise me. She’s never even hinted at the fact that she could do ballet. Maybe because it’s not ballet like I’ve seen before. She puts her stamp on everything she does. This is no exception. She throws a few of those slow motion flips in there too. I can’t look away from her. I’m actually quite upset that I have to blink. She doesn’t see me. Mak dancing when she thinks no one is watching is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life…KJ being born falls into a different category. I’m in awe. She’s really doing ballet. And making it the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Maybe I’m biased. I’m sure other people would agree with me though. She stops suddenly and quickly looks towards the door at the other end of the room. My eyes follow hers. The music stops.
“Was Javier gone when you came in here?” she asks.
What?! She knew I was here this whole time. “Yeah.”
“Did you lock the door back?”
Something’s scaring her. She’s talking to me and walking towards me, but staring at the door. I’m pretty sure I locked the door, but before I can answer her I hear what’s scaring her. It sounds like someone banging on something. The doors are glass though. If someone’s actually hitting them, they’ll break soon. I turn to go back the way I came in, but she has my shirt.
“You’re not leaving me here by myself.”
I had no intention of doing that. What if whoever’s out there somehow slips past me? I take her hand and pull her behind me. We’ve only taken a few steps before we hear it; glass shattering. It scares Mak enough to make her dig her nails into me as she jumps. Maybe this is why guys always leave the person they’re with when they go to investigate a noise. I move her hands away and we make our way to the lobby. With her directing our pace by taking baby steps and pulling me back by my shirt, it takes us forever. Whoever was here is long gone. There’s a white teddy bear on the front desk. It has a red ribbon tied around its neck and in the middle of its chest is a red heart that says “I love you.” There’s a folded piece of paper beside it. Nyeem. Mak is staring at it, but not moving. I grab the teddy bear and the note. “Miss Me?” is scribbled on the paper. She’s moving now and headed my way. I toss everything into the trash can.
“What’d it say?” she asks. Her voice quivers.
“Call Javier and Kendra and have them push everything back by a couple of hours for tomorrow.” She stares at me and doesn’t move. I pull her to me and kiss her forehead. “Make those calls, baby.”
She shakes her head up and down and goes to the phone behind the counter. When I hear her talking to Kendra I go outside and call my homeboy Torey. He does construction so I’m hoping he can come by and board the window up.
Makynzee
By the time we make it home I’m exhausted. All I want to do is take a shower and go to bed. Kalil seems riled up and pissed off all rolled into one. He can have that. I have to hand it to him though. He knows someone for just about any situation that could pop up. He made a phone call and fifteen minutes later I was watching as him and two other guys put up boards to cover the broken window. Someone else will be there at seven in the morning to put in new glass. It can stay boarded up for all I care. The glass that was broken was the one with the picture of my hand making the rock star symbol. That was custom made. It’ll take at least a week to get another one here. When I get out of the shower Kalil isn’t in the room with me. I can hear him downstairs. He’s not alone. It sounds like Kaeden and Bruce. I’m too tired to bother with speaking. Just when I get comfortable in bed he comes into the room. I look up at him and he sits beside me.
“I know you don’t wanna be around me, but I think the safest place for you to be is here, so I’ll leave, you stay.”
That would have been sweet if it wasn’t the stupidest thing I’ve heard him say all day. His being here is the reason I’m safe here. This man is the love of my life. Does he really think I want my own place because I don’t want to be around him? I wonder what he’d think if I told him I wanted my own car. “You think I don’t wanna be around you?”
He scratches his head in confusion and says, “Well, you have been MIA for the past two days.”
“Because you were an idiot.”
“Here we go with that again. You really think I would cheat on you?”
He’s a man. I’d be an idiot if I said it couldn’t happen. “Anything’s possible.” It’s the truth. I don’t think he would, but I can’t say he wouldn’t. He takes a deep breath and stands up.
“I wouldn’t. I’ll be downstairs.”
I don’t want him to go. I want him in bed with me. I want to be in his arms. “I always wanna be around you, even when I make myself stay away.”
He stops walking and looks back.
“I know all of your money isn’t legal, so that means your house, your cars, everything you own, it may not be legal either. I can easily separate myself from that, separating myself from you is obviously impossible.”
“The house is legal, Mak.”
He said that with no hesitation, but I notice he doesn’t say anything about the cars or anything else. I miss him, so I can accept that for now.
“Stay with me until I fall asleep then you can go hang out with your friends.”
“Yeah, that really doesn’t work for me and it’s probably not gone happen. It’s going on a week since you let me get it, so me getting in the bed just to let you go to sleep, no.”
I love it when he lets me know he wants me. “Wake me up when you come to bed, you can get it.”
He closes the bedroom door and asks, “How about I help you get to sleep quicker?”
I’m never too tired for Kalil. I smile at him and pull the comforter back for him to get in bed with me.
Kalil
Nothing bothers me more than knowing I can’t find Nyeem. He’s put his hands on both my babies. That shit gets under my skin. I should’ve known he would’ve shown up sooner or later. I didn’t expect it to be last night though. Mak heard the noise before I did. That bothers the fuck out of me because any other time if I’m around her, she’s oblivious to her surroundings. She sleeps heavier, doesn’t hear scary noises, and never notices the lunatics. Does this mean she’s no longer comfortable enough around me to let her guard down? Has Nyeem pushed her to the point of thinking I can no longer protect her? Does she love me any less now that she knows what I do for a living? If I had to choose between her and my lifestyle…would I choose her? Am I a psycho for sitting here and watching her while she sleeps? Probably. I want her to wake up, so I bite her on her cheek. She tries to roll away from me, but I hold her in place and bite her again. She tries to push me away from her. She doesn’t want to get up. I can’t say that I blame her since it’s three in the morn
ing. I bite her again, this time on her chin.
“Alright already, I’m up.”
I laugh. Her breath is terrible right now. I kiss her anyway.
“Get up, I wanna take you somewhere.”
“Would it have disappeared if you had let me sleep another hour?”
Sarcasm - one of her more prominent traits. “Come on, we gotta pack some sandwiches, and cheeses, and fruits, and wine, and all that jazz.”
She frowns as she follows me into the bathroom and ask, “We’re going on a picnic?”
The word picnic makes it sound so girly. I turn the shower on and say, “No, just eating outside.”
She’s smiling now. “Baby, you’re taking me on a picnic, that’s so sweet!
“It’s not a picnic.”
She’s quiet, but still smiling. She turns to the sink and starts to brush her teeth. I get in the shower.
She gets in with me and says, “But it’s cold outside.”
“Jacket.”
She’s quiet again. Maybe she’s thinking about it. Maybe she’s trying to figure out where we’re going. Knowing her, she’s thinking about the fact that she hates the cold.
“I’ll keep you warm.”
She’s smiling again. I give her a peck on her forehead and leave her in the shower. By the time we get in the truck to leave it’s almost five o’clock. We’ve got a little over an hour drive, but I think we’ll make it in time. When she realizes I’m not going to tell her where we’re going she falls asleep. I wake her up when we get to the pier.
“Oh, come on! You have a freaking boat?!”
She sounds like I do when I discover another of her hidden talents. I laugh and tell her we need to hurry.
Makynzee
Kalil has a damn boat! Seriously?! I’m in awe. It’s no longer dark, but the sun isn’t out yet. Breaking dawn. Why am I thinking about Edward Cullen right now? Because I’m team Edward and twilight is the safest time for his kind. I smile to myself as Kalil tells me again that we have to hurry. I grab our jackets and the blankets he told me to bring and he grabs the food. As he helps me onto the boat I see why he told me to wear sneakers. Do boats have different makes and models like cars do? If so what kind is this? I want to ask him to be sure, but I’m too thrown off by the fact that he’s effortlessly steering a freaking boat. I’m so excited! I can’t stop smiling. I can’t stop staring at him either. The wind against my face is cold, but I don’t even mind. I’m too happy to care. After about fifteen minutes he stops the boat and shuts the engine off. I glance around. I faintly see the outline of the pier behind us, but nothing in the other three directions surrounding us. He calls my name and I look at him.
“Come here.” He reaches for my hand and I attempt to make my way to him. I’ve never been on a boat before. Sitting and looking around is one thing, walking is another. I’m almost terrified, but he comes to me. He kisses my forehead and says, “I got you.”
My heart melts.
He points off into the distance and says, “Look.”
I follow his hand and I’m instantly stunned into silence. If you’ve ever witnessed a sunrise from the horizon of water, then you know how breathtakingly beautiful this moment is. The rays of the sun reflect from the rippling waves, causing the water to sparkle in a red-orange haze. The sun’s reflection gives off the impression that it’s slowly drifting across the water. I can’t decide which has me more dumbfounded, the sunrise or the man hugging me from behind and holding my hands. I look back at him and say, “I’m speechless.”
He smiles and kisses my cheek. “Finally.”
I playfully elbow him. If the two of us don’t make it together, at least I’ll always have this moment. No one can ever take that from me. This will be one of those random memories that make me smile, no matter what’s going on in my life. After sitting and watching the sun for a little while longer we sit at the front of the boat. I’m cold so he cuddles against me. Kalil is willingly cuddling without any smart remarks or complaints. I usually have to pout or fight to get him to cuddle. Maybe winter won’t be so bad after all.
“What are you thinking?” he asks.
He’s never asked such an open-ended question. Usually he asks questions that have specifics attached. I smile and play with his hand before answering him. Everything about Kalil is sexy, even his hands. His complexion is smooth and beautiful. I love how dark he is. His fingernails are never dirty, always clean and trimmed. I can’t even complain about the few scars on his knuckles from previous fistfights; they give him character. “This is beautiful…amazing…I’m glad you brought me here.”
He kisses my neck and I ask, “You?”
He takes a deep breath. “Way too much.”
I look up at him. His eyes are hypnotic, but they hide nothing. He wants to tell me something. Whatever it is weighs heavily on his mind. I kiss the palm of his right hand, smile, and say, “It’s not like I could leave if I don’t like what you say.”
He doesn’t respond. He doesn’t even smile back. Just stares at me. This is serious. It’s not often that he struggles with words.
“Tell me.”
He looks out at the water then back at me. “Give me your phone, I got a song for you.”
What song could I possibly have that he doesn’t and he actually wants to hear it? I reach into my jacket pocket and give him my phone. A few seconds later I hear the beat for Beyonce’s song, “Start Over.” I frown and sit up to face him.
“Not literally,” he quickly says.
He thinks I’m frowning at the song itself. Technically he’s right. I’m frowning more so because I’ve been listening to this song a lot lately. I know I’ve been different towards him since I found out his secret. Not because I want to be, but because I don’t know how to handle it. I walked out on him. Who does that to the person they love? Not knowing how to handle it made it easier to walk out on him the night I locked him out of the room. If I could change all that I would. Losing him forever would kill me. I said I never wanted to be dependent on him. I never considered the emotional aspect of that. “Why’d you pick this song?”
He hesitates. I wish he’d hurry up and talk, just spit it out already, but I don’t push him. “You’re different.”
If I hadn’t noticed the changes in myself, I’d probably argue with him.
“Not a whole lot. You’re still you, but it’s enough for me to notice and I can’t really say shit about it. I know it’s because of me.”
I can’t let him place all of this on himself. After all, his burdens are my burdens, right? I open my mouth to speak, but he stops me by placing a finger over my lips.
“I’m willing to give up what I love for who I love.”
Is he serious right now?!
“I was thinking this was a good thing.” He’s referring to the traitor tears that have escaped my eyes. How do I respond to that? He’s watching me. I can see it in his eyes, there’s more. I wait. “It’s a compromise though.”
I should have known. “I’m listening.” I don’t recognize my own voice.
“You’ll have my babies.”
The frown on my face is there for two reasons. One being the fact that he said babies, which means plural, more than one. Two being the fact that he knows how I feel about getting pregnant.
He adds, “And when I want you to.”
“That’s not a compromise, Kalil. That’s just a flat out sacrifice.”
“Same difference. You need to understand the depth of what it means for me to give it up. It’s on the same level as you being pregnant.”
This is frog crap. “How can you compare it to me being pregnant? That’s my livelihood, it’s what I do. Pregnancy ends that.”
“I been doing this since I was 15, Mak. It’s my livelihood, it’s what I do.”
How can I argue with that? He’s been doing this a whole lot longer than I’ve even known him and he’s willing to give it up for me. Sacrifice comes with compromise, right? The song is ending. The wind is
starting to pick up and I catch a chill and shiver. He gets up and goes towards the steps to go to the room below.
“Don’t get mad and walk away from me, it’s a lot to think about.”
He stops walking and turns back to me. “I’m not walking away, I was going to get you a blanket.”
Even when he’s obviously upset with me, my well-being is still his top priority. Why is this subject even an issue for me? “Okay.”
He turns away and says, “I’ll be right back.”
“Okay I’ll have your babies.”
He turns back to me. His expression says he’s waiting for more. I pull my jacket tighter around me and look away from him to keep from frowning.
“When you want me to.” If I’d give my life for him why wouldn’t I have his babies? I glance up at him. I can’t read his expression. He comes back to where I’m sitting and kneels in front of me.
“There’s more.”
I take a deep breath and roll my eyes.
“Jesus, Kalil. What more could there possibly be?”
“When you get pregnant, we get married. And I’m talking about forever. You’re stuck with me. I mean there’s like a 100% chance that you’re already stuck with me, but I’m not going through all that bullshit again, so you get pregnant no questions asked, that’s it.”
I can’t fight my smile. He’s rambling, which means he’s nervous and thinks there’s a chance I may say no.
“You have to give me a promise ring.”
He frowns and says, “If I give you a ring it’ll be an engagement ring.”
“Crawl before you walk, baby. You have to fulfill your part of this compromise before we even think of going through with any of it, so in the mean time you give me a promise ring, if I accept it then you’re stuck with me.”
He thinks about it for a little while then says, “So this promise ring crap, what should it look like?”