His drunken eyes fell heavy. He was searching his mind for our conversation. “Oh. Right. Of course,” he muttered.
I sighed heavily. “She seems to be really into music, Henry. In class, Ryan and she are always talking about it. And books—she loves books.”
“Books and music.” He gave me a sad grin, “That’s a good starting ground, eh?”
“The best.” I nodded, stuffing my hands into my pockets.
Randy walked over to me and slammed his hands on my shoulders. “Where’s the lady?” he shouted, making my face go pale.
“Oh? Is your girlfriend here?” Henry asked, sitting up and looking around.
“Yes,” Randy replied.
“No!” I shouted. Randy arched an eyebrow at me and I pushed down on his shoulder. “Henry, it was good seeing you. Stick around for the show!” I said as I guided a confused Randy away.
“What the hell was that?” he fussed.
“Ashlyn’s father,” I whispered.
“Already meeting the parents?” he smirked, shoving me in the shoulder.
“No,” I hissed. Randy looked at my sudden shift in character and waited for me to explain. My hand brushed against my temple and I frowned. “That’s my boss.”
“Ohhh, I see.”
I nodded. “And Ashlyn is my student.” That was the line that made Randy’s jaw drop to the floor. His eyes bugged out and he listened as I explained how we didn’t know beforehand. “I know I should stop but…”
“Holy shit,” Randy sighed, the palm of his hand resting on the back of his neck.
“What?”
“You love her.”
“What?!” I laughed nervously, rubbing my hands together. “That’s ridiculous. I hardly know her and—”
“Dude, don’t give me that ‘I’m a man and can’t express my feelings’ bullshit. You love her. I haven’t seen you smile this much over a girl since my sister.”
“I…” I knew he was right. But that scared me. How could I love Ashlyn and not be able to show the world how I loved her? We couldn’t even go out to see my show tonight, and I had a feeling that wouldn’t be becoming any easier.
“Confucius said, ‘Wherever you go, go with all your heart,’ Danny.” Randy placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Did you just quote Confucius?”
“I did. And it was awesome.” He smiled my way and shoved me. “Come on. Let’s get set up.”
Arriving back home, I tossed myself into bed, exhausted from the show. Randy had somehow managed to bring two girls home with him, and I could tell they were having a little too much fun in the living room. He had a thing for having his own naked music parties nowadays.
I picked up my cell phone and texted Ashlyn. She was probably sleeping, yet just in case she wasn’t, I didn’t want to miss the opportunity of talking to her.
Me: All clear. Henry has no idea.
Ashlyn: He stumbled into the house a few minutes ago. How was the show?
Me: Good. I missed you in the corner booth.
Ashlyn: Wow, you really are addicted to me. Stop hugging your pillow.
I laughed out loud at her comment, wishing she were lying naked next to me in my bed. I wouldn’t even have to do anything with that naked body except hold it. I loved the way she felt against me.
Me: I’ll stop once you quit petting baby pandas.
Ashlyn: I thought you liked when I pet your baby panda?
I cringed.
Me: There’s nothing baby about this panda.
Ashlyn: I just LOLed. You’re such a dork.
Me: Text me something you wrote tonight. Something from your book?
There was a long pause. Either she was typing me an excerpt or she had fallen asleep.
Ashlyn: He never stepped in to fight her battles. Most women might have been turned off by the ungentlemanly action, yet it only turned Julie on that much more. She loved the way he allowed her to be strong for herself. She loved the way he believed she had the strength of all of the Goddesses combined. She loved the way he allowed her to be a hundred percent individual. That is precisely why she wanted to love him for the rest of time.
I read her words over and over again. Taking in each one.
Me: My father would’ve been right. I’m not good enough for you.
Ashlyn: I think you’re just right for me.
Me: Is this the book Gabby and you were working on?
Ashlyn: No. I started something new.
She was finding herself, too. It was the most beautiful thing to watch happen—Ashlyn discovering who she was again all on her own. I felt privileged to be able to witness her growth.
Ashlyn: Henry walked into my room and stared at me for the longest… What did you say to him?
I smiled at the message and rubbed my fingers against my brows.
Me: I asked how he was doing. Maybe you should, too. Goodnight, sweets.
Ashlyn: Goodnight :)
I rolled over and began to read the letter I’d received tonight from Gabby. I knew the letter was supposed to bring me comfort, but for some reason, it only brought on doubts.
#1. Fall in love.
To the boy who’s loved by a girl,
I wonder if you know how lucky you are. My little sister here doesn’t know it, but she puts up walls. Her heart is locked and chained shut from the world. She hides behind her books, and she doesn’t let anyone in. I figure it’s because once our dad left, she never wanted to feel that way again—abandoned.
But here you are. Someone who found the key.
Can you do me a few favors?
Show her off to the world. Shout it from the rooftops. Take her out on dates. She loves to dance—even though she’s really bad at it. Make other couples jealous.
Be her golden.
Because I promise you that she’ll be yours.
You’re doing great.
-Gabrielle
Since I read Gabby’s note, I’d felt terrible. Ashlyn’s sister was right. She deserved to be shown off and she deserved to go out on dates. She deserved to be loved out loud.
And I didn’t know how to do that.
Don’t stop until we’re done.
Then run off the tracks.
Never look back, never look back.
~ Romeo’s Quest
“Do you always walk around cemeteries alone?” I snickered, seeing Daniel.
He turned to look at me and smiled wide. “Only when I’m waiting to see a pretty girl.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re corny.” He pulled me closer to him and slowly licked my bottom lip before he kissed me. “Mmm,” I muttered against his mouth. I cleared my throat. “Jake from school sent me a text asking me out again,” I whispered, biting my bottom lip.
Daniel arched an eyebrow. “The guy can’t catch a hint, can he?” He paused and lowered his voice. “Do you want to date him?”
I stepped backwards. “What?”
“I mean…he can actually date you, Ashlyn. This isn’t right—meeting behind buildings, in cemeteries—”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” My eyes watered up. Why would he say such things? I was happy with him. We were happy. The only thing I could think of that could have brought on the change in Daniel was the note I’d given him last night.
I shouldn’t have given him the note. I’d come on too strong. I’d been too forward.
He grew grim for a moment, deep in thought. I hated how I couldn’t read him. His eyes blinked and he looked up.
My eyes shifted to the ground. “Is it because of what the note said? Because I-I’m sorry if it’s too soon but—”
“No, Ash…” His face softened, all evidence of his sudden mood change gone. “It’s nothing. Forget about it. Anyway, why did you bring it up? Jake texting you?”
I contemplated asking him about his thoughts, but I feared he would push himself away from me. Breathing deeply, I tried to clear the fog between us. “I know I can’t say I’m seeing you…but maybe…” I pulled my hair
to the side and held my neck out. “Maybe you can leave a mark saying that I’m yours?”
He snickered. “You want me to give you a hickey?” I nodded. He sighed. “But that’s so...”
“High school-ish?” I laughed. “Don’t forget, baby. Your girlfriend’s still a senior.”
“Mmm…girlfriend. I like the sound of that.” Daniel moved his mouth to my neck and slowly began to suck on my skin, teasing me. His tongue flicked back and forth slowly and then rapidly, his sucking becoming more intense. I arched my neck in his direction, holding my hands against his hips. When he pulled away, I felt a light kiss on my neck. “I guess that makes you mine.”
My head shook back and forth. “I was yours before we ever met.”
“That awkward moment when you find people making out in front of your parents’ graves.”
My heart jumped out of my skin as I heard another voice hovering over us. I was quick to step back from Daniel in fright. His eyes moved to the guy standing near us, and I gasped.
I could’ve been looking at Daniel if I hadn’t known better. The only differences were that this guy had buzzed hair and his blue eyes were a lot colder. A lot more lost.
“What are you doing here?” Daniel asked. His eyes were filled with a look I’d never seen from him. Hate? Love? Could someone hate and love at the same exact time?
“Well, I’m in town and thought I would come say hi to Mom and Dad. I would ask you what you were doing here but…” He stared at me with a smirk, and I curled my arms around my waist. “I think it’s pretty clear.”
Daniel’s eyes moved to me and then back to his…brother? I felt my face flushing over. How long had he been standing there?
“I’m glad you found yourself a girl. She’s cute,” the stranger said. “It probably makes it easier for you to sleep at night, eh?”
“Go home, Ashlyn,” Daniel demanded.
I looked at him, confused. Why was I being sent away? “Wh-what? Wait—”
“Now.” The word was stern and hurtful.
I was instantly worried by the way he’d spoken toward me. He’d never seemed so harsh, so distance—even when he’d found out I was his student. I felt my heart jump, and Daniel’s eyes softened when he stared into my greens.
I stepped toward him to try to comfort his sudden shift in personality, but he only stepped away from me.
That hurt.
I turned to the guy who was sporting a sly smile my way. Gabby was standing behind the two guys, playing her guitar, singing the Beatles Let It Be. I frowned at her, silently begging her to help me understand what was happening.
Then she was gone.
Because she’d never really been there.
After an eternity of doubts and indecisions, I left, giving them both a wordless goodbye and feeling empty inside.
I waited until I reached the outside of the cemetery to start crying. I hated how much I cried this past year. I was supposed to be stronger.
I rushed back to Henry’s home and darted straight for my bedroom. I tried not to overthink things. He would text me. He would explain. Hailey was in the shower, so I was fine to cry alone in my bed. I pulled out my cell phone and waited for his text.
And waited.
And waited.
Hours passed, I missed dinner, and my mind was wandering into dark thoughts. He still hadn’t texted me once.
Me: What was that all about?
My stomach filled with nerves as I waited for the ding of my phone that never came.
Me: Please don’t ignore me.
Nothing.
Me: Don’t do this…please…
I was begging him to reply. Begging him to answer me.
Me: We’ll talk tomorrow?
Nothing. No response. I placed my hands over my face and began sobbing uncontrollably.
“I blame you for making me have to write this damn flash fic—” Ryan came stomping into my bedroom and paused when he saw me bawling on my bed. “Ashlyn, what’s wrong?” He moved over to me and I began crying even more from the level of concern in his voice.
I wished I could tell him. I wished I could tell somebody, anybody. But mainly I wished I could talk to Gabby. She would’ve known what to say. She would’ve known what to do. She was the logical one, not me.
Ryan slid over my body and lay down next to me, wrapping his arms around me. I pulled him closer sobbing into his shirt. “Jesus, kid…what’s going on?” he whispered.
I couldn’t respond, and I doubted he was even looking for a response. Before I knew it, I felt two more arms wrap around me and another body covering me in a tight hug. Hailey.
We didn’t speak. They simply held on to me, making sure to let me know that I wasn’t alone. Henry showed up next, peeking into the bedroom. He didn’t say anything, but he did come and sit at the end of my bed.
That was the most comfort I’d received from him. Ever.
I like the way you lie
When I ask you to stay.
I like the way you flirt
When I need to go away.
~ Romeo’s Quest
“You might want to put your hair down,” Ryan muttered against my ear at breakfast. “If Henry sees the huge hickey on your neck, he might freak out.”
I gasped at his comment and reached to pull my messy bun down, covering up my neck.
Ryan snickered. “We’re having a very intense conversation in Hailey’s car today.” He gave me a glare. “Going to the library, my ass.”
Hailey stumbled into the kitchen, looking like a zombie. She grabbed a mug, poured some orange juice, and stumbled out.
“She’s not a morning person, is she?” I asked.
“Not in the least.” Ryan paused. “You okay? Last night you were kind of…”
“A mess?”
“A hot mess,” he grinned. He always looked so effortlessly handsome. He was wearing a plain blue polo with his cross necklace and some jeans. All he had done to his hair was run his hands through it. Yet Ryan made it look as if he’d just come from a GQ magazine photo shoot. Every. Freaking. Day.
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just going through the motions of life.”
He laughed, moving to pour me a cup of tea. “That can be a real bitch sometimes.”
He wasn’t lying. I thanked him for the tea and I hopped off the stool. I headed toward the living room, where I saw Rebecca sitting on the couch, watching the news. My fingers combed my hair down against my neck.
“Oh, hey, Ashlyn.” She smiled brightly as she sipped her coffee. “Come here. I have a question for you.” Her hand patted the spot on the couch next to her.
My butt found the sofa cushions and I sank into them. She placed both of our mugs on the table. Rebecca smiled and moved in closer, taking my hands into hers.
“How are you?”
How was I supposed to answer that?
Good. I hate almost all of the boys at the school.
Good. I love eating lunch with your gay son and Buddhist daughter.
Good. I haven’t heard from my mom, and Henry has no photos of me in his office proving that I exist.
Good. I just made out with my teacher in a cemetery last night in front of his dead parents and have the marks to prove it. Then he pushed me away suddenly with no explanation.
“I’m okay,” I muttered. “I’m good.”
She released a sigh of relief and patted my hands. “God is good, isn’t he?”
I narrowed my eyes on her and slowly nodded. “Sure.” I paused, wondering how understanding Rebecca was when it came to all issues. She never came across as too pushy or close-minded to me. So it made me wonder why Ryan and Hailey had to keep their private truths secret. The way they showed up for me last night made me want to help them, too.
“Hey, Rebecca…what would you say if I told you I liked girls?”
He hands dropped from holding mine and she chuckled a bit. “What?” Then it happened. I saw the shift of her whole personality. She smiled tightly and stood up. “I bette
r make sure Hailey’s up for school.”
“She is. Ryan and I saw her.”
Rebecca turned off the television and moved toward the stairway. “Yes, but just to be sure. You can never be sure about these things.”
She moved in a hurry, rushing upstairs. I tried to grasp at the many different emotions that had been showcased in her eyes. Fear, guilt, anger? There was no doubt that there had been an air of restrained fury in her blues. Yet that wasn’t the main thing I’d noticed.
No, it was sadness that had prevailed amongst her looks.
But why would that have made her sad?
I heard shouting coming from upstairs, echoing throughout the hallways of the house. Rebecca and Henry were having a strong screaming match. Henry stumbled down the stairs—loudly—and was standing in front of me. He brushed his fingers against his peppered beard and sighed.
“Are you a lesbian?”
My mouth hung open at his forward question. “Henry!” I harshly whispered.
“Well, are you?” He paused and shifted his weight around. “Because I don’t care. Really, I don’t.” He sniffed through his nose and placed his arms across his body. “And if you don’t feel comfortable here, we’ll find somewhere else to go.”
A silence fell. I tilted my head toward him and stilled my body. His green eyes were filled with so much passion and honesty. “You would move? For me?”
He brushed his fingers against his lips and sighed. “Of course I would, Ashlyn. You’re my…” His words faltered. He cleared his throat. “You’re my daughter. And I could give a rat’s ass who you love. You’ve been through enough this year and—”
“I’m not a lesbian.”
Henry paused and arched his eyebrows. He was struck with a strange surprise. As if he’d already made it up in his mind that we were moving due to my sexuality. “You’re not a lesbian?”
“I’m not a lesbian,” I repeated.
“Jesus Christ, Ashlyn!” He sighed heavily and fell onto the chair. “That’s all fine and dandy, but if we could try to avoid such topics to keep away from such fights before seven a.m., that would be great.”