***
The next morning, as we were sitting on a park bench, Thorn and I compared our Citizen Brands. He traced my five circles while I traced his one.
Thorn pressed his finger into the center of the star. “I wonder why we’ve never seen this brand before. Do you think you’re the only one?”
“I know I am the only one right now, but not the first one ever. Holly and Ash’s parents said something about there being another one. They said it was twenty years ago, I think, in Concord Three or Four.”
“I guess The Council didn’t choose to make her an ambassador like they’re doing with you. Or else we’d all know about her and she’d be in the video archives – or still be a prominent video star.”
I took my right hand and circled it around my left wrist, covering the brand. “Maybe they just let her live her life in private and she started covering the brand with bracelets and ribbons, like so many of the women do, and the Citizens just forgot about it.”
“I could never forget about it, especially if I saw the person every day.”
“Maybe she moved to another Concord where people didn’t know about it. Not everybody wants to be the center of attention,” I said.
“How about you?” Thorn asked. “How do you feel about being the center of attention?”
“It’s fine. I’ve accepted it. It’s not as if I have a choice in the matter. Choice doesn’t come into play when it comes to our career paths. It’s not as if any of us have a choice. You are going to be a writer because you’ve shown great aptitude in that area – the story I read was so good. Lily will work in Armory because she understands the details of weaponry and strategy. Stone was placed in Video because his brain is a jumble of talented visual ideas. And I will be the Lush Ambassador, because it is what best suits me.”
“How do we know it’s what best suits us?”
I answered automatically. “Because Concord always acts with our best interests at heart. We went through six months of tests and evaluations during Incorporation. Those were to help Concord discover the best possible occupations for each of us.”
“I wonder if the infertile were all given their best possible occupations.”
I thought of our friends and immediately listed the infertile ones. “Lily is in Armory, Clay is in Information, and Ash is in Peace Keeping.”
Thorn looked straight into my eyes. “Lily has an influential father, Clay is crazy smart, and Ash is a twin. Twins are historically treated well. What about River? He is great with problem solving. He was able to settle arguments like no one else could, during Training Tech. He’d be an excellent Peace Keeper, much better than Ash. Ash is quick to anger. But River was given the choice of being a Gardener or Guardian. And then there is Petals. She showed me some of her drawings, she is a talented artist.”
“What about Petals? She was allowed to stay with her sister. The Council was very generous to them, finding brothers for them to marry. I think it is wonderful.”
“The Pets are identical twins. That makes them even more appealing to The Council. So they have been assigned public lives, with public Marriage Contracts, that will all be arranged for them.”
I sighed in frustration. “I don’t understand why we are having this conversation. We must have Guardians, and Gardeners, and butchers’ helpers, and sanitation workers, and public figures that appear on video, and much more. What does it matter who does what, as long as it all gets done? We all have a job to do. It is our duty to do it well, serve Concord to the best of our abilities, and find some joy in life.”
“I’m sure you’re right. I tend to overanalyze things. I think it is the writer in me. Sometimes I want to see things from every different angle. My instructor has already informed me that I’ll need to learn to control those urges, because Citizens do not want to be forced to think about things too much. They just need to be entertained with a good story. It makes life easier. If we don’t question things too much, then we tend to be happier… or so my writing instructor tells me.”
“I think I agree with him,” I said softly. “It is a lot easier if we don’t question too much. I mean, I do question things. I just usually do it in my head. I hardly ever ask them out loud. It doesn’t seem right, to question Concord.”
“We could just ask each other the questions that are in our heads,” Thorn suggested.
“I don’t know…”
“That way, we aren’t questioning Concord on their decisions. We would just be questioning each other,” he explained.
“I guess that could work. We could get the questions out of our heads that way.”
“And it wouldn’t do any harm…”
I interrupted him. “Unless someone finds out and we are reported for probing into things when we are not authorized to.”
“You worry too much,” Thorn laughed.
I smiled. “I guess I do. I just want to be a good Citizen.”
“You are a good person, Bluebell. I’ve always thought so.”
“What do you mean always? You say that like it is some huge amount of time. I just met you during Incorporation, and we hardly talked then. You never even saw me until a few months ago. You barely know me.”
“I didn’t just meet you during Incorporation. We used to play together when we were little. My first memory of you is from when I was three, but that one is a little fuzzy. The more specific ones are from when we were four.”
I sat up a little straighter and blinked my eyes in disbelief. “What do you mean, three? We don’t have specific memories from when we are little. The trainers have always maintained that the first real memories start later, during our time at Training Tech. I mean, I do remember playing with a group of children outside. I’m almost positive there were both boys and girls, and I think I remember a stream. But that is it. There is no specific detail to it. How do you know it is me you are remembering and not some other random little girl from before Training Tech?”
“Oh, it was you. I remember screaming your name and chasing you near the edge of the water. My mother scolded me for getting too close, saying that we might have fallen in. And once you almost did; more than once. But there was this one time, when I was right beside you, that I grabbed your hand in time and pulled you back from the water’s edge.”
I closed my eyes as a jolt of something hit the memory centers of my brain. I could almost feel the hand grabbing onto me and pulling me back. I could hear the scream in my head.
I opened my eyes and stared at Thorn. “Did I kiss you on the cheek?”
“Yes,” Thorn smiled. “You told me that a thorn’s job…
“…a thorn’s job is to protect the flower.”
“Yes, and then you thanked me with a kiss.” Thorn pointed to his cheek.
I closed my eyes again and saw a cute little boy face looking at me with a proud grin.
“I remember that,” I breathed, as memories of the long forgotten past came back to me. “I had a blue ribbon tied around my neck that day,” I said, touching the base of my neck. “There was a ring hanging from it. It must have come untied and I remember finding the ribbon but I never found the ring. It was special to me. I don’t remember why, I just remember feeling that it was very special.”
“I went back to that area with my mother, the day before she took me to Training Tech. I found the ring and shoved it into my pocket. It is still in a little box in my room. My mother told me that I wouldn’t be able to see you again until we were much older, but that it would keep until then.”
“Tag!” I exclaimed. “I remember playing tag. I was running from a girl with blonde hair, screaming with glee. Who was that? Do you know?”
“Probably Coral. Her face seemed familiar to me on the first day of Incorporation. I think I remember Rosebud too.”
I grabbed his hands. “There were boys there, other than you. I remember other boys.”
“Yeah. Red was there,” Thorn said.
“We didn’t Incorporate with a Red. Did he move to
another Concord?”
Thorn shook his head. “No. Sadly, Red passed away when we were in Year Seven. He was always climbing things that he shouldn’t. One day he fell and hit his head pretty hard. He was a nice kid, feisty, but real nice. Sometimes you and I played with River, but he doesn’t remember at all. I’ve asked him a few times over the years, but he always says that he can’t even remember Year One, let alone anything that happened before it. I know there were a few boys and another girl that were a bit younger than us. So the boys won’t be out of Training Tech for a year or so, but you probably saw the girl in passing. Close your eyes. Can you see her in your head?”
I closed my eyes and tried to picture a young me, a young Coral, a young Rosebud, and another young one that was just a bit smaller. I could see us as we ran through the tall grass. We played by the stream, laughed and chased each other. Blonde Coral ran ahead of me, red flaming Rosebud ran beside me, and silky jet black Obsidian ran behind us. “Obsidian,” I said. “Her name is Obsidian. Gracious, I have a massive headache now.”
“Yeah. I don’t know why that happens. But sometimes when I try to dig deep into my memories, I get a headache too. Maybe the trainers are half right. The first real memories that we can easily remember start a little later. If we want anything before that, it takes some effort. I make myself remember all the time. I want to remember. My mother died when I was Year One. Those early memories are almost all I have, aside from a few Visitation Days. I don’t want to forget her.”
“I’m so sorry, Thorn. That had to be hard for you. I can’t imagine.”
“I was dropped off at Training Tech one moment, forced to leave her, and then she just stopped coming to visit. She was gone. My father always talks about her. He wants to keep her memory alive.”
“I’m glad he does that for you. Poor Rosebud’s mother would hardly ever acknowledge her daughter or her late husband when we were in Training Tech,” I told him.
“That had to be unbearable for her.”
I nodded my head. “I think it was, and still is. So… we played together when we were four?”
“Yes we did,” he smiled. “And younger too.”
“That’s pretty great.”
“It is. Sometimes, I turn those memories into stories. I think that’s why I love to write. I’m always creating stories in my head. Try to remember, Blue. Try to remember.”
“I will. We should go get some food. I remember food is good,” I winked at him.
Thorn stood up from the bench and pulled me up with him. “Let’s go, flower.”
“Let’s go, thorn,” I smiled.