III
That we can call these delicate creatures ours, And not their appetites. SHAKESPEARE.
"The whole affair was so involved in obscurity that I could not see myway even to a reasonable conjecture. I was cruelly betrayed--that wascertain; but by whom? Tiberge first occurred to me. 'Tiberge!' saidI, 'it is as much as thy life is worth, if my suspicions turn out to bewell founded.' However, I recollected that he could not by possibilityknow my abode; and therefore, he could not have furnished theinformation. To accuse Manon was more than my heart was capable of.The unusual melancholy with which she had lately seemed weighed down,her tears, the tender kiss she gave me in parting, made it all as yet amystery to me. I could only look upon her recent melancholy as apresentiment of our common misfortune; and while I was deploring theevent which tore me from her, I was credulous enough to consider herfate as much deserving of pity as my own.
"The result of my reflections was, that I had been seen and followed inthe streets of Paris by some persons of my acquaintance, who hadconveyed the information to my father. This idea comforted me. I madeup my mind to encounter some reproaches, or perhaps harsh treatment,for having outraged the paternal authority. I resolved, however, tosuffer with patience, and to promise all that might be required of me,in order to facilitate my speedy return to Paris, that I might restorelife and happiness to my dear Manon.
"We soon arrived at St. Denis. My brother, surprised at my longsilence, thought it the effect of fear. He assured me that I hadnothing to apprehend from my father's severity, provided I showed adisposition to return quietly to the path of duty, and prove myselfworthy of his affection. He made me pass the night at St. Denis,merely taking the precaution of putting the three lackeys to sleep inmy room. It cost me a pang to find myself in the same inn where I hadstopped with Manon on our way from Amiens to Paris. The innkeeper andhis servants recognised me, and guessed at once the truth of myhistory. I overheard them say, 'Ah! that's the handsome younggentleman who travelled this road about a month ago, with the beautifulgirl he appeared so much in love with! How pretty she was! The pooryoung things, how they caressed each other! Pity if they have beenseparated!' I pretended not to hear, and kept as much out of sight aspossible.
"At St. Denis my brother had a chariot waiting for us, in which westarted early the next morning, and arrived at home before night.
"He saw my father first, in order to make a favourable impression bytelling him how quietly I had allowed myself to be brought away, sothat his reception of me was less austere than I had expected. Hemerely rebuked me in general terms for the offence I had committed, byabsenting myself without his permission. As for my mistress, he said Irichly deserved what had happened to me, for abandoning myself to aperson utterly unknown; that he had entertained a better opinion of mydiscretion; but that he hoped this little adventure would make mewiser. I took the whole lecture only in the sense that accorded withmy own notions. I thanked my father for his indulgence, and promisedthat I would in future observe a better regulated and more obedientcourse of conduct. I felt that I had secured a triumph; for, from thepresent aspect of affairs, there was no doubt that I should be free toeffect my escape from the house even before the night was over.
"We sat down to supper. They rallied me about my Amiens conquest, andmy flight with that paragon of fidelity. I took their jokes in goodpart, glad enough at being permitted to revolve in my mind the plans Ihad meditated; but some words which fell from my father made me listenwith earnest attention. He spoke of perfidy, and the not disinterestedkindness he had received at the hands of M. de B----. I was almostparalysed on hearing the name, and begged of my father to explainhimself. He turned to my brother, to ask if he had not told me thewhole story. My brother answered, that I appeared to him so tranquilupon the road, that he did not suppose I required this remedy to cureme of my folly. I remarked that my father was doubtful whether heshould give me the explanation or not. I entreated him so earnestlythat he satisfied me, or I should rather say tortured me, with thefollowing most horrible narration.
"He began by asking me whether I was really simple enough to believethat I had been really loved by the girl. I told him confidently thatI was perfectly sure of it, and that nothing could make me for a momentdoubt it. 'Ha, ha, ha!' said he, with a loud laugh; 'that is excellent!you are a pretty dupe! Admirable idea! 'Twould be a thousand pities,my poor chevalier, to make you a Knight of Malta, with all therequisites you possess for a patient and accommodating husband.' Hecontinued in the same tone to ridicule what he was pleased to call mydullness and credulity.
"He concluded, while I maintained a profound silence, by saying that,according to the nicest calculation he could make of the time since mydeparture from Amiens, Manon must have been in love with me abouttwelve days; 'for,' said he, 'I know that you left Amiens on the 28thof last month; this is, the 29th of the present; it is eleven dayssince M. de B---- wrote to me; I suppose he required eight days toestablish a perfect understanding with your mistress; so that, takeeight and eleven from thirty-one days, the time between the 28th of onemonth and the 29th of the next, there remains twelve, more or less!'This joke was followed by shouts of laughter.
"I heard it all with a kind of sinking of the heart that I thought Icould not bear up against, until he finished. 'You must know then,'continued my father, 'since you appear as yet ignorant of it, that M.de B---- has won the affections of your idol; for he can't be seriousin pretending that it is his disinterested regard for me that hasinduced him to take her from you. It would be absurd to expect suchnoble sentiments from a man of his description, and one, besides, whois a perfect stranger to me. He knew that you were my son, and inorder to get rid of you, he wrote to inform me of your abode, and ofthe life you led; saying, at the same time, that strong measures wouldbe necessary to secure you.
"He offered to procure me the means of laying hold of you; and it wasby his direction, as well as that of your mistress herself, that yourbrother hit upon the moment for catching you unawares. Now, you maycongratulate yourself upon the duration of your triumph. You know howto conquer, rapid enough; but you have yet to learn how to secure yourconquests.'
"I could no longer endure these remarks, every one of which struck adagger to my heart. I arose from the table, and had not advanced foursteps towards the door, when I fell upon the floor, perfectlysenseless. By prompt applications they soon brought me to myself. Myeyes opened only to shed a torrent of tears, and my lips to utter themost sorrowful and heartrending complaints. My father, who always lovedme most affectionately, tried every means to console me. I listened tohim, but his words were without effect. I threw myself at his feet, inthe attitude of prayer, conjuring him to let me return to Paris, anddestroy the monster B----. 'No!' cried I; 'he has not gained Manon'sheart; he may have seduced her by charms, or by drugs; he may have evenbrutally violated her. Manon loves me. Do I not know that well? Hemust have terrified her with a poniard, to induce her to abandon me.'What must he not have done to have robbed me of my angelic mistress?Oh Heaven! Heaven! can it be possible that Manon deceived me, or thatshe has ceased to love me!
"As I continued to rave about returning at once to Paris, and wasperpetually starting up with that purpose, my father clearly saw thatwhile the paroxysm lasted, no arguments could pacify me. He conductedme to one of the upper rooms, and left two servants to keep constantwatch over me. I was completely bewildered. I would have given athousand lives to be but for one quarter of an hour in Paris. I hadsense enough, however, to know that having so openly declared myintention, they would not easily allow me to quit my chamber. I lookedat the height of the windows. Seeing no possibility of escaping thatway, I addressed the servants in the most tranquil tone. I promised,with the most solemn vows, to make at some future day their fortunes,if they would but consent to my escape. I entreated them; I triedcaresses, and lastly threats; but all were unavailing. I gave myselfup to despair. I resolved to die; and threw myself upon the b
ed, witha firm determination to quit it only with my life. In this situation Ipassed the night and the following day. I refused the nourishment thatwas brought to me next morning.
"My father came to see me in the afternoon. He tried in the mostaffectionate manner, to soothe my grief. He desired me so urgently totake some refreshment, that, to gratify him, I obeyed his wishes.Several days passed, during which I took nothing but in his presence,and at his special request. He continued to furnish new arguments torestore me to my proper senses, and to inspire me with merited contemptfor the faithless Manon. I certainly had lost all esteem for her: howcould I esteem the most fickle and perfidious of created beings! Buther image--those exquisite features, which were engraven on my heart'score, were still uneffaced. I understood my own feelings: 'I maydie,' said I, 'and I ought to die after so much shame and grief; but Imight suffer a thousand deaths without being able to forget the ingrateManon.'
"My father was surprised at my still continuing so powerfully affected.He knew that I was imbued with the principles of honour; and notdoubting that her infidelity must make me despise her, fancied that myobstinacy proceeded less from this particular passion, than from ageneral inclination towards the sex. This idea so took possession ofhis mind, that, prompted only by his affection for me, he came one dayto reveal his thoughts. 'Chevalier,' said he to me, 'it has beenhitherto my intention to make you bear the Cross of Malta: I now seethat your inclinations do not bend that way. You are an admirer ofbeauty. I shall be able to find you a wife to your taste. Let mecandidly know how you feel upon the subject.'
"I answered that I could never again see the slightest differenceamongst women, and that after the misfortune I had experienced, Idetested them all equally. 'I will find you one,' replied my father,smiling, 'who shall resemble Manon in beauty, but who shall be morefaithful.' 'Ah! if you have any mercy,' said I, 'you will restore myManon to me. Be assured, my dear father, that she has not betrayed me;she is incapable of such base and cruel treachery. It is theperfidious B---- who deceives both her and me. If you could form anidea of her tenderness and her sincerity--if you only knew her, youyourself would love her!' 'You are absolutely a child,' replied myfather. 'How can you so delude yourself, after what I have told youabout her? It was she who actually delivered you up to your brother.You ought to obliterate even her name from your memory, and takeadvantage, if you are wise, of the indulgence I am showing you.'
"I very clearly perceived that my father was right. It was aninvoluntary emotion that made me thus take part with the traitor.'Alas!' replied I, after a moment's silence, 'it is but too true that Iam the unhappy victim of the vilest perfidy. Yes,' I continued, whileshedding tears of anger, 'I too clearly perceive that I am indeed but achild. Credulity like mine was easily gulled; but I shall be at noloss to revenge myself.' My father enquired of me my intentions: 'Iwill go to Paris,' I said, 'set fire to B----'s house, and immolate himand the perfidious Manon together.' This burst made my father laugh,and had only the effect of causing me to be more vigilantly watched inmy cell.
"I thus passed six long months; during the first of which my mindunderwent little change. My feelings were in a state of perpetualalternation between hate and love; between hope and despair; accordingas, the tendency of each passing thought brought Manon back to myrecollection. At one time, I could see in her the most delightful ofwomen only, and sigh for the pleasure of beholding her once more; atanother, I felt she was the most unworthy and perfidious of mistresses,and I would on these occasions swear never again to seek her, but forthe purpose of revenge.
"I was supplied with books, which served to restore my peace of mind.I read once again all my favourite authors; and I became acquaintedwith new ones. All my former taste for study was revived. You willsee of what use this was to me in the sequel. The light I had alreadyderived from love, enabled me to comprehend many passages in Horace andVirgil which had before appeared obscure. I wrote an amatorycommentary upon the fourth book of the AEneid. I intend one day topublish it, and I flatter myself it will be popular.
"'Alas!' I used to exclaim, 'whilst employed on that work, it was for aheart like mine the faithful Dido sighed, and sighed in vain!'