"Those are easy words to say," Josie murmurs. "I know this is tough, but it seems like Marek is in a good place now. This could work out all for the best."
"Maybe," I say neutrally. I don't want to get my hopes up.
Josie points to the clock ticking down on the giant square scoreboard hanging over center ice. "Want to go get a beer and something to eat before the game starts?"
I nod at her and we make our way out of our seats and to the steps that lead up to the concessions. Marek had scored us some amazing front-row tickets beside the Cold Fury bench, which wasn't where his ordinary season tickets were. He apparently had traded with one of the older veterans with better seats so I could have a great view for my first Cold Fury game. He may not have given me a jersey, but he had done some work to make sure this was a great experience for me.
By the time we get our drinks and food and get back to our seats, the game is about to start. Marek is a second-line player so he's not out on the ice, and I try to force myself not to look over at him on the bench. In all the years that Marek and I were together and he played hockey, I always admired how focused he was. He didn't look at me, he didn't smile at me, and he paid attention to what was going on right in front of him whether he was on the ice or not. Today has been no different, and while they were out warming up he never looked my way once. This did not surprise me, as I expect his focus now is a million times more honed than it ever was before he became a professional player.
In that moment just before the referee drops the puck at center ice, all my excited nervousness seems to boil up to where I feel like I might explode, and when the puck finally hits the ice and the two players scramble for control, I burst out of my seat and scream, "Let's go Cold Fury."
When I sit down, it's to perch my ass on the edge of my seat leaning toward the glass so I can keep my eyes riveted on the game.
Josie snickers beside me and elbows me in the ribs. I tear my eyes away from the action to look at her. She merely gives a short jerk of her head toward the bench and my eyes travel in the direction she points.
To my surprise Marek is sitting on the bench looking at me with an amused smile on his face. The look lasts no more than a millisecond before he turns back to watch the game. I can't help the smile that spreads across my face and I turn back toward the ice.
While I manage to pay attention most of the time, I still throw some subversive glances toward the bench. Marek doesn't look at me again, but that one glance was enough.
* * *
--
Okay, it's completely awkward the way Josie and Reed canoodle with each other as they sit across from Marek and me. Reed has had his arm across Josie's shoulder the entire time and she sits tucked in close to him as we nurse ice-cold beers and eat chicken wings, nachos, and sliders. After every sip of beer or if the conversation lulls for only a microsecond, his mouth is on hers for a kiss. Sometimes his lips will go to her neck. Her hand stays pressed to his thigh--at least I think it's on his thigh--and I wonder only because sometimes Reeds shifts in his seat.
During one such moment where Reed and Josie are lip locked, Marek leans over and whispers loud enough for anyone close by to hear, "Were you and I ever that obnoxious?"
While still watching the display of overt affection across from me, I whisper back out of the corner of my mouth, knowing that we can be heard by Reed and Josie. "I think when we were teenagers. We were still kids so that type of behavior was expected."
Marek laughs and Reed finally pulls away from Josie, turning to shoot us both a mock glare. Josie smirks, not abashed in the slightest.
I practically jolt in my seat when Marek slides his arm over my shoulder. He doesn't attempt to make out with me the way Josie and Reed had been doing, but this subtle gesture actually speaks volumes. It's done so casually and effortlessly it goes right to the comfort between us due to years of knowing each other.
Of having loved each other at one point.
The fact he feels secure in doing this in front of his close friend and teammate, as well as a woman who has become a very good friend to me, says a lot.
Still, I can't let it go to my head. I need to remember that my heart is vulnerable where Marek is concerned and he's got the capacity to really hurt me if I let myself get too tied up in him again.
Chapter 23
Marek
I'm poised to sink myself deep into Gracie's body, and it's truly the only time tonight I've felt in control and that things were right.
The game tonight was an intense battle, and I felt more pressure knowing she was watching. We won, but not a second went by when I wasn't hyped up on adrenaline and nerves.
After the game, I'd sat in an ice bath next to Reed--which our trainer Vale had said was essential to our good health--and I was reminded that there was going to be nothing overly easy about the evening out.
"Let's go out somewhere for a quiet drink and some food," I'd suggested to Reed.
He'd looked over at me, teeth practically chattering. "Why not Hoolihan's? It's tradition."
I'd shrugged, my jaw straining from clenching to keep my teeth from chattering. The ice bath is torture, and I'm guessing Vale is focusing her pregnancy hormones straight at the players to make us suffer. "I just don't think Gracen's ready for that yet."
"What do you mean?" His expression was perplexed, and I didn't think he'd be that dense. He was a part of the swinging single life not all that long ago.
"I broke up with her, left her behind, for all the reasons that will be inside Hoolihan's tonight."
I was talking about the puck bunnies and worshipful women who will come on to me regardless if I'm standing next to Gracen as my woman.
"You don't want to rub her face in that," Reed had concluded with a grave nod, then he'd pushed up out of the ice bath as the timer went off.
I had followed suit, grabbing a towel. "Yeah...that's pretty much it. Gracen probably has some clue, but I don't want to have to deal with that just yet. Not when things are a little unsure between us."
So we went out to a little bar not far from the arena that was more low key. We ate good food, had a few beers and a good time joking and talking with Josie and Reed. I'll admit, my arm around her felt just like old times.
It felt right.
Until Reed had to be an ass with his ribbing. He looked pointedly across the table at us, holding up his beer as if toasting us. "I'm glad to see you two together."
I felt Gracen tense slightly under my arm, probably not trusting anything that was occurring. I got that.
Then Josie couldn't help but to throw fuel on the fire. Her grin was mischievously evil. "I'm glad you woke up, Marek. Gracen's had a slew of doctors at the hospital lusting after her."
Gracen laughed as did Reed. Josie smirked at me.
I didn't find it funny at all. Gracen might be in my bed right now, but it didn't mean she wasn't available for the taking. The right guy could come along and grab her out from underneath me.
I'd of course reacted appropriately and pulled Gracen from the booth muttering, "Come on, Gracie, let's go play some pool."
Reed and Josie's laughs followed us across the bar to an empty pool table where I racked the balls and Gracen chose a stick. She walked to the end of the table with a tiny, amused smile on her face.
"I'm not jealous," I'd grumbled as I pulled the rack away.
She chuckled. "Of course you're not."
"Good. Glad you get that."
"Got it." The amused expression never wavered.
"Good."
Before she broke, she walked up to me and placed a hand on my chest. She went to her tiptoes and put her face closer to mine. "Josie was pulling your leg. There are not any doctors lusting after me."
If there was any doubt whether or not I had proprietary feelings for Gracen, it was removed by the rush of immediate relief I felt with those words. Again, the night continued with my emotions seemingly out of control.
"Except Aiden," sh
e mused as she dropped down and started to turn away.
I snatched her elbow and turned her back to me. "Aiden?"
There's no doubt she was goading me when I got a coy shrug. "One of Josie's friends. But no worries...I wasn't interested."
I got a mischievous wink as she pulled away to break the pool balls.
"I'm not jealous," I muttered, and got a rich laugh back from her.
Yeah...I was jealous, and Gracen took great joy in poking at me. We played a few games alone, then Reed and Josie played against us. We drank more beers, had a lot of fun, and the entire time I tried to reconcile what exactly I was really feeling for Gracen. I know I wanted her. I know I cared for her.
I know Lilly couldn't have a better mother.
I know I didn't like the thought of her with someone else.
But past that, I didn't know what I really felt.
I never figured out the answer before we left for the evening, making vague promises with Reed and Josie to do another double date at some point.
It wasn't until we walked into my house and she pulled me into my bedroom that I started settling down. Despite being turned on beyond measure when she dropped to her knees in front of me, I felt settled.
When she took me in her mouth, I felt a wave of security.
And now as I'm getting ready to connect my body to hers in the most intimate of ways, I feel in control.
For the first time tonight, I feel like all is right in my world.
I press the head of my cock to her opening, sliding an elbow under the back of one of her knees. I raise her up, spread her wide, and while she watches me with hooded eyes, I slide deep inside of her.
I get just a glimpse of the white of Gracen's eyes as they roll backward before being shuttered by her eyelids. She moans and digs her fingers into my biceps, where she'd been resting them lightly before I invaded her.
My responding grunt of pleasure sounds harsh and coarse to my ears, yet it's the exact sound I'd expect from something that feels this good.
I release Gracen's leg and she hooks it around me. Dropping to my elbows, I let some of my body weight come down on her. Let my stomach press against hers and feel the softness of her breasts under the fierce beating of my heart. I press my lips to her mouth, and when I pull back, her eyes flutter open to stare at me.
I think perhaps I could look into the blue of her eyes forever, or maybe I'll just kiss her for an eternity, but all of those thoughts vanish into cold nothingness when she whispers to me, "I love you, Marek. Always have."
Somehow, her hands have moved to my shoulders and her fingertips glide over my skin. I concentrate on that feeling, letting my vision go fuzzy so I don't have to look at directly into her eyes anymore. I don't want to know if my lack of reaction hurts her or not.
I swallow past the dryness in my throat, rack my brain for what to say. A quick response of the same declaration seems so trite, particularly because that's not what I was feeling in my heart when she said those words to me. Admitting something along the lines of, "I care for you, too," seems really to be saying, "I don't love you," and I'm not sure that's true either. My feelings are actually too complex to be boiled down into words, particularly because my feelings for Gracen are now intertwined with my feelings for Lilly.
More important, I can't seem to muster up a response for her because I find myself questioning whether she truly means that. I'm not sure I can trust her words, and that makes me feel like shit that I feel that way. But when it gets down to it, all I can think about is that Gracen kept Lilly secret for over three years, a betrayal that apparently still weighs heavy on my heart.
Whether Gracen senses my struggle or the awkward silence is too much to bear, she does something that roots me once again in a reality I can handle.
She contracts her pussy so it squeezes my cock in such a way that my balls start to tingle. At the same time, she lifts her head and scrapes her teeth on my jawline before murmuring, "Are you going to fuck me or what?"
My dick responds by swelling even more, a ripple of pleasure flowing through me from her words and the tight contraction of wet flesh around me.
I groan again, dropping my forehead so it rests against her. I let a huff of frustration escape through my teeth that I can't give her the words that she probably wants in return, but I can make her feel good.
That I know I can do.
Pushing up off her, I plant my hands into the mattress and lock my arms tight. My muscles flex and bunch, not in some vain attempt to impress her, but to hold myself steady while I start to fuck her.
My hips pump and my cock fills her up. Her body bounces and jerks from my fucking, breasts jiggling beautifully with pebbled nipples. So damn sexy that it's hard for me to look at without wanting to blow my load all over them.
I shut my eyes, concentrate on the moans and gasps I'm wringing from Gracen, who is getting exactly what she asked for. Her chest starts heaving ,and when I hear tiny little whimpers of need, I know she's close to coming. That's her tell, and I pick up the pace wanting to punch an explosive one out of her.
"Yes," she gasps as her legs tighten around me and her fingers dig into my chest.
I slam into her hard. "Fuck, this is good."
My balls start to contract, my lower back tightens, and I experience one microsecond of pure nothingness before I start to come. Then I'm taken by storm with a bone-jarring orgasm that seems to rip me apart. As my cock unloads, I bark out unintelligible words that might be gratitude, and I'm vaguely aware of Gracen still whimpering.
Fuck...she didn't come.
I grit my teeth, my sensitive cock still pulsing, and keep fucking the woman who loves me. I bring my fingers to her clit, press down on it while I continue driving into her, and plant deep when I feel her break apart. It's always the same, a slight stiffening of her body before she arches her back in ecstasy, a long blissful moan filling the air around me. Her pussy grips me so hard as she comes I see stars and possibly experience a miniorgasm as another shudder of pleasure courses through me.
"Goddamn," I mutter through gritted teeth, feeling all at once dizzy and weak.
I drop down onto her, using my elbows on the mattress not to crush her completely. Gracen turns her head to the side and I press my face into her neck.
We just lie there, both of us panting from the exertion.
From the cataclysmic orgasms.
From the jarring words that were uttered and those that were not.
Neither one of us say anything, and I use the silence as permission to go to sleep. I roll to my side, taking Gracen with me. She hooks a leg over mine, wraps her arm around my waist, and snuggles into me. I hold her tight, wanting to say something and yet wanting to ignore conversation with her forever.
What we just experienced--fucking or making love or whatever--was some next-level shit. It means something that what we just had felt better than anything I've ever experienced in my life. Yet I still have that tiny doubt inside that maybe this is just physical and that's all it will ever be.
For now, though, I'm given a reprieve. After a few minutes, Gracen's breathing evens out and she falls into a deep sleep.
It takes me a lot longer to do the same.
Chapter 24
Gracen
I unlock the front door of Marek's house and carry the grocery bags in while Lilly trails behind me. The beeping alarm panel reminds me to punch in the disarm code, then I'm shutting the door.
Today was the start of three consecutive days I have off, and I intend to enjoy every bit of it with Lilly. I took her to the Marbles museum in downtown Raleigh this morning, then we went clothes shopping. It's amazing and hilarious that my almost four-year-old child has fashion sense. She's very particular about her look too. I take it as a very real sign she's growing up way too fast that she's shunning jeans and casual clothes for frilly dresses, lacy socks, and shiny black patent leather shoes. Lilly is tall for her age and is growing like a weed. It seems like a
ll I do is buy new clothes for her, and I was surprised to find out today that my almost four-year-old is wearing six-year-old sizes.
Lilly gives a tiny yawn as we walk into the kitchen. I put down the paper bags filled with ingredients for tonight's dinner--white chicken chili--and turn to ruffle Lilly's hair. "Want to take a nap?"
She shakes her head. She's well past her nap time, but I thought I'd offer because of that yawn. Lilly is still taking a nap at school, but she's almost impossible to get down here at the house, and I've practically given up. I figure she'll sleep if she's tired.
My phone rings from inside my purse, which is still slung over my shoulder. I drop it to the counter and fish out my phone. Taking one look at the screen showing an incoming video chat, I hold it outward to Lilly and grin. "It's Mimi and G-Pa."
Gone is any trace of fatigue as her blue eyes--so much like Marek's--brighten. She snags the phone from me and taps on the green button to answer the call.
I step around behind her, bending over her shoulder to peer at the screen. My mom and dad's faces pop up as they sit close together on their living room couch. Behind them is a cream crocheted blanket my mom made, and a piercing pain of homesickness hits me right in the gut.
"Hey, Lilly Bug," my father says, his teeth gleaming as he smiles broadly at this granddaughter.
"G-Pa," Lilly exclaims in response. "Guess what Mommy and I did this morning?"
"What's that?" he asks.
"We went to a museum and then we went shopping, and I got some new dresses, and I can't wait for Daddy to come home so I can show him..."
I straighten up and walk around the counter, intent to put the groceries away while Lilly talks to my parents. I find it fascinating how much Lilly has become attached to Marek in the last four weeks since he's been interacting with her. The fact that she mentioned him to her grandparents while talking about her day, which did not include him, speaks volumes.
"Where's Daddy at now?" I can hear my mom's voice from the phone.
"Playing hockey," Lilly says proudly. He's actually on an extended road trip to the West Coast and is due back day after tomorrow.
Ever since Joan and Gale brought her to watch Marek play on Sunday, that's all Lilly talks about. I didn't realize what a thrill it would be to see her father out on the ice. He'd shown her hockey on TV, but she didn't quite understand it until she saw it live, and now all she wants to do is go watch another game.