I walked into the control room to bring him his breakfast. He looked up and grinned at me. Tommy patted his knee, and I went over to sit on it. He held me close, taking the food from my hand and setting it on a table next to him.
“Thanks.” He squeezed me tightly. “Sleep okay?”
I nodded. “Ever take a break?”
“Probably today. I want my nighttime turn with you. We’re going to make a schedule. Tonight’s my night. Clay can fly. Keith and Quinn can too, but they never got their war training. I trust Clay to handle things if it all went to hell.” He pressed his forehead to my shoulder. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I slept a little bit in the chair. You smell good. What is that? Vanilla?”
I wasn’t really sure. “Whatever is in the shower.”
“Hmm. I don’t even remember what I bought.”
Keith strolled into the control room and then raised his eyebrows. “What’s going on? You two make up?”
He walked over and kissed me lightly on the mouth. “Morning.”
So this was happiness. My mind stuttered at the thought, but as Clay and Quinn joined us, the feeling didn’t pass. I grinned and leaned back on Tommy. A woman could get used to this.
We were a month from Mars Station, and Tommy thought it might take slightly longer since he had to avoid ships.
Keith raised his hand, and Tommy groaned. “Yes, Keith.”
“Why are we still going to Mars Station? Baby, I don’t want to leave you there. I want you to stay with us. I think you want that, too. Why bother going?”
That was a good question. “Wouldn’t it make sense to tell them what’s going to happen? Unlike the Sisters, I bet they would listen.”
Clay shook his head, and Quinn looked down at the floor. “Ari’s been trying to make headway there for three years. Melissa Alexander and her family run that place—despite other people thinking they have a say on the council. Ari’s fixed her son Colin’s arm three times; apparently the kid likes to live on the wild side. Dane runs the medical bay. They keep him at arm’s length. Let’s face it, people talk to Ari. If he can’t get close, they’ll never talk to me.”
I could see what they meant. My father had found them frustrating. They didn’t like him. But they had adored me. I was best friends with Diana Mallory, Melissa’s oldest daughter. I loved Diana. We were like two peas in a pod for years.
“They’ll talk to me. Diana Mallory is my best friend. I haven’t heard from her in a while, but I’m sure Melissa will speak to me.” And then maybe I could find out what had happened to Diana.
Quinn made a small sound in his throat. “She’s not dead.”
Clay nodded. “Not that we know of. Um, in his original list, Quinn had Diana down as one of the people who could be targeted. Take out Diana, Melissa crumbles. Don’t panic. Diana managed to get away from my father’s ship. She went in the black hole. Ari says she vanished inside, and her father and some of her uncles went after her. They believe she’s alive on the other side of the galaxy.”
“I was twelve when I added her. I’m sorry, Paloma. She wasn’t real to me. Like a chess piece. I know. I’m sick.”
I got off Tommy’s lap and hugged Quinn. “I know you’re sorry. You don’t have to keep saying it. She’s okay. We’re going to go with that.”
“I was thinking about what you said last night, about beating myself.” He held up his tablet. “Maybe I could. I’m working on it. A counterplan. I stayed up all night. I can do this.”
“Really? I was just talking. I wasn’t telling you what to do. You don’t need to …”
He rose. “Yes I do. I’m going to get back to it. See you all in a bit.”
I turned to Keith as Quinn left. “Did I do something bad?”
He shook his head. “I think it’s brilliant. It even might work. Wish I’d thought of it. We’ve all been really focused on keeping him from thinking on it at all. Maybe he needs to beat himself. Well done. I’ve got something, too. I know you’ve dismissed me on this before, Tommy. But listen, I worked on it. The deflector array would make us invisible.”
Tommy held out his hand. “Let me look again. I can’t install it in space. Maybe when we stop. I like the idea more now. I thought we were pretty golden. We obviously weren’t.”
“What did you do?” I took the chair Quinn had vacated.
“I like to make the impossible possible.”
“He has, what, two PhDs in physics? Which basically means he has all kinds of ideas on how we can do things we can’t actually do.”
Keith swung his chair in a circle. He held up three fingers. “Three, dipshit. I have three PhDs. This time I drew you a diagram. You can do this. Deflector and cloaking. It’s not theoretical. It’s possible. Expand your mind, war boy. Expand your mind.”
“Well I can’t install anything new in space. We’re going to have to dock. Mars Station will be as good as anyplace. They actually have a nice workshop area. We’ll figure out if we can make the impossible possible.” Tommy rubbed his eyes. “Did any of you show Paloma where she’s to go in the event of an attack?”
Clay shook his head. “Didn’t give it any thought, actually. I’ll do it now.”
“Great. Then come back and take back over for me. I need a shower.”
Keith snorted. “That’s right. You stink.”
I didn’t think so. Tommy smelled just right. I smiled at him, and he reached out to touch my arm gently as I followed Clay from the control room. We ended up by the galley, a room I was familiar with thanks to my hydrating the food. There wasn’t much to the design of the space. It was all white and contained cabinets, a hydrator, a stove and a table with six chairs. I wondered if Tommy changed the design based on whoever ordered the shuttle. Maybe some people wanted a fancier space.
“So, when or if we are under attack,” Clay caught my attention. “The safest part of the ship is not in there with Tommy. You don’t want to be with him in battle anyway. It’s not pretty. The safest place is here.”
He touched a panel on a wall, and a space opened with six pods. I took a deep breath. “I’ve seen them before. I get in one. If he thinks the shuttle is about to kaboom, he sends the pods off.”
Clay nodded. “Yep, that’s pretty much it. Don’t feel bad. He’ll shove Quinn in one too if he’s in one of his moods. Quinn had the same training as the rest of us but none of the natural ability for it that those of us born into our bloodline seem to have. I personally think that’s why he tried so hard to make Dad happy in the first place. He used to call Quinn the little girlie-boy. Not that calling a boy a girl should be an insult—it’s not—but tell that to any kid who already knows his father thinks little to nothing of women except as baby-makers. Yeah … anyway. Great. You understand the pod system.”
I stepped toward him and wrapped my arms around him. Out of all of them, Clay seemed the most gentle. I was glad he hadn’t faced his father’s ire for it. “He didn’t break your soul.”
He kissed the top of my head and took a deep breath. “Before Tommy called and told me I had to get home, I was well on my way to being a very different man, honey.”
“What do you mean?” What kind of man had he been on his way to become?
“When firepower doesn’t get my father what he wants, he relies very strongly on the legal system. Stopping others from building. Taking over home sites that have belonged to families since humans fled earth after the bombs went off. Challenging ownership. I … I was well on my way to being the most successful lawyer on his team.” He shook his head before he pulled back a little. “Quinn isn’t the only one with something to atone for.”
I made him meet my gaze. “I spent a lot of time with women who claimed to be better than me; they hurt me all the time, and they never asked for forgiveness. Maybe what you’re doing now, trying to make things better, it’ll help things. Maybe that could be forgiveness.”
He kissed me gently. “Maybe it could. Who knows? I never thought to find you and nearly have you as my own. Mayb
e anything is possible.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
You Stole a Trinket
Tommy lay next to me in the bed. To be in his bed was both awkward and somehow totally normal at the same time. It helped that we’d no sooner gotten under the covers than he’d kissed me and then promptly fallen asleep flat on his back. I lay close, not touching him. We’d really not discussed sleeping together, and I didn’t know exactly what to do. The others had made it easier. They’d held on, and we’d all fallen asleep together.
He breathed deeply, and I didn’t blame his exhaustion. Tommy moved on full cylinders all of the time without a break. He held himself responsible for everyone’s safety and happiness. It had to wear on him. I rolled to my side. It was going to be a long night if I couldn’t get comfortable. I closed my eyes, hearing the ship noises. Clay was at the helm. He’d joked he would fly us into a bunch of space junk and bang up Tommy’s ship.
The twins were both hard at work at the table in the galley. Quinn muttered to himself while he worked, and Keith kept headphones on. I’d remembered to take my anxiety medication before bed, so there was no reason I was still awake.
I did finally fall asleep, which meant, unfortunately that evening, I dreamed.
I was on my knees in front of Sister Superior. “You can’t possibly want her, Mr. McQueen.”
I looked up from where I stared at the floor. One of the guys was here? When I glanced left, I jolted; it was all four of them. Finally, it was Tommy who spoke, but they all held disdain in their eyes. “You’re right. Now that we see her, she’ll never be good enough. What does she know about anything? She’s spoiled, she couldn’t make it work here, and she’ll never survive in the universe. She can cook? So what? If we wanted a cook, we’d hire one.”
Keith laughed. “What were we thinking?”
Clay sighed. “Put her out the airlock.”
“With the space junk,” Quinn finished.
I sat up panting. The clock told me hours had passed. It wasn’t that long of a dream, but then dreams were funny like that. Sometimes quick ones took up the whole night while long, intensive dramas were over in seconds.
My heart pounded so loudly I could hear it in my ears. Tommy sat up on his elbows. He blinked at me a couple of times, like he wasn’t sure where he was, before he grabbed me, pulling me against his side. “You okay?” He kissed my forehead. “You’re breathing really fast. What’s wrong?” Each word he said became clearer, like he woke up as he spoke. By the end, he was truly wide-awake Tommy.
“I’m sorry.” I tried to pull away. It was better to leave me alone when I had a panic, much easier to simply let me be until it passed. “I’ll deal with this and come back.”
“You’ll deal with it right here.” He held me tighter, his hand on my hip, his face a mix of seriousness and what I now thought of as Tommy-gaining-control.
“Bad dream.” I kissed his chest. “Go back to sleep. Happens sometimes. Usually I just kind of ball up and wait for it to pass. I’m taking my anxiety meds, and this isn’t new. It started when they dropped me off with the Sisters.”
Tommy eased up some of his hold, but instead of letting me go he gently rolled over and positioned me until my head was on his chest, his body under mine. “Tell me about the dream.”
“I was at the Sisterhood. You guys were talking to the head Sister. She told you I wasn’t worth it, and you all agreed to put me out the airlock with the junk.”
He groaned. “That’s awful. I would never put you out the airlock. I’d put myself out the airlock first.”
“I know.” Although I didn’t want to think about putting him out the airlock either. “That’s why it’s a dream.”
“Come here.”
I was already on top of him, so I wasn’t exactly sure what he wanted. I adjusted until I could see him. He moved his hand until it came around to massage the back of my head. Gently—ever so much so—he brought our lips together. Tommy didn’t kiss me; he made love to my mouth.
Over and over, with hardly a breath between, we fused our mouths together. The slight scratch of his whiskers rubbed my skin, adding to my sensory overload. His tongue gently pressed into my mouth until he found my own. He moaned before he wrapped his other arm around me and rolled us both until he was on top of me.
He pulled back just an inch and spoke against my lips. “I know you aren’t ready for sex. No sex until you’re with your husband. We’re not that in your heart yet. Soon, I hope. I’m going to make you feel good, just the same. Unless you tell me to stop.”
I couldn’t imagine doing so right then. He slipped his hands under my shirt, and soon it was off, thrown to the side. He took his own off quickly, and we were soon skin-to-skin.
His eyes caressed my breasts. “The most beautiful breasts I’ve ever seen. When I got a quick glimpse in front of the profiteers, I got hard. Not the time for it. Now I get to play.”
It appeared Tommy’s definition of the word play involved lavishing my breasts with attention from his hot mouth. I gasped when he sucked on my left nipple. Had anything ever felt like this? I knew what would happen if we pressed forward, and I said yes to completion. The whole thing would be over in three minutes.
“Tommy.” My hand stroked his hair. It was soft and thick; I relished the sensation. “I love this. I really do. But I know what happens next. Three minutes and then I’m lying here achy and cold. I don’t think I want to end the night like this.”
He raised his eyes to look at me. “Come again?”
“Are you really going to make me repeat myself?” I didn’t have a problem standing my ground with him anymore.
He held up three fingers. “That many minutes?”
“Give or take ten seconds.”
Tommy snorted and then covered his face with his hand. “Honey, I’m not going to be done with this breast in three minutes. And then someday, when I’m buried inside of you and your warm core stretches to fit my cock, it won’t take three minutes. It might take hours. You had sex with the wrong person. Hell, you’re practically a virgin. We are going to take this another way. Okay.” He kissed between my breasts. “I’m going to assume you don’t know anything. I’ll simply say this: You will never be left cold and achy. Warm, sated, half-awake, and ready to sleep until I wake you to go again? Yes.”
Could he be right? Was it possible my own experience was so completely flawed I didn’t understand what it was supposed to be like? “And tonight?”
“Tonight I am going to love you until you come around my fingers, and then I am going to put you back to bed.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Around your fingers?”
“From now on, when people ask what you did to go to the Sisterhood, you are going to tell them you stole something. A necklace you wanted. On a dare. Because I’m not sure what happened when you were seventeen, but it doesn’t constitute sex as far as I’m concerned. Trust me. Trust me to love you.”
All thoughts of my nightmare fled. “I do.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, he went back to kissing my breast. I closed my eyes. Jolts of pleasure rocked through my body. “So responsive. Your body speaks to me, and I do what you want. Even if you don’t know what you’re asking for. It’s my pleasure to give it to you.”
“Tommy.” I stroked his cheek. “I want to give you pleasure, too.”
“You do.”
Now he was just being obstinate. There were things I remembered. Rocky had put my hand straight on his erection and showed me how to pump up and down to get him harder. “I know how to touch you. I want to.”
Tommy twisted his mouth. “That’s what you want? Right this second? To touch me?”
“Yes.” I didn’t want it to be all about me. I wanted to share the experience. If he was going to give me pleasure, I was going to do the same for him.
He lay back, pulling his pants off followed by his underwear. He was hard and pointed skyward. I didn’t remember much about what Tommy now called my non-sexual encounter, but I knew
Rocky had never looked like that.
“Touch me if you want to because in a few seconds I am going to touch you big time.”
I stroked my hand up and down his length, and he let out a loud moan. “That’s right baby. You have the touch.”
His words made me tingle. His cock was long, thick, and all mine to massage. I gripped him harder, and he moaned even louder, particularly when I touched the top. Over and over I let my hand travel the length of him until he grabbed my wrist.
“No more. You’re going to make me spill.”
He pulled me up against him, my back to his stomach. I could feel his erection pressing into my behind. “Is that painful for you?”
“Some pain is good.” He kissed my neck, and I shivered. “The best kind of pain.”
He stripped me of the rest of my clothes, feverishly invested in his task. Tommy bit down on my shoulder while his hands stroked over my core. “So soft. Everything about you is soft. I am in love with your curves.”
He pressed his pointer finger inside of me, finding my clit and rubbing gently. I jumped from the jolt of pleasure filling me. Tommy held me tighter against him. “Shh. Let yourself feel it. Don’t be tense. Just enjoy. This is me loving you, baby.”
I think it was the last thing he said that finally calmed my nerves. He loved me. Yes, I felt that way, too. He’d given me such a hard time, but it had only made me want him more. Things didn’t have to come easy for them to be worth it.
He massaged my bundle of nerves in a circle, slowly first and then moving faster. I let out a small moan, and he made a similar sound in his own throat, as if my pleasure egged on his own. The more he stroked, the hotter I became until he put two fingers in the same spot and continued to drive me crazy.
Soon I panted, unable to catch my breath and not wanting to. All of a sudden my whole body exploded. I’d never had an orgasm before, and I couldn’t have pictured how truly amazing it was. I saw colors followed by stars. I couldn’t think; I could only feel. There was nothing but Tommy, nothing except the way he made me feel.