I pulled my hand from Blake’s, “No. I thought you wanted to watch a movie?”
“I was, but now I want to do something else. But why are you holding hands? Do you love my dad?”
Ugh. Why couldn’t I be mature about all of this? Oh yeah, because I wasn’t mature. I wasn’t even old enough to be mature. Twenty year olds didn’t fall in love with men with little girls. Eighteen year olds were going to college, dating boys, and figuring out who they were. I was never going to do any of that.
“Come here, Pea,” I said, trying like hell to forget the noise I heard below the plane. Sitting on my lap, her little hands entwined with mine. “Remember when we went to the house in the woods, and I told you that I didn’t know what was going to happen, but we were going to be okay?”
“Yeah, you don’t know if you love my dad?” she questioned. My eyes shifted to the gaze Blake held.
“I know I love your dad, and I know I love you, but let’s do like we did the last time. Let’s just take it step by step and see where it takes us, okay?”
“Well, okay, but maybe we could live in a castle this time. Can we dad? Oh this is my favorite part!” Pea said jumping back to her seat. Ralph and the princess were finally becoming friends.
“Should I answer the castle comment?” Blake asked. It was so freaking cute and my heart warmed at how much he was trying.
“Blake, you don’t have to try to do everything right with her. Look at her, she’s already forgotten about it,” I said, looking over to Pea who was now perched on the end of the white seat consumed with her cartoon.
“No, I didn’t forget. I just want to see this first,” Pea assured me.
“Yeah, and you’re not always going to be right,” I admitted when Pea threw me under the bus with her full attention.
“Do you want to stay in Nashville?” Blake asked, replacing Pea’s hand with his own. My hands now looked like Pea’s small hands in mine. His closed fingers almost made it disappear.
“Can we just see once we get there, Blake? I don’t know what I want. I don’t even know what’s going on around me anymore. I just need to soak in, let it marinate. I don’t know.”
“But you want me?”
Shit. I didn’t want to do this. Not now. Not ever.
“It’s just turbulence, Makayla,” Blake comforted, squeezing my hand a little. My body instantly stiffened with the planes instability. “I feel like something happened while we were apart.”
“No, it’s not that, Blake,” I quietly spoke. How the hell was I supposed to tell him this without saying it? I couldn’t just spit it out. What would I say? Besides, if he knew the truth, he would make me see a doctor. And that right there was one thing I would refuse to do. I wouldn’t spend my last days on earth being in and out of the hospital, being poked and prodded, losing my hair and weight that I couldn’t afford to lose. I would never be that person and Blake and Pea were not going to watch it happen. No way in hell was I about to let that happen. Not in this life time.
“Then what is it? Are we okay?”
“Can we do this when we’re not about to die?”
“Yeah, okay,” Blake sadly replied. I wasn’t trying to make things feel different between us. I just couldn’t answer the questions about an unfortunate future.
“Tell me something about Janie.”
Blake looked at me with a confused expression. I’m sure I would too. My attention span was worse than Pea’s. “Why?”
“I want to know her. I want Pea to know her. Sarah showed me a photo album, my mother was in a lot of the photos.”
“She talked about your mom,” Blake said with a heavy sigh. I knew I was confusing him; I was confusing myself. I leaned into his chest when he put his arm around me. It felt so right; my body molded perfectly with his and my fingers fit effortlessly, like they belonged there, nestled with his.
My eyes watched the clear blue sky and my heart attached to this man a little more. “She did? Tell me what she said.”
“Feather pinky,” he laughed.
I laughed too, “You know about that? That’s my mom’s secret. It’s what made her better than everyone else. Not everyone can do it, you know?” I smiled remembering my mom’s feather pinky. It was all about timing, and hard to do. You had to know when to use it or it would sound like you messed up. You barely pinged the note right before you chimed the real note. It was the pause between the notes that made the music. I’m sure my mother learned it from someone else, but I am also sure Janie learned the secret from my mom, Blake learned it from her.
“Yeah, she sucks. I can’t do it. I think my fingers are too big,” Blake confessed, brushing his pinky over my responding nipple, back and forth.
“Blake, stop,” I quietly spoke. I knew every place on my body that Blake touched was connected to the arousal between my legs, but holy sweet baby Jesus. My beaded nipple was connected to my clitoris. I felt the beat between my legs when he pinched it into a hard pebble while his warm breath filled my hair. I moved his hand when he cupped my breast and squeezed. Jesus. We needed to have sex.
Admitting what we already knew, Blake sighed, “We need to get away from each other.”
“Tell me about the day you met Janie. How old were you?”
“Twelve, I’ve told you this.”
“Not the story. Tell me the story.”
“I never wanted to play the piano. I was made to play it since I could sit at the bench. My father wasn’t having a son that couldn’t play the piano.”
“He made you play?”
“Sort of. I never told him I didn’t want to do it. I just rebelled, trying to show him.”
“How?” I questioned, tracing his fingers with mine.
“When I was seven I broke these two fingers climbing a tree, broke both my wrists trying to jump my bike over a car, and then fractured my tail bone from trying to swing on a grapevine, that kept me from sitting on the hard bench. I fought him tooth and nail to practice, but never said I didn’t want to play.”
“You were serious,” I teased.
“Until, Janie Lynn Holden walked in the theater with her mother.”
“Tell me.”
“I was getting ready to get the hell out of there. It was almost five and I was going to see The Fast and the Furious.”
***
June 25th 2001
“I’m out of he—re,” I told my dad when I saw the most beautiful girl in the world. Long dark hair flowed down her back and the expression on her face was sad, hurt.
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” my dad explained to the mother, “we’re not that kind of establishment. I have a long list of students waiting to get in.”
“Can’t you just listen to her play once? She’s very good.”
“I can offer you a list of recommendations, teachers that are very good.”
“I don’t want very good,” I heard the sweetest voice I’d ever heard say. Sweet enough to rot my teeth. “I want Conley Coast. I want the best.”
“I like your fire, I really do, but we just don’t work like that here. If I did it for you, I would have to do it for everyone. I’m sorry. I can give you an application and put you on the list.”
“How long is the list?” she sadly questioned.
“About three years.”
“I’ll help,” I yelped from behind my dad.
“You’ll help?” he questioned with a frown.
“Yes, I’ll help teach her. We have room.”
“You still need someone to teach you.”
“Hang on, don’t go anywhere,” I told the prettiest girl in the whole world. What color were those eyes? They were between a pool blue and a turquoise color. Her long hair hung down her back. Her head flipped it over her shoulder and her eyes landed on mine. Janie Lynn was the settling factor on my childhood. I was no longer the little boy afraid of catching cooties from girls. I’d gladly take her cooties.
I pulled my dad to the side and begged, “Dad, let her in. Please.”
&nb
sp; He got this sneer on his face, the one he used when he was about to make fun of me. “Why?”
“You know why. Look at her,” I said, seeing the two of them whispering. It looked like the mother was trying to reason with the daughter, but she was holding her own. She wasn’t backing down. That’s one of the things I loved about her from the start. Janie had a backbone that wouldn’t break.
“You just had a fit last month because you had to hold Shyanne’s hand at a wedding.”
“That’s because you volunteered me for a wedding of people I didn’t even know. And she smelled like feet.”
“You’ll have to crush on someone else. I’m not bending the rules for a girl you’re going to hate next month.”
“I won’t hate her. Please dad. Okay, how about this, I’ll practice my ass off. I’ll pay close attention to every single word you say.”
“No you won’t. You said that about the video game last week. I still have to make you practice.”
“You won’t have to make me anymore; I promise I’ll do it. I’ll even perform in the spring show.” I hated performing in front of people. That was his dream, not mine. I wanted to be the next Tony Hawk, not the next Yanni. Not until Janie Lynn, anyway. I would have strived to be Beethoven for her.
“Son, I can’t move someone to the front of a three year waiting list because you’re promising me something you’re not going to own up to.”
“I will, dad. Give her a trial. Give me a trial.” I walked around him and right up to the bright eyed girl. “If we give you a month trial, do you promise to give it one hundred percent?” I asked, needing more ammo.
“Oh yes. More than that, I’ll give it two hundred percent. I just want to be on that stage in the spring.”
“That show is actually something you have to work up to. That show is for students that have been here at least three years. But you could be good enough,” I assured her, “we both could with enough practice. It’s not impossible, is it dad?”
“Conley Coast is your dad?”
“Yes, I’m Blake Coast,” I smiled. She smiled back and shook my hand. Her eyes smiled as much as her lips.
“I’m Janie.”
“Do you know someone here? Why are you so keen on coming here?” my dad asked. He saw the fire in her eyes and I knew I was going to win.
“The girl that taught me how to play, played here once. She performed here once while she was in school.”
“Who?”
“Her name is Victoria Carlie.”
“Oh yes, I know her, she won that opportunity in a contest. She is quite a gem. How long have you been playing, where have you been playing, and what do you plan on getting out of this?”
My eyes went back and forth from Janie to my dad. She didn’t act like any of the girls that went to my school. She was, hmm— more grownup, I guess. I was fascinated by the way she won my dad over by pure determination.
“Vikki taught me to play when I was seven, and my dad bought me an August Förster for my eighth birthday. That was Victoria’s favorite. I’ve been teaching myself ever since. I never thought about Vikki telling me that she played here until my mom and dad brought me here last month. I aced a big test,” she smiled, reliving the reward. “All I could do was think about her playing there, knowing with everything in me this was the Conley Theater she told me about. Vikki bought all of your DVD’s. She says she learned more from you than all her professors put together. She gave them to me when she left that summer.”
“She did?” Her mother said that like she didn’t know that fact. I thought that was strange at the time, but now know why.
“Yes, so I guess you’ve been teaching me for the last five years, Mr. Coast. I can show you if you want.”
“We’re the owners of Zazen Resorts. Money is no issue,” the mother said, assuring my father that she would pay to be moved to the top of the list.
“Oh my God, Mom!”
“What? I’m just saying.”
“Forget my mother said that. I don’t want you to take me because she can pay for it. I want you to take me because I want it more than anything. I want you to accept me because I can blow this theater out of the water,” Janie argued with great conviction.
“Don’t worry, money can’t buy you a position here. Your persistency however might. Show me something,” my dad said gesturing with an open hand to a piano in the show room.
Janie’s face lit up and she scooted to the black bench. Her eyes closed and she took three deep breaths. My goal in life was suddenly altered, I wanted to play like that, I wanted to feel what she was feeling and what she made the entire room feel. Janie Lynn Holden was the gem. Artists like her weren’t born every day.
The awe struck expression covering my father’s face told my mind I could display the victory flag, he was in shock. “You taught yourself to play like this?”
“No, I learned from your DVD’s. I learned from you.”
“Feather-pinky isn’t in there. It’s something I made up.”
“Well you must have taught it to Victoria, she taught me how to do it.”
“I can’t even do that,” I said, voicing my opinion. I thought it was just some stupid way for my dad to get me to practice. I didn’t really practice feather-pinky. It even sounded stupid.
“I’ll give you a month trial, providing my son holds up to his end and practices with you. You get him to take this as serious as you do for the next month and you’re in. Practice is two hours three times a week here, and hours and hours at home. Do you think you can handle that?”
“I already do that,” she turned to me, “if you cost me this position I’m going to cut your fingers off. Got it?”
“I will. I mean, I won’t. I mean, okay, I’ll practice too, and I won’t cost you your spot. I promise.” Jesus where had the nerves come from?
***
“I sleep in these wrappers and bundle myself up like a little homeless lady,” Pea chanted from her seat. I realized at that moment how relaxed I was. I hadn’t thought about crashing during Blake’s whole story.
“What the hell did she just say?” Blake whispered in my ear. I laughed and sat up.
“She’s repeating Vanellope from the movie.”
“I’m never going to learn all of this.”
“Yes you are. You’re doing fine.” I thought about what I would have said to that a few short months ago. I would have told him that it was his own fault. I still had to remind myself once in a while that now was what mattered. He was trying, and that was all that he could do.
“How much longer? I have to pee.”
“Go,” Blake nodded. He rolled his eyes when I gave him that look. I wasn’t taking this seatbelt off until the plane was stopped. No way.
“I’ll wait. How much longer?”
Unfortunately we weren’t in the air as long as I had hoped, but it did go fast and I didn’t panic again until the landing. Blake read a story while Pea cuddled on my lap, insisting she wasn’t sleepy. She was asleep before the princess felt the pea. Blake moved her to the other side and covered her with a blanket.
“What are you doing?” I protested when my seatbelt was unfastened and Blake’s lips were on mine. The only response I got was my lips, parting for his tongue. His arm went around my back and I was forced to lean against the window. I didn’t feel butterflies dancing in my stomach, I felt fireworks exploding in places that longed for his touch. My head dropped and I panted. Blake’s lips didn’t miss a beat, they trailed down my jaw and to my neck. My breasts pressed into his chest, needing the contact as much as my aching nub. I pushed him away when my hips began to move into his erection.
“Stop,” I panted.
Blake’s warm words spoke hot against my lips, “I can’t keep my hands off of you.”
“Later.”
Blake groaned and moved away. His hardness lay to the right side and I had the strongest urge to touch it, even if only through his jeans. The throb between my legs thumped harder when he did it
himself. His legs straightened and his hand grasped it. He whined a hiss and squeezed the tip before sitting up. “You know I’m going to last like two minutes when I finally slide inside of you, don’t you?” he warned.
“Jesus, Blake, shut the hell up,” I ordered. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was about to fuck him at thirty thousand feet. He was worried about lasting for two minutes and I was worried about lasting for two seconds.
We held hands and talked for the rest of our flight, flirting and kissing. I was so in love with this man, I couldn’t get enough of him. Life sucked. I didn’t understand the purpose. We deserved the happy ending. We both did. Damn it. It wasn’t fair. None of this was fair.
Three
Grace was at the airport waiting when we finally landed. That landing was the worst ever and I was never doing it again. I would hitch a ride first. I was telling Blake that fact when we saw Grace.
“Grandma!” Pea yelled, running to her.
“I have to pee.”
“You could have gone on the plane,” Blake reminded me.
“I told you I wasn’t doing that.”
“No. I meant after landing, before you got off.”
“Oh. You dummy, why didn’t you say that before?” I complained, ready to use my hand to help hold it in.
“We’ll be right back. Makayla has to pee,” Blake called to his mom, spinning back toward the steps. Thank God.
Blake being right outside the door caused us to have another make-out session. This time things got a little more heated. My body was pinned between his and the cold bathroom door, my legs turned to play dough and my heart pounded wildly. His bare hands met the skin beneath my shirt and I moaned. My head moved in unison with our tongues and I once again forgot anything else, only Blake mattered. The way I felt in his arms was how love was supposed to feel. I didn’t know much about guys and relationships, but I did know one thing. This wasn’t something that came along every day. This was something special and I knew it.
“Fuck,” he rasped in my ear when his hand slid between my legs. I tried to stop him, but not very hard. I moaned instead.
“Blake, please stop,” I pleaded, taking in quick rapid breaths. He knew as well as I did that he could make me come in a matter of seconds.