To Jimmy, for always helping me with my writer’s block and giving me the best ideas for my stories. I couldn’t have done it without you.
Today is my first day at my new school. My parents moved us halfway across the country for dad’s new job. Not a big deal, right? It wouldn’t have been, but it’s my senior year of high school. My senior year and I have to start at a new school. As hard as it is going to be, I decide I’m going to make the best of it.
I pull into the parking lot. It is already getting full. Lovely. I’m going to be invisible here, I think to myself as I glance around the lot. I knew it was a big school, but I hadn’t realized just how big until seeing it now. I get out of the car and walk slowly across the lot towards the school. No one says anything to me, but I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. Talk about awkward.
I had no idea what it would feel like to be the new kid. I have always gone to the same school, with the same kids, since pre-school. This is all new to me. I pull one of the glass doors open and walk inside to find the office. The receptionist sends me to see the principal, Mr. Breymann, right away.
He looks up from his desk when I enter. “Ah, you must be Emaline Quan.”
I nod, too nervous to say anything else in response.
“Good, good, I’ve asked one of your fellow classmates to show you around. Just one moment, and I’ll pull her out of homeroom.” He picks up the phone and dials a number. “Please send Victoria Barrowman to my office.” There is a slight pause. Then he says, “Thank you.”
A few minutes later, a tall, dark haired girl waltzes into the room. She looks at me and smiles. “You must be Emaline. I’m Victoria.” She extends her hand to me.
I shake it gingerly, and say, “Thank you for offering to show me around.”
“It’s no problem at all. I know how overwhelming it can be. I was the new girl back in 10th grade. C’mon, I’ll show you to homeroom.” Then she turns to Mr. Breymann. “It’s alright for us to go?”
“Oh, yes, of course. I hope your first day goes well, Emaline. If you need anything, my door is always open.” He gives me a warm smile.
Victoria and I walk towards homeroom in silence. It is just so awkward for me. I don’t know what to say to her. It isn’t that I’m shy; I just really don’t know what to say.
“This is where we have homeroom,” Victoria says, pointing to a door. She pushes it open and we walk in.
An older lady looks up at us when we make our appearance. Her name is Mrs. Tsugane, at least that’s what my class schedule states. “Class, this is Emaline Quan. She moved here from… Where is it you moved from?”
“Washington,” I reply.
“Would you like to tell the class a little about yourself?” she asks.
“Um, there’s really not much to say,” I admit, “but sure, I guess I can say something.” Everyone’s eyes are on me. I take a deep breath, and start. “Well, I’m Emaline, like Mrs. Tsugane said. My parents and I just moved here from Washington. I like to write poetry, play tennis, oh, and I’m really big into indie rock music.” I must sound like a complete nerd to them. There are a few snickers from the back of the room, but Victoria is grinning at me.
In the hall, walking to our next class, Victoria turns to me and says, “You and I, we’re going to get along just fine!”
That strikes me as odd, but it is a good thing. It looks like I have already made a friend. Victoria and I have lunch together, along with a few of her other friends. I’m tongue-tied at first around all the new people, but they are super nice to me. In time, I start to open up. Victoria ends up inviting me over to her house after school to hang out, so after school, I drive us to her house. Once we are there, I realize that we only live a few blocks away from each other.
“I just live a few blocks down the road,” I say to her, pointing in the direction of my house.
“Oh, that was you guys that bought the house?” she stares at me in disbelief. “Did the realtor tell you what happened to the family that owned it before you?” She looks down at the ground and kicks a rock that is lying in the driveway.
“No, not that I heard. Why, what happened?” I’m not sure that I want to know the answer to that question.
“Well, there was this boy in our grade, his name was Koah. He committed suicide, at the school, actually. Mr. Breymann found him lying on the bathroom floor in a pool of blood. After his death, his parents couldn’t bear to live in the house anymore, so they moved away. I guess the memories were just too hard for them to deal with.”
I stare at her wide-eyed, horrified. What if I have the same bedroom as he did? Could I even deal with that? I wish that Victoria hadn’t told me what happened.
“I don’t want to freak you out further, but the locker you have at school, it used to be his.”
Oh, great, another connection to this dead boy. Why can’t things just be normal?
Victoria sees how uncomfortable I am about these revelations. “I’m sorry. I guess I should have kept my big mouth shut. Don’t worry about it. It’s got nothing to do with you. It’s not like he’s haunting the house or the school. C’mon, let’s go inside and get something to eat, then you can look through my music collection!”
I do my best to put the thoughts out of my head. It isn’t so easy though. Those words end up echoing in my mind all night long. I have a hard time sleeping, when I finally do manage to fall asleep, my dreams are haunted by a beautiful boy; a boy I have never seen before.
As I pick Victoria up for school the next day, I ask her, “What did Koah look like?”
She eyes me suspiciously. “Why do you ask?”
I explain the dream to her with as much detail as I can remember. Her mouth hangs open once I am done.
“We need to go to the library as soon as we get to school,” she declares. “I need to show you something.”
After we get to school, we head immediately to the library. Once inside, Victoria heads for a shelf that houses all of the school yearbooks. She pulls one off the shelf and starts flipping through it. Once she has found the page she’s looking for, she holds it up to me, her finger pointing to one of the photos. “Is this the boy you saw?”
I nod, my mouth hanging open. “Who is that?” I whisper.
“That’s Koah,” she replies, barely comprehending the fact that he had invaded my dreams.
I am horrified. “How could that even happen? I’ve never seen him before in my life. I didn’t know who he was until you told me about him!”
“I… I don’t know what to tell you. It’s pretty freaky. Try not to think about it,” she whispers.
Yeah, easy for her to say. Her dreams aren’t being invaded by a dead boy. I sigh. “I’ll do my best.”
It does me no good though; all of my dreams are plagued by Koah. None of them are nightmares, but they aren’t exactly happy either. Mostly, it feels like he is trying to protect me. From what, I don’t know. I decide it is best not to say anything more about them to Victoria. If I don’t know how to react to them, she sure as heck won’t. She never brings them up again either.
“We need to go shopping for the Halloween dance,” Victoria is insisting at lunch, “before all the good costumes are gone.”
I roll my eyes. Maybe it will be good for me though? I can distract myself a bit. “Alright, alright, we’ll go on Friday after school.” Anything to get her to shut up.
“Yay! It’s going to be so much fun! You’ll see. We’ll find amazing costumes. And you’re going to love the dance. It’s one of the best things about going to this school. You’ll see.” She grins at me.
While we are in the costume shop that Friday afternoon looking through racks and racks of costumes, a boy I sort of recognize approaches us. I don’t notice at first, but Victoria does. She elbows me in the stomach. That gets my attention. “What was that for?” I demand to know. All she does is point at the boy walking toward
s us.
“Hi Victoria. Emaline. You guys shopping for your costumes for the dance?” the boy asks.
I just stare at him.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he says to me. “Where are my manners? You have no idea who I am.” He extends his hand out to me. “I’m Quentin Mossmann, but everyone calls me Quinn. We have trigonometry together.” He smiles at me.
I look at him and realize he is right. “Oh yeah, I remember you now.” I say, trying to smile. He is kinda cute.
Still looking directly at me, he asks, “So, do you have a date for the dance yet?” He can barely meet my gaze.
“Umm, no, I don’t. Victoria and I were just going to go together. If someone asked me though, I could obviously change my plans,” I quickly add, hoping Victoria won’t be too mad at me for it.
“Well, in that case, would you like to go with me?” He finally looks at me, his eyes beaming.
I turn my gaze from him to Victoria. She smiles at me. “Do it,” she mouths to me.
I look back at him again. “I would love to.”
“Great! Looking forward to it!” He hands me a slip of paper. “Here’s my cell phone number, text me sometime and we can figure out the details.” He waves at us both as he walks away.
I end up going as Little Red Riding Hood for Halloween. Victoria insists I look cute. I don’t think so. “Oh, but I know Quinn will think so. I had no idea he even had a crush on you! I usually know these things. How is it that you ended up with a date and I didn’t?” she says with a laugh.
I shrug. “Maybe it’s your attitude?” I say, and stick my tongue out at her.
She just laughs and continues to get ready for the dance.
We meet Quinn and his friends at school, just outside the gymnasium doors. “You look beautiful,” he says to me when he sees me.
“Thank you,” is all I can manage in response.
He smiles at me. “You’re welcome. Let’s head inside. It’s getting kind of chilly out here.” He holds open the door for Victoria and me.
Inside, the gym is set up much like a scene out of a horror movie. I can’t believe how much time and effort was put into it. Victoria was right, I do love it.
It ends up being so much better than I was hoping it would be. Quinn and I dance to almost every slow song they play, which isn’t a lot. Thank goodness for that, because it is also so strange to me and the last thing I want is to seem even more awkward than I already feel.
Time seems to be flying by. The DJ announces that the next song will be the last slow dance of the night. Quinn takes me by the hand and leads me to the middle of the dance floor. It is perfect and magical. At this moment, everything feels right. I can feel his eyes on me and I know that he is going to try and kiss me. I am okay with this. In fact, I want him to kiss me.
He brushes the hair out of my face and looks deeply into my eyes. At this moment it is like the rest of the room doesn’t exist. Our lips meet and sparks shoot through my body. When he pulls back from our kiss, it leaves me utterly speechless and breathless.
My senses come rushing back to me in an instant. The temperature in the gym suddenly drops drastically. While it is less than romantic, the first words out of my mouth are, “Why is it so cold in here?” My eyes flit around the room. No one is moving. The music has stopped. Okay, what is going on? “Um, Quinn, what’s happening? Is this part of the Halloween festivities?” I don’t understand.
He just shakes his head and looks around the room too. Panic fills his eyes.
“I need to find Victoria. Maybe she’ll know what is going on. You can come with me if you want. Or maybe you should try to find your friends. Someone has to know what is going on here,” I whisper, hoping I am right.
Quinn nods and walks towards where we had left his friends. I head out into the hallway to see if I can find Victoria. I call her name out, but get no response. Maybe she’s in the bathroom? I head down the hallway and push the door open. No one is inside. I hurry back towards the gym.
I’m mere feet away from the door when I hear a loud crash and then people screaming. I full-out run the rest of the way back into the gym. There is a large crowd standing in the center of the gym. I push my way through and see Quinn laying there. One of the lights has fallen and crushed him.
“Has someone called 911?” I exclaim. “We need an ambulance right away!” No one is moving. As the tears stream down my face, I pull out my cell phone and make the call myself. Once the paramedics are on their way, I find somewhere to sit down and I cry. How could this have happened? Everything was going so perfectly.
I don’t know how long I have been sitting here, but eventually Victoria finds me. She doesn’t say anything, just puts her arm around me and holds me.
Once the gym starts clearing out, she tells me, “We should probably go. There’s no need for you to sit here and relive the moment, over and over again.”
I nod and get up. There is nothing else to say. As we are heading out the door, one of Quinn’s friends, Xavier Hackett, comes sprinting after us. “Do you guys need a ride home? It’s been a long night and it’s getting cold outside. I wouldn’t mind driving you home, if you want.”
I force myself to speak. “Yes, please. I don’t think I can make it home on my own.”
The word is all over the school by Monday morning. Quinn died in the hospital soon after he was admitted. I try to pretend that it isn’t real. None of this is real. It is just a nightmare, a horrible nightmare. Soon I am going to wake up and everything will go back to normal.
Over the course of the next few weeks, Xavier is really kind to me. It is weird for me, but it really helps. He is having a much harder time than I am. He was Quinn’s best friend. He has no one else to turn to, though; no one that will understand what he is going through. While I didn’t really know Quinn all that well, I still feel the pain.
For a while, I completely forget about the Koah dreams, but as normalcy has begun to set in again, they have started haunting me again. This time they have become more vivid, more intense. They scare me. He is very possessive of me in my dreams. I belong to him. That’s what he says almost every night. Those words are permanently etched into my mind. I try to reassure myself that they mean nothing. They are just silly dreams. They can’t mean anything. They just can’t.
Every day, Xavier and I seem to grow closer and closer. Victoria, Xavier, and I spend every lunch hour together and hang out every day after school. I don’t think that Xavier wants to be alone. I don’t blame him for that. It does startle me a bit that he has latched onto me so tightly, but I don’t let it get to me too much. He is a sweet guy and an extremely talented artist.
One day at lunch, he asks me if I will pose for a portrait for his art class. He is going to have it displayed at the art festival before Christmas break. Who am I to turn him down? It could be fun.
After school that day, he drags me to the art room so we can get started. He explains everything to me as he is setting up. Once he is done, he has me sit down and he puts me into the pose that he wants. It ends up being really awkward and boring having to sit still for such a long period of time. I am anxious though, to see how the painting turns out. I know it will be magnificent.
It takes days before the painting is completed, but once he shows it to me, I know it has been worth it. It is the most breathtaking painting I have ever seen. I have to admit, I am slightly jealous of Xavier’s skills. He tells me he can’t wait to show it to his art teacher after the weekend. With that, we head back to my house to hang out and watch movies. That is the typical thing we do on a Friday night.
The weekend seems to go by extremely fast, but they always do. The school days, those don’t seem to go by nearly as fast, especially now that Christmas break is drawing nearer.
Xavier wants to go show his painting to his art teacher, Miss Wyrick right away. He says he’ll
be back before homeroom. I think nothing of it. I know how excited and proud he is of his painting. I would have been too.
He comes back a few minutes later, tears streaming down his face.
“What’s wrong Xavier?” I ask, full of concern. “Did she not like your painting?”
He shakes his head. “No, that’s not it. My painting… It’s destroyed. Someone wrecked it,” he chokes out between the tears.
“What!? How did that happen? I don’t understand. We locked up when we left on Friday. There’s no way anyone could have gotten in there.” I am completely flabbergasted by what he is telling me. I put my arms around him. “It’ll be okay. We can just do another one. I don’t mind posing again,” I assure him, still holding him close.
“Thank you,” he whispers. “You’re so good to me,” as he hugs me tightly.
That afternoon we walk back towards the art room. I grab his hand and give it a squeeze. He is still upset about what happened. I am too. I still can’t understand how his painting had been destroyed.
He shows it to me once we get to the art room. There is paint splattered all over it and it looks as if it has been slashed with an x-acto knife. After he shows it to me, he slides it into the trash can with a sigh.
“Let’s just get this over with,” he says flatly.
“Hey now, don’t talk like that! This painting will be just as amazing as the first one. Maybe even better!” I exclaim. I have more faith in him than he does. I walk towards him and gave him a hug. “Don’t give up. You have so much talent. Don’t let what happened get you down.”
“Thank you for believing in me. And thank you for being here for me. Everything has just been so hard lately. I don’t think I would have made it through it without you and Victoria. You two are the best, but especially you. You are so sweet and so compassionate,” he whispers to me, then plants a kiss on my cheek.
I must admit I am blushing a bit. I grin though, and say, “Knock ‘em dead tiger!”
He laughs at me and rolls his eyes. But that is the effect I was going for.
It is like déjà vu. Every day after school we spend a few hours in the art room working on his new painting. It is turning out to be just as perfect as his first one. It goes by just as the week before. This time, he insists that I don’t have to wait around for him while he cleans everything up. “You’ve spent far too many of your afternoons here, helping me out. Go to Victoria’s. I’ll meet you there in a little while,” he tells me.
I don’t want to, but there is no use in arguing with him. With a sigh, I pack up my stuff and head out the door. Calling after me, I say, “Try not to take too long.”
I plop down on Victoria’s bed and tell her about what happened with the painting. She really doesn’t care, but I do, so she has to suck it up and listen. I don’t think she is really listening to me though. After I am done rambling, she insists that we go to the kitchen for snacks. I can’t disagree with that idea. I am getting pretty hungry.
We wrangle up food and head back to Victoria’s room. I glance at the clock. A lot of time has passed since I left Xavier at the school. “He should be here by now. It was almost an hour ago that I left him to finish cleaning up. I think something’s happened to him,” I state.
Victoria rolls her eyes at me. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Maybe he just started another painting or something. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”
I don’t like it, though. Something just feels wrong, but Victoria isn’t having it. I pick up my cell phone and send him a text. He never responds to it. He never shows up that night, even for our usual movie and pizza night. I try calling him, but it goes straight to voicemail. That really isn’t like him.
I decide that if I haven’t heard from him by morning that I will stop over at his house. His parents are bound to know something.
Early Saturday morning, I find myself on his front porch talking to his mother. “No, he isn’t here. He never came home last night. I’m extremely worried about him. He isn’t answering his cell phone. I don’t know where he could be. It’s been so hard for him lately, after what happened to Quinn. If you hear from him, please let me know.” She jots down her number for me.
I start walking home, plagued with fear. What could have happened to him? Where could he be? Maybe he just needed some space. He could be at a friend’s house. Though, he hasn’t really hung out with anyone other than Victoria and me since the Halloween dance.
Instead of going home, I go to Victoria’s instead. Once there, I insist that we go looking for him. She makes a face at me, clearly not liking the idea of spending her Saturday on what she calls a ‘wild goose chase.’ I won’t take no for an answer. Eventually she gives in.
Victoria knows of a few people that Xavier used to hang out with, so we start there. None of them have heard from him since Quinn’s funeral.
“I think we should go to the school,” I suggest.
“Why? I don’t want to go to school on a Saturday,” Victoria grumbles.
“Because that’s the last place he was. Maybe there’s a clue as to where he went or what happened to him.” I put my foot down. “If you won’t go with me, I’ll go alone.”
“Oh, fine. Let’s get this over with. If he isn’t there, can we do something fun?” she pleads.
“Yes, yes, we can go to the mall or something after this, I promise.” That is good enough for her.
When we get there, the door to the art room is still open and the lights are on. That is weird. He would have locked up after he was done. A part of me doesn’t even want to walk into the room. Victoria has to shove me in.
I stand horrified at the scene that is laid out before me. Scrawled on the wall in red paint are the words: ‘SHE BELONGS TO ME.’ That alone is enough to startle me, but lying crumpled on the floor below the words, is the body of Xavier. He is covered in blood and impaled by every single paint brush in the art room.
That’s when I realize that it isn’t paint that the words are written in… It is his blood.
I can’t handle it. I break down, fall to the floor next to Xavier’s body and cry and cry. Victoria has to call the police. I just can’t bring myself to admit that he is gone. It terrifies me.
I know the words on the wall are about me. In the pit of my stomach, I know it. But who could have done this? Who can possibly want me that much that they will kill to get their hands on me? It doesn’t make any sense. I don’t belong to anyone. I’ve only been here a few months. Nothing makes sense anymore.
I do my best to explain everything that has happened lately to the police. That isn’t an easy task for me. I have had enough of the police after what happened to Quinn. I never want to have to go through all that again. Once is enough for one lifetime, and here I am, having to do it twice within a few months.
Victoria drives me home afterwards. I can’t stop the tears from falling. When she drops me off at my house, I insist that I need to be alone. She is reluctant to leave me by myself, but eventually gives up and leaves me here. I am grateful for that.
I run straight to my room, curl up in bed, and cry myself to sleep.
“You belong to me,” a voice calls out to me over and over again.
I can’t find where the voice is coming from. It feels like the voice is coming from right next to me, but when I turn to the side, no one is there. It feels like I am being watched though. I do everything I can to will myself awake. That’s when I realize I am not asleep. That terrifies me.
“Who’s there?” I whisper, not sure that I really want to know the answer to that question.
“You know who I am,” the voice replies. It is deep and raspy, like the voice of someone who has been smoking for many, many years.
“Go away! Leave me alone! You shouldn’t be here,” I stammer, hoping whoever it is will leave.
; “I’m not going anywhere,” it hisses at me. “This is my room, my home. Everything here is mine. Even you.”
“Who are you? I don’t understand. This is my room! This is my house now!” I whimper.
“That isn’t true and you know it,” the voice insists. “You know who I am. I’ve been with you since the moment you stepped into this house.”
“No… You can’t be. This can’t be happening. This isn’t real,” I sob.
“Yes, Emaline, it is.” The voice starts to become softer. “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. In life and in death. There is no one more perfect than you. If I can’t have you, then no one can.”
What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say to that? I must be crazy. This isn’t happening. It can’t be real.
“Would you feel better if I showed myself to you? Would you like to see me Emaline?” the voice says, even more gentle than before.
I can’t bring myself to answer, so I just nod.
A figure slowly steps into the moonlight filtering through my bedroom window. I gasp. It is Koah… A transparent version of Koah, but it is him, nonetheless. He is gorgeous, even if he is a ghost. And even if he is a killer.
“What do you want from me?” I ask, significantly less afraid now than I was before. I already know what the answer will be. In my heart, I know.
“You… I want you. Spend eternity with me. I cannot bare to move on to the afterlife until you’re here with me, by my side,” Koah whispers. “Come be with me Emaline. All of this can end here. No more killing, no more sadness. Just you and I, together forever.”
I shake with fear. Can I do this? Can I do what he is asking of me? It would save so many lives, but at the cost of my own.
“I… I don’t know if I can do this,” I tremble.
“You have no other choice Emaline. It’s either them or you. What’s more important to you, your friends or yourself? Make a decision and make it soon. I cannot control my urges. If you take too long, I cannot be held responsible for who might be harmed,” he replies. “I’ll leave you now. Don’t take too long, my love. I’ll be waiting for you with open arms.” With that, Koah fades away.
I know what I need to do. After I calm my nerves as best as I can, I slip from my bed and silently walk downstairs. I rummage through the junk drawer in the kitchen until I find what I am looking for. Razor blade in hand, I walk back to my room, lay down on my bed, and do what has to be done.
The blade pierces my skin, filling my body with pain. In this pain, I find closure. No one will be harmed because of me again. As I drift off into that final sleep, I whisper, “I’m coming Koah. I’ll be with you soon.”