“Oh look, you found her.” Jacob finished climbing the trail and stood in front of us. His eyes latched on to where my hands were still covering hers. “I’m sure you were just about to call and let me know.” He forced a smile, but it didn’t disguise the anger I saw burning in his eyes.
When Jacob’s eyes stayed locked on our hands, Cora slid hers out from mine and folded it into her lap. She put on a convincing face, like we were innocent of whatever Jacob was silently accusing us of being guilty of.
“Cora, can we talk now?” He moved closer, holding his hand out for her. “I’m sobered up—planning on staying that way. I’m ready. If you are.”
She didn’t take his hand. She stayed seated across from me. “Um, I don’t know. Matt and I were talking.”
Her eyes met mine again like she was waiting for me to say or do something. I wasn’t sure what. Did she want me to blurt out what I’d been about to tell her before Jacob showed up? Did she want me to throw her over my shoulder and run away? Did she want me to throw myself into the ocean and make it easier on all three of us?
“I’m sure whatever Matt has to say to you can wait.” Jacob lifted his chin at me, but he couldn’t look at me. “Can’t it, brother?”
It had only been waiting years to be said. “Yeah. It can.”
I cleared my throat as I rose to my feet, not realizing I’d held out my hand to help her up until she’d taken it. Beside us, Jacob’s jaw twitched, his hand falling back at his side.
Cora hadn’t intentionally taken my hand over his—I could tell by the flash of regret on her face. It had come from a place of instinct. When she had a choice between whose hand to grab, she’d chosen mine.
“So we’ll talk later?” she asked me as they started down the trail.
Jacob interjected. “If you two have anything to talk about after we’re done working things out, baby.” His comment was as much a threat for me as it was a promise to her.
I watched her walk away with him, but this time, she was watching me as she left. “We will.”
He’d been about to say it. Or something close to it. I knew it.
Or at least I thought I knew it.
The way he’d been looking at me, the way he’d been fighting with his words, I thought Matt had been about to tell me something I’d waited years to hear from him. I mean, sure, he’d said them to me that first night on the island, but he’d been playing Jacob at the time, and I knew that had been the only reason he’d said them. He’d been saying them as Jacob, not as Matt.
Little did Matt know Jacob had never said those three words to me with half as much meaning as Matt had while faking them and pretending to be someone else.
Of course that would be the time Jacob would show up and essentially ruin the moment. He’d done that a lot, especially early on, when I’d first moved into the house with my mom. Whenever Matt and I would go play foosball together, or whenever we’d decide to watch a movie, or whatever the two of us had tried to do alone, Jacob always seemed to intervene.
I hadn’t thought much of it as a kid, assuming that as twins, the two of them were inseparable and where one was, the other wanted to be. It wasn’t that though. It was because Jacob had thought from the very beginning that he had some claim to me, just as I was finally starting to realize he still thought he did. Although the claim had matured into ownership.
He was the one who’d asked me to marry him, and I was the one who’d agreed. But that didn’t equate to ownership. At least, I hoped that wasn’t how marriage worked. It wasn’t like I’d had many shining examples of marriage in my own life.
I didn’t want to be owned. I didn’t want to be someone’s possession they could take off the shelf and put back whenever they wanted.
It was odd how one day could change a person’s whole perspective on their life; I felt like I’d just awoken from some dream I’d been living for years.
“Please, baby, don’t run off like that again. I was worried about you.” Jacob was still leading the way down the trail I’d taken to get out here, but I could tell he was waiting for me to take his hand as I had hundreds of times before.
Not this time.
It was exhausting to be the only one who reached for the other when it didn’t have to do with sex. Taxing to be the one who gave and gave until they felt run dry.
“I needed to think,” was all I said.
“About what?” When Jacob glanced back at my face, he sighed. “Never mind. Dumb question.”
He kept moving, checking over his shoulder every few steps to make sure I was there. It was like he was afraid I was going to run away or disappear again. I wasn’t used to Jacob being so attentive and, well, acting like he gave a shit.
“Did you have enough time to get everything worked out?” he asked as the trail opened up to the beach.
My eyes stayed forward, his locked on me. “No. It’s difficult to work things out when I don’t have your side of the story as to what happened the day of the wedding.”
Jacob’s jaw moved, like it had locked up and he had to work it loose. “Well, that’s what I thought we’d spend today getting out in the open. The wedding day.” He sniffed, his eyes flashing. “The wedding night.” He rolled his neck a few times. “And everything after. We’ve both got some explaining to do.”
I nodded as we headed down the beach, keeping a step behind him. The wind was stronger out here, the storm clouds more daunting. I couldn’t understand why no one besides us was on the beach though. It was beautiful. Everyone came to the beach for the blue sky and calm water, but the scene right now was just as, if not more, beautiful. A person just had to look a little closer to find the beauty in the midst of the storm.
“I booked the two of us a day at the hotel’s spa. I thought it would be the perfect way to talk and figure things out between us.” Jacob checked his watch. “I found you just in time. I made our appointment for ten.”
I wanted to remind him that he hadn’t found me—Matt had. But I knew that wouldn’t be helpful to any of us.
“No, not the spa.” My voice sounded strong, which made me feel even stronger.
Jacob’s head turned toward me. “You love the spa. It’s the perfect kind of day to spend at the spa.”
“No, you love the spa. And I loved you and part of that was going and doing the things you loved.” I couldn’t believe I had finally said that. Words I’d practiced in my head but had never had the courage to bring to life.
“What do you mean? Of course you love the spa. We go all the time.”
From the look on his face, he was truly surprised. He hadn’t had a clue, and that shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Jacob had always been so focused on himself and his wants, there wasn’t much left over to notice anyone else’s wants.
“No, I don’t like having strangers touch me. I don’t like the music or the smells or walking around in big bathrobes all day with other people.” I started to walk faster, getting ahead of him as the hotel came into view. “I’m not having this conversation with you at a spa. Thank you for trying, but no, I’m not in the mood to get into an argument in front of a bunch of strange people in what’s supposed to be a serene place.”
“Who says we’re going to get in an argument?” Jacob almost had to jog to keep up with my pace.
“Experience. The topic. The possible explanations.” My eyebrow lifted at him. “Take your pick.”
“Fine, I’ll cancel the spa.” He pulled out his phone. “Did you have something else in mind?” His tipped smile settled into place as his eyes ran down me.
My dress was a rumpled, dirty mess, and I felt like the rest of me kept with that theme. Jacob was looking at me like there wasn’t a flaw on me though. Not a single one. That was one of the things he’d always done well—made me feel special when he looked at me like that. It might have only been for a moment, and they might have come few and far between, but for however long it was, I knew I meant something to him.
“Maybe one of our rooms?
” he suggested.
“Jacob, please don’t make me regret my decision to leave with you.”
“Regret your decision to leave Matt for me?” His voice wobbled once.
“Regret my decision to leave with you to have this discussion.”
My response didn’t seem to appease him, but his jealousy where Matt was concerned ran deep. He could catch me merely making eye contact with his twin brother and go off. I didn’t want to think about what would happen when I told him what had happened between us. Way, way more than making eye contact.
“Shit, Cora. I’m an asshole.” He rubbed his forehead as we wound up the path toward the hotel. “I’m sorry about last night—I’m sorry about suggesting that again right now. I should have realized you’d need some space and not been so forceful. I was just so relieved to see you. So desperate to be close to you.”
“There are more ways to be close to a person than sex.”
A few heads turned as we came in the lobby, probably because I looked like I’d just played a game of tag with the storm. Jacob ground his jaw when he noticed, then he slid out of his jacket and tucked it over my shoulders. He quickly led me back toward the elevators, his hands just barely curved around my shoulders.
“What did you have in mind? I’m game for anything. Just please, give me a chance to work this out?” He spun me around before touching the up button, waiting.
“I want to go on a hike. There’s a good one farther inland that passes by an old sugar plantation. I was planning on doing it when we came down here, and here we are.” I shrugged, waiting.
“A hike? In this weather?” Jacob blinked.
“The weather isn’t that bad. Some rain and wind. I’ve hiked in worse.”
“A hike?” Jacob repeated, like it wasn’t computing.
“I like to hike.”
“Since when?”
I shifted. Jacob had never accompanied me on any of the hikes I’d gone on. I’d asked plenty of times at first, but had gotten to a point where I didn’t ask anymore because I already knew his answer. “Since I was thirteen and went on my first hike in the Everglades.”
“And you went on this first hike that started your lifelong love affair with the hobby with whom?”
He knew. From the darkness bleeding into his eyes, I knew he knew.
“Matt took me,” I said, trying to keep all emotion out of my voice. God knew it wasn’t easy, not with everything happening between Matt and me. Not with everything I thought he had been about to say to me out there.
“Of course he did.” Jacob bit back whatever he was going to say right after that. Instead, he took a few slow breaths then hit the up button again. “Why don’t you go get changed for this hike? I’ll wait here and see if I can find a cab to drive us.”
When the elevator door chimed open behind me, I barely noticed. Had Jacob just gone along with my hike suggestion? Without so much as a few rounds of debate? Had he just suggested he wait here so I could have my space instead of being an opportunist and coming to my room with me? Hoping for a little time delay between wardrobe changes?
When he lifted his brows, waving toward the open doors, I guessed I had my answer.
“I’ll be right here,” he said, backing up to lean into the wall.
When the doors closed behind me, a million things fired in my mind. Some about Jacob. Some about Matt. Some even about me and deciding what I felt for these two men in my life. Who did I think I loved? And who did I really?
I didn’t take long to change, exchanging my dress for a pair of shorts, a tee, and some hiking boots that Matt had gotten me a few years ago when I’d told him I wanted to hike part of the Pacific Crest. I’d never gotten around to it because it was across the country and even a part of it was a serious time commitment, but every time I tied the boots on, I thought about that vision. The possibility of turning a dream into a reality.
Ten minutes later, the elevator doors opened on the first floor to reveal Jacob in the exact spot I’d left him. There wasn’t a drink in his hand that hadn’t been there before, already half gone. His eyes weren’t wandering the scene like they were trained to do. He was staring at the elevator like he hadn’t blinked since I’d left.
“I like it. Rugged chic.” Jacob motioned at me in my hiking digs, pushing off the wall like he was about to pull me into his arms. He stopped at the last minute, as though he knew I wouldn’t welcome it.
“You might want to change too,” I suggested when I realized he was wearing a nice pair of shoes and light slacks. “The trail isn’t crazy extreme, but it’s not an easy one either. Plus, it will probably be muddy and stuff could have fallen onto the trail from the wind.”
Jacob glanced out the bank of windows at the entrance. “Yeah, there’s this thing known as a tropical storm swirling around us. Maybe not the ideal conditions to be hiking.”
I waved it off, zipping up my rain jacket just in case. If nothing else, it would cut the wind. “It’s not bad.” He fell into step beside me as I moved toward the exit. “Sure you don’t want to change?”
His head shook. “I’ll be fine. A little dirt won’t kill me.”
There was a cab waiting for us out front, so after we crawled inside, I told the driver what trail to head to and we took off. I couldn’t help staring out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of Matt. I was eager to get this conversation with Jacob over with for more reasons than just getting answers and deciding where to go from there. I was eager to get it over with so I could get back to Matt. Get back to whatever it had been he was about to say to me.
Because I was pretty sure I knew. Because I was pretty sure I felt the same way, even now, after what had happened over the past few days. Three days. It felt like years instead of days.
Jacob pulled my buckle across my lap when I didn’t move to fasten it. Then he reached for my hand slowly, like he was giving me time to pull it away if I didn’t want him to hold it. I kept it where it was, letting his hand fold around mine.
“When I found out what happened . . . when I realized what I’d done . . .” He paused, staring out the front windshield. “I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see you again.”
I twisted in my seat to face him. What the hell? It was as good a time as any to clear the air and finally get some answers. “What did you do?”
He blinked, looking as if he were somewhere else.
“Jacob—”
He motioned at the quiet cab driver, like he was hanging on our every word. Which he really wasn’t. Even if he was, I didn’t care at this point. I didn’t care who heard, just so long as I finally knew why the man I was supposed to marry three days ago didn’t show up to the wedding.
“I don’t remember.” He swallowed, looking like he was choking on an apple. “I don’t have a goddamn clue what happened that night or that next day. All I remember was being out with the guys one minute, and the next I was stumbling through Dad’s front door, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.”
My head turned so it was facing him. “You don’t remember? Nothing?”
He looked me in the eye as he said, “Nothing more than what I just told you.”
“You mean to tell me that you lost track of a whole twenty-four-hour period? That it’s all a blank?” I paused, lifting my eyebrow. “You don’t have a single memory of that whole day?”
One of his shoulders shrugged. “I wish I did. I really wish I did, because I can tell it’s eating you up. Hell, it’s eating me up. I missed my own wedding for Christ’s sake.” He blew out a breath and slammed his head back against the headrest. “But if I told you anything else, it would be a lie, and I don’t want to lie to you anymore, Cora. Not now that we’re married.”
The word hit me hard. “We’re not married. Because you didn’t show up.”
“Yeah, but we would be. We should be.” His fingers tightened around mine as the cab slowed when we pulled into the parking lot for the trailhead. “We kind of are, since Matt had my back and stepped in to d
o what he did. I know you’re pissed at him about that—I am a little too—but he did it for me. He did it for us. Because he knows we’re meant to be together. He knows that.”
Everything about his words, everything on his face, led a person to the impression that he believed with his whole heart what he’d just said. But when he looked away, trying to hide his glare out the window as his hand tightened around mine, I knew the truth. He didn’t believe those words any more than I did. At least not completely.
“Does everyone know what happened?” I swallowed, thinking about the rumors that would be flying when I got back to Miami. Rumors had always seemed to follow me wherever I went, from the time I moved into the Adams’ place with my mom. Most of them had been untrue, but not all of them.
Jacob’s head shook as he paid the driver, leaving him a nice tip. “No, when I showed up and Dad and I started to put the pieces together, he told me not to tell anyone. He basically had me swear on my life not to tell anyone, then to get my ass down here and fix my mistake.” He slid out of the cab, holding his hand out for me to take as I came out. “No one knows. No one knew it was Matt. Dad’s going to talk to his attorney so we can figure out all of the legal headaches that might be involved, but we’ll get this straightened out. It might mean you and I need to have a private ceremony of our own to make it official, but you have my word that I’ll fix my mistake and make this right.”
My head was nodding, but it was more in recognition of what he was saying than in agreement. When I went to slide my daypack onto my back, Jacob took it.
“Here, I’ve got it.” He adjusted the straps to fit him, clasping the chest strap over his button-down shirt.
Before the cab drove off, Jacob requested he be back in an hour to pick us up like he had a clue how long this hike would take. I stood there observing the man I’d spent ten years of my life committed to. He looked totally different than he had last night—half-drunk, half-crazy, and ready to take on the whole world blindfolded if need be. Today he looked like he’d gotten a full night’s rest, his clothes were clean and ironed, his eyes were bright, and his mood was almost carefree. This was the Jacob I remembered as a child.