Maddie nodded thoughtfully, feeling peaceful about the existence of heaven for the first time. Her face cleared, and she glanced around a bit. She seemed through with her queries, but Douglas was hoping for more information.
“Tell me something, Maddie. Are you afraid of dying? Is that why this subject troubles you?”
“No. I was baptized as a baby. I know I’ll go to heaven, I just wanted to know for sure that it was there.”
Douglas felt his heart sink.
“I never baptized my children when they were infants,” Douglas told her gently, not surprised to see Maddie’s eyes widen.
“You didn’t?”
“No.”
“What about this new baby?”
Douglas shook his head no. “I can’t find in Scripture where we’re commanded to do so. The people we see being baptized in Scripture have made a decision for Jesus Christ. Jesus was baptized as an example to us, to show others that John’s words about Him were true. Jesus was not baptized as an infant.”
Maddie looked at him a moment. “He wasn’t, was He? I never thought about that until now, but He was baptized as a grown man by John.”
“That’s right, and His example to us is huge. My three older children came to understand the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and repented to Him for salvation. Once that change occurred in their lives, they each desired to be baptized. They wanted to show others what they believed.”
Maddie nodded, but her look became distant. Douglas watched her, waiting for more questions to come, but she surprised him.
“Is this where you meet?” She was looking down the length of the parlor now. Most of the furniture was against the walls, and it struck her as odd.
“Yes, here and in the kitchen.”
“How do you handle pew rental?”
Douglas was reluctant for this change in topic but knew he needed to explain. “Actually, we don’t have pew rental. Scripture teaches us to give of what God has given to us, so we leave all the giving to the hearts of the folks who worship with us. We don’t charge people for coming to worship.”
Maddie had never heard of such a thing, but she thought to admit it might sound insulting. Instead, she decided to leave. After all, he’d been a great help.
“Thank you for your time, Mr. Muldoon.”
“You’re welcome, Maddie. I hope we can talk again. I’d like to.”
Maddie was gone just seconds later, and Douglas stood in the middle of the parlor. Alison came to the door from the kitchen.
“I heard a little of it,” she said. “She’s not ready.”
“No, she’s not. I hope she won’t be able to rest on the knowledge of heaven’s existence, Alison. I hope she thinks more about where she’s put her faith.”
“I’ll pray with you, Dooner,” Alison told him, starting the moment he thanked her and went back to his study.
Jace could not have been more pleased to see his wife stopping at the mill. He watched her park the buggy and climb down to come inside, knowing he would never grow weary of the sight of her.
“Are you very busy?” she asked from just inside the wide double doors, not sure she should have stopped.
“Just getting things ready for the season. How were things in town?”
“Fine. I stopped and got the mail.”
Jace waited. There was something on her mind, and he wanted to know what it was.
“Jace, were you baptized as an infant?”
“Sure. Eden’s told me all about it.”
“Did you know that Jesus wasn’t baptized as an infant but as a grown man?” Maddie asked, still rather amazed.
Jace shrugged, “Maybe they did things differently back then.”
“But when did it change?”
“I don’t know. I figure it’s not that big of a deal.”
“But what if it is?”
Jace tried to remain tolerant. First it was heaven and death, and now she was worried about baptism.
“I don’t know, Maddie. My sister has been studying the Bible lately. Maybe she would know something.”
“I got a letter from her,” Maddie remembered.
“What did she have to say?”
“I haven’t read it.”
Jace nodded, not sure what else to add. He didn’t have answers for her, and there was little he could do about that.
“I guess I’d better let you get back to work.”
Jace didn’t try to detain her. He walked her to the buggy and helped her into the seat.
“Thank you.”
“Always a pleasure,” Jace surprised her by saying.
“What is?”
“Touching you.”
Maddie stared down at him, her heart squeezing.
“I think you might have made a terrible mistake in marrying me,” she found herself saying, but Jace only shook his head.
“I’ll never feel that way,” he said, not breaking eye contact for a second, “and I’m sorry you do.”
“I don’t. I was just afraid you did.”
“Come here,” Jace beckoned to her with one finger, and Maddie leaned toward him. He kissed her softly, cupping her cheek. “I’ll see you at home with no more talk of regrets.”
“All right,” Maddie agreed, thinking he was much better than she deserved. One of these days she had to take down the physical wall between them. She drove the buggy away from the mill, wishing she had more courage to get the job done.
Dear Maddie, or should I say Mrs. Randall?
I don’t know whether Jace told you that I planned to write. I came in person to apologize to him, but the last thing you need right now is company, so I will do my best in a letter.
I’m so sorry for what I did, Maddie. There is no excuse, and I will offer none, except to say that I have, just lately, learned how to treat people better. I never had anything against you—not really—I just didn’t want Jace to care for anyone for fear that he might forget all about the sister who raised him.
It was a foolish need and want in my life, and I no longer feel that way. I ask for your forgiveness. I don’t deserve it. But again, I wish to tell you how wrong I was, and if you can ever think of a way for me to show you, I hope you will let me know.
Hoping we can someday be friends,
Eden Randall
Jace had ridden one of the horses down to the mill. It was good to be done for the day, and as he stabled Robby, he took his time, savoring the warmth of the barn as well as its sounds.
The other stock also needed his attention, and Jace went through the jobs, liking the fact that some things didn’t change. Tonight, however, there was something new. As Jace took down the bag of feed for the chickens, ready to spread some in the corner of their pen, he spotted Maddie in the yard by the pump.
Staying in the shadows of the barn, he was able to watch her pull the tin cup from beneath the board and pump the handle for water. Much as before, she filled it several times before returning the cup and going back inside.
Jace was not a fool, nor was he blind. When evidence was presented to him, he was fairly swift at deduction. His wife feared that he would give her alcohol again.
No wonder she doesn’t want me to touch her. She doesn’t think she can trust me—not even for this small thing.
Even as Jace thought it, he realized it was not a small thing to her. Jace went inside, cleaned up, and joined his wife for tea, his eyes still watchful. Maddie’s cup sat untouched throughout the meal. In fact, she drank nothing all evening.
Jace said not a word concerning this. Planning to be up even earlier than usual, he lay in bed waiting for his wife to sleep and curl up against him. He had something he needed to do, and tomorrow was not soon enough.
Maddie heard Jace on the stairs but didn’t assume he was headed back to their room. She was still standing in her shift, however, when he opened the door and came in.
“I need to show you something downstairs,” he said, not seeming to notice the way she gr
abbed her dress from the bed and held it in front of her.
“Is something wrong?”
“No, but come out the kitchen door as soon as you’re down.”
Maddie stood for a few seconds after he left. Eventually curiosity got the best of her. She rushed into her clothes and threw a bonnet on her head. It was all too mysterious, and Maddie wanted to know what was going on.
As soon as Maddie stepped out the door, Jace was there to take her hand. He led her toward the barn, not speaking.
“Where are we going?” Maddie asked.
“Just over here” was all Jace would say.
Jace didn’t rush, but he moved with a purpose. He led her through the barn and out the far door. At the corner by the fence he stopped, and Maddie saw what lay at his feet: broken and overturned jugs, empty flasks, and one open but empty barrel.
“This is all the alcohol from the house. There isn’t a drop left in there, not even hard cider.”
Maddie stared at the mess. “Why did you do this?”
“Because my wife shouldn’t have to fear. My wife shouldn’t have to drink only from the pump for fear that her husband will give her alcohol.”
“I didn’t know you knew about that.”
Jace didn’t answer. He watched her for a moment, debating whether or not to tell her the rest.
“I want you to understand the full import here, Maddie.” Jace knew it might get him into trouble, but he was going to tell all. “This is larger than you might think; this is a huge act for me.”
“I know you enjoy your drink.”
“That’s not it. I’ve never planned on it, I swear to you about that, but eventually I might have decided to get you drunk again. Since it didn’t come to mind until after I was done breaking everything up, I don’t know if I could have fought the urge or not. I hope I would have.”
Maddie was instantly angry and wasted no time in letting Jace know it.
“You know how I feel! How could you even think of such a thing?”
“It would have been selfish, Maddie—I admit that—but I wanted you to know what this might have cost me.”
“What are you talking about?”
Jace drew a little close, anger in his voice as well. “Let’s just put it this way; you’re a very loving drunk.”
Maddie didn’t get it. She frowned at him, still angry, her hands coming to her hips. “You’re talking in riddles, and I’m not amused.”
Jace put it plainly, working to stay calm and keeping his voice quiet. “You don’t have any trouble with my getting close when you’ve had some alcohol.”
This was the last thing Maddie expected. She wanted to be angry about the reminder, but curiosity got the better of her.
“What do I do?” she whispered back at him.
“Are you sure you want to know?”
Maddie nodded.
“You smile at me a lot, tell me how much you care, and let me kiss you all I want.”
Maddie felt vulnerable and exposed, as though a secret part of her had been revealed to everyone but herself.
“Is that who I really am, Jace, or is that person just around when there’s alcohol involved?”
“I don’t believe it’s just there when there’s alcohol.” His voice was calm now. “I think when you feel you can trust me, our time in the bedroom will be wonderful.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because we did enjoy each other before I sent you away. At some point between the picnic and the lies, we could barely keep our hands off of each other.”
Maddie wondered how she could have forgotten that. Images of the kisses they shared, things coming dangerously close to too far, flitted through her mind. She looked down at the spilled alcohol and back at Jace.
“I’m afraid of a lot of things lately.”
“Well, this is one less thing to fear. If you drink alcohol, it will be of your own choosing.”
Maddie thanked him, her eyes going back to the mess.
“It smells terrible, doesn’t it?”
“There was some powerful brew in there.”
“And you won’t miss it?”
Jace smiled. Lately the only thing on his mind was getting his wife into his arms.
“No,” he said quietly. “One of these days my wife might want to kiss me, and I want my head for that.”
Maddie looked up at him, knowing she was far from immune. She wasn’t buying this morning, however.
“Clara will be coming soon.”
“And we mustn’t let her see us kiss,” Jace said with exaggerated sarcasm.
Maddie almost smiled but refused to be baited.
“I’m going into the house now.”
“That’s fine,” Jace agreed. “You look good going in either direction.”
Maddie put her chin in the air and went on her way. She knew she was being watched every step of the way but refused to turn and give Jace the satisfaction. When she got into the house, however, she went to the window and did her best to catch sight of him without being caught.
“Have you thought about painting this house?” Clara surprised Maddie by asking later that same day.
“I hadn’t,” Maddie looked at her. “Have you, Clara?”
“Lots of times.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“It wasn’t my house, and Woody didn’t care how it looked.”
Maddie nodded, “I suppose it’s too cold right now.”
“For the outside, yes.”
Maddie smiled. In that instant she knew Clara had been wanting to do something with the house for years.
“You have something in mind,” Maddie challenged.
“Wallpaper,” Clara whispered, as though it were the greatest secret in the known universe.
Maddie laughed until tears came to her eyes, but when she could concentrate, she listened with huge eyes to every idea Clara Teckam had in mind.
“Well, now,” Jace said when he came from the downstairs, having washed in the kitchen. He found his wife in a beautiful dress, even prettier than the one she was married in.
“Is it all right?”
“It’s beautiful. You’ll put us all to shame.”
“I doubt that,” Maddie said, knowing that Jace would wear the new set of clothes he’d purchased in Boston.
The look he gave her told her he believed that with all his heart. The next look he gave her was enough to make her flush from head to foot. Jace watched her intently, and Maddie knew it was time to make an exit.
“I’ll wait for you downstairs.”
Jace nodded, watching her exit. He would have to be careful not to overwhelm her, but if she knew how much he was looking forward to dancing with her tonight, she might not let him near her.
The space was a bit tight on the wagon seat as Jace, Maddie, and Clara headed into town on Saturday night, but it was cold enough that no one would have suggested anything else.
For two days now, it had felt as though snow could arrive at any minute, and tonight was no exception. Maddie loved the snow and Clara hated it, so the banter on the way to the party mostly came from one woman trying to persuade the other that she was right.
A few times Jace laughed out loud, which eventually dragged him into the discussion. He tried not to comment, but Clara would have none of it.
“Tell the truth,” she dared him. “You hate it on those days down at the mill.”
“Not the snow,” he argued. “Just the cold.”
“Well!” She was disgusted. “You don’t get one without the other.”
“Not that kind of cold,” Jace corrected her. “The chilled-to-the-bone cold that hits in January—that I don’t love.”
Maddie sat in the middle of this, hearing what she and Clara must have sounded like. It never occurred to her before, but Jace and Clara were good friends. Probably much the way Clara and Woody had been.
“Well, it’s time to go to the party,” Clara said, a note of finality in her voice. They had stopped
before the Shephard house. “And I for one still think you’re wrong.”
“Now you sound like Eden,” Jace accused, even as he helped both women from the wagon.
On the ground now, Clara rounded on him, waving her basket in his face.
“If I could return this wedding gift, Jace Randall!”
But Jace only laughed and ushered them inside. It was a delightful start to a fun-filled evening.
Eighteen
Maddie woke up to an empty bed. She could tell it was not early; they’d been out rather late. The house was quiet, and for a long while she didn’t want to move. Her mind was too full of her husband.
Jace Randall had been wonderful at the party. Without a hint that any part of their marriage was amiss, he held her hand, put his arm around her often, and danced with her like a man in love.
Maddie’s eyes closed, but not in sleep. Jace was a man in love; she had known that for some time. She loved him too, and right now she was tired of keeping him at arm’s length. She thought she might curl up against him if he were here right now, but he wasn’t.
Suddenly glad it was Sunday and they had the house to themselves, Maddie got up and took extra pains with her appearance. Today was the day. She was going to let her husband know he was forgiven and that she loved him. Making vows to herself as she tucked in a final piece of hair, Maddie went downstairs with a mission.
She ate her breakfast, finished a pot of tea, and put the kitchen in order, and still Maddie had not seen anything of Jace. She had called out to the barn, but all was quiet outside as well. She sat at the table in the kitchen and wondered how her plans could have gone so far awry.
She thought about writing a letter to Paige before remembering that she was still in Europe. She spent some time thinking about how different life would have been had she gone with the Nunleys to Europe and then being very glad that she had not. She was still in the midst of all these speculations when Jace walked in.