CHAPTER SIXTEEN.
When Peggy was dressing for dinner that evening a knock came to herdoor, and Arthur's voice demanded entrance. She flew to meet him, andfelt her spirits go up at a bound at the sight of his smile.
"Have you come to say you have forgiven me?" she asked, linking her armin his, and shaking back the mane of hair which fell over the whitedressing-gown. "I am so thankful to see you, for I am appallinglyhungry, and yet to eat a crumb while you were still angry with me, wouldhave been a moral impossibility. I did not know how to get throughdinner."
"Angry! When was I angry? I was never angry with you, Peggy kins, thatI know of!"
"Oh, Arthur! This very afternoon. A most lacerating glance. It cutinto me like knives."
Arthur laughed; a short, half-hearted laugh which ended in a sigh.
"Oh, is that all? I was annoyed for a moment, but it seems a smallcause for so much emotion. Can't you bear even a glance of disapproval,young lady?"
"No, I can't! Not from people I love, for I do love them so badly, thatthere's no peace or comfort for me unless they are pleased with me inreturn. I am not blaming you, dear, but it was the first time, you see,that you have ever taken part against me."
"Ah, well, it won't happen again; it's the last time as well as thefirst!" sighed Arthur wearily. "I came to tell you, Peg, that Rosalindand I have come to a definite understanding. You knew so much that itis only fair that you should know the whole. You will soon be asked tocongratulate her on her engagement to Lord Everscourt."
Peggy marched to the other end of the room, aimed a deliberate blow atan unoffending wicker work-table and hurled it to the ground. Sheglared with an expression of savage satisfaction at the miscellaneousarticles scattered broadcast over the floor, curled her lips scornfullyat her own reflection in the glass, and finally walked back to Arthur'sside, and exclaimed in a tragic voice:
"I knew it! I knew it was coming! She affected to ask my advice, but Itold her it was waste of time, as she had really made up her mind whatshe meant to do. Then she began to cry, and said I was cruel, and wentaway with you so willingly that I thought perhaps, after all, I hadjudged too quickly, for she _does_ care for you, Arthur, I know shedoes! She could not deny that, I suppose?"
"No, she did not deny it. She loves me in her own way, but it's not myway, Peg--or yours! She would have been happy with me if I had beenrich, but she is not prepared to make any sacrifices on my account, andwould rather give me up than live a quiet, restricted life. She doesnot even understand how much she is losing, poor girl, or how littlesatisfaction she will get in return!"
Peggy set her lips tightly.
"No, she does not understand, and that makes one sorry for her, for shemisses just the best thing in life. I used to think when I was a childthat the thing I wanted most was for people to love me--not in anordinary, calm, matter-of-fact sort of way, you know, but to love me_frightfully_, and care for me more than any one else in the world! Iused to put myself to any amount of trouble to be agreeable, for even ifI did not care for a person myself, it worried me to death if thatperson were not devoted to me! There were thirty-six girls at schoolbesides the governesses, so you may imagine how exhausting it was to benice to them all. Well, I've come to the conclusion that it's amistake. It's sweet to be loved, but it's ever so much sweeter to love.It is so inspiring to forget all about one's tiresome little self, andcare more for somebody else. When I love people, I feel," Peggy threwback her head and expanded her little shoulders with a terrific breath,"_omnipotent_! There is nothing I could not _be_ or _do_ or suffer tohelp them. The more they need from me the happier I am. Don't you knowhow you feel after listening to a beautiful sermon--that you really wishsomething disagreeable would happen, to give you an opportunity ofbehaving well and being sweet and unselfish? Well, that's just how onefeels in a lesser way to the people one loves on earth. It's how I feelto you at this moment, Arthur darling, when I know you are suffering. Iwish I could take all the misery and bear it for you. Is your heartquite broken, you dear old lad?"
"No, Peg, it is not. I feel miserable enough, but I don't delude myselfthat I have received a life-long wound. It has been a dream, you know,a schoolboy's dream, but I always realised that the princess was not forme. She is so lovely that one's heart goes out to her instinctively,but it never seemed possible to think of her as a part of my work-a-daylife. It's dreary work walking in the cold grey light and realisingthat the dream is over, but I shall pull myself together as time goeson, and make the best of what remains."
"You will be surprised to discover how much that is! There are manypeople left who love you and long to make you happy, and in time to comeyou will be thankful that things are arranged as they are. There aredozens of other girls who are far better worth winning--"
"But I don't happen to want them! That makes all the difference!"sighed Arthur sadly. "Ah, Peg, it is easy to be philosophical foranother person. I could offer volumes of common-sense consolations toanother fellow in my position, but they fall very flat when it comes toone's own turn. It is impossible to judge for another person."
"Yet onlookers see most of the game, and no one could know you andRosalind, and not feel that you were a thousand times too good for her!Think of mother! Think of Mrs Asplin! Compare her with them, and youwill see how different she is. I can quite understand your feelings,for she fascinated me, too, and, however stern I mean to be, I have togive in when she takes the trouble to smile upon me; but one wantssomething more than pretty ways, and she would have disappointed you,Arthur, I know she would! You would have found her empty-headed andunsympathetic just where you needed sympathy most."
"Ah, well, well, we won't discuss her any more. It is not our business.If you want to please me, Peg, you will be as friendly as possible whenyou meet. She will have her own troubles to bear, poor girl, and itwill be all the easier for you, since you believe that I have had afortunate escape."
He tried to smile, but it was an unsuccessful attempt, and Peggyrealised that the wound was as yet too fresh to bear handling. The timewould come when Arthur would be ready to receive consolation, but now itwas easy to see that depreciation of Rosalind's character only added tohis distress. He did not attempt to contradict his sister's statements,but no doubt the fact that he was unable to do so was the bitterest dropin his cup. Peggy clasped her arms round his arm and looked into hisface with wistful eyes.
"Oh, Arthur, I wonder why it is that the two things which you have caredfor most in your life have both been denied to you? You wanted twothings--just two--and they have both ended in disappointment! If youhad been wilful and selfish, it would have been different, but you neverwere that. You worked hard, and thought of other people beforeyourself, and still nothing has gone right! How is it? Why is it? Whyshould it be?"
Arthur shook his head sadly.
"I don't know, Peg. My luck, I suppose," he replied in a tone sodejected that it brought the tears to his sister's eyes.
"No, it is not your luck," she contradicted quickly. "I know what itis--it has just come to me this minute. It is because God has betterthings waiting for you! It is all rough and miserable just now, butfurther along the path it will get beautiful again. Oh, I believe itwill be very beautiful; and when you get there, Arthur, you will bethankful that you went on, and did not stop half-way."
"Dear little Peg," he said fondly, "I hope I shall. It's a cheerythought, and I'll adopt it forthwith, and try to look ahead, notbackwards, and you must do the same. No more tears, please! You musthelp me by being bright and talking persistently of some thing else.And now I must go, or you will never be ready for that dinner you wantso badly. I'm wery hungry myself, so please don't keep us waiting."
He hurried out of the room, leaving Peggy to continue her hairdressingoperations with a tear trickling slowly over her cheek, and aspeculative expression in her eye.
Hungry? But he had no business to be hungry! Never in the course ofher read
ings had she come across the case of a rejected lover openlyavowing an impatience for dinner, and, despite her anxiety for herbrother's happiness, Peggy could not subdue a certain regret that heshould have showed such a painful inconsistency in the performance ofhis part!
The next day brought the visit to London to a conclusion, but Peggy saidher adieux with the pleasant expectation of meeting her friends againbefore many weeks were over. When Parliament rose, Arthur would befree, and had agreed all the more willingly to come down to Yew Hedge,as Rosalind and her father would at that time be visiting Lady Darcy inSwitzerland. An invitation to Eunice for the same time had also beeneagerly accepted, and Peggy was full of rose-coloured schemes for theamusement of her guests.
"Picture to yourself, my dear," she cried tragically, "that never yethave I had the pleasure of entertaining a friend in my own domain! Idon't know if you will enjoy yourself, but I am sure that I shall. Ihave views on the subject of hospitality, and am anxious to test them.So I shall treat you like a puppet, and play all sorts of experiments onyou to try the effect. I should wish you to feel tired sometimes in themorning, and stay in bed to breakfast, so that I could wait upon you,and to be too lazy to dress yourself now and again, so that I couldarrange your hair in different styles. If you could manage to be alittle ill, it would be charming, for then I could nurse you and besevere about your diet, but if you keep wen, we will make the best ofit, and entertain the neighbourhood. I'll set to work at once to plansomething original and startling."
"Oh, do!" cried Eunice eagerly. "I'd love to be startled. I shall lookforward to coming every single day until the time arrives, and be themost obedient of puppets. You are a dear, Peggy--I _do_ love you! I'mso grateful to you for being kind to me."
"It's my nature, dear. Go on deserving it. Three remarks at least Iinsist upon at every meal, and if you could increase the number to six,I should be correspondingly gratified. Don't stare at the carpet, don'tlook frightened when there is nothing to be frightened at, and lookafter my beloved brother for my sake. Those are my last instructionsfor your guidance. Arthur feels lonely sometimes, just as you do, andit would help you both if you would talk to him sometimes, or, stillbetter, let him talk to you. Men, my dear," sighed Miss Peggy with anair of experience, "men like nothing better than to talk of themselveswith a woman as audience. Ask questions about his work, his plans, histhoughts, and he will go on talking happily, so long as you will sit andlisten to him. You could do that, at least, if you could not talkyourself."
"Oh yes, easily. I'd like it. I love to hear him talk," assentedEunice naively. She fixed her soft shy eyes upon Peggy's face as shespoke, and that young lady felt that she had shown her usual shrewdnessin suggesting such an arrangement, for a sweeter _confidante_ it wouldhave been difficult to find, or one more ready with sympatheticinterest.
With her usual tactfulness Eunice declined to accompany Peggy to thestation, so that her presence should put no check upon the lastconversation between brother and sister, but no reference was made oneither side to the event of two days before. Arthur seemed anxious totalk on impersonal subjects, so they discussed the old friends and theirdoings--Esther and her theories, Mellicent and her romances, and sentaffectionate memories after the two absentees, Rex working his uphillway in the world, and Oswald in his luxurious home. It was always ahappy task to recall bygone days, and the "Do you remember?" filled upthe conversation until the last moment arrived, and Peggy leant out ofthe carriage window looking down upon Arthur with an anxious scrutiny.The dear face looked worn and thin, and the forehead showed a couple oflines which she had never seen before.
"Oh, Arthur, I wish I were staying longer, or that you were coming homewith me!" she cried impetuously. "I can't bear leaving you alone justnow. You need to be petted and coddled and made a fuss of, you dear oldboy, and I am desolated that I can't do it! What is the use of having asister, if she can't do anything for you when you are in trouble?"
"She has done a great deal for me already, and is such a sympatheticperson, Peg, that I am afraid she would spoil me altogether if she hadher way! It's just as well that we have to be separated for a time, forthe less I think of myself the better. It can do no good, and onlyunfit me for work. I'm going to set my teeth and begin afresh.Consolation prohibited, my dear, but hints for support and occupationthankfully received!"
And then had Peggy an inspiration! A flash of mischievous enjoyment litup the hazel eyes, but before Arthur had time to discover it, it haddisappeared and been replaced by an innocent little smile.
"You might do a good turn to Eunice by cheering her up after my loss!It would be beneficial for you to make the effort, and the Rollos wouldbe grateful. It is not easy to make her talk, but you would find itworth the effort, for she has sweet thoughts, and--on occasion--a prettylittle wit of her own!"
"On somewhat rare occasions, I should say," replied Arthur, smiling; butall the same he looked pleased at the suggestion, and the smile lingeredon his lips, as at some pleasant remembrance.
When the whistle sounded and the train began to move onwards, he wavedhis hand and nodded a cheery assent.
"Right, Peg! For the credit of the family, your pupil shall not beallowed to fall back into her old ways. I'll do my duty towards her."
"Mind you do!" cried Peggy, and flopped down on her seat with a softexplosion of laughter. "Ha! ha!" she cried aloud. "Ha! ha!" andflourished her magazine in triumph.
The next moment she became aware that an old lady seated in the oppositecorner was regarding her with glances of apprehension, and stealthilyfumbling for her umbrella as a possible means of defence.
"She thinks I am mad!" quoth Miss Peggy to herself, "How trulygratifying! I must foster the delusion." She turned her magazineostentatiously upside down, smiled vacantly at the pictures, andfeigning to fall asleep, watched beneath her eyelashes the compassionateglances with which she was regarded, shaking the while with inwardlaughter!