On the Edge
Been waiting for this day for what feels like forever.
My hand’s in the air, ready to knock when the door swings open. Heidi’s mouth drops in a surprised gasp. “What are you doing here? Axel was supposed to pick me up.”
“They needed him at the clubhouse. Besides, it’s your birthday, gonna take you for a ride.”
Her lips twitch into a smile. “Okay.”
She takes a step back to let me muscle my way inside. My arm brushes against her as I pass, and her sweet scent snaps something inside me.
My foot lashes out behind me, kicking the door shut.
“Happy eighteenth birthday, baby girl.”
She takes a step back and crosses her arms over her chest. “Thanks.”
Every step I take closer to her, she takes one away. Finally her back’s to the wall and she’s got nowhere else to go. She turns and I slap my hand against the wall to stop her.
“Heidi, look at me.”
Her big brown eyes blink up at me. Words can’t express what’s inside my head or heart. Instead, I lower my mouth to hers. Capture her lips in a soft kiss. As soft as I’m capable of. I pull back just to breathe her in. My hands slide into her hair, holding her still so I can taste every inch of her sweet mouth.
I’m a bastard, because this isn’t the first time I’ve kissed Heidi. We kissed two Christmases ago under the frigid night sky and last year on her birthday.
But it was nothing like this. I don’t have to hold back now. She’s mine and I’m ready to finally be hers.
Her hands settle on my shoulders. Not pushing me away. But not urging me closer, either. I pull back.
“What are you doing, Blake?” she whispers.
“Claiming my girl.”
Her gaze skips away. “I’m not yours.”
My arms wrap around her waist, tugging her against me. “Yeah, you are. You’ve been waiting for this day as much as I have.”
One corner of her mouth twists down. It’s an irresistible gesture she’s done since she was a kid. I’ve always found it cute.
Now? It’s fucking hot.
My lips seal over hers again. This time, she opens for me, slides her hands over my chest, twists her fingers in my flannel shirt, and pulls me closer. My hands slide from her waist to her ass, pulling her against me. She wraps her arms around my neck, holding on to me as I lift her off her feet and carry her to her bedroom.
I kick that door shut, too.
I’ve got fucking hornets buzzing in my stomach. I’ve thought about this for longer than is wise to admit. Yet I’m nervous.
We break our kiss.
“Marcel?” she asks.
“Your brother ain’t comin’ home any time soon.” Now isn’t the time to talk about my best friend. We’ll deal with him later.
Reaching out, I rub my knuckles over her cheek, then cup her jaw and pull her to me for another kiss. I’ve never loved kissing anyone the way I love kissing Heidi. Even if that’s all she lets me do today, I’ll be a satisfied man.
One of us moves us to her bed. Probably me. She slips off my cut, carefully setting it on her desk, barely breaking our kiss. My hands run down her back, cupping her ass, pulling her against me. I twist us onto her bed, keeping her on top of me. My hands slip under her sweater and she freezes.
“Baby, I’ll be gentle. I won’t hurt you,” I reassure her.
She snorts and rolls off me to the side. “I’m not a virgin, Blake.”
With a growl, I roll on top of her, pinning her to the mattress. “Don’t give a fuck, Heidi.” But deep down I do. I’m furious. Not at her. I could never be mad at Heidi. She’s the sweetest, brightest thing in my world. Always has been. It’s the whole situation that pisses me off. And I know right this second, I’m never voting her boyfriend, Axel, into the club. No fucking way.
I have no right to be mad. She was never going to wait for me. Especially not after she caught me in a three-way in the middle of her brother’s living room a couple years ago.
“We’re even, baby,” I whisper while kissing her neck.
She groans. “I doubt that.”
Yeah, well I ain’t been a saint. But that shit’s over. I don’t ever want another woman’s hands on me again.
I draw back, peering into her eyes. “Axel?” I fucking hate saying his name here in her bed. Thinking of him in here with her is royally pissing me off. I haven’t been with anyone in a while. It’s not much, but it’s all I have to offer her.
“None of your business,” she shoots back.
“From today on, everything about you is my business.”
She doesn’t answer. Her hand reaches up and tickles over my beard. “This is scratchy.”
I can’t help laughing. “I’ll shave it off right the fuck now, Heidi.”
There’s that little twist of her mouth again. “Don’t,” she whispers.
We keep kissing while I undress her. Slowly peeling off each bit of clothing. I’m fuckin’ excited, happy, scared and hard as steel all at the same time. She helps me toss my shirt on the floor. Those little hands of hers skating over my back and shoulders send shock waves through me. I move down her body enough to run my tongue over one nipple and then the other. She gasps and arches her back. It’s completely silent in here except for the sounds of us.
Her hands fiddle with my jeans. She gets the button undone, then runs her hands over my sides. I struggle to push and kick my jeans and boots off. I don’t want to leave the warmth of her body for even a second.
“There’re condoms in my desk,” she says, while slipping her arm out and pointing.
Like fuck am I using Axel’s goddamn condoms. “I got it,” I grumble, and I swear she smirks at me.
Heidi’s always had an independent—some might say bratty—streak. I love it. I need a woman who stands up to me.
I need her.
As I drag my fingertips down her belly, over her hip and down her thigh, she hums in my ear. This crazy sexy, humming-purring sound I’ve never heard from her before.
I want more.
My hand trails back up her thigh, between her legs. Her heat sears my skin. I hiss when my fingers brush against her. So fucking wet. I circle her clit, and her humming noises turn into moans. I bury my face against her neck. “Heidi.”
My finger traces her slick pussy and teases inside. She lifts, pressing herself into my touch. Next time I want to draw this out. When we’re in my bed. Or maybe I’ll take her away where we can be alone. Where I can spend hours devouring her. Learning everything about her. But now? My dick’s throbbing. I’m worried if I wait much longer, it won’t be good for her.
Her hands shackle my wrist while she keeps me in place. Her forehead wrinkles and her lips part. “Oh, right there. Please, more.” The words come out as breathless pants. She grinds herself against me faster, riding my hand while she comes hard and loud. She’s more demanding and sure of herself than I expected.
I like it. A lot.
I need to be inside her. If it doesn’t happen soon, I’m pretty sure I’ll die.
I should feel guilty about this. Why don’t I feel guilty?
Twelve-year-old me is doing cartwheels inside, that’s why.
Future Heidi knows this is a horrible idea I’ll regret.
I’ve wanted Blake to look at me this way for years. When I found him waiting for me on the other side of the door, I knew this was where we’d end up.
It was inevitable.
The Heidi in the here and now wants what’s been denied for so long. I’ll have to fix the many broken pieces afterward.
Blood thunders through my ears as I come down. My eyes flutter open and I find him watching me intently.
“Beautiful.” To me, his low rough voice is both comforting and thrilling.
Between my legs, his fingers still gently trace circles against my sensitive flesh. “Are you all right?” he asks. I’ve known Blake my whole life, but never this version of him. Sweet, gentle, and determi
ned.
“Blake, that was…” I can’t finish the sentence. I have no words.
He leans down and kisses my nose, then my lips.
My heart pounds impossibly faster as he reaches into the pocket of his jeans and slips out a gold foil square. Was he carrying that in the hopes that we’d end up here? Or is it one of many he carries around on a regular basis, in case some chick wants to drop her panties for him?
Fascinated and conflicted, I watch as he rips into the wrapper, tugs out the rubber and expertly rolls—
From the floor, Blake’s phone gives off a muffled buzz.
He hesitates. “Fuck.”
I’m practically panting with anticipation. He’s so close. The phone buzzes again, and I groan. He nips at my ear. “Ignore it, Bug.”
Goddammit. Past Heidi remembers the dismissive way he’s called me that for years. How insignificant it makes me feel. How much he knows I hate it and he calls me it anyway. To say it now, when everything’s about to change. When we’re about to…no. Just no. I can’t.
I press my hands against his shoulders and push him back. “You should get that, Murphy.”
His eyebrows draw down and his gaze roams over my face. “What’s wrong?”
A breeze from my open window drifts over me, and I close my eyes. “We should go.” I don’t wait for an answer. Instead, I shove my way out from under him and scoop my clothes up off the floor. I’ve been naked in front of one guy in my life—Axel, yet somehow that’s not what’s bothering me. I’m perfectly comfortable around Blake—and that’s what bothers me.
“Um?” His hand reaches out, latching on to mine.
“I can’t do this with you.”
He sits up and I focus on my closed bedroom door so I won’t drool all over his perfectly sculpted body. I swallow hard. I’ve fantasized about seeing Murphy like this for years. Years. And I can’t even enjoy it.
I love Blake with all my heart. But I’m in love with my boyfriend, Axel.
Tugging my hand out of his grasp, I take a step back and slip my shirt on. With some fabric between my skin and Blake’s hungry eyes, I can think straight.
“I’m going to…” I gesture at the bedroom door lamely and scurry out.
When I emerge from the bathroom, he’s fully dressed and waiting for me by the front door. As I approach, he glances up and a pained smile curves his mouth. “You okay?”
No. I’m rattled right down to my bones. “Yeah, I just know people are probably wondering where we are.”
I think he knows I mean Axel is wondering where I am because Murphy’s mouth turns down. He twists the knob and holds the door open for me.
When we pull up the clubhouse driveway, butterflies dance in my stomach. Except for lockdown situations, I’m not supposed to hang out at my brother’s motorcycle club. Most of that went out the window this past summer. The club president—Rock, who’s the closest I’ve ever had to a father—gave his okay for my party to be held up here, since it’s my eighteenth. That and I think since he’s settled down with Hope—who’s like a mother to me—the guys aren’t allowed to have the wild parties they used to. Blake parks his bike way down the hill. When he shuts the engine down, I get off and shake out my hair.
“Why’d you park all the way down here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
My gaze darts to the house. I know the layout of the clubhouse pretty well. There are no downstairs windows facing this way, but there are plenty of upstairs windows that do. Not that Axel should be in any of those rooms, but still.
“Can we walk while we talk?”
Blake shakes his head in an exasperated way that almost makes me feel sorry for him. I don’t mean to be a brat. I hate disappointing Blake more than anything. Maybe more than anyone. But I’m so damn confused. I need to get away from him. Away from everyone. I don’t even want to go to my party anymore. The thought of seeing Axel, while all the places Blake touched me are still tingling, twists my insides. In a few brief seconds, I lost control and turned into the kind of whore my grandmother always said I’d be.
Blake eases my helmet out of my hands and wraps his arm around my shoulders, guiding me up the driveway. “I meant what I said, Heidi. I want you to be my girl.”
I stop dead in my tracks. “Are you fucking kidding?”
“No, I’m not fucking kidding,” he says so low and determined my skin prickles. Using his bulky body, he pushes me off the driveway into a clump of trees. The emotions swirling in my belly scare me. I want him to do things to me that I have no business thinking about. Starting with ripping my clothes off and pinning me up against the nearest pine tree.
Why does it have to be wrong to have what I want? Why do I have to know that Murphy’s bedded every willing girl in the tri-state area? I don’t want to be one of hundreds.
With Axel, I know I’m special.
Something’s wrong. My girlfriend can’t look me in the eye and that’s never a good sign. Murphy’s glued to her back and that isn’t a good sign, either. I’m not stupid enough to think it was an accident that I got called down to Crystal Ball right as I was supposed to leave to pick Heidi up.
This prospect gig is bullshit. I love to ride. Love Heidi. I even like most of the brothers. But giving up my life to the Lost Kings MC? Putting the club first? Every day it’s clearer I’m not cut out for this life.
I don’t trust Murphy.
The MC’s president—Rock, a guy I actually like and respect—just spent the summer in jail for a crime he didn’t even commit. Everyone had to be on lockdown in case a rival MC tried to hurt anyone associated with the club.
I don’t want to end up in jail.
Rock’s done a good job of keeping me out of serious club business. But I’d have to be an idiot not to know they’re into all sorts of illegal activities.
What the heck did I get myself into?
All because of Heidi.
“Hey,” she says softly as she approaches and wraps her hand around my forearm. “Where were you?”
“Hoot needed me to run something down to him.” I don’t mention the strip club, because I don’t feel like fighting over it.
She doesn’t even press me for details. Another bad sign.
“Why’d he come get you?”
Her shoulders nervously jiggle. “Birthday ride. Same old.”
Yeah right.
“There’s my baby sis!” Teller shouts as he picks Heidi up in a big hug. “You turning eighteen is bullshit.” He sets her down and leans over, placing his fingertips at knee-level. “I swear, just yesterday you were this big.”
Something sarcastic like, Maybe if you’d paid more attention to your sister rather than fucking around, you’d realize she’s been an adult for a while now wants to come out of my mouth. But I hang on to the thought—for now.
Heidi’s birthday party isn’t the place to start listing my beefs with Teller.
I need a bucket of ice for my balls.
Two seconds from finally sinking inside Heidi and my phone ruined it.
Now instead of some after-sex cuddling with the only girl I’ve ever wanted, I’m being tortured by her scent still lingering on my skin. She came on my hand. It was fucking beautiful. Perfect. Better than I’d been fantasizing about for longer than I want to admit.
Then it got fucked up.
Motherfucking phone. Why didn’t I turn that shit off the second I pulled into the parking lot?
Now, she’s ignoring me. Pretending what happened between us doesn’t mean anything. Hell, pretending it didn’t happen at all. Heidi drives me crazy. She’s good at it. Been doing it for years. She’s been coming on to me since she was twelve. It killed me, but I rejected every one of her sweet-awkward-girlish advances because it was the right thing to do. Somewhere along the way, I crossed a line and hurt her feelings. I hated myself for it, but I didn’t know what else to do. Looking at her now, I should applaud myself for my self-control. Heidi’s a little sex kitten.
A sex kitte
n with a boyfriend.
Fucking Axel.
Confirming that Axel’s had what I’ve wanted but couldn’t have pisses me off. Thinking of them together makes me want to rip his arms off and beat him to death with them.
More than that, she’s my girl. My little Heidi-bug. I’m just as hyper-protective of her as her older brother, my best friend, Marcel. Axel putting his grubby hands on Heidi bothers me for so many different reasons.
A good caveman would have declared her off-limits years ago. Then I should have wrapped my dick in a metal cage.
She glares at me from across the room, and even that turns me on. Shit. I’ve seen her naked now. Brings temptation to a whole new level. I can’t stop thinking of us being together again. How the fuck do I make that happen?
“Are you okay, Murphy?” Hope’s gentle voice knocks me out of the man-rage I’m working myself into. There’s nothing I won’t do for Hope. Not only because she’s my president’s wife, but because of the way she’s unofficially adopted Heidi and been so good to her. For her I’ll settle the fuck down and pull on a tired smile.
“I’m good, First Lady. How you doing?”
She tips her head toward Heidi and Axel. “Everything okay there? I saw you were the one she drove up with.”
For one stupid second, I consider confiding the whole mess to Hope. But if I detect a hint of either pity or disappointment in her eyes, it’ll shred me even more.
“Just the usual birthday ride.”
Hope’s not fooled one bit.
“You’re looking nice and tan. Hawaii agreed with you.”
She rolls her eyes at the clumsy way I changed the conversation. “You’ve already heard all our honeymoon stories. Well, the ones you’re allowed to hear.”
I chuckle and the corners of her mouth tip up. “At least I made you laugh.” She squeezes my arm one last time before Rock hooks his fingers in her waistband and yanks her against him. She yelps and slaps his arms as they band around her middle. “Murphy and I were having a conversation.” She’s laughing too hard to sound stern.