He says something against her ear that turns her cheeks pink and includes the word wife, before lifting his gaze to me. “What’s up, brother?”
“Nothing, prez. I’m good.”
Rock glances at Heidi and shakes his head. “You talk to her?”
“Not exactly.”
Hope raises an eyebrow with an expectant expression on her face. I’ve never figured out if she’s on my side or Axel’s. I think she’s purely team Heidi and I love her for that. Heidi’s needed a mother for as long as I’ve known her. Whether she meant to or not, Hope’s stepped into that role. Sometimes I think she’s the only one who understands Heidi.
Maybe I should confide in her.
Christ, when did I turn into such a pussy?
Over any other chick, I’d never be so stressed. But Heidi? She’s everything.
“Hi, Serena,” Hope says, looking past me.
Fuck.
I already feel like shit that I’ve been stringing Serena along for weeks now. Having her here at Heidi’s birthday party is a whole new realm of fucked-up fuckery.
“Hey,” she says as she joins us.
Hope responds with a warm smile. After hanging out at our downstate charter for a couple years, Serena’s still not used to an ol’ lady who’s actually nice to her. I know she’s probably uncomfortable and it’s my fault she’s here, so I grab her hand and pull her to my side. Of course, that’s when Heidi finally glances my way. Her nose wrinkles and she wraps her hand around Axel’s arm even tighter.
Why does everything have to be so fucking complicated?
Someone turns down the lights and people start singing “Happy Birthday.” Trinity and Mariella carry out the cake they’d been working on all day, and Heidi drops Axel’s hand to race over and meet them at the bar. Everyone cheers as she purses her lips and blows out the candles. Christ, not two hours ago, I’d been kissing that mouth.
Confused, Serena squeezes my hand to get my attention. “Is she a club girl?”
“No,” I snap and instantly regret it. “That’s Teller’s little sister.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
Not her fault. I’d been doing my best to keep Serena and Heidi far, far away from each other. It’s why I’m real curious about her turning up here tonight.
“I’m glad you texted me to come up.”
“What?” My gaze scans the room, landing on Axel. The dickhead smirks at me.
Well, I guess he got even with me for sending him to Crystal Ball. Surprised the little prick was so bold.
After everyone has cake, Heidi receives hugs from Rock and Hope. When an acceptable amount of time passes—approximately four seconds—Rock grabs Hope’s hand and drags her to the door. She hits the brakes in front of me.
“Will you be okay?” she asks.
Rock sighs and turns, pushing a finger against my chest. “I know you have your hands…full.” He flicks his gaze at Serena, who’s chatting up Trinity over by the birthday cake. “But keep these fuckers in line, please. I don’t know where the fuck Z’s at and you know Wrath will haul Trinity’s ass out of here any minute now.”
“Yeah. No problem, prez.” I survey the room again and the corner of my mouth turns up. “Sure you don’t want to stick around?”
He rolls his eyes at the stupid question. “Yeah, I’m good.”
Hope hugs me tight and whispers, “Behave” in my ear.
Even though they made a quiet exit, it’s as if everyone in the room knows Mom and Dad have left the building. The volume of the music increases, the clothing on the girls decreases.
And I’m bored. Tired of the whole thing. Right or wrong, I’ve been around this scene since I was twelve. Love my brothers and love my club. But sometimes I wish things were…quieter.
My throat’s so tight, it’s a miracle I have any breath to blow out my candles. Murphy has a girl at my party? After we almost…?
I vaguely remember her from Hope and Rock’s wedding, but she looks different tonight. Sluttier. Murphy brought her to my birthday party as his date?
I can’t even comprehend it. After he spewed all that bullshit about wanting me to be his girl?
Squeezing my eyes shut, I say a quick thank you to whatever gods are above that I stuck to my guns and said no. I’d feel even stupider if we’d gone all the way.
“Are you okay?” Mariella’s soft voice helps me tear my gaze away from Murphy.
“Who is that?”
“That’s his downstate girl,” Axel says as he approaches and slips an arm around me. “She moved up here to be near him. She goes to school with us. I’m surprised you haven’t met.”
Axel’s tone seems calm, but I sense the I-told-you-so undertones. I realize I’m being ridiculous since my boyfriend’s here. But in my mind, it’s two completely separate things.
“I’ll have to say hello later,” I answer coolly. Even though I’m pissed Murphy invited her to my birthday party, I won’t give Axel the satisfaction.
“We need to talk,” Axel says against my ear.
“Want to go upstairs?”
Axel isn’t the one who has a room here. I am. Hope and Trinity let me stay up here over the summer when the club went through a rocky time and I still have use of it when I want.
His lips press against my cheek. “Yeah. Your brother’s gone.”
Just because I turned eighteen and I have use of a room in the clubhouse, doesn’t mean I want to flaunt sneaking my boyfriend into it. Hope and Rock already left. My brother disappeared but might return at any time. Wrath and Trinity won’t care.
No, the only person who might have something to say about it is Murphy. And I’m not interested in his opinion.
I wrap my hand around Axel’s and lead him through the crowd.
“Leaving your own party?” Wrath asks as I brush past him. His serious tone stops me in my tracks.
“Are you cockblocking me, Uncle Wrath?” It’s a brash, obnoxious thing for me to say, but I think Wrath expects that of me from time to time and I hate to disappoint.
His usual stone-cold face breaks into a hint of a smile. “Not at all.” His gaze swings to Axel. “Better disappear now, prospect, before someone finds work for you.”
Yeah, by someone, he means Murphy.
Trinity winks and I feel a flutter of guilt. Jealous over her friendship with Murphy, I’ve acted like a snot to her for years, even though she’s always been kind to me and tried to make my birthdays special. “Thank you for my beautiful cake, Trin.”
Axel nudges me and we continue pushing through people to get to the staircase. I don’t look behind us once.
When we’re in my room, Axel pushes me up against the back of the door. I gasp from shock and he uses it to seal his mouth over mine in a long, lingering kiss.
“You smell like him,” he says when we part.
“What?”
“You. Smell. Like. Him.”
This won’t be the first time we’ve fought about Murphy.
“He gave me a ride here.”
He snorts. “And what else?”
I can’t lie to people I care about. People I don’t know? People who ask questions about my brother’s motorcycle club? No problem. I can lie with ease to strangers.
I focus on a spot on the wall over Axel’s shoulder. “Nothing.”
“Please. He’s been waiting for your birthday like a fat kid waiting for Girl Scout cookie season.”
I snort at the absurd mental image Axel just painted for me. “That’s stupid. His girlfriend’s here.”
He shakes his head as if he’s disappointed he needs to spell it out for me. “She’s not his girlfriend.”
“You seem to know a lot about her.”
Axel knows when I’m deflecting. “Don’t.” He takes his hands off the door and backs away from me. “I love you, but I’m not stupid. I’ve seen this coming since we got together.”
His hands fist at his sides and he glances at the bed. “One, Heidi. That’s all you get. I know he’s an
important part of your life. But I won’t be played. I’ll give you one fuck-up and that’s it.”
I don’t bother asking him to explain this “one fuck-up” rule. It’s pretty clear. Generous too. I don’t think I’d be as forgiving if the situation were reversed. “There’s nothing.” The lie feels like slime on my tongue.
“I hope that’s true.”
I don’t have it in me to fight with Axel on my birthday. Obviously he doesn’t, either.
“I’m going to head home. You still want me to take you to Penny’s tomorrow?”
“Of course I do.”
Such sharp pain twists around in my chest. I hate that Axel’s mad at me. Hate that I don’t deserve his trust.
He gives me a kiss on the forehead and leaves, while I sit down on the floor and stare at the window, wondering if my brother’s around to give me a ride home.
Some birthday.
I’m irrationally pissed with Murphy for putting me in this position.
You could have said no, slut.
Except, in a lifetime of loneliness and bad memories, some of the happiest moments of my life include him. Were because of him. There’s too much history between us for no to be an option where Murphy’s concerned.
More than memories
I realized I was in love with Murphy when I was eight. Maybe that sounds crazy, but I remember the moment perfectly. My eighth birthday. No card or phone call from my mother—no biggie. I’d stopped expecting anything from her by then. My grandmother gave me a dress—which sucked, because I didn’t wear dresses. Reminding her of my preference for jeans got me a smack across the face and a lecture on graciousness.
Ten years earlier…
The rumble of my brother’s bike pulling up in front of the house was the first thing to make me happy all day. But when I ran outside, it wasn’t just Marcel who came to visit. Blake was there to show off his new bike. I’d seen him working on it with Rock for a long time and never thought much of it.
Ecstatic to get away from my grandmother, who seemed to hate everything I said and did, I flew into my big brother’s arms and squealed as he spun me around.
“Happy Birthday, baby sis. You havin’ a good day?”
“No. But I am now.”
“Missed you, kid.”
I choked down my tears, knowing they’d make my brother feel guilty. “I miss you, too.”
He sighed and set me down, glancing at the house.
Like lots of kids, I collected Schleich figurines. Unlike most girls my age, I didn’t want horses or unicorns with unrealistic rainbow-colored manes. Nope, I was obsessed with collecting the wildlife figurines. The more realistic the better. Even though I realize they were never that expensive, back then, to me, they cost a fortune. Marcel brought me one of the littler creatures almost every time I saw him, and I cherished each one, because to me it meant even though I didn’t get to see him a lot anymore, he hadn’t forgotten about me.
When my brother set me down, Blake motioned me over. At first I thought he wanted to show off his bike, but he crouched down, pulled something out of his saddlebag, and handed it to me.
“This is so cool!” I couldn’t stop myself from jumping up and down at the roaring grizzly bear. “He looks so mad. What do you think he’s growling at?”
“Maybe this?” He handed me a snowy owl figurine, and I thought I’d explode with happiness.
“Two?”
“Yup.”
I plopped right down on the sidewalk to inspect my new treasures while the two of them talked about where to go next. I hated that they were already leaving.
“You bring her helmet, bro?”
My brother was slow to answer. “Yeah.”
“Can I take her?”
That got my attention and I jumped up. “Can I, Marcel? Please, please, please?”
“Yeah, calm down.” He glanced at the house, where my grandmother was either staring out the window trying to put a hex on Marcel, or not paying any attention at all. “Go put those inside and let Gran know we’re gonna take you down to Friendly’s.”
He didn’t even get the last word out before I raced up the sidewalk and into the house. Grams was nowhere to be found, so I raced upstairs, tucked my new treasures away in my dresser drawer and flew back down. I yelled a quick, “Going to Friendly’s!” before slamming the door shut.
“Ready!” I announced when I landed at the end of the sidewalk.
Blake handed me my helmet and chuckled at me.
Marcel put his big brother stare on Blake. “Go easy with her.”
“Absolutely.”
“Hang on tight,” Marcel warned me.
Did I ever.
I wrapped my arms around Blake so tight, it was a miracle he could breathe. I’m pretty sure it ranks up there as one of the happiest days of my life.
I’d ridden with my brother lots of times and loved it. But riding behind Blake was different. Different but still familiar.
The boys chose Friendly’s because they’d give me a birthday sundae for free and to check out one of the waitresses behind the counter.
It was the first time I’d ever thought about Blake having a girlfriend, and it bothered me.
It bothered me a lot.
Suddenly my sundae didn’t interest me that much. I studied the girl they were both so obviously interested in. She had long blonde curls tied into a high ponytail that swished back and forth as she ran around the cramped restaurant. I glanced down at my own dark, whip-straight hair—windblown and messy from the ride here.
“What’s wrong?” Blake asked when he noticed my ice cream had melted into a puddle.
“Nothing. Don’t feel good.”
Concern snapped Marcel’s attention away from the pretty waitress and he pressed the back of his hand against my forehead. “You eat any real food today?”
“Yeah.” I’d poured my own Cheerios this morning, but it wasn’t the lack of food that’d turned my stomach.
Now that I had their full attention, I milked it for everything I could. After I rattled off a long list of ailments, Marcel squinted at me. “Sounds like we should take you to the hospital.”
Whoops. I’d gone one too far.
“Can we go now?”
“Sure. I’ll grab the check.” He lifted an eyebrow and nodded at Blake. “Stay and watch her?”
As we walked out to the parking lot, Marcel gloated that he’d gotten the waitress’s phone number and Blake shrugged.
“That means you’re all mine,” I said, throwing my arms around his waist. He stared down at me, patted my back.
“Always.”
My heart fluttered and that one word meant more to me than Blake would ever know.
At the house, he promised to take me for a ride every year on my birthday.
I watched them take off and disappear down the street.
Then ran straight to my room and cried into my pillows until I fell asleep.
Thankfully, my brother doesn’t have a lot of questions when I finally locate him and ask for a ride home. In fact, I think he’s relieved to get me away from the clubhouse.
Not wanting to leave me alone on my birthday, he stops at Stewart’s for my favorite ice cream and we make a plan to stay up late watching cheesy eighties horror movies.
After the last movie, he turns to me. “You’re falling asleep. Time for bed.”
“I’m eighteen now. You can’t tell me when to go to bed,” I tease.
He groans and runs his hands through his hair.
At my bedroom door, he pulls me in for a hug. “Love you, baby sis. I’m proud of you, too. I hope you know that.”
Tears prick my eyes and I squeeze him tight. “I know. I love you, too.”
“Did you have a good birthday at least?”
I mentally run over the day. Almost having sex with Murphy. Rejecting Murphy. Spending time with my club family. Fighting with Axel. Not the best birthday ever, but certainly not my worst.
“Yes.”
“Good.” He hesitates and runs his hand over his cheek before continuing. “I need to make a quick run out to Syracuse tomorrow, so I’ll probably be gone when you get up.”
“Okay.” I don’t bother asking what he’s doing. It must be club business, otherwise he would have told me.
“I’ll leave some money on the counter for you, so you can get breakfast. There’s nothin’ in the fridge.”
On impulse, I reach up and give him another hug. “Thank you for always taking good care of me.”
He seems surprised and shakes his head, but I rush to explain. “I mean it. I’m an adult now. I can get a job and help out around here.”
“No. Your job is doing well in college.”
“But—”
“No.” He flashes a quick smile to cancel out the harshness. “I need you to get good grades so you can graduate and land a good job. Then you can take care of me in my old age.”
I can’t picture Marcel ever being old enough to allow me to take care of him. “Deal,” I answer.
He places another kiss on my forehead before going into his own room.
I didn’t have a drop of alcohol last night—you’d think the clubhouse would be the perfect place to sneak drinks, but you’d be oh-so wrong—and still, I wake up the next morning with a pounding headache.
Some of the pounding, I realize, is someone banging on the front door.
Annoyed at whoever decided to drop by this early, I turtle-walk my way into the living room. If it’s one of Marcel’s muffler bunnies, I’m getting out the shotgun.
It’s Murphy.
For some reason, I didn’t expect to see him for a while. A shiver of happiness throbs through me. I can’t help it. It’s how I always feel around him.
Then I remember seeing that girl clinging to his side and it pisses me off so much, I throw on a mask of indifference while he tries to talk to me about last night. I’ve got plenty of things to say about last night, but I’m too mad to have my words make any sense.
So instead, I act like the brat everyone thinks I am and piss him off. The slam of the front door jolts my heart, as if Murphy took a piece of it when he stormed out. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m up and running after him.