“Well, they think he died sometime early Saturday morning.”
“I was with Serena until Sunday late morning. Like twenty-four-seven.”
He rolls his eyes. “You start that back up?”
My shoulders lift. “Might as well stick with what I know.”
“Yeah, well, she give a statement backing you up?”
“From what I heard, yeah.”
“Christ, you better not piss her off.”
“Nah, she ain’t like that. Even if we…she’s a good girl. She wouldn’t lie just to get even with me.”
“All right. Call her anyway. Keep her happy until this blows over.”
“Yeah, okay. She’s probably back at Sway’s. I’ll have her ride home with me.”
“Good. Let’s go see Sway. I need to have a chat with him anyway.”
I don’t ask. If Rock wants me to know, he’ll tell me.
“Prez, there’s another problem. No one outside of LOKI should’ve known about our sparring match. Not that quick anyway. But the cops asked me about it almost right away.”
“That ain’t good.”
“No, but this is worse. They knew Bull and I fought at your wedding. How the fuck would they know about that?”
“Don’t know. It’s not good, though.”
“They also asked some pointed question about the arson that went down when we visited Sway last year.”
“Fuck me.”
“Yeah.”
It’s a full house back at Sway’s place. Every member’s in the building. I head to my room, looking for Serena. I run into Tawny first.
“You seen Serena?” I ask.
She waves her hand down the hallway. “Took off with Shadow a few minutes ago,” she says with a fake I’m sorry face.
Anger, sickness, irritation, one of those emotions settles in the pit of my stomach. Serena and I sure as fuck aren’t exclusive, but we did just spend an entire weekend together. Did she really go fuck someone else while I was busy getting questioned at the police station?
Yup.
I didn’t realize Rock followed me down the hall, so we’re both standing there when Serena stumbles out of one of the rooms, wiping her mouth and fixing her hair. She freezes when she sees us.
Rock’s hand clamps down on my shoulder. “Talk to her,” he warns me in a low voice, reminding me there are bigger things at stake than my ego. “I’ll be out front.”
“Murphy? I didn’t realize you were coming back.”
“I’m back.”
“Everything okay?”
“Not really.” I nod at the door. “Who were you with?”
She glances at the floor. “No one.”
“Bullshit. Don’t lie, Serena. We ain’t a couple.”
“Shadow grabbed me out in the living room when the police dropped me off.”
“He force you?”
“No. Not really.”
I’m burning with a number of emotions. Anger, because while I doubt Shadow forced himself on her, I’m sure she felt like she didn’t have any other option and just went along. That blurry gray area of consent goes on in Sway’s clubhouse all the time. That shit doesn’t happen in ours. A girl says no or clearly isn’t into it, we move on.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
Her eyes widen. “Why are you sorry?”
“I just am. Come on, I need to talk to you.”
She follows me to my room and leans against the door once we’re inside.
“What’d the police ask you?” I ask while I change.
“If we were together. I told them we were side-by-side all weekend and only left the room to grab food.”
“Thanks.”
She shrugs. “It’s the truth.”
“I’m headin’ home in a bit. Do you need a ride?”
“You’ll still—you’re not mad at me?”
“I’m not thrilled, but it’s not like I ever gave you a reason to think we were together or something either.”
Tears fill her eyes. Why the fuck do I always seem to make girls cry?
“Thanks. Yes, I’d appreciate a ride home.”
“Give me a few minutes to collect my shit, and then I need to meet up with Rock.”
“Okay.” She turns to open the door.
“No. Wait here.” I’m not risking her taking off with someone else. In fact, I want to get her away from here, before someone talks her into changing her story and I lose my alibi.
Call it a gut feeling.
We meet up with Rock in front of the clubhouse.
“I’ll follow you up the Thruway,” I say, “but I’m gettin’ off at twenty-three to take her home.”
He nods at me. “I’ll stick with you.”
Obviously, Rock’s anxious about letting me ride alone. I always trust his instincts. Not that I would question my president anyway.
The ride goes by quick. I pull into Serena’s apartment complex, and she hesitates after she gets off. “Do you want to come in and talk?”
“I would, hon. But I need to get up to the clubhouse.” I tilt my head at Rock’s SUV patiently waiting by the exit.
“Oh, sorry. Yeah. Call me.”
Yeah, not happening.
Although, in her head it might not seem clear where we stand, in mine it’s crystal clear.
We’re done.
The ride itself is home.
“You okay, bro?” Teller asks outside Heidi’s hospital room door.
“Yeah.”
Haven’t seen Heidi in over six months. Not since her wedding day when I laid out my heart to her and she went ahead and married Axel. Teller called to let me know I was an uncle this morning, and I drove straight to the hospital without thinking.
Now, I stop to consider if I can really do this.
She’s not mine.
Not my baby she just had.
I still want to see her so bad, I feel it in my bones.
Teller’s waiting with his hand braced on my shoulder. Waiting to make sure I won’t do anything to upset his baby sister.
“I’m good, brother. I swear it.”
“Okay.”
He pushes the door open and suddenly I’m not okay. Not at all. Axel nods at us. Heidi glances at me and a pained smile turns the corners of her mouth up.
“Hey, Heidi-bug. How you doin’?”
Her smile turns a little more genuine. “Hey, Blake.”
Teller throws himself into a chair across from Heidi, leaving room for me to move closer.
“Congrats, man.” I shake Axel’s hand and try not to choke on the words.
“Thanks for coming.” He seems sincere. That’s the problem. Can’t even hate the guy.
“Hey, hon, I want to run down to the cafeteria. You want anything?” Axel asks Heidi.
She raises an eyebrow in a sweet, hopeful expression I remember her using to get her way when she was little. “Ice cream sandwich?”
“You got it.”
He glances at Teller and me. “Need anything?”
“Nah, but I’ll run down with you.” Teller pulls himself out of the chair and slaps my shoulder on the way out.
“So, where is she?” I ask after they leave.
Heidi gestures to the little rolling crib on the other side of the bed. Been so focused on her I didn’t even notice. Walking around the edge of the bed, I stop and stare down.
“Oh, shit, she’s pretty.”
Heidi chuckles.
I guess having me looming over her wakes the baby, and she waves her plump little fists in the air. Heidi reaches over and scoops her up.
“Can I hold her?”
She gives me a cautious look. “You ever held a baby?”
“Yeah, you. When you were little. I was only eight and didn’t drop you, so I think I can manage now.”
The memory I offered up doesn’t make her laugh like I intended. She sighs instead. Then leans down and presses a kiss to the baby’s cheek. “You want to meet your uncle Blake, little one?”
S
wallowing over the lump in my throat is impossible.
“Meet Alexa Jade,” she says as she hands the baby over.
“Hi, Alexa.” I find myself babbling like an idiot to this teeny-tiny little person Heidi just handed over. “She’s so tiny.”
Heidi’s silent, so I glance up and find her red-faced, staring at the baby. “She was a little early.”
By the tone of her voice, it sounds like there’s more to it than that, but I don’t know the right questions for this situation. “She’s beautiful, Heidi.”
“Thank you.”
Alexa settles into my arms, letting me rock her back and forth. “How do you feel?” I ask Heidi without taking my eyes off the baby.
“Tired. Sore. But we’re going to be fine.”
This is fucking weird. I want to hug Heidi and the baby and do everything I can to make sure they’re safe and protected.
But I can’t. Heidi’s married to someone who isn’t me and has a baby who isn’t mine. It’s like she went from a child to an adult in the snap of two fingers, and I can’t catch up.
This isn’t the way I pictured our lives turning out.
“What have you been up to, Blake?”
“Not much. I was helping out downstate,” I say with a shrug.
“Marcel told me. Rock’s okay with that?”
“Yeah, he understood.” Shit, I wish I hadn’t said that.
“Are you coming back?”
Looking down at little Alexa’s sweet, chubby face, I know I won’t be able to stay away any longer. Even if being around her mom and dad kills me. “Yeah, I think so.”
“That’s good.”
“So, how’d you get a room to yourself?” I finally manage to meet Heidi’s eyes. A smile pulls the corner of her mouth up.
“I work at this hospital.”
“Really? Since when?”
“Well, I interned here over the summer. But they offered me a job after I graduate.”
It takes a second to find my voice again. “That’s great. Did you like it?”
“I loved it.”
“Think you’ll take the job or stay home with Alexa?”
For a second her eyes narrow, and I wait for her to snap at me. “They understand. I’m taking this semester off, so I’ll have some time to figure it out. The hospital has a really nice day care for employees. But Axel’s doing well at his job, so…I don’t know.”
“Are you happy?” I blurt out.
Her gaze strays to Alexa. “Yes.”
Alexa chooses that moment to scream her little head off.
“Holy shit. Some lungs on her.”
“She’s had people poking and prodding her all morning. She’s probably hungry now.” Heidi holds out her arms and I hand the baby to her.
“I’ll uh.” I drop into the chair in the corner and stare at the ceiling.
“Blake, I’m covered.”
“I’m fine.”
We’re interrupted by Hope opening the door. Her gaze goes right to Heidi. “Hi!” She rushes over and coos at the baby before noticing me.
“Murphy! Oh my gosh. When did you get here?”
“Little while ago. Teller called me this morning.”
“That’s great. Are you coming up to the property?”
“It’s my next stop.”
“Good. Rock will be so happy to see you.”
“You came here first?” Heidi asks.
“Of course.”
The corners of her mouth turn up and she holds her hand out for me to grasp. “Thank you,” she says. “I’m really happy…it was good to see you. I missed you.”
Hope takes a step away from the bed, giving us some privacy.
“Missed you, too, kid. I’m glad you’re okay…you’re happy.” I squeeze Heidi’s hand and take another look at Alexa. “If you need anything, let me know.”
“Thank you,” she whispers.
Regret? Relief? I’m not sure what settles over me as I leave the hospital. I point my bike southwest of Empire on the road to take me home. Half-way there, I take a detour to Fletcher Park, stopping at the overlook to stare at the view of Empire and the surrounding areas below. The last time I was here…fuck it. Everything reminds me of Heidi. Doesn’t matter where I am.
My mind’s blank as I leave the park and take the familiar back roads to the clubhouse. It’s the only place that’s ever truly felt like my home. How often will Heidi and the baby come up to visit? Fuck, that’s gonna hurt every single time I see her.
I’ll have to get over it.
Seeing Murphy again hurt. I feel like I’ve lost one of my best friends. I can never give him what he wants, so pushing him away is for the best.
“Is everything okay?” Hope asks after he leaves.
“Yes. It was nice of him to come visit.”
The hospital social worker speed walks into my room. I spoke to her yesterday. Apparently, my age makes me a high-risk mother or something. On top of that, Alexa came earlier than expected, so they’re concerned about making sure I have enough people to support me when I leave.
“Hi, Heidi. How are you feeling?”
“Better.”
She leans over the bed, checking on Alexa. “She looks great. Very healthy baby girl.”
“I did everything the doctor told me to.” I’ve gotten a little defensive about everyone acting like I’m a moron because I’m only eighteen.
“Are you grandma?” she asks Hope, who scowls at the question.
“No, this is my aunt. Hope.”
“Well, you’re getting discharged tomorrow. What’s your plan?”
Fear spreads through my chest. I don’t know if I can do this. My lower lip trembles. “I’m scared to be alone with her. What if I screw something up?”
Nervous laughter bubbles out of Hope. “You’re not going to screw up, Heidi.”
The social worker doesn’t seem to agree. “It would be better if she had some family to either stay with her or that she could stay with, until she feels more comfortable.”
“My husband and I can handle it,” I protest.
Hope taps her fingers against the bedside table. “Rock and I talked about it earlier. Maybe you, Axel, and the baby should come up and stay at the clubhouse for a couple of weeks. That way there will be people to help you out in the beginning.”
“Really? The guys would let me do that?”
“Well, Rock will bring it up today and see how they feel. You can stay in our old room, so it will be more private. I’ll go up today and clear some of my junk out of your way.”
Tears start rolling down my cheeks. “I don’t know what to say, Hope. I can’t… I’d feel much better.”
“Good.” She whips out her cell phone and taps out a text. “I’m letting Rock know.”
The social worker seems confused but relieved that I won’t be going home alone.
“Sounds good.” She makes some notes on her folder and nods at me. “I’ll check back with you tomorrow before you leave.” She hurries out as Axel steps back into the room.
“Your brother had to go back to the clubhouse,” Axel says to me.
“They’re having a meeting,” Hope says. She raises an eyebrow. “You can explain it to Axel.” She leans over and kisses my cheek. “I’m heading home.”
“Thank you for everything, Hope.”
After she leaves, Axel pins me with a hard stare. “Explain what to me?”
“Hope offered us their old room at the clubhouse for a few weeks after I get out of the hospital.”
His face twists in anger. “Fuck that. You did that behind my back?”
Axel’s shifts from happy-about-the-baby to stressed-out got a lot worse toward the end of my pregnancy. So his outburst barely registers. “No,” I answer calmly. “The social worker was in here pestering me again about not going home alone. So, Hope offered.”
“Fuck her. That social worker doesn’t have any say over what we do.”
“Can you try to be reasonable, Axel? I’m al
ready exhausted. You’re at work for eleven or twelve hours a day—”
“I’m working to pay for the baby you just had.”
Ignoring that, I continue with my reasoning. “If I’m up at the property, people will be around to help me with the baby.”
With a heavy sigh, he says, “Christ, Heidi. Babies sleep all day. How much help do you need?”
I take a deep breath and count to ten so I don’t scream at him.
“This is all new to me and I’m scared, okay?”
“You’re doing fine. And it’s not as if Hope or Trinity know what to do with a baby, either.”
He’s not getting it. “But at least I won’t be alone.”
Axel pinches the bridge of his nose. “It more than doubles my drive to work.”
“I don’t want to move up there permanently. Just for a few weeks until I get used to things.”
“Why don’t you ask Hope to come stay with us?”
“That’s not fair to her. And our apartment is barely big enough for us and the baby. Where’s she supposed to sleep?”
“Okay. But just for a week or two. I’m not comfortable up there.”
“I know.”
“Promise me this isn’t just so you can be around Murphy.”
Is he kidding? Except for today, I haven’t spoken to Murphy in months. I cut an important person out of my life to keep the peace with my husband, and he still won’t let it go. “That’s so stupid, I’m not even going to answer it.”
Axel stares at me and exhales. “I’m sorry. I’m exhausted.”
Like giving birth was a tropical vacation. “No kidding.”
“You know why it’s weird for me to be up there, right?”
“I understand. But they’re still my family.”
“I’m your family now.”
“Yes.” I answer with more patience than I’m feeling. “But they’re my family, too.”
Why does he always seem to forget that fact?
When I walk into the clubhouse, Rock has all the members currently living there—except Z because no one has been able to find him—assembled downstairs. Trinity, Mariella, and Hope are also there. If there were a party or church going on, it wouldn’t be unusual. Middle of the afternoon on a weekday, it’s a little odd.
“Everything okay, prez?”