Wrath. I unknowingly fucked him over for almost as long as I’ve looked up to him.
My best friend, Marcel, who I disrespected.
A gentle touch on my shoulder can only be Hope. I turn and the way she smiles up at me chases the chill out of my chest. Even though she has to know by now what a jerk I am, she clings to this stupid notion that I’m a good guy, and I never want to disappoint her.
Behind Hope, at the top of the stairs, I catch a glimpse of Heidi’s white dress. Rock’s up there with her.
Waiting to walk her down the aisle.
“We’re about to start. Walk me to my chair?”
I hold out my arm and she takes it. Man the fuck up. I can do this. I have to do this. There’s no other choice.
“Are you okay?” Hope asks before she sits.
“Not really.”
Axel glances over and nods at me. The absence of a smug smile is what stops me from putting a bullet between his eyes. That and the way he can’t stand still. I imagine the thought of being a father at his age is terrifying.
And that’s about all the empathy I can come up with for the kid.
I lean over. “Did you know?” I ask Hope softly. By my raised eyebrow, she knows exactly what I’m asking.
“Yes. She told me a while ago.”
“That’s good.” Hope looks surprised. I don’t feel like it’s a betrayal if that’s what she’s thinking. “I’m glad she has you to be there for her.”
It’s killing me because I want to pinpoint where I went wrong and go back in time and fix it, so it’s me standing in front of the room waiting for Heidi. But that’s pointless because it’s not one thing. It’s a culmination of little things. Things I did without thinking that hurt Heidi. The last person in the world I’d ever want to hurt.
Numb, I watch Marcel walk Heidi to the front. Reluctantly, he steps aside and nods at Axel. Rock slips into the chair next to Hope and takes her other hand.
All I see is Heidi smiling up at Axel. When they repeat their vows, it’s nothing more than muffled pain. Each word a shard of glass in my heart.
As blood thunders through my ears and I struggle to pull in a lungful of air, I finally think I understand how Heidi felt all those years. Except, she’s in love with Axel.
Somehow that makes the pain in my chest worse. But it’s the one thing that stops me from hating her and maybe that’s the difference.
I did what I guess some would say was the right thing and sat quietly through the wedding and watched Heidi marry Axel.
Now, I need to get the fuck away from this place.
The party’s casual and upbeat. Just the way she probably wanted it, but I can’t stay here another second.
I’m done. Out.
Need one hell of a long ass ride to clear my head. To get it through my thick skull that it’s truly over. In the back of my mind, I kept figuring we’d work it out eventually.
Fuck, a couple months ago we were so close. We were planning a trip together for fuck’s sake. How did it go so wildly wrong?
What a monumental jackass I am.
“Murphy?” Hope calls out. I wait by the front door for her to reach me. “Where are you going?”
My eyes meet hers and she looks so damn worried, I fake a smile. “I need to go for a ride.”
“Please don’t.” She lowers her voice. “Not when you’re upset or—”
“I haven’t been drinking, Hope. It’s okay. Really, I’ll be fine.”
“Well, maybe Teller will go with—”
“I need to be alone.”
Her eyes shine with unshed tears. For me. Shit, I can do better. Reassure her better than this. Before I have a chance to make up something convincing, Rock joins us, slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her to him. “Let him go, babe. He’s fine.”
His steady gray eyes drill into me, silently asking if his statement’s true and I nod.
“How long will you be gone?” Hope persists.
“Don’t know. Couple days maybe?” Until the clubhouse is clear of all reminders.
“Will you send me a text later and at least let me know you’re okay? No matter how late it is.”
Fuck me if she isn’t the only woman in my life who has ever worried about me. This time my mouth stretches into a more genuine smile. “Yeah. I can do that, First Lady.”
She pulls out of Rock’s embrace and gives me tight hug. Over Hope’s shoulder, my gaze strays to Heidi. “Make sure she’s okay?” I croak out.
Hope nods but doesn’t say anything else.
No one else stops me.
Not until I’m on my bike and the cold air hits my face am I finally able to breathe again.
I don’t make it nearly as far as I need. Exhaustion pulls me into stopping at our downstate charter.
Sway’s more than happy to see me, and I get a warm welcome from the club. Tawny sets me up in a room. I send Hope a text so she doesn’t worry about me ending up as road pizza all night.
Numb, but hurting, I end up staring at the wall until sleep takes the pain away.
A Thousand Miles From Nowhere
Now I remember why I don’t spend a lot of time downstate. We’re all brotherly/friendly, on good terms now, but there’s a reason Sway’s president of the downstate charter, even though he started out in our charter. Most of the guys in his crew are dicks.
Bull, Sway’s Sergeant-at-Arms, has to be the worst, though.
He definitely hasn’t forgotten how I knocked his ass out for talking shit about Trinity and Serena after Hope’s wedding. I’ve been spending a lot of time down here, and he’s baited me in one way or another every chance he gets.
“Why don’t we just take this outside, bro? Have a nice sparring match?” I suggest with a cold grin stretched across my face. Lots of Lost Kings at this party to witness me legitimately kick Bull’s ass. Tonight’s a good opportunity to end this once and for all
“Nah, I don’t want to embarrass you in front of the girls.” He nods to CeCe, a club girl who’s been giving me subtle hints about visiting my room all night long. She seems nice enough. Pretty girl, too, but at the moment I’m more interested in pounding my fists into Bull’s face than pounding pussy.
“Come on, Bull. I got twenty on Murphy to whoop your ass,” Sway shouts.
Aw, isn’t that sweet?
Finally, we amble outside. Someone constructs a makeshift ring. Or rather cleans up the one that’s already there.
“Ain’t gonna sucker punch me tonight, fucker,” Bull grumbles while he tapes up his hands.
My mouth twists into a grin. I haven’t given that punch a whole lot of thought since it happened, but obviously Bull’s been nursing his wounded pride. “Learn to watch your mouth and show respect, and I wouldn’t have to knock you out.”
He spits at my feet. “Fuck you, choosing ass over brothers.”
“You disrespected my brother’s girl.”
He shakes head as if he doesn’t get the concept.
With outsiders, it’s fuck with one, you take us all on. Between brothers? No one’s gonna stop this fight. Not unless one of us is half-dead or taps out.
Nothing but imminent death will force me to tap out.
I used to think Wrath’s whole fighting, getting the shit kicked out of him thing to unleash his anger, was fuckin’ nuts. But I find myself eager to pound the piss out of Bull and not really caring if I take a beating in return. If Wrath were here, he’d probably recommend I tire Bull’s out-of-shape ass and then go with an uppercut to the jaw or temple. So, that’s my plan.
“What’s wrong, Murphy? Still sulking over your buddy’s slutty little sister?”
Unrestrained anger pulses through me at the low taunt. But I’m not completely stupid. He’s using shit like that to provoke me. I grin at him instead, which seems to confuse him.
Shadow, one of Sway’s guys, gives us the go ahead.
Bull’s not only dumb as an ox, he lumbers like one, too. Around and around the dirty square, thr
owing fake punches to, I don’t know what, scare me? He’s drunker than fuck. I’ll go easy on him. Maybe I won’t bother tiring him out, and I’ll just put him down for the night with a swift punch. Fuck knows I’ve done it before.
A few rounds later, I’m rethinking my strategy. What was supposed to be a simple sparring match and puttin’ on a show for the rest of the club has turned into a nasty brawl.
“Bring it, old man,” I taunt, but I don’t think he hears me.
Sweat, maybe blood, drips into my eyes. I shake it off and bounce up and down a few times on the balls of my feet. My next right hook connects with Bull’s jaw and snaps his head to the side. Fucker’s still on his feet, though. I must be gettin’ weak.
Pain explodes on my side and I back off. We circle each other again. Honestly, I’m pissed with myself for not ending this sooner.
After absorbing a left hook to my right pec, I have to rethink Bull’s impairment. His aim seems fine. He’s definitely aiming to knock the wind out of me. Thankfully, he doesn’t have a tremendous amount of power behind the blows. Otherwise, I’d be fucked.
The next time he moves in close for a body punch, I tighten my stomach and shift slightly so the blow lands on my side. Not gonna lie, it hurts, but my obliques take the brunt of it and I’m able to land a few solid hits of my own.
He backs off.
This time, I duck and jab my way in for a few body shots. It’s my hard right straight above his floating rib area that finally does him in. There’s a sickening squishing-crunch on impact. Bull drops to the ground and starts spewing.
Sway seems pissed that his guy lost, even though he claimed to bet on me, but he calls it, raising my hand and congratulating me.
A group of girls swarm around us. Each one vying to give me the congratulatory blowjob, I’m sure. At the back, I spot Serena and she raises an eyebrow. I finally make my way to her and she kisses my cheek.
“What’re you doing here?” I ask.
“Don’t be mad, I’m visiting my friend Lisa and heard you were here, so we came over. Thought I’d say hi.”
“I ain’t mad at all, darlin’. Good to see you.”
Her eyes shine with interest, and I’m uneasy about leading her on again. Any one of the bunnies at my back would be fine for the night. But I know Serena. She’s not a psycho bitch who will try to jack my wallet. She doesn’t feel the need to hang all over me in front of everyone. I can actually talk to her. I hold my bloodied hands out to her. “Come help me clean up?”
She gives me a flirty smile. “Sure, I’ll take care of you.”
Instead of any form of excitement or elation from the win, I’m tired. I sling an arm over her shoulders and lead her down the hall to my room
On our way, someone stops me, places a bottle of Jameson in my hand, and gives Serena an ice bag and first aid kit.
Glancing down at my throbbing hand, my middle knuckle’s swollen. Wrath would give me shit for my sloppy form.
When I shut the door to my room, Serena leans in to kiss me.
“Fix my hand first?” I ask, pulling away.
She blinks. “I can do that.”
Taking my hand, she tugs it toward her to inspect the damage. Gently, she prods each knuckle. I let out a pained hiss when she gets to the swollen one. “Does it hurt?”
“Nah.”
“You can tell me,” she teases.
“It stings,” I concede and she nods.
“Can you wiggle it for me?”
She focuses on my hand as I stretch and flex each finger.
“How’s school?” I ask.
She seems surprised and it bothers me. I’ve asked her about stuff like that before, haven’t I?
When she seems satisfied nothing’s broken, she grabs some antiseptic wipes, cleans and bandages my hand. “Good. I ended the semester with a three-point-seven.”
“That’s great.” I hope I don’t sound too shocked. It’s not that I think Serena’s dumb. We usually end up talking about me, the club, or not talking at all. I realize I don’t know a whole lot about her. “What’s your major again?” I ask as she takes my other hand, turning to inspect all four knuckles that got scraped by Bull’s teeth when I punched him in the mouth.
This whole situation is starting to remind me a little too much of when Heidi did something similar for me, and I have to sit down.
Concern creases Serena’s brow and she puts the back of her hand on my cheek. “Are you okay? He got a few good shots in.”
“Yeah. I’ll live. Tell me. What’s your major?”
“Exercise Science.”
I must look confused—that’s a thing?—because she rushes to explain. “When I’m done, I’ll transfer to a four-year school for sports medicine or occupational therapy. Something like that.” She grabs my hand again. “Ouch,” she whispers.
“I barely feel it.”
“You’ll feel it tomorrow.”
“Maybe.” I squeeze her hand. “You like it? School, I mean.”
“Oh, yeah.” She finishes taking care of my hand and dabs at my forehead. “We don’t have to talk about me, though. I want to take care of you.”
She sets all the supplies aside, and I slide one of my hands into her hair, pulling her in for a kiss. “Thank you.”
Her lips quiver into a nervous smile. “Sure.”
“I’m glad you’re here.”
One of her eyebrows shoots up and a voice in my head warns me not to reel her in again. It’s not right.
“Really?” she asks.
But I’m an asshole and do it anyway. “Yes, really.”
Serena and I spend the weekend together and don’t venture out into the club much. She’s the perfect way to distract myself from why I came down here in the first place.
Sunday morning, Tawny bangs on my door. She scowls when she sees Serena in my bed. “What?” I ask.
Her gaze roams over my bare chest, and I wish I’d taken the extra two seconds to put on a shirt. “Give me a second, Tawny.”
I duck inside to get dressed and Serena scurries into the bathroom.
“Okay, what’s up?” I ask.
“The cops are here,” she whispers.
Out of habit, I mentally go over anything I’m carrying that might be incriminating. “Why?”
She rolls her bottom lip. “They found Bull dead, out on route twenty.”
“Holy shit. Are you serious?”
She nods solemnly and twists her hands together. It’s unnerving because I’ve never seen Tawny in anything but one hundred percent biker bitch mode.
“They asked for you right away, Murphy. Someone told them about the fight Friday night.”
“So? I haven’t left here since Friday.”
She shrugs and motions for me to follow her.
Two plainclothes detectives are waiting for me outside. Naturally, Sway wouldn’t allow them inside without a warrant. I go with them willingly to get them away from Sway’s compound.
The questions they throw at me at the precinct make no sense.
“Wait a minute. I haven’t seen him since Friday night. We had a friendly boxing match outside and that was it.”
Friendly might be exaggerating a bit.
The one questioning me raises an eyebrow at my bandaged hands. “Yeah, but we heard you two have history.”
“History of what? We’re in the same club.”
One of the detectives rolls his eyes. “Yeah, ‘cause all you brothers are so close.”
Every brother in my club, yeah. Down here, not as much. But of course I won’t say that.
“We also heard you had an altercation a few months ago at your prez’s wedding over a different girl.”
Whoa. Who the fuck would have told them that? Inside, I’m rattled, but I keep it together.
“We weren’t fighting over a girl Friday. We were just messing around. And the girl I knocked him out over is the same one I spent the entire weekend with. In fact, I was in bed with her when you guys showed up at the clu
bhouse.”
They don’t seem to like that, because it ruins their neat little theory.
“Who?”
I give them her name and they tell me to wait.
I’m waiting for a few hours before they come back. Someone comes in and allows me to make a phone call. Rock’s the logical one to call. He’s my president. Gotta let him know first. It’s possible Sway already called him, but that’s still who I dial first.
“I’ll get in touch with Glassman. Keep me updated,” he says.
Finally, the two assholes who brought me here come in. “All right. We verified your alibi. You managed to find the only articulate, classy piece of ass in that shithole clubhouse.”
“Watch it,” I growl.
He chuckles, happy he got a reaction out of me.
“One final thing, Mr. O’Callaghan. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about a barn that was burned to the ground last year, would you?”
“Barn? No,” I answer, genuinely confused.
Then, I remember. It was pitch black the night Sway drove us out to the middle of nowhere to collect a stolen shipment of guns. Sway and his guys had burned the place to the ground when we were done. But, we’d also left quite a few bodies behind that night.
The cops don’t mention the bodies, only the arson.
“You’re free to go back to the clubhouse or home to Empire. But I wouldn’t leave New York any time soon.”
“Not plannin’ to.”
I don’t expect Rock to be the one who shows up to collect me from the jail. He pulls me in for a quick hug. “You good?”
“Yeah. They got nothin’.”
Once we’re inside the car, he’s silent. We leave the police station, but a few miles down the road, Rock pulls over.
He turns and fixes his give-it-to-me-straight stare on me, and I know what’s coming.
“I’m only going to ask you this one time. You know I’ve got your back and the club has your back no matter what. Did you do it?”
I understand why he’s asking and I’m not insulted. “No. Fuck no. We boxed at Sway’s Friday. I worked him over pretty good. Sway called the match. I didn’t see Bull again after I left the ring. But he was breathing.”