Hope.
“Hi, Hope.”
“Heidi?” Her anxious voice pushes the last bits of sleepiness from my system, and I bolt upright.
“What’s wrong?”
“Honey, there was an accident—”
“Who? Is Marcel okay—”
“He’s in the hospital.” She’s sobbing so much I can’t make out her words.
“Hope?”
“Mariella didn’t…it’s bad, Heidi. He woke up a little while ago and asked for you.”
“Hope, what happened?”
“He was on his bike.”
Please tell me Murphy’s okay. “Was he alone?”
“No. Mariella was with him.”
“Is she okay?”
“No, Heidi. She’s not.”
“Oh my God,” I whisper. “Marcel?”
“They’re administering steroids now and then they’re sending him for a CT.”
Spinal injury. “What about an MRI?”
“I don’t know,” she answers through sniffles. “He may have to go in for surgery.”
“Give me a couple hours. I’ll see if Axel can get off the ship. I’ll call you when I have my flight information, okay?”
“I’ll see you soon.”
Sick, I race into the bathroom and wretch until tears stream down my cheeks. Mariella. My brother. What if he’s paralyzed? Oh my God, what if—
Freak-outs and what-ifs will have to wait until I’m on the ten-hour flight home. I pull myself off the floor and dial Axel’s cell phone. He’s not supposed to have it on him when he’s on shift, so I’m not surprised he doesn’t answer.
It takes me a few minutes to find the number for the ship phone. Even then, I can’t reach him.
“I’ll give him the message, miss, and have him call you back.”
“Please, it’s a family emergency.”
I’m a wreck waiting for him to call me back. I want to book my flight, but I’m not sure how long it will take Axel to come home. Maybe I should book mine and Alexa’s first?
Finally, he calls me back.
“Heidi? What’s wrong? Is Alexa okay?”
“Yes, she’s fine. My brother was in an accident. It’s bad.”
“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry, baby. Was he by himself?”
I choke on a sob and have to repeat myself a couple times before I force the words out. “No. Mariella. Mariella was with him.”
“She okay?”
“I don’t think so. Hope wasn’t very clear. I’ll find out more when I get there.”
“You’re going home?”
“Yes! I have to.” How is it even a question?
“Why? He’s got his club. He’s got plenty of women willing to take care of him. He doesn’t need you.”
“Are you serious right now? Do you actually hear the words coming out of your mouth?” I practically scream into the phone. “He’s my brother. He’s in critical condition. If something happens and I don’t get to see him—” The thought of it makes me choke on a sob.
“Calm down. Wait until I get back and I’ll go with you. I don’t want you and the baby traveling alone.”
Why not? We’re alone all the time anyway. “Can you come home now?” I ask, trying to compose myself.
“No. I’ll be home at the end of the week.”
Fuck. That. “Axel, I can’t wait. I won’t. When you’re done with your shift, fly down and meet us.”
His groan travels through loud and clear. “We don’t have the money for all these flights back and forth to New York, Heidi.”
No, we don’t. “I have money from my brother. I’ll use that for our tickets and I’ll move some into our joint account so you can buy your ticket.”
Axel doesn’t respond. The silence goes on for so long, I’m afraid he hung up on me.
“Yeah, okay,” he finally answers.
I make the travel arrangements and actually manage to find a flight out tonight. My next call is to Hope, who promises to pick me up at the airport.
“How is he?”
“No change.”
“Is he breathing on his own?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. That’s good.” My mind’s spinning with the possibilities. My limited medical knowledge isn’t helping. Not surprising since I’m flying through the apartment packing random things. I can’t think straight.
“I’ll text you when I get to the airport.”
“Okay, I can’t wait to see the three of you.”
“Uh, it’s just me, Hope. Axel can’t get away for another week.”
She falters. “Oh, sure. Will you be all right traveling alone with the baby?”
“I’ll have to be.” It’s pretty much me and Alexa on our own. Even when Axel’s home, he doesn’t seem to know what to do with her. I don’t say any of that to Hope.
Next, I stop at Penny’s. She’s more than happy to give us a ride to the airport and sends me off with a big hug.
I’m a wreck the whole flight, praying I get there in time.
“Murphy? Where’s Hope?”
First his eyes widen, then his forehead wrinkles as he takes me in. I didn’t exactly dress up for the ten-hour flight, so I’m sure I look like hell. Great.
Alexa thankfully slept for most of the flight, but she’s been cranky since she woke up. She lets loose with a howl as soon as I stop the stroller.
Murphy immediately picks her up, rocking and talking to her. “Oh, shit. She’s gotten so big, Heidi.”
He’s so sweet with her, so excited to see her, that I feel awful. My daughter should be growing up around family, not up in Alaska where we have no ties to anyone.
After a few minutes, she seems to remember him and pulls on his beard. “Good grip, kid.” He laughs and makes a silly face, which encourages her to smack him a few times.
“How’s Marcel?” I ask.
His eyes meet mine, but they’re unreadable. “Stable. I’ll tell you more on the way. It’s hard to explain.”
I don’t know what to make of that. But he’s stable, so I’m able to relax a notch.
“Come here, kid,” he says, giving me a brief, one-armed hug. “How are you?”
“Anxious.”
“Let’s go.” Murphy holds my baby with one arm and pushes the stroller ahead with the other, all while talking all sorts of baby nonsense to her. I enjoy having my arms free for the first time in what feels like forever.
At the luggage carousel, we stop and Murphy tucks Alexa back into the stroller.
There’s no luggage yet and I’m not sure what to say to him.
Murphy’s fingers skim over the ends of my hair. “Your hair’s gotten so long.”
I shrug, a little self-conscious about how sloppy I probably look. “I haven’t had time to get it cut or anything.” No time. No money. No will. No one cares about their appearance in Alaska. Hell, it’s dark most of the time.
“It’s nice,” he says before looking away.
I don’t have to point my bag out to him. He spots the hulking red suitcase and effortlessly snags it off the carousel.
“I can push her,” I offer, reaching for the stroller.
“Okay. Give me this, though,” he says, slipping my carry-on, bursting with baby gear, off my shoulder.
I’m too tired to argue, so Alexa and I follow him out to his truck.
“So, why are you here instead of Hope?” Heidi asks when we’re settled in the truck.
“She had to go down to the hospital.”
Heidi’s terrified face almost makes me feel bad for lying to her. “Is Marcel okay?”
“Yeah. He’ll be happy to see you two. Every time he’s woken up, he’s asked about you.”
The truth is, when Hope let it slip she was picking Heidi and Alexa up at the airport, I begged her to let me do it instead.
Beg is probably exaggerating. Hope didn’t need a whole lot of convincing.
I didn’t ask why Axel let her and the baby fly alone. Honestly, I’m not all that s
urprised.
No, I won’t be an asshole and do something inappropriate. I get that she’s married now, even if I think her husband is a piece of shit for letting her travel by herself at a time like this. But after what happened, after my best friend almost died, after Mariella did die, I need to see Heidi. I need to be near her for a few fucking seconds. Reassure myself she’s okay.
Even though there were times in our lives where I tried to keep some distance between us, these last three months, having her so far away, have hurt in ways I never imagined.
“So, he’s awake?”
“In and out.”
“What’s going on? Hope said they were giving him steroids?”
“I don’t understand all the medical jargon, but he’s lost feeling from his lower back down. There’s fluid or something?”
“Spinal shock?”
“I think so. They gave him steroids for the first twenty-four hours.”
“Jesus, that can have some nasty side-effects.”
“I know. They explained.”
“What happened?”
I grip the steering wheel so hard, I’m afraid I’ll snap it off. “He took Mariella out. He asked me to go with them. I should have gone.”
Her hand settles on my leg, trying to reassure me. “It’s not your fault.” Somehow her words only make me feel worse.
I choose my words carefully. “It looks like someone might have run him off the road.”
“Do you know who?”
“No.” My jaw tightens from the lie. Marcel was adamant that it was Killa, the enforcer for the Vipers MC, a rival club we have a long and bloody history with. But that’s club business I can’t share with Heidi. Nor should I.
“Don’t lie to me, Murphy. Is it another MC? Did something happen?”
Of course, Heidi’s not stupid. “Heidi—”
“Don’t give me club business bullshit today, Murphy! Did someone try to kill my brother?”
“Maybe.”
“Mariella?”
Christ. Poor Mariella. That sweet girl lived through fucking hell only to be rescued by us and then killed a few months later anyway. “She didn’t make it. We haven’t told him yet.”
A frightened silence fills the inside of the truck. “Jesus Christ, Murphy. I’m fucking scared to be here now.”
I slow down and catch the next red light, so I can face Heidi. “Look at me. You’re safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you or Alexa. I promise.”
“Yeah, I’m sure my brother told Mariella the same thing.”
I flinch at her words, because they’re true.
“He’s not in trouble, is he?”
“No. From what I understand it was pretty clear he was run off the road.”
“Did they catch the person?”
“Not yet.” Wrath and Z are hunting down Killa and Ransom, the Vipers’ president, so they won’t be on the loose for long. But again, not something I can share with Heidi.
“Mariella doesn’t have any family,” Heidi says.
“I know. We’re taking care of everything.”
“Is everyone else okay?”
“Yeah. They’re all taking turns at the hospital. Hope’s been there since we first found out. I actually need her to go home, so if you can help me with that later, I’d appreciate it.”
She huffs out a laugh. “Sure. No one’s probably told her it was club-related either, I bet.”
“I don’t know what Rock shares with her. Not my business. Right now, she’s just worried about your brother.”
“The light’s green,” she says softly.
The hospital waiting room is full of Lost Kings who are here both for support for their injured brother and for protection. Hope and Trinity are both here, and there’s no way they’re going anywhere without escorts.
Hope rushes over when she sees us. She grabs Heidi, pulling her into a hug. “He’s okay. The doctor’s reviewing his CT now.”
“Can we see him?”
“I’ll ask.”
No road can take us back to the way we were.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
Oh, but it’s a struggle to see my big brother so…banged up and not burst into tears.
Murphy’s standing behind me quietly, offering support by holding Alexa for me while I speak to my brother.
“Marcel?”
They have him immobilized in a rigid brace, but the fact that he’s breathing on his own gives me a small sliver of relief.
“Hey,” he says, his voice a shadow of what I’m used to. He lifts his hand to motion me closer.
“Don’t move,” I warn him and he huffs out a brief laugh.
“When’d you get here?”
“Just now.”
His eyes close and he seems to slip back into sleep. Murphy’s hand rests on my shoulder. “He’s been in and out.”
“Is there a doctor around?”
Murphy takes me into the hallway where one of the doctors treating my brother stops to talk to me.
“We won’t know the severity of the damage for a few days. Methylprednisolone was administered within a few hours of the trauma, but there’s still some inflammation at the base of the spine. As far as we can tell, he landed on something hard that caused some trauma. We stabilized the spine to prevent any additional damage, but the swelling hasn’t gone down as much as we’d like.”
“Will he be able to walk?”
“I can’t say this early. Right now, we need to keep him calm and as immobile as possible. We may schedule surgery to go in and remove any debris that could be causing the swelling.”
The doctor walks in to check on Marcel, and I turn to Murphy. “What are we going to do? What’s he going to do? Oh my God.”
His free arm wraps around my shoulder and he pulls me up against him. “Shh. Your brother’s a tough son of a bitch. He’s gonna be fine.”
“I know,” I mumble, but I can’t stop myself from clinging to his shirt and weeping all over him.
My crying makes Alexa cry so I gather her in my arms, rocking her back and forth until we both calm down.
“Hey, Heidi-girl,” Rock calls out, entering the room with Hope. He gives me a kiss on the cheek. “You must be tired.”
“I’m not leaving.”
The corner of Rock’s mouth quirks up, and he slides his gaze to Murphy. “Heidi, it’s late. They’re not going to let you stay in his room overnight.”
Hope settles her arm around my shoulder. “He’s stable now. I’ve got a room at our house all set up for you and the baby.”
“You do?” I end up crying again.
Somehow, they talk me into leaving with them. Murphy stays behind at the hospital and some of the guilt for leaving my brother lessens.
I’m so exhausted, I barely notice the room Hope set up for us. After taking care of Alexa, I fall into a sleep full of dreams where I’m falling and burning at the same time.
The next morning, I wake completely disoriented. My phone rings at the same time Alexa starts screaming.
“Heidi?” Axel’s voice sounds so distant.
“I’m here. Alexa just woke up and I’m trying to calm her down.”
“How’d she do on the flight?”
“Okay.”
“How’s your brother?”
“Bad. It’s really bad, Axel.”
“Shit. I’m so sorry, baby.”
“Thanks. I’m headed back there in a bit.”
“Where’d you stay?”
“Rock and Hope set up a room for us at their place.”
“Oh. That was nice of them.” I can hear the relief in his voice that I didn’t sleep under the same roof as Murphy.
We talk a little longer. He doesn’t mention coming down on his week off, and I don’t bring it up.
I’m too tired to fight about it or to have my feelings hurt when he says he’s not coming.
Hope and Rock are in the kitchen talking softly at the counter when Alexa and I join them.
“Sleep okay, hon
?” Rock asks.
“Like the dead.” I cringe at my choice of words but neither of them say anything.
I don’t have much of an appetite, but Rock goes to the trouble of making breakfast, so I choke down some eggs and toast. As we’re finishing up, someone knocks on the door. Rock shouts for them to come in.
“You don’t have to knock, Murphy,” Rock says.
“Yes, you do,” Hope corrects.
Murphy chuckles and ambles over, dropping into an empty chair across from me. Exhaustion is etched in every line on his face.
“How’s Marcel?” I ask.
“No change really. The doctor wants to do an MRI today.”
“Why haven’t they done it already?” I ask and he shrugs.
Murphy’s gaze slides to Rock, and he jerks his head at the back porch. They get up and leave the table while Hope shakes her head. “Your brother’s tough, honey. He’ll get through this.”
“It was hard seeing him like that.”
“I know. I still don’t know how we’re going to tell him about Mariella. I’m not sure what their…relationship was, but they spent a lot of time together.”
“He’ll take it hard. He was driving, he’ll blame himself. It won’t matter that someone ran him off the road.”
Hope gives me a curious look, and I wonder if no one told her the part about Marcel being run off the road.
“I need to make some arrangements for Mariella today. Do you want me to drop you off at the hospital?” she asks.
“I got her, Hope,” Murphy says as he and Rock step back inside.
“I’m with you, Baby Doll,” Rock says, settling his hands on her shoulders. She tips her head back and he presses a kiss to her forehead. Their easy affection makes me feel lonely almost. I don’t know how to describe it. Maybe I’m just tired.
Hope pins me with a motherly stare. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be at the hospital after I’m done.”
Murphy taps my arm. “Let me know when you two are ready.” By the sound of his voice and look on his face, he’s planning to leave.
“I’m ready. Just let me grab some stuff for her.”