“What’d I tell you last time, Ashley?”
As usual, I was invisible to the girls that came out of the club. They either straight-up ignored me or wanted to mother me. Both sucked.
When Ashley turned, I caught the bruise forming along her cheek, her eyes wet, red and puffy from crying. Rock grasped her chin and turned her face.
“Christ, Ashley. You need to leave.”
“I was gonna, but a flight home’s like three hundred and thirty bucks. Then he called and was so sweet. I figured—”
“He ain’t ever going to change, Ashley.”
She stared down at the ground, misery all over her face. I should’ve probably looked away or gone away, but I didn’t have anywhere to go.
Rock tipped her chin up again. “Where’s home? Your family?”
“My momma’s in Texas. I—”
“If I give you the money, will you go now? Don’t stop by your apartment. Toss your fucking phone and get on the next plane.”
“Shit, Rock. You don’t—”
“Will you?”
“Yes, yes.” It seemed to finally sink in that Rock was serious and a look of relief washed over her.
Rock yanked out his wallet, flipping it open and pulled out a handful of bills. “That’s more than enough, Rock. I have some saved up. Thank you.”
“You need a ride to the airport?”
“No.”
They talked for a few more minutes, but I lost track of the conversation when I spotted Ruger watching them from just inside the back door.
“Rock?” My voice wasn’t loud enough to catch his attention, so I waited until Ashley finally left.
Without turning my head, I gave Rock a low warning. “Ruger was watching.”
“Yeah, I dare the fuck to say a word about it.”
When I looked up again, Ruger was gone. Rock turned his stare on me. “I ever catch you hurting a woman, I’ll break your hands.”
“I wouldn’t. But this ain’t the first time he’s knocked her around. Why she keep coming back?”
“‘Cause he’s a real good fucking liar.”
I might not have been the brightest, but even I’d figured that out about Ruger.
“You’re meant to take care of girls and protect ‘em,” Rock continues.
It wasn’t exactly an issue since no girls would talk to me. I opened my mouth to say that and Rock’s mouth curled into a smile, but he didn’t laugh at me. “Don’t worry. The ladies will be crawling over you in a few years.”
Yeah, right.
“What if she just spends your money and comes back tomorrow?”
He shrugged. “Least I tried.”
Rock’s best friend, Wrath, stopped by. “Need to talk to you,” he said in a low voice. He lifted his chin at me. “Hey, kid. You gettin’ some work done?”
“Taught him how to do a few things,” Rock says. “Picked it up right away.”
“No doubt. Knew he’d be good with a wrench.” I stood a little straighter. While Rock was always encouraging, Wrath’s approval was harder to earn.
“What’d you need?” Rock asked.
They took a few steps away, and I inched closer so I wouldn’t miss anything.
“Ruger set this fight up for me and I won’t be ready for it. He’s got me set up on a long run. Won’t be back until right before the fight.”
“Motherfucker,” Rock grumbled. “You ain’t lost one yet. We got some time?”
“Not much.”
“We’ll figure it out. Where’s Z at?”
“Dunno. Riding with Lucky.”
“Fuck me. Make sure he comes to see me when he gets back.”
“Hey, guys,” one of the girls next door called out.
“Christ,” Rock muttered while Wrath chuckled.
“Hi, Meg.” Wrath greeted Meg with a smug smile firmly in place.
“Why can’t you keep your mouth shut?” Rock grumbled, which made Wrath grin even wider.
“What are you guys up to?”
“Nothing,” Wrath said at the same time Rock answered, “Working.”
Meg focused her attention on Rock. “That’s too bad, I thought maybe—”
“You know I’m with Carla,” Rock said in a bored tone. He motioned me to his side and handed his wrench over.
“Oh, hey, Blake.”
“Hi, Meg.” My voice sounded like a little girl’s. So fucking embarrassing.
“You really gonna marry Carla?” I asked Rock after Meg left.
Wrath snorted at the question, earning a scowl from Rock. “Yeah, why?”
Because she never seemed too fond of Marcel and me hanging around. I figured once they were married we’d see a lot less of Rock. Since this was the closest I had to a family, I’d miss it when it got taken away.
“Just wonderin’,” I answered.
Marcel joined us, so I didn’t get to say anything else. He was carrying his baby sister. Well, Heidi wasn’t really a baby anymore. She was four and could talk your ear off. I couldn’t be around her for more than five seconds without smiling.
“Where ya been, fucker? I stopped by your house. Your ma was throwing a fit, smashing dishes everywhere,” he said when he stopped in front of us. Nothing would calm my crazy-ass mother down until she found some cash. Better I was out of her way, so she didn’t aim the china at my head. Thanks to her, there was nothing of value in my room anymore. Didn’t give a fuck if she tore it apart again. She wouldn’t find shit.
In this garage, I felt safer than I did in my own house.
“Hey, Heidi-girl,” Rock said and she beamed at him.
Heidi’s arms reached out for me. “Blake. Blake. Blake,” she chanted. Like I’d ever say no to her.
I grabbed ahold of her, and she wrapped her legs around me, little knobby knees digging into my sides. “Hi, Bug.”
She pulled back, placing one of her tiny hands on each side of my face. “I am not a bug, Blake,” she stated with the seriousness of a grown-up.
“Yeah, you are. You’re my bug.”
She huffed and wiggled in my arms. “Put me down,” she demanded.
I set her down but kept hold of her hand. Couldn’t have her taking off and gettin’ run over by one of the dancers who blew in here like it was a raceway.
Rock lifted his chin at Marcel. “What’s up?” I think what he meant was, This isn’t the best hangout for your little sister.
Marcel shot a pleading look at Rock, and I figured things must be bad at home. Rock nodded in understanding and didn’t force an answer out of him.
Besides, it wasn’t Heidi’s first time hanging out here. If you set her on the counter and handed her a few tools, she’d happily chatter about anything and everything all afternoon.
Marcel pushed me out of the way and took over working on the bike. Rock nodded at me, and I picked Heidi up, setting her on the counter and then hopped up next to her.
“Did you go to school today?” Heidi asked.
“Yeah.” I hated school. Rock said if I ever wanted to join the club I had to finish, though.
“I can’t wait to go next year! I already know a bunch of letters.” Then she sung the entire alphabet to us, making Rock chuckle.
I stayed out of the way but still wished Marcel hadn’t taken over. The roar of multiple bikes entering the parking lot reached us, and Rock and Wrath headed out to meet the guys. Heidi started squirming to get down so she could follow. I hopped down first and offered my back to carry her out into the parking lot. She wrapped her little arms around my neck and I concentrated on not choking.
“Ease up, Bug.”
“Sorry.”
I set her down long enough to say hello to Grinder, Lucky, and Z, then headed back to the garage. If I wanted to keep hanging out here, it was best to stay away when the guys had business to discuss.
Grinder was older than Rock, and from what I’d heard, he brought Rock into the club years ago. Lucky and Z were also tight with him, but we didn’t see them as much as Wrath. N
one of them minded us hanging out here, but they were real careful about what they said around us, too.
Marcel lifted Heidi in the air, spinning her around until she yelped. Since he was busy with Heidi, I made it back to the bike first.
“You even know what you’re doing?” Marcel asked, setting Heidi back down on the counter.
“Yeah. Rock showed me.” Before you got here and took over.
Grinder’s bike started up and a few minutes later Rock joined us. “Waitin’ on me?” he asked.
“Yup.”
I reclaimed my spot next to Heidi.
Even though I wasn’t working on anything, I was just happy to be there. My father was in and out—mostly out—of my life. My mother was a mess who didn’t even know what day it was most of the time. School was torture. From the outside, it might have looked like a scary place to hang out, but at least around the MC, I was accepted and included.
“You came dressed to work, Heidi-bug, why you sittin’ up there?” Wrath nodded at her coveralls.
“My underwear have ruffles, wanna see?” she asked.
Everyone chuckled at her.
“No, Heidi. And don’t let me hear you offer that around here again,” Rock said. He was laughing, though, which made Heidi laugh, too.
Marcel nodded at his sister. “She wants to be a vet.” He nodded in the direction of Crystal Ball. “Not a dancer.”
“Careful, Marcel,” Rock warned. “A lot of those girls are dancing to pay for college.”
His face reddened. He hated sayin’ something stupid around Rock and gettin’ called out for it. “Yeah, well, not my sister,” he grumbled and it surprised me he’d get mouthy with Rock. Whatever had gone down at his house earlier had him in a foul mood.
“I like to dance,” Heidi blurted out. She jumped off the counter to show us her dance moves, making everyone laugh again. Abruptly, she stopped. “I’m hungry.” She turned her glare on Marcel.
Rock pointed across the street. “We’ll go over to the 76 Diner.”
That was thrilling news for Heidi and a relief for Marcel and me. Neither of us had a single dollar, and it was doubtful either one of our mothers had bothered to buy groceries.
“I want a chocolate milkshake,” Heidi announced.
“Heidi—” Marcel started, but Rock cut him off.
“Whatever you want, Heidi.” He stopped to clean up and then patted his front pocket. “Fuck. Forgot Ashley cleaned me out.”
Wrath rolled his eyes. “I got it.”
“You don’t have to,” Marcel tried again. He had more pride than I did.
“No, you and Blake were a big help. Least I can do is buy you dinner.” Rock’s mouth turned up in a smirk. “Or have Wrath buy you dinner.” He glanced down at Heidi. “And I can’t say no to a pretty girl.”
“That’s me!” Heidi beamed. “Hold my hand,” she demanded, sticking her hand out for Wrath to take.
“I think it’s just easier if I pick you up.” She squealed and chattered all the way across the road.
Marcel and I had no choice but to follow along.
The next few years were the most difficult I’d ever encountered. Rock married Carla, and as I feared, she wanted nothing to do with three wayward kids. Rock still made time for us, but he was constantly stressed. Not long after, Lucky died. Rock and Grinder ended up going to prison. Instead of the safe haven it had been for us, the club turned into a hostile place. But as much as we tried to distance ourselves, Ruger kept pulling us in.
Wrath and Z protected us from a lot of shit Ruger wanted us to do. But Marcel still spent six months in juvenile detention. I looked out for Heidi as best I could, and Wrath and Z looked out for us.
In return, Marcel and I did our part to help cut Ruger out of the club once Rock got released from prison.
I had no doubt Ruger was responsible for Rock and Grinder’s imprisonment, as well as Lucky’s death. So it didn’t bother me a bit when one day Ruger just disappeared.
Things improved after that. Ruger’s few supporters either retired or moved to other charters.
Rock moved the club in a more positive—although still highly illegal—direction. When I patched in, the club was more than family to me. It was a brotherhood in every sense of the word. I knew without a doubt I could trust every one of my brothers with my life. In return, I’d die to protect every one of them for the rest of my life.
After my fight with Heidi, I have to take a step back. Regroup. Rethink my approach. Here I’d assumed, well, I don’t know what the fuck I assumed. Heidi’s given me more than enough hints over the last year that she’s over me.
Too bad I’m not over her.
Even if she won’t admit it, she still feels something. Those kisses didn’t lie.
My past. The things I’ve done. Who I’ve done. It never occurred to me that it might be an obstacle to Heidi and me being together when the time was right. That’s just not how club life works. At least, that’s not how I’ve seen it work. That she’d be mad at me for pushing her away instead of giving in to her? Sure, I expected to do a little groveling there. Was looking forward to it honestly.
But this?
I’m not sure what to do.
But I do know who can steer me in the right direction. And I find her sitting in front of the clubhouse when I return from my shift at Furious.
“Hey, First Lady. What’re you doing out here?”
“Waiting for Rock.” She stands and hugs me. “How are you?”
My shoulders lift. “Got a minute?”
“Sure. Pull up a slab of stone.” She drops back down onto the stone bench and pats the space next to her.
Shit. Am I really doing this? I take so long to speak, Hope asks what’s wrong.
“I, uh, had this fight with Heidi the other day and it’s still bugging me.”
“Okay,” she answers slowly. She waits patiently while I decide how much to tell her.
“Well, the night of her birthday, I sort of explained how I felt about her and how I wanted things to be between us.”
“Did you ask her what she wanted?”
Nope. Never even considered it because I assumed we wanted the same thing. “Not exactly. She was into it. What we were doing, but—”
Hope narrows her eyes, and I stop.
“Go on,” she says, still looking pretty suspicious of me.
“You know how I call her Bug? I guess I didn’t realize how much she hates it.” As I’m saying the words, it all starts falling into place. I called her Bug after the phone call. That’s when everything changed. Then she had time to think and remember all the reasons she doesn’t want to be with me.
“Well, she’s been pushing boundaries for a while. She wants to be seen as an adult, and it probably makes her feel childish.”
“Yeah, I got that.” Boy, did that come through shrill and clear.
“And?”
“Axel was all over her at the party, and Serena showed up, so we didn’t get to talk again until the next day. When we finally did, she said some other stuff I don’t know what to do with.”
“You’re going to have to be more specific, Murphy.”
Christ, this is embarrassing.
“I think you understand how things work around here. With club girls? Heidi’s heard stories, and—”
“Ahh.” She nods knowingly, but doesn’t laugh at me. “She’s sensitive about that stuff.” Hope pauses and seems to be considering what she wants to say. Whether it’s so she doesn’t hurt my feelings or she’s searching for smaller words my brawny-man brain will understand, I’m not sure. “More and more girls are rejecting the idea that it’s okay for boys to have as much sex as they want, while girls are supposed to keep their legs closed and not complain.”
What can I say to that? Definitely not the way things are in our world. “Maybe college wasn’t the best idea.”
Hope must think I’m kidding—which I sort of am. She giggle-snorts and nudges me with her arm. “Trust me. She had thos
e ideas before she got to college.”
I raise an eyebrow so she’ll feed me a little more information.
“We’ve shared some girl talk,” she says vaguely. “I can’t be more specific with you.”
“Oh.” I really want to know if any of those conversations included my name, but she won’t betray Heidi, and I respect that. “Okay.”
“Anyway,” she continues. “Yes. The girls…bother her a lot.”
“But you know Rock—”
“Don’t go there. It’s not the same. I was married when we met. And I’m not a teenager.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” She pauses again, an uncertain expression clouding her face. “I think her grandmother also had some warped opinions on sexuality and made Heidi feel ashamed about anything related to sex.”
That doesn’t surprise me and helps me understand some of the things Heidi said the other day. “What should I do to fix it?”
Her bottom lip quivers, and she looks like she wants to hug me, so whatever she’s about to say isn’t going to be favorable.
“I don’t know that you can. Maybe she needs time to grow up and sort of broaden her horizons and it won’t matter as much.”
I groan. More waiting. Great.
“Or maybe she just needs to have some sexual experiences of her own to feel—”
A frustrated growl bursts out of me, and instead of laughing, Hope pats my back. “I know.”
I can’t even deal with that idea right now. So I decide to ask her about the other thing that’s been bothering me. “All right. Can I ask you something else?”
“Yes.”
“Can you find out if Axel treats her okay? She made a comment about them fighting the other day…and I just got a bad feeling from it. But if I say anything”—I wave my hand at the clubhouse—“they’re just gonna think I’m being a jealous little bitch.”
She snorts again. “You’re probably right.” Her nose wrinkles but she seems to be thinking over my request. “I’ve only seen Axel be nice to her, and you know, couples do fight.”
“I know. It was just…she was almost scared about how he might react, and that’s not the Heidi I know. She’s always been fearless.”
She nods, seeming to take my request seriously, not just humoring a jealous, wanna-be boyfriend. “I’ll see what I can find out.”