Last night did not go the way I’d planned. Not even a little bit. Nope. Heidi stayed glued to Axel’s side all night, then I caught her sneaking him upstairs. I had no right to stop them. Her brother wasn’t around for me to tattle on her. For a second, I thought Wrath would intervene. But he was no help either.
Confused by my inattention, Serena left the party early. Honestly, it was a relief. If I can’t have the girl I want, then I’d rather be by myself at this point. Maybe it’s too little too late as far as Heidi’s concerned. I don’t know.
I do know if I gave up every time life threw a challenge at me, I’d be dead in a ditch by now. So first thing the next morning, I ride over to Teller’s apartment. Wrath casually mentioned how Axel left early last night and Marcel had taken Heidi home a while later. Words that gave me some hope. Maybe she ended things with him?
I know Teller’s got club business to take care of, so he won’t be home. I’m praying like fuck Axel’s not using the opportunity to reconcile with Heidi or sneak in some alone time.
No other bikes in the parking lot’s a good sign.
Heidi taking for-fucking-ever to open the door is not.
“Hey. What are you doing here so early?” she asks in a low morning-rough voice that has me thinking about what it would be like to wake up next to her every day.
I aim for cheerful, instead of the pervy bastard who threatens to make an appearance. “It’s almost noon.”
“In case you forgot, my birthday party was last night. I got in late.”
At least I know the “got in late” applies to her brother giving her a ride home and not her boyfriend. I ignore her sarcasm. “We still need to talk.”
She yawns and opens the door wider. “You could have at least brought me breakfast.”
Jesus Christ. A braless Heidi in tiny flannel shorts, tank top, and not much else is not what I need in front of me right now.
“I’ll take you out for breakfast later. First, we need to talk.”
“About whaaat?” she whines as she walks back into her bedroom.
I’m trying not to drool over her long bare legs walking away from me or notice the swish of her ass in the tight flannel.
I expected her to shut her bedroom door, change, and come back out. But the door stays open. Cautiously, I stick my head inside and find her under the covers.
“Heidi?”
“What?”
“Can we talk?”
One of her hands flails out from underneath her comforter. “Speak.”
Is she deliberately trying to tick me off?
After yesterday, I think it’s best I stay away from her bed. But I’m irritated that she won’t look at me.
“It would be easier if you’d look at me.”
“Blake, I’m tired. Spit it out or let me go back to sleep.”
“Never mind.” I don’t fuckin’ need this shit. She made it clear last night, and she sure as fuck is making it clear right now, she doesn’t give a fuck.
The slam of the front door behind me isn’t as satisfying as I expected.
I’m halfway to my bike when I hear the light thud, thud, thud of Heidi running down the stairs behind me. “Blake, wait!”
Everything in me stops moving. I turn around in time to catch her as she throws herself at me. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. I can’t stand when you’re mad at me.”
Ah, shit.
I wrap my arms tight around her and squeeze. “I can’t ever stay mad at you.”
After a second, I realize she’s still wearing the tank top, sorry excuse for a pair of shorts, and no shoes. “You shouldn’t be out here like this.”
By this I mean the barely-there clothes, but also the bare feet. “You’re gonna get a splinter or something in your foot.”
“I think I already did.” Her mouth turns down. She picks her foot up and wraps her hand around it, inspecting for damage. The movement means she’s hopping around on one foot. Braless.
Jesus. Eighteen or not, she’s fucking clueless.
“Come on.” I crouch down and she wraps herself around me for a piggyback ride, the same way she’s done since she was little.
The pleasure of her body plastered against my back barely registers before the rumble of another bike enters the parking lot.
Fucking Axel.
“Shit,” Heidi mumbles and tries to scramble off me. But I’ve got an iron grip on her legs.
“Blake, let me down.”
“No.”
“Blake, come on. He’s gonna get pissed.”
Something about her tone stops me. I don’t know how to express the rage welling up in me, though. I find out Axel’s ever laid a hand on her, I’ll fucking murder him—slowly and painfully. I allow her to slide down, but wrap my hand around her arm. “What do you mean?”
“What do you think? We had a fight last night.”
“About what?”
“What we always fight about. You.”
I’m too distressed that she spends a second being unhappy to take any pleasure in finding out they fight about me. “Did he hurt you?”
“No! Knock it off.” She shakes out of my grasp about the same time Axel pulls into a spot next to my bike.
I have to give Axel credit. He’s a brave little bastard, because he strolls right up to us and nods at me as if nothing’s wrong. “Morning.”
I fold my arms over my chest and acknowledge the greeting with a nod.
“You okay?” he asks Heidi.
“She’s fine. We were in the middle of something.”
Heidi smacks my arm, but it might as well be a tap from a butterfly.
Axel’s done being polite. He ignores me and focuses on Heidi. “Are we going to Penny’s or not?”
“Yeah, later. Just let me…”— her head swivels between the two of us—“take care of this. I’ll call you.”
Axel narrows his eyes at Heidi. “Fine,” he says. I’m really not liking the disrespect in his tone. No one, don’t give a fuck who, should talk to Heidi like that. But since I’m hoping soon it won’t be an issue, I let it go.
He takes off without another word. You’d think a real man would stay and fight for his girl. “See, even he knows it’s pointless to fight this.”
“God, you’re a caveman. What’d you want to do, fight to the death for me?”
Yeah, kinda. If that’s what it takes.
By the look on her face, she knows what I’m thinking and it isn’t appreciated.
She groans and turns to head back upstairs. I have to run to catch up with her. “Still want your piggy back ride?”
“No.”
We don’t say anything else until we’re inside. I make the mistake of trying to kiss her and she wriggles away from me.
Confused, I reach for her again. “What’s going on?”
“I explained last night. I can’t do this.”
“Heidi—”
“No. I made a mistake. I’m not that girl. I don’t want to be. I don’t cheat on my boyfriend.”
“Then break up with him.” There. Seems pretty simple to me.
She stares at me for a second—probably to see if I’m joking, which I’m not.
Her face screws into what at first seems like anger. “Does Serena know you’re here?” By the soft tone she uses, I know she’s hurt.
“She has nothing to do with us.”
“So you invite her to family weddings and birthday parties, but she’s not your girlfriend?”
“No,” I answer evenly.
“Why the hell did you invite her to my birthday party? After you said… After we…?” She chokes on the last word and points at her open bedroom door. I’m furious at Axel for pulling that prank, but I don’t offer him up as an excuse. Even though I’m one hundred percent positive he’s the reason Serena ended up there last night, throwing the blame on him seems like a pussy thing to do.
I give her a simpler truth. “I didn’t know she would be there. She’s just a friend.”
&n
bsp; “Right. Your downstate girl.”
Fuck. “Who told you that?”
This angry, frustrated groan works out of her throat. It reminds me of the noises she made yesterday when we were alone in her bedroom and I thought we could finally be together.
“You make me crazy and turn me into something I don’t want to be,” she snaps.
“What’s that even mean?”
Frustrated, she waves her hands in the air. “You’re not good for me.”
“Heidi—”
“Don’t ‘Heidi’ me. Did you tell your girlfriend about us?”
“Fuck no. She’s not my girlfriend.”
“Right. Just a girl you fuck from time to time. Well, sorry, I don’t feel like being added into your rotation.”
“My what? Why are you giving me a hard time, when you’re with Axel?” I swear to fuck I’m tired of hearing that kid’s name.
“Are you kidding me? First, that’s none of your business. Second, my one boyfriend—who I happen to love, by the way—hardly compares to the volume of women who’ve been in and out of your bed.”
“Volume of women? What the fuck are you even talking about?”
“Do you think I’m stupid? You think I’m dumb enough to think that horror show I walked in on a couple years ago was a one-time event?”
“That’s—”
“No,” she says, cutting me off. “You never even asked me why I showed up that day.”
I’d been too fucking embarrassed to dwell on it. “Heidi, the whole thing was embarrassing for everyone. I wanted to forget it happened. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sure you are. Do you think I don’t know you two were up to that shit for years? And kept it up even after—”
“You were thirteen! What was I supposed to do?”
She glances at the floor, then meets my eyes again. “Don’t act like you’ve been pining away for me all this time. I’ve overheard plenty of stuff over the years.”
“From who? Your brother?”
“No. I only have to be up at the clubhouse for five minutes to hear the kind of dirty shit you’re into.”
What the actual fuck? “What are you talking about?”
She doesn’t hesitate with her comeback. “Please, everyone talks about how you have a different girl at every LOKI charter in the Northeast.”
“Who? Axel? Of course he’d say that.” That may have been true a couple years ago, but I’ve settled down a lot, so it pisses me off that she still thinks I’m like that.
“No. And leave him out of this. I’ve been hearing those stories since I was a kid. I never really believed it until—”
“You’ve got to let that stuff go. It has nothing to do with us.” Even as I try to convince her, a bad feeling forms in the pit of my stomach.
“I don’t have to do anything. How could I ever trust you?”
“I wasn’t in a relationship with any of them!”
That was probably the worst possible thing I could have said.
She nods as if I proved her point, which I probably did. “I couldn’t stand wondering who you were with all the time. It would break my heart,” she whispers, glancing down at her intertwined hands.
All I want to do is comfort her. My fists ball up in frustration as I try to find the right words to explain she’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’d rather lose a limb than ever hurt her. “You’re all I want. When have I given you a reason not to trust me?” I hate how desperate my voice comes out.
She can’t come up with anything. But she shakes off the question. “We won’t work. I want to finish school—”
Now that pisses me off. “I want you to finish school. For fuck’s sake, I offered to send you anywhere you wanted to go.”
“I don’t want your money. I’m not some whore.”
“What?” Is every woman this frustrating? “Why do you even go there? You’re my girl. I want to take care of you. What’s wrong with that?”
“I’m not your girl.”
“Forget the fucking money. You’re right, I’m an asshole for wanting to make sure you go to college.”
“I didn’t say that. I can’t take your money. It wouldn’t be right. I’m with Axel.”
She crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me. Shit, even that’s fucking hot.
I ignore the I’m-with-Axel bit. “Heidi, I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel bad, but I’ve always cared about you. In one way or another, I’ve loved you since the day I met you.”
“Then why’d you have to be so mean and push me away?” Her words are weighted with years of hurt that I unknowingly caused and it almost crushes me.
How do I explain it to her in a way that makes a lick of sense? “I didn’t know how to deal with my feelings. I didn’t want to end up doing something I’d regret later. I only ever wanted what was best for you.”
Silent tears roll down her cheeks, and I have to stop myself from kissing them away. “Why couldn’t you just say that?”
Her words punch me in the gut, because there were so many times I did want to tell her to wait and be patient. “How could I ever tell you that? You would have made things ten times harder on me.”
“You—”
“It hurt waiting for you, Heidi. There were days when I’d see you and think I’d lose my fuckin’ mind. That’s why I had to stay away sometimes.”
“But you kissed me—”
“I know, baby girl. And I shouldn’t have.”
“Please don’t say that.” Her voice, raspy from tears, slices right through me.
“I never regretted it for a second. That’s not what I’m saying. I shouldn’t have messed with your feelings. That’s what I’m sorry about.”
“But, why couldn’t—” She breaks off, sobbing, and I have to gather her in my arms.
Leaning down to kiss the top of her head, I close my eyes and give her the truth she needs to hear. “I’m so sorry I ever hurt you. I love you so fuckin’ much. You’re the last person in the world I’d ever want to hurt.”
She sniffles and wraps her hands in my T-shirt to get closer.
“Blake?”
“Yes, Bug?”
As if that word’s some magical, pissed-off switch for her, she flattens her palms against my chest and pushes me away. “Why do you have to ruin everything by calling me that?” She’s not quite screaming, but a few more decibels and my eardrums might bleed.
“We all call you that.”
“I hate when you call me that!”
“I don’t—”
She’s too mad to hear reason. “It makes me feel small and insignificant. It reminds me of every time you called me that to put me in my place. You say I’m your girl, but you never listen to me. I’ve told you a million times how much I hate it.”
She’s so wrong. When she was little, it was a sweet nickname that became a habit and later, I called her that to remind myself that she was off-limits. Never to hurt her. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I thought we were just joking around. I didn’t know it bothered you so much.”
“Well, now you know.”
“So you’re not going to give us a chance because I called you Bug?”
“There is no us.”
“There will always be an us.”
“I’m with Axel,” she whispers.
“Heidi, do you love him or are you trying to get even with me?”
Her jaw drops. It’s probably the most honest question I’ve ever asked her and I want a real answer.
“God, you’re so full of yourself! Yes, every time we make love, I’m thinking ‘This’ll show Blake!’ How’d you know?”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. That answer might have been a little too real. My vision swims red and the buzzing in my ears reaches an all-time high. Thinking about the two of them together has me about ready to lose my shit. I asked the question, though, so I deserve every bit of pain gathering in my chest.
“We can talk about this later.” I try one last thing. “Hey, remember how I promised t
o take you apple picking for your birthday? Let’s go—”
She shakes her head sadly. “I can’t. Axel and I have plans.”
I blow out a frustrated breath. “When can we get together and talk?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Bullshit,” I growl.
I love her.
She can deny it all she wants, but Heidi’s mine. Every stubborn, bratty little inch of her.
The bond of true family isn’t always one of blood
Fourteen years earlier…
The ride to the Lost Kings MC’s clubhouse seemed longer on my own. Usually, I’d peddle as hard as I could to keep up with Marcel.
Rock was out behind Crystal Ball, the strip club located right next door to the MC’s clubhouse. The guys could always be found there or in the garages behind the clubhouse. I’d gotten to stick my head in Crystal Ball once or twice. Never got to see any of the good stuff, though. Just poor lighting, ugly decorations, and throbbing music.
Rock lifted his head when he saw me coming.
“‘Sup, kid? Where’s your buddy?”
“Don’t know.”
He cocked his head and gave me a more serious appraisal. “Everything okay?”
I lifted my shoulders and prayed like fuck any tears were wiped clean on the ride down.
“Needed to get away for a bit?” Rock asked.
“Yeah.”
He nodded and tossed his cigarette, grinding it out under his boot. “Come on. Let’s teach you how to change some spark plugs.”
Cool. I followed him next door to the garages. I tried not to act too eager, but inside I was bouncing with excitement. Usually Marcel was the one learning stuff, and I just got to watch.
Rock was patient and when I froze up because I was afraid I’d wreck his bike, he assured me I wouldn’t. I was finishing up when screaming and shouting echoed across the parking lot. Ruger, the president of the Lost Kings, was tossing one of the Crystal Ball dancers out the back door. Rock’s hand tightened around the wrench he was holding, but he didn’t move.
Ruger slammed the back door shut and the girl focused on us. Rock called her over.