VI
HE TELLS THE TWINS OF FIRE-WORKS
There was a great noise going on in the public square of Cimmeria whenMr. Munchausen sauntered into the library at the home of the HeavenlyTwins.
"These Americans are having a great time of it celebrating theirFourth of July," said he, as the house shook with the explosion of abomb. "They've burnt powder enough already to set ten revolutionsrevolving, and they're going to outdo themselves to-night in the park.They've made a bicycle out of the two huge pin-wheels, and they'regoing to make Benedict Arnold ride a mile on it after it's lit."
The Twins appeared much interested. They too had heard much of thecelebration and some of its joys and when the Baron arrived they wereprimed with questions.
"Uncle Munch," they said, helping the Baron to remove his hat andcoat, which they threw into a corner so anxious were they to get towork, "do you think there's much danger in little boys havingfire-crackers and rockets and pin-wheels, or in little girls havingtorpeters?"
"Well, I don't know," the Baron answered, warily. "What does yourvenerable Dad say about it?"
"He thinks we ought to wait until we are older, but we don't," saidthe Twins.
"Torpeters never sets nothing afire," said Angelica.
"That's true," said the Baron, kindly; "but after all your father isright. Why do you know what happened to me when I was a boy?"
"You burnt your thumb," said the Twins, ready to make a guess at it.
"Well, you get me a cigar, and I'll tell you what happened to me whenI was a boy just because my father let me have all the fire-works Iwanted, and then perhaps you will see how wise your father is in notdoing as you wish him to," said Mr. Munchausen.
The Twins readily found the desired cigar, after which Mr. Munchausensettled down comfortably in the hammock, and swinging softly to andfro, told his story.
"My dear old father," said he, "was the most indulgent man that everlived. He'd give me anything in the world that I wanted whether hecould afford it or not, only he had an original system of giving whichkept him from being ruined by indulgence of his children. He gave me aRhine steamboat once without its costing him a cent. I saw it, wantedit, was beginning to cry for it, when he patted me on the head andtold me I could have it, adding, however, that I must never take itaway from the river or try to run it myself. That satisfied me. All Iwanted really was the happiness of feeling it was mine, and my dearold daddy gave me permission to feel that way. The same thing happenedwith reference to the moon. He gave it to me freely and ungrudgingly.He had received it from his father, he said, and he thought he hadowned it long enough. Only, he added, as he had about the steamboat, Imust leave it where it was and let other people look at it wheneverthey wanted to, and not interfere if I found any other little boys orgirls playing with its beams, which I promised and have faithfullyobserved to this day.
"Of course from such a parent as this you may very easily seeeverything was to be expected on such a day as the Tenth of Augustwhich the people in our region celebrated because it was my birthday.He used to let me have my own way at all times, and it's a wonder Iwasn't spoiled. I really can't understand how it is that I have becomethe man I am, considering how I was indulged when I was small.
"However, like all boys, I was very fond of celebrating the Tenth, andbeing a more or less ingenious lad, I usually prepared my ownfire-works and many things happened which might not otherwise havecome to pass if I had been properly looked after as you are. The firstthing that happened to me on the Tenth of August that would have agreat deal better not have happened, was when I was--er--how old areyou Imps?"
"Sixteen," said they. "Going on eighteen."
"Nonsense," said the Baron. "Why you're not more than eight."
"Nope--we're sixteen," said Diavolo. "I'm eight and Angelica's eightand twice eight is sixteen."
"Oh," said the Baron. "I see. Well, that was exactly the age I was atthe time. Just eight to a day."
"Sixteen we said," said the Twins.
"Yes," nodded the Baron. "Just eight, but going on towards sixteen. Myfather had given me ten thalers to spend on noises, but unlike mostboys I did not care so much for noises as I did for novelties. Itdidn't give me any particular pleasure to hear a giant cracker go offwith a bang. What I wanted to do most of all was to get up some kindof an exhibition that would please the people and that could be seenin the day-time instead of at night when everybody is tired andsleepy. So instead of spending my money on fire-crackers and torpedoesand rockets, I spent nine thalers of it on powder and one thaler onputty blowers. My particular object was to make one grand effort andprovide passers-by with a free exhibition of what I was going to call'Munchausen's Grand Geyser Cascade.' To do this properly I had set myeye upon a fish pond not far from the town hall. It was a very deeppond and about a mile in circumference, I should say. Putty blowerswere then selling at five for a pfennig and powder was cheap as sandowing to the fact that the powder makers, expecting a war, had made ahundred times as much as was needed, and as the war didn't come off,they were willing to take almost anything they could get for it. Theconsequence was that the powder I got was sufficient in quantity tofill a rubber bag as large as five sofa cushions. This I sank in themiddle of the pond, without telling anybody what I intended to do, andthrough the putty blowers, sealed tightly together end to end, Iconducted a fuse, which I made myself, from the powder bag to theshore. My idea was that I could touch the thing off, you know, andthat about sixty square feet of the pond would fly up into the air andthen fall gracefully back again like a huge fountain. If it had workedas I expected everything would have been all right, but it didn't. Ihad too much powder, for a second after I had lit the fuse there camea muffled roar and the whole pond in a solid mass, fish and all, wentflying up into the air and disappeared. Everybody was astonished, nota few were very much frightened. I was scared to death but I never leton to any one that I was the person that had blown the pond off. Howhigh the pond went I don't know, but I do know that for a week therewasn't any sign of it, and then most unexpectedly out of what appearedto be a clear sky there came the most extraordinary rain-storm youever saw. It literally poured down for two days, and, what I alonecould understand, with it came trout and sunfish and minnows, and mostsingular to all but myself an old scow that was recognised as theproperty of the owner of the pond suddenly appeared in the sky fallingtoward the earth at a fearful rate of speed. When I saw the scowcoming I was more frightened than ever because I was afraid it mightfall upon and kill some of our neighbours. Fortunately, however, thispossible disaster was averted, for it came down directly over thesharp-pointed lightning-rod on the tower of our public library andstuck there like a piece of paper on a file.
"The rain washed away several acres of finely cultivated farms, butthe losses on crops and fences and so forth were largely reduced bythe fish that came with the storm. One farmer took a rake and caughtthree hundred pounds of trout, forty pounds of sun-fish, eightturtles, and a minnow in his potato patch in five minutes. Others werealmost as fortunate, but the damage was sufficiently large to teach methat parents cannot be too careful about what they let their childrendo on the day they celebrate."
"And weren't you ever punished?" asked the Twins.
"No, indeed," said the Baron. "Nobody ever knew that I did it becauseI never told them. In fact you are the only two persons who ever heardabout it, and you mustn't tell, because there are still a number offarmers around that region who would sue me for damages in case theyknew that I was responsible for the accident."
"Out of what appeared to be a clear sky came the mostextraordinary rain storm you ever saw." _Chapter VI._]
"That was pretty awful," said the Twins. "But we don't want to blow upponds so as to get cascadeses, but we do want torpeters. Torpetersaren't any harm, are they, Uncle Munch?"
"Well, you can never tell. It all depends on the torpedo. Torpedoesare sometimes made carelessly," said the Baron. "They ought to be madeas carefully as a druggist makes pills. So m
any pebbles, so muchpaper, and so much saltpeter and sulphur, or whatever else is used tomake them go off. I had a very unhappy time once with a carelesslymade torpedo. I had two boxes full. They were those tin-foil torpedoesthat little girls are so fond of, and I expected they would make quitea lot of noise, but the first ten I threw down didn't go off at all.The eleventh for some reason or other, I never knew exactly what, Ihurled with all my force against the side of my father's barn, and my,what a surprise it was! It smashed in the whole side of the barn andsent seven bales of hay, and our big farm plough bounding down thehillside into the town. The hay-bales smashed down fences; one of themhit a cow-shed on its way down, knocked the back of it to smithereensand then proceeded to demolish the rear end of a small crockery shopthat fronted on the main street. It struck the crockery shop square inthe middle of its back and threw down fifteen dozen cups and saucers,thirty-two water pitchers, and five china busts of Shakespeare. Thedin was frightful--but I couldn't help that. Nobody could blame me,because I had no means of knowing that the man who made the torpedoeswas careless and had put a solid ball of dynamite into one of them. Soyou see, my dear Imps, that even torpedoes are not always safe."
"Yes," said Angelica. "I guess I'll play with my dolls on my birthday.They never goes off and blows things up."
"That's very wise of you," said the Baron.
"But what became of the plough, Uncle Munch?" said Diavolo.
"Oh, the plough didn't do much damage," replied Mr. Munchausen. "Itsimply furrowed its way down the hill, across the main street, to thebowling green. It ploughed up about one hundred feet of this before itstopped, but nobody minded that much because it was to have beenploughed and seeded again anyhow within a few days. Of course thefurrow it made in crossing the road was bad, and to make it worse theshare caught one of the water pipes that ran under the street, andripped it in two so that the water burst out and flooded the streetfor a while, but one hundred and sixty thousand dollars would havecovered the damage."
The Twins were silent for a few moments and then they asked:
"Well, Uncle Munch, what kind of fire-works are safe anyhow?"
"My experience has taught me that there are only two kinds that aresafe," replied their old friend. "One is a Jack-o-lantern and theother is a cigar, and as you are not old enough to have cigars, if youwill put on your hats and coats and go down into the garden and get metwo pumpkins, I'll make each of you a Jack-o'-lantern. What do yousay?"
"We say yes," said the Twins, and off they went, while the Baronturning over in the hammock, and arranging a pillow comfortably underhis head, went to sleep to dream of more birthday recollections incase there should be a demand for them later on.