“I don’t think I can do it. I’m so ashamed of everything.”
“Ashamed? You did nothing wrong! Where’s the strong Lily I know? You have exactly ten seconds to find her before I go wake up your parents. This bastard is not going to get away with this. Come on, Lily. You know I’m right on this.”
“Nobody will believe me, Kathy.”
“Like hell! I’ll support you the entire way. We’re going to fight, Lily!”
In a way, she reminds me of Layna. Maybe that’s why I’ve been drawn to her from the beginning. Kathy is idealistic and will always fight for the underdogs, just like Layna used to.
Without realizing, my gaze lands on Layna’s picture in my room. It’s her senior picture, and her wise and strong eyes meet mine. I’ve never had her strength. As I continue to stare at her, her blue eyes penetrate my soul. I can almost sense the courage rise inside me. Layna would want me to fight. She’d be very disappointed if I hid in a corner. No, those days are gone. Kathy is right. He will hurt other people if I don’t do something about it.
“Okay, Kathy. Go get my parents.”
“What?” Dad screams. “What are you saying?”
My parents’ reactions have upset me all over again. Knowing I can’t discuss this any longer, Kathy intervenes. “Luckily, I got there before he could hurt Lily more, but I think we need to call the cops and report this.”
Mom kneels next to me and pulls me into her arms. “Oh, Lily. Baby, are you okay? Oh, please tell me what I can do.”
“I’m going to kill this bastard! He works for that place? I’m going there right now!”
“No, no, Mr. Cooper. I don’t think he works for them directly. I think he must work for an outside agency because he was just filling in for somebody. You won’t find him there. He’s already gone.” Kathy tries to calm him down, but fails.
“I told you not to move out on your own! I told you, Lily! There is evil out there. Horrible people who hurt somebody as helpless as you! Don’t you know that?” Dad is still screaming. No longer able to contain his anger, he picks up the kitchen chair and throws it across the room.
All I can do is to stare in horror at the pain I’ve caused my parents. They both are falling apart, knowing somebody hurt their baby.
“I know everybody is upset right now, but the sooner we call the cops, the better.” Kathy again tries to take control of the situation.
“She’s right, Bill. We have to call the police,” Mom says, finally able to think rationally through her tears.
Dad grabs the phone and makes the call.
Chapter Seventeen
The next few days are a blur. The police take my statements, as well as Kathy’s. Kenny is arrested but is soon out on bond. I have a restraining order against him, so he’s not allowed to come anywhere near me. The fact that he’s out, knowing that I’ve filed charges against him, scares the hell out of me. For the first time in my life, I’m actually thankful that my parents refuse to allow me to be alone. All three of us have taken leave from work for a couple of weeks, just to try to support and heal.
On the third day away from work, Mark stops by at the house, appearing very distressed. As soon as we’re alone, he kneels in front of me, taking my hand. “Lily, I forced Kathy to tell me why you haven’t been coming to work. Damn it! As soon as she told me, I headed straight over to see you.”
Great! I didn’t want anybody to know. “Who else knows?”
“Nobody! Just me, I swear. Look, let’s get some fresh air. I’m feeling really claustrophobic, and I really want to talk to you alone, away from here. Can we go walking by the lake?”
Maybe getting out of the house is just what I need. I’ve been locked up in here for the last three days, afraid to even breathe. Having Mark by my side gives me the courage I’ve been seeking. The lake is only a few blocks away from the house, so there is no excuse for me to refuse. Once I agree, we both head out.
“It’s a good thing Kathy stopped by there when she did. Did she ever tell you why she came?” he asks. I’ve completely forgotten to ask her about it. When I shake my head no, Mark continues. “Well, I guess you can use some good news right now, Lily. You’re going to get a promotion. I hear since you’ll be receiving your master’s degree soon, they’re going to be promoting you to the same level as a teacher. No more teacher’s assistant! Congratulations, Lily!”
I want to be happy because I’ve worked my butt off for all this, but the recent developments have torn me apart. I can’t seem to get past the horrible visions and nightmares that haunt me day and night.
Once we reach the lake, Mark sits on the bench, staring off into the distance. “I have something else to tell you, Lily. When Kathy told me what happened, it really upset me. The thought of somebody doing that to you…” Mark shudders.
I don’t want to talk about this right now. Why is he bringing this up, knowing I’d want to just forget about it?
“Did he hurt you, Lily? I mean did he rape you?”
“No!” I yell with my own voice. Maybe I shouldn’t have come here. Maybe this is too soon, and I’m just not ready for company yet.
“I’m sorry, okay? I had to know. Look, this has really made me think things through.” Mark takes my hand and lifts my chin up so I look at him. “I’ve grown really fond of you through the years, Lily. Surely, you must know that. I care about you…no, probably more than just care about you. You’re amazing and beautiful. I find myself thinking about you all the time. I admire you for all you’ve done and your courage. Lily, I don’t want to be just friends. I want more from you. This incident that happened finally gave me the courage to confess how I feel about you.”
Shocked, I simply stare at him, finding it impossible to respond. With no warning, Mark leans toward me and brings his lips to mine. Closing my eyes, I allow Mark to take the horrible memories of Kenny away with his soft, tender kisses. The only other time I’ve been kissed lovingly was when Chance had kissed me, thinking I was asleep. Whereas Chance’s kiss was brief, Mark’s kiss lingers, and it almost feels strange.
Taking a deep breath, I force myself to relax and try to enjoy the kiss—if for nothing else than at least to shadow the horrendous memories from the attack. Just when I begin to loosen up, Mark is suddenly pulled off of me.
“What the hell! Get away from her!”
I almost faint when I see Chance standing there, holding Mark off of me. Fury like no other fills his eyes as he shoves Mark away from me.
I find myself at a loss for words, watching in disbelief at the events that are unfolding before my eyes.
“Are you going to answer me? Who the hell are you?” Chance then turns toward me. “Are you okay, Lily?”
“I’m Mark, Lily’s friend!” Mark fixes his shirt, which is now unruly from Chance’s assault.
“Lily’s friend? Really? Lily doesn’t go around kissing her friends!” Chance yells. “I’m Chance, by the way. Lily and I are friends. We have a history together.”
Mark chuckles under his breath. “Oh, so you’re Chance. You’re the guy who left her.”
Chance spins his head toward me. “You told him about us?”
“Lily tells me everything,” Mark says, smiling smugly.
Well, that’s not true. I definitely don’t tell him everything. As a matter of fact, the only thing I’ve told him about Chance is that we were good friends at one time and then he left for medical school.
Chance walks up to Mark and looks at him dead in the eyes. Since Chance is considerably taller than Mark, he towers over him.
“Is that so?” he says, clenching his jaw.
Mark doesn’t back down. “Yes, Lily and I are close.”
Switching his attention on me, Chance says, “Look, I want to talk to you, Lily…alone.” Chance then turns to Mark. “Can you give us some space?”
“I’m not going anywhere unless that’s what Lily wants,” Mark answers, folding his arms in front of his chest.
Both men turn toward me to resp
ond. All I can do is stare at Chance and soak it all in. He has cut his hair shorter now and he is definitely bigger somehow. It looks like he’s been working out at the gym with the way his muscles have filled out.
Realizing that they’re both waiting for me to answer, I finally think rationally enough to use my device. “It’s okay, Mark. I’ll be fine with Chance.”
Mark walks toward me and grabs my hand. “Are you sure you want to be alone with the crazy guy, Lily?”
I quickly hide my grin when I notice Chance’s hands ball up into fists. To somebody as conservative as Mark, Chance probably looks crazy. Mark is used to wearing the button down shirts with dress pants. His hair is always nicely groomed and his face is perfectly shaved.
Chance is his exact opposite. With his fitted t-shirt and his faded blue jeans, Chance watches our exchange like a hawk. Unlike Mark, Chance’s hair is disheveled from the wind, and he has a five o’clock shadow from not shaving. I’m sure the fact that he has his earrings on doesn’t help his case.
I nod at Mark and after hesitating a few more seconds, he quickly kisses my cheek and walks back to his car.
“Why are you letting him touch you like that?” Chance demands.
Angry at his behavior, I start using my device frantically, telling him exactly how I feel. “Are you serious? I haven’t seen you in over three years! How are you just going to show up and act like you have any rights to my life? What are you doing here? And why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“I’m here because I wanted to see you. I needed to talk to you. And, why would I try to contact you to tell you anything? If I remember correctly, you stopped returning my texts. I kept texting over and over, and you refused to answer me. So don’t turn this around on me.” Chance is breathing heavily, trying hard to calm himself down.
“You still don’t have any right to ask about my life.”
“I don’t like him. I can’t believe you let him kiss you like that!” Chance paces in front of me, opening and closing his fists.
“Not your business!” I wish I can make my device yell and it can convey the emotions I’m feeling right now.
“How do you think I feel? I finally see you after all these years, and you’re kissing that loser!”
“That loser is a very prestigious professor at the university.”
“I don’t give a shit!” Chance yells.
Confused and angry at his behavior, I quickly turn my wheelchair and head toward the house. I have no idea what Chance is doing here, but seeing him brings back all of the feelings I’ve safely tucked away for a long time. Knowing I need my space from him, I increase the speed of my wheelchair.
Seeing me leave, he runs up to me and steps in front of the wheelchair. “Lily, wait,” he pleads. “I’m sorry for being such an ass.”
Without saying a word, I steer the wheelchair around him and continue toward my house, desperate for the distance.
As predicted, an hour later, there’s a soft knock on my bedroom door and Chance walks in. Ignoring him, I continue to watch the television. I have no idea what show is on, but I need to distract my mind from thinking about the recent events.
Chance sits on the bed and simply stares at me for a few moments.
I pretend to not notice him, making it clear that I’m still very angry.
“You’re even more beautiful, Lily. You’ve grown up,” he says, his voice soft. When I don’t respond, he continues, “I’m sorry again for my behavior earlier. I lost it when I saw that guy. I’m here because your parents told me what happened with you.”
I swing my head toward him, shocked that my parents would share such a private incident with him.
“Lily, when you stopped returning my texts, I still kept in touch with your parents. I called them every week to see how you were doing. I couldn’t help it. I had to make sure you were alright. When I called this week—this morning, to be specific—they told me what happened. I jumped on the first flight to come see you. I had to talk to you, to check on you. The thought of anybody doing that to you…” Chance’s voice trails off, and I notice his eyes glistening with unshed tears.
I don’t want his tears! I don’t need anybody to feel sorry for me, most of all Chance.
“Stop!” I yell, using my own voice.
Chance knows immediately what I’m saying. “Lily, I don’t know what to say. I keep saying the wrong things, and here I go upsetting you again!” Chance rolls his fingers through his hair in frustration.
I don’t know what I want from him either. I just know that I’m upset and angry, and maybe I just need to be left alone. “Please leave now.” This time, I use my device.
Chance stands up and towers over me. “No! No, I won’t leave. I don’t care how angry you are with me, but I’m not leaving, Lily. I won’t let you push me away just because you don’t want to deal with me.”
I swing my arm to shove him. I swing my other arm, furiously wanting to hurt him. Chance grabs my arms and pulls me out of my wheelchair. I yell and scream, not wanting him to touch me. Chance continues to ignore my rage and holds me tightly in his embrace. Hitting him over and over with all my might, I continue to take my fury out on him.
Chance takes the blows, and then lies me down on the bed, landing next to me.
Still having the irrational urge to hurt him, I lash my body around. Without saying a word, Chance holds me down, making sure I don’t hurt myself. Unable to control my emotions, the tears that I’ve been holding back finally flood down my cheeks. I sob in his arms for so many reasons. I cry that I’ve been violated in the worst way. I cry that it has taken this long for Chance to come see me. I cry that I haven’t been able to turn to him for help. And, I cry because he forces me to feel again.
Gentle lips land on my face as he kisses my tears away. “Let it out, Lily. I’m here for you,” he whispers.
When my sobs quiet down to occasional hiccups, Chance holds my face with both hands. Looking deep into my eyes, he shows me all of his emotions. I see the pain, the sorrow, the admiration, the respect, and the love. Slowly his lips find mine and he softly teases. Captivated in his spell, I sink against his body, savoring this moment. Chance’s kiss deepens, his lips no longer gentle. Panting to catch my breath, sensations that have been deeply buried suddenly awaken.
But in the next instant, Chance pushes himself off of me. “Shit! Sorry, Lily.” He takes deep breaths to find his bearings. “That was uncool. I lost control.”
I try to shake my head to let him know it’s okay, but he’s already rolling off the bed.
“It’s late, Lily. I’m going to leave this room now before I do something I’ll regret. Your parents said I can crash in the spare room while I’m here. I hope you don’t mind. We need to talk, though—catch up. There’s just so much…let’s start over tomorrow. Do you want to stay in bed or get back up in your wheelchair? I can tell your mom that you’re ready for bed if you’d like.”
How the hell is he so calm and collected when I can barely catch my breath? All I can manage is a brief nod, and he quickly disappears.
Chapter Eighteen
The next day, Chance takes me to the outdoor café in the city since it’s a beautiful day. I’ve been to the place plenty of times with Kathy, and I enjoy the atmosphere. Since I’ve grown accustomed to eating out at restaurants, it no longer bothers me that I’m out in public and somebody has to feed me. I’ve learned that ignorant people will stare no matter what, and I’m not trying to prove anything to anybody, especially strangers.
Not very hungry, I order light. Chance assists me with feeding the lemon pound cake as well as the iced coffee. While we’re eating, he says, “I’m really ashamed of my behavior last night, Lily. I honestly have no excuse for it.”
I hate that he’s apologizing. I’m not sorry about what happened last night at all. I remain silent as he continues.
“I want to start over. I’ve missed you, Lily…a lot.”
“You knew where to find me.” This tim
e, I can’t stay quiet.
“Yes, yes I did. But, you knew where to find me as well. Not once did you try to contact me even though my last message said that I’ll assume you don’t want to keep in touch if you don’t text me.”
I look away because he’s right. It hurt too much to keep in touch with him.
“So, I convinced myself that’s what you wanted. Was I wrong?”
I shrug my shoulders, still avoiding eye contact.
Chance sighs and says, “That’s what I thought. But, I couldn’t just walk away. So, I respected your wishes and kept in touch with your parents. I called them every week, sometimes a couple of times a week, just to see how you were doing. I’m sure they were sick of my calls all those years.” Chance laughs. “But I didn’t care. I figured if they didn’t want to talk to me, they wouldn’t have picked up the calls. Hey, they must really like me because they didn’t bust into your room last night when you were screaming bloody murder while beating the hell out of me.”
Chance seals his lips tight, trying hard not to burst out laughing.
I can’t hide my smile because he’s right. I’m sure they heard me screaming and making all sorts of noises. “I guess they know the difference between my screams out of anger versus out of fear,” I answer with my device.
“Yeah, lucky for me, I suppose. Wouldn’t want to deal with your dad’s fury, especially if he has a temper like his daughter’s…” Chance is back to himself again, teasing me while watching me blush.
“You deserved it!”
“Hey! You have a mean left hook! I have bruises to prove it.”
By now, I can’t contain my laughter. Damn, I’ve missed laughing with him.