I pulled in an audible breath and Hawk kept talking.
“She’s got shit on three big players, two into drugs, one runs guns. Tonight, Ginger Kidd and Mitch Lawson significantly cleaned up the streets of Denver. But these men, they got armies and they got reach. Before they go down, they’ll do everything they can to take her out. And even if they go down, they’ll want retribution. She’s gotta disappear.”
I took that hit and nodded.
Hawk went on. “I know you promised not to call Bax and Meredith but I advise that you let them have a good night’s sleep then you phone them and share. They should know.”
I nodded again then whispered, “Thank you, Hawk.”
He lifted his chin then ordered, “Go to bed, get some sleep. I’ll take you home after I get some rest. You take the bed, I’ll take the couch.”
It took everything but I didn’t even twitch when he said that but that didn’t mean my body didn’t bear the brunt of this powerful blow.
“I’ll call a taxi,” I offered quietly, “get out of your hair.”
“Take the bed,” he replied.
“It’s okay, I’ll –”
“Gwen, I’m wiped. Take the fuckin’ bed.”
I nodded again and I wanted to search his eyes, see if something was there, anything, but I was too much of a wimp. I didn’t want to witness it if there wasn’t anything to be found. All I knew was, his manner, his voice and the fact he didn’t call me “babe” or “Sweet Pea” meant there wasn’t.
So I looked away, muttered, “Sleep well,” and walked quickly to the steps.
I heard the beeps of his phone as I went up them but my mind was in a foggy, painful haze and I tried to force my body to go numb. I took off his flannel and missed it the instant its warmth left my body. I dropped it to the foot, slid into his big bed, my lips quivering, my sinuses tingling, fighting back the tears as I heard his voice talking on the phone. I pulled the covers up and curled into a ball, yanking a pillow to my chest to anchor it against me with my legs and I bent my neck and shoved my face into it, my body refusing to go numb because I had to force all my energies not to burst into loud, uncontrollable tears Hawk would definitely hear.
My sister was still a marked woman, but at least under protection. Nevertheless, she wasn’t safe until the trial and she’d never really be safe, not for the rest of her life.
That really sucked.
And I’d fucked things up with Hawk. Broken it beyond repair. When he was done, he was done but he wasn’t done, not with me. I’d somehow got him tied to me, in deep, but it was me who cut him away and yanked him out of me and now he was definitely done.
I closed my eyes and heard he’d stopped talking. Then I pulled in a deep breath, wondering, hysterically, if ferrets were friendly.
Then I heard his feet on the stairs. It was impossible even for Hawk to walk up those stairs silently.
I figured he was going to use the bathroom and, again hysterically, I thought he should put in a bathroom downstairs. He had the room for it. If it was me, I’d put it at the other end of his lair, behind his desk, once I moved that closer to the kitchen and installed the ping pong table, pool table and air hockey table.
I focused on air hockey, not on Hawk’s presence on the bed platform and I forced my body perfectly still.
I heard some beeps from what I guessed was his phone and they were coming from close to the bed.
I stayed immobile.
Then I heard him flip his phone shut, it clattered to the nightstand, I tensed and my eyes flew open. There was nothing for a moment then the light by the bed switched on. I uncurled and turned to my back to see he was standing by the bed, tugging off his tee.
My breath froze in my throat.
Then I forced out, “Is everything all right?”
He dropped his tee on the floor, turned and sat, his back to me. He bent forward and I heard one boot drop, then the other. He stood and turned back to the bed and his hands went to his cargoes.
My breath instantly heated and I found it hard not to pant for a variety of reasons when he tugged them down.
“Hawk,” I whispered. “Is everything all right?”
“It wasn’t,” he replied, leaned in, grabbed the covers, pulled them back and I tensed as he slid in, his arms reached out, he turned me and then I was plastered to his body and his mouth was at my ear. “It is now.” His arms got tight. “Just got your voicemails, babe.”
He just got my voicemails. He just got them and I was in his arms.
My relief was so deep, so sweet, I couldn’t hold back the tears as my hands went hesitantly to his chest.
“Hawk,” I whimpered through my tears.
He leaned in, taking me to my back, his torso on mine and his head came up. The tears slid out of my eyes, his hand came up and his fingers moved through the wetness at my temple.
His gaze came to mine. “Baby,” he whispered.
“I was a thoughtless, selfish cow!” I wailed, lifted my head and shoved it into his neck as I wound my arms around him.
“Sweet Pea.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. It hurt, what you did to me, and that was all I could think about,” I told him, dropped my head back to the pillows and looked into his black eyes. “You were right. I couldn’t see through that to see what you were going through. It was thoughtless and selfish and –”
He rolled to his back, his arms around me taking me with him and when I was on top, his hand came up and pulled back one side of my hair, holding it at the back, he pulled my face down to touch my mouth to his. Then he let me back an inch and spoke.
“I cut you,” he said softly. “You moved to protect yourself. It’s a natural reaction, babe.”
“It was mean and… and… bitchy,” I replied, still crying.
“Yeah, babe, you can maintain mean and bitchy for about ten hours and then you call and apologize. I think I can handle that. I left you hangin’ for a week.”
This was true.
“This is true,” I muttered, the tears subsiding and I watched his dimples form.
Then they disappeared, his hand left the back of my head so it could move to my face, his thumb sliding along my cheekbone, my jaw then my lips as his eyes followed its path. Then those eyes locked on mine.
“I’m sorry I cut you, baby,” he whispered and the tears that had subsided welled up again and slid down my cheeks and his thumb moved instantly to glide through them as they did. “I’ll do everything I can not to put you through that again,” he promised.
“’Kay,” I whispered back and then my hand went to his cheek and I thought about his Mom’s visit. “And I’ll do everything I can, if you do it again, not to give up on you and be a mean, bitchy, thoughtless, selfish cow.”
His fingers slid back into my hair, he pulled my head back down and he touched my mouth to his where he murmured, “That’d be good.”
Then the touch became a short, light kiss before he again let me back an inch.
“Glad that’s done, Sweet Pea,” he whispered.
I took my hand from his face and wiped my own, agreeing, “Yeah,” but thinking “glad” was a mammoth understatement.
“Though that’s done, we’re not done talkin’,” he told me and the tone of his voice had changed.
I studied him and the look on his face had changed too. No longer gentle, it was firm.
Uh-oh.
“Um…” I mumbled, trying to find words to get out of a talk I was thinking I might not like.
“I’ll remind you you’re livin’ in Badass World,” he declared and I didn’t think this reminder boded good tidings.
“Um…” I mumbled, wondering what was next, however, although wondering, from his look and tone, not actually wanting to find out.
“And in Badass World, even when shit’s unsettled between us, you don’t meet another man on the sidewalk in front of your house and let him touch you and put his mouth on you.”
Oh boy.
“Mo told you,” I guessed.
“Another voicemail I just got.”
Shit.
“He kissed my hair,” I defended myself. “I don’t have a brother but I would guess that would be how a brother might kiss me.”
“Mitch Lawson does not feel brotherly love for you, babe,” Hawk returned.
This was true.
Shit!
“Um…”
“Gwen, you made that sweet call, you told me you were sorry and when you did, you dropped that hand and gave yourself back to me. That means you just entered Badass World for good, you did it on your own and you gotta know there are rules. You stick to those rules or bear the consequences. Understood?”
Uh-oh. He was being bossy and it was kind of making me mad.
“I didn’t throw myself at him and start making out with him on the sidewalk, Hawk.”
He ignored my reassurances. “No hands and definitely no mouth, Gwen, no man but me in the way I get you and your Dad in the way he does. No man. At all. No excuses. Yeah?”
“Hawk –”
“And you don’t jump on the back of a bike unless I’m on that bike,” he went on.
“Hawk –”
His arm at my waist and hand at my head tightened. “Babe, you need to confirm you get me.”
“God!” I exploded. “Yes, okay, I get you. Yeesh!”
The dimples popped out, he rolled me again so he was on top, his face was at my neck and his hands started sliding against the satin of Cam’s nightgown.
Mm. Guess that subject was closed.
“Hawk, I thought you were wiped,” I remarked.
“Yeah, I was, but this thing is soft and what’s under it softer, didn’t have either pressed against me when I said that so now I’m not wiped anymore,” he said against my neck.
Mm!
He touched his tongue to the skin behind my ear.
Mm!
My hands went to his back, which wasn’t soft, it was hard and that hard was the nice kind of hard so they explored.
Then he whispered, “Your sister’s out of trouble, babe, and as safe as I can make her.”
My hands stilled as it hit me.
Top secret operation according to Elvira. He’d put his top men on it. He’d gone off-line and hadn’t checked his voicemail all day. He’d been there when Ginger showed at Leo and Cam’s. He’d been following her, guessing she would come to me.
He’d spent his day, after how I treated him, going all out, likely putting himself and his boys in danger in order to give me what I wanted most in this world.
Oh my God.
His head came up and he looked down at me.
“Woulda made a deal with the devil to get my wife and daughter back.” He was still whispering and my breath stilled. “Don’t have that chance so nothin’ I can do about that. But I darkened your door, baby, and you lit up my life again so I’m not lettin’ that go.”
Oh my God.
He continued. “And Meredith is already your real Mom. You want that legal then call an attorney. But, I’m tellin’ you, it’s already there, you just need to embrace it. So, I can’t give you that ‘cause you already have it.”
Tears stung my eyes again.
“Hawk –” I whispered, my arms tightening.
Hawk kept talking. “Don’t know Freeman and because of that, I figure he’d be unreceptive to me gettin’ in his business but you want me to have a word with him about puttin’ a ring on his woman’s finger, I’ll do it.”
“Stop talking,” I begged.
He didn’t.
“Tomorrow, we’ll go to Tiffany’s and you can pick out what you want.”
I wrapped a leg around him and held on tight.
“Stop talking, Hawk.”
His hand slid up the satin to cup my breast as his face got closer.
“Does that fix what I cut up inside you?” he whispered. “Or do you wanna give me a new list?”
It didn’t but only because he’d already fixed it when he forgave me.
One of my hands slid up, over his hair, cupping the back of his head to pull him down as I lifted and turned my head so my lips were at his ear.
“Yes, baby, you fixed it but prepare to be freaked,” I whispered back and he started to turn his head but I quickly kept talking before I lost my courage. “I’m falling in love with you, Cabe.”
He stopped turning his head as his body froze and I held my breath.
Maybe that was too much too soon. We’d made up, we’d gone back to us, maybe I was pushing it.
And maybe I shouldn’t have called him Cabe. I didn’t do it purposefully, it just came out. And maybe this was because a man named Cabe would be as sweet as the man in my arms.
Then again, I’d learned a man named Hawk could be just as sweet.
Then suddenly he rolled to his back with me on top of him and just as suddenly Cam’s nightgown was pulled up and off and tossed aside and then I was on my back and his mouth was on mine.
Totally a take it off because it was in the way man. Cam’s nightgown was hot.
I had a nanosecond to realize he really didn’t mind me calling him Cabe, nor did he think my declaration was too soon if what he was doing to me with his mouth and the path of his hands were anything to go by. Then I lost the capacity to think.
After he kissed me, his mouth went to my neck, his hand, which was cupping my breast, became fingers rolling my nipple and I gasped.
Then I planted my foot in the bed and tried to roll him to his back, an effort that failed.
“I want you on your back,” I said in his ear.
“Not done,” he muttered against my neck then his tongue glided across my throat.
I shivered.
“Hawk, I only got one lick in last night. That isn’t fair.”
At my words his fingers at my nipple squeezed and I gasped again as my hips bucked and his head came up.
Then he rolled to his back, me on top again, but both his hands went to the sides of my head and he held it over his.
“Your mouth can have me, babe, but you aren’t bringin’ it home. I’m comin’ inside you, get me?”
“’Kay,” I agreed instantly, I got more dimples before he brought my mouth down to his and kissed me again, hard and long and beautiful. I let him then his mouth released mine and I used it on him, all over him, taking my time and enjoying it until I got to the prize.
There I took more time and enjoyed that too, though it was safe to say, not as much as Hawk.
But, as agreed, I didn’t bring it home. As usual, Hawk did and he did it connected to me.
And, as usual, it was unbelievably good.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Air Hockey
I woke alone in Hawk’s bed.
The sun was shining bright through all the windows and I tipped my head back to look at Hawk’s alarm clock. It was nearly eleven. I hadn’t slept that late since I was a teenager.
I heard kitchen noises and smiled. Then I lifted up, reached to the foot of the bed, grabbed Hawk’s flannel and shrugged it on while in bed. I threw my legs over the side, nabbed my panties from the floor and shimmied them on.
Then I wandered to the iron railing and looked down to see Hawk wearing a tight white tee and black track pants with a wide white stripe up the side. He was in the kitchen but his eyes were on me.
“Hey,” I called and I saw, even at the distance, his small smile.
“Mornin’, babe.”
I grinned at him then walked to the bathroom. I had to open the second extra toothbrush but I didn’t expect Hawk would mind. I went to town on my teeth, flossed, splashed warm water on my face, wiped it dry and then walked out of the bathroom where I spied his cargoes on the floor.
The idea hit me and before I could chicken out, I went to his cargoes, pulled out his wallet and then pulled out the photo. I returned the wallet, dropped the cargoes and unfolded the photo.
Sophie really was adorable. An unbelievably beautiful child. An
d Simone was stunning. Looking at her it was clear Hawk didn’t have a type because she looked nothing like me. She had a hint of exotic ethnicity to her and I was as WASP as they came.
I folded the photo back into quarters and palmed it then walked down the stairs.
Hawk was at the stove but he turned to me when I hit the seating area and I kept on going until I collided with his big, hard body, put my arms around his waist and my cheek to his chest.
His arm curved around my shoulders.
“Sleep well, baby?” he asked into my hair.
“Yeah, baby, you?” I asked back.
“Yeah,” he answered.
I gave him a squeeze and he returned it. Then I focused on the skillet on the stove. In it was an egg whites only omelet that had yet to be folded over but had mushrooms and various green bits on one side.
Tack appreciated food and consumed it in a way that I suspected he lived his life. Not safe and controlled, but with pleasure and abandon. Tack had a mountain hideaway with a fabulous view. Tack was a great kisser. Tack didn’t pin me to the bed in a way that demanded closeness and promised safety but he expected closeness all the same, just not the same way.
That was all good but I still wouldn’t be anywhere but where I was right then.
Even so, I wondered if Lawson was a cuddler.
I watched Hawk expertly flip one side of the omelet over, drop the spatula, turn off the stove and grab the skillet to slide the omelet on a waiting plate. He did this all one-handed, not letting me go.