Propinquity
The propinquity that Sushmita had gained with her Pastor Justin was becoming a matter of concern for Justin’s wife, Pearl. However, she did not allow her emotion to betray her, though for a discerning observer, there was a hint of perpetual sadness in her eyes. This situation had unsettled her from the inside, though outwardly she bravely tried to keep self-composed. It would be too much of a humiliation for her to share her grief with others; she was too proud of her married life. From the time she married Justin, she had never shared anything negative about themselves even with her parents or other siblings. Did she miss her father? ‘Yes’, ‘maybe’. Earlier she could go to her father with all her problems and concerns but now she felt so lonely. Justin had replaced her father so completely in her life that, for the first time, she felt that she had no one to turn to. The only thing that kept her from drowning in this sea of sorrow, that was engulfing her so completely, was her prayer life. Pearl’s prayer ministry had brought solace and comfort to many in the church, but it seemed as if in spite of her fervently seeking God’s intervention in her own life, the prayers were not answered.
Few members of the church also started feeling an undercurrent between Justin and Sushmita, but none had the heart to acknowledge that something of this nature was happening and thus gather the courage to take up the matter with Justin, their Pastor. Many from other sister churches including Brother Eric may have preached to the congregants in Justin’s church, but as most were spiritually born of Justin, he was a fatherly figure and a mentor to them. Such subjects are taboo and not discussed. People just try to wish them away as a bad dream.
Meanwhile, Justin was also not oblivious of the prying eyes of a few of the church members, constantly following him whenever Sushmita was in vicinity. He had a strong feeling that others may have also noticed Pearl’s withdrawn expression and how, after the church service, she would only devote her time with the people who wanted her to pray for their concerns. That was not unusual; the unusual was that now this was the only activity she participated in. Sometimes, while praying for others and fervently interceding with God on behalf of them, Justin occasionally felt that Pearl’s own grief reflected in the prayers by way of outbursts. On such occasions, frightened to face Pearl, Sushmita would make a hasty retreat.
When alone in their stolen moments, Sushmita and Justin started discussing with concern the new developments in their lives. The guilt of committing sin in the sight of God and wronging so many people would often overwhelm them. Many-a-times, they tried hard to stay away from each other, but to no avail as it always proved to be counterproductive. Often, such concerns were instrumental in drawing them closer with such intensity that they would fall into each other’s arms with renewed vigour. By then, they had realised that their relationship had crossed the ‘infatuation’ phase and they were completely and sincerely dedicated to each other with commitments exchanged for a lifetime. Justin and Sushmita loved each other for what they were. They were attracted to each other due to their varied interests; their literary interests glued them together. Justin loved her youthfulness, straightforward and outgoing nature, whereas Sushmita loved his sobriety, calm and reserved nature. When in each other’s company, they would lose all concept of time. Their relationship did not hinge any more on immediate gratification but had developed deeper roots in their lives.
Each waking moment, they would think about each other. At the first opportunity, they would call and talk endlessly over the phone and every time they were close, they would just melt in each other’s arms. In spite of all the odds, Justin and Sushmita were convinced that they were meant to be together. Every now and then, and even in absentia, they would feel the strong surge of loving emotions that would make their hearts ache for each other.
Being a pastor, Justin always felt a strong tug at his heart to repent and reform his ways; however, during every such thought, he would also convince himself that God was not angry with him and his relationship with God was intact, for every time he rose to deliver a sermon from the pulpit, it would bless everyone.
There is no ambiguity in the fact that one can maintain a relationship with God by being nowhere else but in His kingdom; that is, by maintaining the boundaries as set in the Bible for social behavior! Yet many, like Justin, carry on their self-will on the sly and live in denial, strangely enough all their lives!
Man forgets that he is simply an instrument for God to carry out His desires and plan and only His sovereign-self decides how far He would go to use the mortal for His purpose.
Justin’s continued efficacious preaching from the Bible was one such example. In fact, God tarries for long.
The Bible says, ‘…Yet God does not take away a life; but He devises means, so that His banished ones are not expelled from Him.’ (2 Samuel 14: 14)
In the Old Testament, a reference is made of King Saul of Israel where he was disobedient to God’s specific command. Thereafter, the pronouncement came that Saul’s kingdom will not last forever. However, the following chapters tell in detail that in spite of the decree, Saul’s sovereignty over the kingdom of Israel continued for a long period of time, and wherever he went he was successful. Such references pacified Justin about his ministry, and drawing comparison would rationalise that God was still blessing his pastoral ministry.
The scripture says,
‘Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil.’ (Ecclesiastes Ch. 8: 11)
Preaching the Word of God was the most important thing in Justin’s life without which, he would feel incomplete, lost, wasted. However, conflicting thoughts were constantly on the rise in his heart and that was not a good sign for his ministry.
In Justin’s life, it was not a question of relativeness, as he made out to his own benefit, because God’s word does not stand on some law of relativity—it has its own authority, it stands alone. God’s Word is crystal clear, though people in Justin’s shoes always play with the Word to suit their own motives. An elderly minister from one of the sister churches would always tell Justin the same and sometimes, even gather courage to tell Justin that he was treading a wrong path. However, Justin would dislodge him by pointing to various examples from the Old Testament of various characters that were weak towards the fair sex. The poor minister would just shake his head and not say anything further. Standing himself on slippery ground, Justin would momentarily take pride in that; he had aptly dealt with the probing senior.
Justin would preach on all the subjects from the Bible and his church members were growing deeper in the understanding of the Word of God; they were a very prayerful lot and doers of the Word. Justin noticed that he freely and effectively preached from the Bible but never broached upon the subject of sexual immorality, his own weak point.