I KNEW THAT Mouse was safe right now, that the Ravagers would never find her while she was hidden within The Subversive. But even so, I could not make the roofs move fast enough beneath my feet. The sallow sun was just spreading its first rays when we finally reached the hidden doors.
The guards were surprised by our sudden appearance. While Triven paused to explain the situation I plowed on ahead. I didn’t have time for silly questions. I needed to see Mouse, hold her tiny hands. I needed to know she was okay. I pushed through the people in the halls, barely seeing them. It was early morning. Mouse should be in the dining hall or possibly with Maribel. After I nearly knocked down a frightened looking youth, Triven finally caught up to me. For the first time I could remember, he grabbed my arm, pulling me to a halt. He flinched when I turned on him and I tried to soften my gaze.
“You should shower first.” He held tight to my upper arm as I tried to yank it away.
“Don’t tell me what I need, Triven.” I seethed. “What I need is to see Mouse. Right now.”
“I know.” Triven said. “She is eating with Maribel and Veyron right now. I asked the guards.”
I gritted my teeth. Why hadn’t I done that?
“She is safe. But if you storm in there right now you will frighten her along with everyone else in that room.”
As if on cue a woman passed us. She recoiled as she glanced at me, the color draining from her face. I really looked at Triven for the first time since the warehouse. He was covered in black filth. Streaks of blood were spattered across his clothing and face. It was hard to tell if it was his or not, like he maybe had murdered someone. I rubbed my free hand against my own face and it too came away bloody.
“Fine.” He let go this time when I jerked away. I knew my anger at him was misdirected, but I didn’t care. It was easier not to care. Caring meant pain. My little outburst tonight had proven that. I knew I couldn’t shut him out forever, but at least for the next twenty minutes I could pretend.
My resentment lessened when I caught my reflection in the mirror. Of course he had been right. My stomach churned as I looked at myself. If Triven had looked frightening then I looked downright horrifying. I was filthy from our escapades in the city. Soot and grime were smeared over my pale skin, but more shocking was the spray of blood that covered my face like morbid war paint. Dried blood streaked my blond hair a grotesque russet, adorned by chunks of something I didn’t want to think about. Had my stomach not been emptied already I would have been sick. I grabbed the shower handle, twisting it so the cold spray hit my face. I hadn’t even taken off my clothes.
When I closed my eyes I saw blood. It was covering my face, seeping from my father’s throat, my mother’s chest. It was everywhere. I rubbed at my face, trying to wash it from behind my eyelids too. Finally I just opened them and stared at the water until it ran clean. It took forever. Slowly, I peeled off my clothing and began to scrub the blood from my pale skin. After getting dressed I gazed into the mirror looking for answers. The girl looking back at me was worn beyond her age, her blue eyes hard and cold, the rims red and swollen. She was a broken girl, a murderer, a product of this city. As I stared at her I knew the truth. As long as we were in Tartarus there would always be blood. If not my parents’ or mine then it would be someone else’s. It would never stop. Whatever childish dreams I had had about escaping into The Sanctuary, disappearing into their world, had vanished tonight. It wasn't about our world and theirs anymore. As soon as that man spoke tonight, as soon as his voice struck my ears, I realized the truth. Arstid had been right. There never was any them or us, we were one in the same. United in this forsaken hellhole. They were just the men behind the curtain, cruel and corrupt just like us. The blood would never stop flowing as long as The Wall kept us contained. We had to get into The Sanctuary and it had to be now. The Wall had to be breached. That barrier gave them power over us. They could come into our world whenever they saw fit, manipulating the Tribes to get what they wanted. I once thought The Wall was like a fence, meant to keep out the dangers of Tartarus. But the truth was, it was a cage meant to contain us. We were the ones trapped like rats, not the other way around. And if both sides were equally corrupt, breaching The Wall meant leveling the playing field. It was never about stopping the Tribes as I had thought. They were just the pawns. We needed to go after the leader. We needed to take down The Minister of The Sanctuary.