shock, not believing the words that issued from that flat mouth. For him to think that Dr. Higgins had been too soft with me, made me wonder in horror what he considered to be appropriate treatment. Sadly, I didn’t have to wonder for long, because the very next words he spoke were exactly what he thought should be my fate. As if he were some mediocre god, declaring judgment on his unwilling subjects.
"Nillium Neems. I have spoken with the Board of Directors in this facility, explained your case to them, and they have given me approval to take more drastic steps. The medication I have just given you is the very strongest that Atrium Pharmaceuticals has to offer. It is banned from use, even here at the heart of Atrium, without express permission from the board. They have granted me that permission, with which I intend to make full use."
"And what’s this new medicine do, Dr. Sirius?"
"If this last drug fails," he continued, ignoring me once more, "then we will be left with no choice but to lobotomize you. A rather archaic method of treatment, true, but undoubtedly effective in pacifying an unruly personality. Whether you even understand what I’m telling you matters not one bit to me, I’m simply stating it to be official about this."
Without a further word he left, leaving me alone and wondering whether or not I’d even survive this new ‘medicine’. I started to shake, curling up in a little ball on my cot. Whatever this stuff was, it was already taking effect.
The door opened once more a moment later, and Sirius strode back in. He crouched above my little form like some kind of predator, and snatched my Snoopy Cap right off my head.
"No personal possessions," he said plainly, and then left once more, leaving me alone and in pain.
Nil, Out...
Day 40
I’ve been too weak to write for the last three days straight. In and out of consciousness, hallucinating, seeing things that clearly aren’t there. This new poison is the worst yet. Muscle spasms almost to the point of seizure, my heart beating so hard that it’s painful. So yeah, I’ve been in a lot of pain. Today the effects are at last starting to wear off and have left me weak and achy, barely able to move.
I’d actually welcome one of those IV-Drip things right now, since I’ve not been able to eat a thing. But this dungeon-like room seems to lack even the most basic privileges, including apparently, the privilege to stay alive. No one has been in to check on me since Sirius, other than the silent man who shoves food through my door twice a day. I’ve never seen what he looks like, or if he even is a man.
Life is Hell right now, not that it’s ever been much else. No sign of Siegfried or the Mushrooms, no Snoopy Cap or strange Book to comfort me. I’m all alone in here.
I tried praying for a little while, since my only hope was in someone stronger than me, but I don’t think it did much good. It never does. I’m on my own.
This weak little girl has now come to a resolution. That I must do something. Because I have had enough. I am tired of this unpleasant life, tired of pain and loss. I must do something to change it. I must escape...
Nil, Out (hopefully right out of my cell!)
Day 45
Very slowly, I have continued to recover. I am at last, nearly back to normal. Once again, now that the hallucinations are over, I have not even once seen anything strange. Which bugs and concerns me. I’m used to seeing Mousy, Derrick, the Hooded Man, bugs in my food, holes in the wall, something. To not see anything makes me worry that my mind has been at last damaged beyond all repair. And I miss my Snoopy Cap. It almost doesn’t seem worth living without it.
Still, not a single doctor has come by, leaving me to wonder if they have all but forgotten about me. It’s almost heartening meaning they will no longer torture me with poisons. But I do miss Hammy and the fact that he did seem to care.
Other than sleep, there’s not really anything to do in here. And since I don’t do this ‘dreaming’ thing that Dr. Higgins is so obsessed with, even sleep isn’t much fun, just an empty blackness.
I probably will not write for a while, my Bookish Friend, maybe never again. I’m kind of wondering what the point of even bothering to live is. It’s not like I’m achieving anything in life...
Nil, Out (perhaps permanently)
Day 61
Wow. Today has been... eventful. I’m sure you’re glad to see me back after my last entry. At least, I hope you’re glad. All I have to say is that I owe my life to Dr. Hammy. Waking up from one more weary night of being alone, fearful that the opening door was herald to some new monster, I found myself face to face with Hammy.
He looked furtive, sneaky, like he wasn’t supposed to be there and knew it. I waved at him.
"So, what’s up, Hamster?" I was rather surprised at how casual I sounded.
Hammy knelt down beside me. He looked sad, near tears almost. Which surprised me. I’d long ago decided he didn’t care afterall. It had been so long since I’d last seen him.
"You look awful, Nil."
"I feel awful. Where have you been, Hammy? It has to have been almost a month."
He nodded sadly.
"Yes, almost a month. They banned you from all human contact. Not even Dr. Sirius was allowed to visit you any longer. I’ve tried my best to get them to lift it, though they’ve threatened to fire me twice already."
I laughed. It was not a pleasant laugh that came from my throat and I wished I could take it back.
"So you cared more about your job than helping me, is that it Hammy? You waited until they lifted the ban to come visit, try and be my friend again?" I didn’t want the accusation to be too evident in my voice, though by the look on his face I knew he heard it all the same.
"Nil," he said quietly, the almost tears within his eyes more evident than ever. "The ban was never lifted. I didn’t get permission to visit you."
I blinked. I didn’t know what to say.
"B-but if you get caught..."
"Then my job is forfeit."
I stared at him, unbelieving that someone would go to those depths for crazy little me.
"I have something for you," he said, raising his hands, a gift held in each. I had been so concentrated on his face, daring lies to appear within his eyes, that I hadn’t noticed at all what he was holding. He placed a bowl full of hot food beside me, some kind of rice with veggies and stuff on it. It looked mouthwateringly delicious. By my attention was riveted upon the object he held in his other hand. It was my Snoopy Cap...
Gingerly, as if it were some precious, fragile object, I took it out of Hammy’s hands. I turned it round and round in my own, disbelieving that I was really holding it. I placed it on my head and cried, leaning forward and embracing Hammy in a hug, crying against his shoulder.
Never in my life have I been so thankful or felt like I truly had someone on my side. We both cried an awful lot, though I think Hammy cried more than me.
We talked for a while afterwards about how things had been for both of us. We talked and he promised that he would do what he could to get me moved back to my old room. I actually found myself trusting him, something I’ve never before done with anybody. If someone can help me, then it will be Hammy. He is my friend.
"I have to leave now," he said after a while, rising from where he’d been seated beside me. "I can’t be gone too long from my other duties or they might get suspicious. There are no cameras in this room or even nearby, so unless someone physically catches me here, there is no proof that I’ve visited you."
Well that was a bit creepy. Apparently whatever happened in this room was meant to stay here. But hey, as long as it helps Hammy out, then it’s okay with me!
He hugged me one last time and left, hurrying off to whatever conniving he was up to in his efforts to free me from this prison.
I, of course, still had my Snoopy Cap on. Ever since Hammy had given it back to me, and I had no intention of removing it. Even while sleeping I would wear it. Never again will this Cap leave my head.
/> It seems hardly anytime at all had passed since I got the Cap back, before all the weirdness started up again. Which was cool I guess, since the absence of it had worried me.
Things started with the reappearance of the Mushrooms, which I was glad to see. They sprouted up from the floor, like blades of grass growing at high speed, till they covered most everything around me. They weren’t screaming, just hanging out. All in all, I was rather happy to see them back.
Some kind of bat thing appeared next. I’m not sure where it came from. One moment I was alone save for the Mushrooms, the next I heard the skittering of tiny claws on the ceiling and looked up to see it crawling erratically back and forth.
It was more like a bat shadow than anything else, its features vague, undefined, as if it only half-existed. Though it had wings it never flew, and it moved without evident purpose, randomly, chaotically. It seemed vaguely menacing, though I decided to ignore it after watching it for several minutes. It didn’t seem to pose any immediate threat.
After gently stroking the Mushrooms for a bit, to let them know that somebody cared, I settled down on my cot to wait for Siegfried to come back. He’d have some answers for me with any luck.
At least an hour must have passed, and I grew more and more frustrated in that slug's tardiness. But then, to my surprise and utmost joy, a familiar and much beloved rustling arose from the wall behind me.
I