Read No Looking Back Page 16


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  As days turned into weeks and then weeks turned into months, Marla sank deeper and deeper into depression. She now barely spoke at all except when forced to answer a question. Eating had become a chore she’d begun to hate, constantly nauseous and tired. Dillon, and eventually Captain Perkins, decided that they needed to bring in a doctor to examine Marla and possibly prescribe an anti-depressant. Captain Perkins made arrangements with the FBI to have one of their physicians meet Dillon and Marla at a medical clinic about an hour’s drive south of their location.

  Dillon was impressed when the doctor turned out to be a mid-thirties female with an understanding air about her. Dillon escorted the doctor and Marla into a windowless examination room and closed the door, taking a chair and sitting across from the treatment room door. Funny, Dillon had been worried before this assignment started that Marla would talk his ears off, now he craved some adult conversation that consisted of more than one word answers.

  Dr. Stravinsky was appalled at the condition she found Marla in. Her immediate assessment was that she was severely malnourished. Even though Marla obeyed her instructions she was barely verbal, never making eye contact with her. Dr. Stravinsky had Dillon escort Marla to the bathroom so she could get a urine sample, performing the lab tests right in the exam room. She did a complete physical exam, including pap smear, and waited for Marla to get dressed again before discussing her findings.

  “Marla, do you know why you’re here?” Dr. Stravinsky asked.

  “Yes, for a medical examination.”

  “Are you aware that I work for the FBI with the very highest security clearance possible?”

  “No, I wasn’t aware of that.”

  “Well it’s true. Also, I’m a trained physician and a psychiatrist as well. Officer Dillon and Captain Perkins are very concerned about both your physical and emotional state and asked me to do an assessment.” Dr. Stravinsky paused momentarily. “I promise you to be totally honest with you, but in return I expect the same from you. Is that a deal?”

  “Sure, I have nothing to hide.” Marla shrugged her shoulders.

  “I need you to trust me enough for you to tell me why you’re in protective custody and how you feel about things. Why don’t we start from when you first came to Wynott. I’m aware of some of the facts of the case but I want to hear it from you.”

  At first Marla was hesitant, but once she started she found she couldn’t stop even if she wanted to. At times she cried and at other times, like when she talked about starting up the bakery, she was actually happy and animated. When the subject turned to Pete, Marla openly sobbed, barely getting out the story because her breath kept catching with every word. By the time Marla finished she felt like she’d been through a train wreck. Emotionally exhausted, she could feel the tears drying on her cheeks and her eyes felt swollen and burned with every blink of her eyes. Marla had no idea that she had talked non-stop for over an hour, only pausing if the doctor asked her a question.

  “Wow, that’s a lot of burden you’re carrying around. Any normal human being would be overwhelmed, but you’re stronger than you think, Marla. Now that you’ve had the time to think things over, you need to stop sucking your thumb and take some positive actions. Pity party is over now.” Marla had expected some sympathy and consolation, not tough love.

  “What?” She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

  “You heard me. No more sitting around the room and feeling sorry for yourself. This isn’t just about you anymore. Marla, you’re pregnant. My guess would be about three months along. Did you ever think you might be or did you even notice that you hadn’t had a period since coming into custody?” Dr. Stravinsky said almost accusingly.

  “No, but you’re right, now that I think about it.”

  “How do you feel about it?” Dr. Stravinsky asked.

  “I’m stunned but I can’t say I’m disappointed. Babies are miracles.” Slowly a smile spread across Marla’s face as the shock and awe set in. Finally she answered. “Happy. I’m actually happy!” Marla said with disbelief.

  “Good! Now, what are you going to do about it?” Dr. Stravinsky asked.

  “What do you mean? Are you suggesting I get an abortion, because I won’t! You’ll have to kill me before I’ll give up this baby! How dare you even suggest….”

  “Hold it! Stop your roll there, girl. That wasn’t what I meant. I meant that you’re going to eat regularly, get regular exercise, and take your prenatal vitamins, stuff like that.”

  “Oh. Sorry. I guess I overreacted a bit.”

  “I’m not sorry. At least you reacted instead of slipping back into your own little world. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to make arrangements for a treadmill to be brought to your room and I expect you to use it two or three times per day for a minimum of thirty minutes each session. Nothing strenuous, mind you. Just like an easy stroll in the park kind of pace. I’m making sure you have some books delivered to your room on pregnancy but also some pleasure reading. What kind of books do you usually like to read?”

  “I like different kinds of fiction. Romance, mysteries, paranormal, anything except spy novels. Those bore me to tears.”

  “Good enough. Next I’m going to prescribe a mild, safe anti-depressant that I want you to take faithfully, no skipping doses. What kind of movies do you like to watch?”

  “Comedies, biographies, action, suspense, mystery, same as the books, but again no spy stuff.”

  “All right, I’ll send those along too. I’m also going to arrange a laptop for playing games on. Do you like solitaire, scrabble, stuff like that?”

  “Yes, I love them. I don’t usually have the time for them though.”

  “Well you do now, so enjoy it while you can. I want you to take a nap every afternoon, even if you don’t feel tired. I want you to lay down for at least a half hour. Is there anything else you would like to help pass the time? Do you knit or do needlepoint?” Dr. Stravinsky asked more kindly now.

  “No, sounds like you’ve covered everything I like to do.”

  “Good, now for the hard part. Once every day I want you to write in a journal, even if it’s just one sentence. It can be anything that pops into your head. It doesn’t even have to make sense to anyone but you. Hell, you can even write in secret code if you want, just make sure you do it. On a separate page I want you to start listing positive steps you can take once you’re not in custody to start getting your life back together. It can be something as simple as going back to organic eating or as hard as starting-up your bakery business again. Do you understand?” Dr. Stravinsky asked again.

  “Yes. What should I do about Pete knowing about the baby? We’re not allowed contact but I feel he has a right to know he’s going to be a father.”

  “Well, you can have Captain Perkins tell him or I can call him for you if you give me permission to disclose your medical information to him. Which way do you want it handled?” Dr. Stravinsky offered.

  “Could you arrange a meeting with both Captain Perkins and Pete together and tell them both at the same time? I don’t get to see Captain Perkins on a regular basis but I think she has a right to know too.” “Sure, consider it done. Anything else? “Yes. Thank you. I can’t believe how much better I feel just having someone to talk to, and I promise to do everything you asked.” Marla had tears in her eyes but she fought them back. Crying time is over, Marla decided.