Chapter 5, Return
Leah
I sniffed the salty air. I was close to La Push. I’d been gone six days. Seth’s tone was accusing: “How could you do this to Mom? On her wedding day?” I saw the pain in her eyes dredged from his memory and flinched.
Seth had been waiting in his wolf form. He’d seen me several times as I was running away and then as I slunk back. I had tried hard to prevent the rest of the pack from seeing why I had run in the first place, but I knew the truth would be shouted out sooner or later.
I quit hiding and let Seth feel the intensity of my pain. I could almost see him stagger. No one—from either pack, or in the history of the Quileute tribe—had tried to run from an imprint. It just wasn’t possible.
“Oh, man, Leah this is bad.” Seth tried to empathize, but then he barked out a laugh.
I growled, but it was just half hearted.
“My sis. Imprinting on a vampire.” I could feel his laughter. It came from deep inside.
“Half vampire.” I snapped. Then I stopped. I hadn’t thought of Sam and Emily. Not once. In six days. Maybe this imprinting wasn’t so bad…
It was only a few minutes before Seth was at my side. His tongue left a slobbery kiss on my face. His lips were curled back in a wide wolf smile. I sat down and growled. I wasn’t in a mood for laughter. Seth sat down next to me. “You can’t fight this, Leah. You know that.”
I laid down, putting my head on my paws and whimpered.
“It isn’t that bad. They really are good people, you know.” He paused. “There are bad vampires. We all know that. We’ve fought with the Cullens to kill them. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“They’re all vampires. They’re all evil.” I sounded petty, even to me.
“Leah, you can’t believe that. Do you think a Quileute could imprint on something evil? I can’t accept that, Leah.” He stood up and started pacing. “The purpose for us is to protect. We can’t protect if we are drawn to something that we need protected from. Nahuel is a good man. The Cullens vouch for him. There is no need for you to be fighting this.”
I stood up and shook out my coat. Maybe he was right. Maybe this wasn’t so bad… but he was a vampire. I howled, my howl full of all the anguish I was feeling.
Seth sat and howled with me. He couldn’t help it. And three other howls broke out in the surrounding hills. My pack was gathering around me. Jacob was one of them…
Jacob came running up, his huge form filling my view. “Leah. You can’t fight this. It isn’t in your blood.”
Then he showed me the day he imprinted with Nessie. I hadn’t really paid much attention until then. He’d been so certain of his course… he was going to kill the monster child that had taken his Bella. Then I saw how his imprint with Nessie had gone. It was so like my imprinting with Nahuel.
I hadn’t been willing to watch before. I saw my own imprinting in their eyes and knew that the pain I was inflicting on myself was pain they were enduring also. There was nothing the pack didn’t share—pain, sorrow, joy, love. We shared it all, and I could see how I was punishing my pack.
I howled again. Anguish spilled out and the pack joined me again in my sorrow.
When I was quiet, Jacob said, again, “You can’t fight this.”
“Is that an order?” I glared at him.
“You know I don’t work like that. It’s your choice, but your pain is being inflicted on us all.”
I whimpered again, but they could all feel my choice. It was a choice we could live with.
“He’s attending the University of Seattle and has an apartment close by. I’m sure Edward would let you borrow his car…”
I glared at Jacob. I didn’t want to use some stupid vampire’s car. Then I sighed. I’d have to get used to the Cullens. This strange, vampire world. I’d imprinted on one and didn’t have a choice.
I suddenly understood why Jacob had to go to New Hampshire. Why he endured the painful vampire scent day in and day out. He didn’t have a choice. But with that inability to choose also came a deep happiness. This imprinting made him want to be with Nessie, want to be in her service day and night. It was a joy, not a chore. I could feel his happiness; I could remember the happiness of Sam and Emily.
I sighed. I owed it to the pack to quit fighting this. Can it really be that bad?
“I think I need some clothes.” I finally thought.
Seth barked a laugh. “Alice has them all picked out.”
I lunged at Seth, growling. “That’s not funny.”
“It wasn’t meant to be. She figured you’d be coming and set some things out. It isn’t like they haven’t put out clothes for you before, you know.” I thought of all the clothes I’d sent floating down the river. Yeah, they’d set them out, and I’d never defiled myself with them.
I shook my head, confused. How could she know I’d be coming back? I thought she couldn’t see werewolves. Clearly, I’d been missing out on a lot over the past year or so. I had some catching up to do. And eating crow was the first thing on the agenda. I had a lot to eat. I detested crow. I howled again, this time in frustration, and took off running to the Cullen place—the last place on earth I really wanted to be. I could hear Seth and Jacob following me, but I ran like the wind, and they couldn’t catch me.
Seth was right. There was a bag of clothes on the porch. The vampire stench burned my nose. I picked up the bag in my wolf mouth and carried it into the woods so I could change as soon as I phased back into my human form. The smell wasn’t as bad in my human form.
There were some delicate undergarments that made me shudder. I was so not accustomed to feminine things. I didn’t really want to put them on unless I’d had a shower.
There was a dress not unlike the one I’d worn the day of the wedding, but the color was different. It was a green that set off the color of my skin. The matching shoes weren’t very practical, either, but they did make me feel very… feminine. I hadn’t even wanted to feel that way since Sam had imprinted on Emily. Funny how I could think of them without a twinge of pain now. The pain I was carrying was all of my own creation. Running from an imprint is just plain stupid. I can see that now. It didn’t do any good. There is no escape.
For the first time in six days, I allowed myself the vision of Nahuel. His warm brown eyes, his perfect features, his dark skin—so like my own. What am I fighting for? He is a dream.
I could imagine the snicker of my brother. I sighed. Being a member of a pack certainly had its downside.
I put on the dress and left the remaining clothes in the bag, which I carried as I walked barefoot out of the woods. The dress was a perfect fit. Alice appeared on the porch, and I approached her warily. I probably smell like a wet dog. I feel like one.
Alice smiled. “You look great.” She enthused, but her nose was wrinkled and I could tell my smell bothered her.
“I don’t feel so great.” I grumbled.
“If you want a shower, we have a full bathroom down the hallway behind the staircase.”
I didn’t want to see my mom like this. I was sure Seth had told her I was coming home. Besides, I didn’t want to interrupt whatever honeymoon she and Charlie might be having in their little house. It seemed way too awkward to intrude on them. Grudgingly, I accepted her offer. “Thanks. I appreciate this.”
I quickly walked in, then paused. The last time I’d been here in the vampire house without my pack mates, Bella had been hugely pregnant with Nessie and I’d yelled at her for her treatment of Jacob.
The couches were in the same place. The carpets were a pristine white. I wondered how they kept them so clean. Maybe vampire feet don’t attract dirt like werewolf feet do.
I pressed my lips together, swallowing the anger that threatened to rise. Luckily, most of the great room’s flooring was a light wood. My bare feet were soundless as I moved to the hallway behind the staircase. I found the bathroom easily.
Huge white Turkish towels hung next to
the tub. I looked in the cupboards and found a vast assortment of soaps, shampoos, conditioners, and perfumes. My eyes widened. I’d never seen such a well-stocked bathroom. Of course, I hadn’t been in too many other bathrooms besides my own.
I finished my shower in five minutes. I felt better, and I smelled better. I opened the bag. This time, I slid into the feminine underwear, bra and slip. I hadn’t wanted to soil the delicate lace before. They fit like a dream, but I didn’t dare look at myself in the mirror. I’d never worn anything quite so… lacy. I put the dress back on, then slipped on the heels. I wasn’t as tall as the other wolves, but I was almost six feet, so I didn’t often wear heels. The exception had been the wedding.
When I walked out of the bathroom, fully dressed again, Alice was hovering. “May I please, please do your hair?”
I couldn’t believe this vampire was insisting on doing my hair. How repulsive. I bit back a reply, then nodded curtly. I was going to have to get used to this. The proximity of the vampire was making me ill. I was going to be sick all over the dress. I breathed through my mouth so I couldn’t smell her as much and let her work on my hair. She finally had it arranged in a hairdo similar to the one I’d worn at the wedding. Her cold fingers burned my skin and I had to suppress a shudder.
“Edward left the keys to his Volvo for you.”
I looked at her, astonished, then blurted out, “Why are you doing this for me? Why are you being so nice? What have I ever done to deserve this?”
Alice winced as if I’d hurt her. Maybe these things do have feelings. I’d never really considered that.
She sounded distraught, “We just want to help…”
I sighed. “OK. Sorry for being rude. I guess I do need a car. I don’t have one of my own—yet. I’ll need to stop at home to get my license. Is that ok?”
Alice grinned. “Actually, Seth brought it over.” She produced a small purse that matched the shoes and dress, flipped it open and showed me my own drivers’ license.
“How—” I stopped myself. These people were beyond reasoning with. Fighting the universe, indeed. Fighting the Cullens is an impossibility. I ground my teeth. I could just see Seth laughing at this, and I knew he would, there was no getting around it.
“The car is out front. Ready?”
I snorted. “Ready or not, here I come.” I tried to sound flippant, but I just sounded annoyed.
Alice laughed.
I suddenly realized that the house seemed… empty. “Where is everyone?” I asked. “The house is usually so full.”
“Everyone is trying a hand at Bella’s new game, extreme croquet. Edward, Bella, Nessie and Jacob are planning to go back to New Hampshire in a few days. They wanted to try before they left. Edward set up a course that Nessie could play, so Esme, Rose and Bella are trying their hand at it. It’s quite fun, actually, but I won’t play by Jasper and Emmett’s rules.” Alice paused. “We have different rules for our play.”
Jacob had previously asked me to set up a course for him, but I didn’t understand what she meant by their different rules. I didn’t care anyway, so I didn’t reply.
I followed Alice to the Volvo. I hadn’t realized what a pretty car it was. I hesitated. “Are you sure Edward wants me to use his car?”
“Absolutely.” Alice was firm. Edward loaning me, Leah, the vampire-hater, a car. Freaky. No other word for it. But I am a female werewolf. Is there anything freakier than that?
I climbed into the car and started the engine. It purred. Wow. This might be fun. “Ummm…” I looked at Alice, a question forming in my mind.
“Yes?”
“Do you have any idea where I’m supposed to be going?”
Alice handed me a piece of paper with an address. “This is Nahuel’s apartment. If he’s at work or the university, he’ll come back some time.”
“Is this for real? How did you get his address?”
“Well, he was a guest at the wedding…” her voice trailed off. I figured that was answer enough.
It didn’t take me long to get to Seattle. The car handled like a dream.
I had been to Seattle several times and had even visited a friend from La Push who had attended the university, so I found Nahuel’s apartment with ease. It was nearly four and the lot was almost empty.
A rock settled in my stomach. I hadn’t been this nervous in years. What if he doesn’t like me? No one had ever rejected an imprint, but all the imprinting had happened in Forks and La Push. Maybe an outsider won’t be so receptive. I wrinkled my brow in thought. I couldn’t think of another non-native a Quileute had imprinted on besides Nessie. Apprehension slickened my hands. I resisted the urge to wipe them on the silk of my dress. I rubbed them together nervously. The heat of my skin quickly evaporated the moisture.
I carefully stepped out of the car, worried about the heels. I had exceptional balance with my werewolf abilities, but I felt suddenly shy and nervous about how I appeared.
My sensitive nose wasn’t picking up the cold burn smell of a vampire, but I wasn’t sure if his scent was the same as a full vampire. Nessie certainly didn’t have the same smell as her vampire parents.
I hadn’t stuck around long enough after the wedding to get a good take on his scent, and I’d forgotten to ask Alice for something he’d touched.
I nervously smoothed my hair, but I couldn’t prevent a few strands from escaping, and they curled around my ears. I locked the Volvo and headed for the building. His apartment was on the third floor.
A couple of guys stopped and stared. I’d forgotten what it was like to be the object of male attention, and I’d never dressed like this in public. It was one thing to dress up for a wedding. Something else entirely to be dressed up walking toward an apartment building, as if I dressed like this every day. I was feeling self conscious, but the male stares were appreciative, and I hoped Nahuel would feel the same.
I had been running around in my wolf form far too long. I’d been hiding from life, and I was suddenly, acutely aware that I was heading to a man that would make hiding impossible. I took a steadying breath and walked to the elevator. My heart raced and my palms were again slick with sweat.
I stepped off the elevator and hesitantly looked around. His apartment was number 302. I took another steadying breath and walked down the hall. My heart pounded in my chest. I felt like I’d been running a marathon. How silly.
I couldn’t help it.