Chapter Thirteen
It was Friday night and Nancy and Paul came in the library right before closing, wanting me to come by their apartment when I got off at five. I let them know that Mom had asked me to come over to her place later, have dinner and watch a movie on television, and I had said I would.
My friends shared a glance, smiling and turned back to me. Nancy spoke, “We just want to show you something. Can you drop by for a few minutes first… before going to your mothers?”
“I suppose I can,” I replied, seeing that it seemed kind of important to them. “I’ll call Mom and tell her I will be a few minutes late. I’m sure she will understand.”
“Awesome!” Paul said, giving me a wink. “We’ll see you in a little while.”
They turned and left. I checked out a boy in his early teens, and then a middle-aged black lady behind him. That seemed to be the only ones ready to check out books. I glanced over at Miranda. She gave me a cheerful nod and said I could go. I thanked her, grabbed my purse and left. I did go home first, combed my hair, brushed my teeth and freshened up my makeup before walking down to Paul’s and Nancy’s.
Nancy was all smiles when she opened the door. “Thanks for coming on such short notice.”
“Not a problem.” My eyes went to Paul who was sitting back on their sofa, with his right arm stretched out across the back.
“We wanted you to be the first to know,” Nancy said as she sat down beside Paul and snuggled up to his side.
My eyes darted back and forth from Nancy to Paul and then back to Nancy. “Know what?” Paul waved for me to take a seat in the easy chair. So I did.
Nancy stuck her hand out for me to see. A beautiful ring with a larger diamond than what I might have anticipated sparkled out at me. I am sure my eyes widened at the surprise.
“You’re engaged?”
Paul sat forward then and smiled lovingly to Nancy before speaking. “Yep! Surprised her with it when she got up this morning.”
“Had the day off,” Nancy said. “Paul brought my breakfast to me while I was still in bed. And sitting on my napkin was a beautiful black box and inside was this ring. I am amazed you didn’t hear me scream in surprise.”
“Yep. Damn near burst my eardrums,” Paul agreed with an ear-to-ear grin.
Her happiness was catching. I was thrilled for her, for the both of them. “That is so awesome!”
He reached over and squeezed her right hand. “We agree that we probably won’t ever find anyone else to suit us the way we do one another. I’d been giving it some serious thought for several weeks. I made some extra money on some especially extravagant websites and thought… what the hey! Why not? I went down to Zales and picked out the ring.”
My eyes misted. “I am so happy for the both of you!” I knew by the gleam in her eyes though that she couldn’t be happier. And I felt that they were definitely perfect for one another.
“We want you to stand up for us when we get married,” Nancy said.
“We talked it over,” Paul said. “We don’t want a big wedding… Have this thing about churches.” He grinned amusedly. “And we’ve been living together for a while now. Just want to make it legal. Have a quick ceremony at the courthouse. We want you to witness for us. Then later, we want do a ritual devoting our marriage to Father Satan, and we want you to come.”
“I would be honored. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.”
That made both of them happy.
Nancy jumped up and came over to me, giving me a hug. “I don’t have many friends, and neither does Paul. At least not ones who really know about us and live close. Having you living close to us is great. Your friendship is very important.” She sat back down.
“As yours is to me… When do you plan on tying the knot?”
They shared a look and then back to me, and Paul answered, “December the twenty-third.”
I thought about it a moment and then realized the significance of the date. “Oh! Father Satan’s day of the year! That is so cool!”
Looking lovingly to Paul but speaking to me, Nancy said, “Paul asked me when I wanted to get married. Offered for us to get married right away. But it is only a few months away. And Father has been so good to us. I couldn’t think of a better time.”
“Nor could I, when she told me,” Paul said. “In fact, I’m kind of miffed at myself for not thinking of it too.”
“That is so cool! And I couldn’t be happier for the both of you.” I glanced at my watch. Mom would have dinner about ready.
Seeing my action, Paul said, “We know you need to get going, but thank you so much for stopping by.”
“Hey… My pleasure.” I stood, and so did they, going to the door with me.
Nancy hugged me again, and then it was Paul’s turn. He gave me a strong hug and a kiss on the cheek.
“I’ll see you later,” I said and walked out. I seriously could not have been happier for them. I only wished that my marriage had been different, that we could have been suited for one another the way Nancy and Paul were. But I knew that that was not the case. In fact, I wasn’t sure I could or would ever be happy with a man again. Not a human one, anyway.
Mom and I had a good dinner and enjoyed watching The Day the Earth Stood Still, the original one in black and white with Michael Rennie. I had seen it a number of times, and also the newer one with Keanu Reeves, but I liked them both.
Later, by the time I arrived home, I was tired and ready for bed and very glad that I did not have to get up early. I was working the afternoon shift at the library and could sleep in.
By the time I had my shower and slipped into bed it was five minutes of midnight. I thought I would go right to sleep, but I didn’t. I just laid there thinking about how excited Nancy and Paul were, which brought back memories of when Greg and I first married. Though I had been truly happy for a while – thought I was anyway – I do not believe I was ever as happy as my friends were.
The longer I lay there, the lonelier I felt. I tossed this way and that and couldn’t seem to get comfortable. The next thing I knew, it was one in the morning. “Shit!” I hissed before thinking about it. It seemed that I had gotten into the habit of saying that word a lot lately. Before, in all the years of growing up, I never swore or said anything worse than darn. Now, it seemed the word shit just slipped out involuntarily when something upset or bugged me.
I lay there a while longer, glancing at the continuously changing of seconds on my alarm clock. Then I detected a warmth over the center of my tummy. It was hardly detectable at first, but then it grew warmer and warmer until there was no denying it. I moved my hand down to feel what I now expected – another hand! “You’re back,” I said in a near whisper.
“I felt your loneliness and therefore was compelled to comfort you.”
I thought about it a second. “That’s really sweet of you.”
“Thank you,” he replied. “But it could also be construed that I very much would like to fulfill your need to be loved.”
I grinned to myself. “Sex, you mean.” By the time the words left my mouth, I also felt something else behind me… It wasn’t a totally unfamiliar feeling. One I had felt from my estranged husband many a time. I am not sure exactly why I did, but I rolled over to face him. His beautiful eyes shone into mine and I could vaguely make out that he was smiling. I wondered that I could only barely see him, but I most definitely could feel him.
He knew my thoughts and said, “That’s just the way it is. We can touch humans easier than we can make ourselves visible, even though we can fully materialize, but it takes a lot of energy. I cannot tell you exactly why that is.”
I reached up with my left hand and touched the side of his face. It was warm – actually kind of hot – soft and so very, very smooth. “From what I can see, you are amazingly beautiful.”
“Thank you. I will consider that a compliment. However, in this form, our kind finds one another kind of boring, as we all look so much alike.”
&nb
sp; “You do?”
“Yes. In this state, we have no hair, but we are very similar to humans otherwise. We find hair very attractive on humans, as we do on our own. In our natural state, we look very human. It is the shape of our eyes that holds the most difference.”
“Interesting,” I noted. Then before I could even have another thought, he kissed me, fully, passionately and demandingly. I know I gasped when he pulled his lips away from mine. I swallowed hard.
“You okay?”
“…Ah. I think so.” I quivered.
“I can go, if you want me to?”
I’m not sure why, but I suddenly sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. He quickly moved over and sat up beside me, laying a hand on my shoulder. “I will ask again. Do you want me to leave?”
I turned and stared into those captivating eyes that I so easily could have gotten lost in. Such depths! I could almost see the universe in them. “I’m not really sure.”
“Tell you what. Just lie down again. I will lie down behind you, like we were before.”
I slowly did as he said, and he snuggled up to me from behind and placed his arm around me, holding my tummy again. I have to admit, he felt absolutely wonderful: The feathery warmth, the energy from his body so softly wrapped around mine – was like a warm fire on a cold winter’s night. I’ve never known anything so absolutely amazing. I could have laid there forever with his warmness wrapped around me like that. I am pretty sure that I actually cooed.
We lay there for several minutes while I simply relished the awesome touch of his energy, his body, enshrouding mine. Then, before I actually realized what was happening, there was this wonderful sensation deep inside me. My eyes widened. I was being touched inside in a way I was sure no human male could ever do. The delicate but titillating sensation, the beautiful indescribable feeling, grew and grew in intensity until I could stand it no longer, and he knew this and responded immediately, making love to me in the wildest yet gentlest way that one could never imagine. One has to experience it to truly understand.
I am not sure how long we made love, but I was uplifted to a wondrous place of absolute, sensuous perfection, and when he at last climaxed, I climaxed with him, but it was completely different from anything I had shared with my husband. It went through my entire body, flooding through my very soul! A thrill such as is indescribable, and then there was another surge of this blissfulness, and again, one more time. I know I cried out in rapture. I could not help it.
After we finished, I lay there completely shaken from such profound ecstasy, and I was in somewhat of a state of shock for several minutes, totally and utterly speechless.
I had never experienced anything so completely beautiful in my entire life. Tears of utter joy filled my eyes. I reached up and wiped one off my cheek.
“Was that to your satisfaction, my sweet?” he asked.
“Oh my God!” I managed and rolled over to face him. I searched his wondrous eyes. I saw only beauty there and a desire to please me. Then I whispered, “I have never… ever… in my entire life had a clue that anything could ever be so… so splendorous!”
“I am happy you find me sufficient.”
“Sufficient? Jeeze! That was the most awesome experience anyone could ever have… ever!”
He smiled hugely. “I am glad I was able to satisfy you.”
“If you call that beyond amazing experience satisfaction, then yes! You definitely satisfied me!”
“That is all I want, my darling. My only desire is to please you.”
“Not a problem.” I was having a bit of trouble understanding his humbleness. “You are freakin’ awesome! And that doesn’t even begin to describe how wonderful you are!”
He kissed the tip of my nose. “Now you should get some rest. I will lie here with you, if that is okay?”
“Oh it is most definitely ok.” I rolled over and he gently laid his arm around me again, once more with his hand resting on my belly. I went right to sleep.
Paleo was gone when I awoke, but that was okay. I knew he couldn’t stay with me twenty-four-seven.
I practically waltzed into work, still feeling uplifted by the most beautiful night of my life. Miranda noticed my happy mood right away; turning from the books she was checking out and smiling broadly. “You’re mighty cheery, girl.”
“That is an understatement. I don’t know when I have ever been happier!” I replied, and then realized she would assume what she did.
“Ah! You meet some special guy?”
I was caught off guard and couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I said, “Something like that.”
“Good for you!” She turned back to checking out the young blonde facing her.
I didn’t know what I was going to tell her later, though. Whatever I told her would have to be a lie. There was no way I could tell her that I had an incubus! And that being with him was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. I was totally convinced there was no way anything could ever be more beautiful. I felt like the prettiest, luckiest girl in the world. I knew that I would never want anyone else after being with Paleo.
A couple of days and nights went by, and I didn’t hear from Paleo. I admit I was kind of disappointed, but he had told me he was a soldier, therefore I understood that I could not expect him to be with me twenty-four-seven.
Mom kept me occupied, and we had dinner together almost every evening when I worked days. One night I would eat at her apartment, the next, she would eat at mine. That is, except for Sunday nights. In spite of her disappointment in her marriage, she was still a Christian. That she had not given up entirely.
On Tuesday night, though, Nancy and Paul asked me over for pizza. I knew Mom would be expecting to eat with me, but I didn’t want to tell my friends no. So when Mom called, I told her my neighbors had invited me over for Pizza. She said that was okay, but could she see me later? I told her that would be fine, that I would text or call her when I got home.
I thoroughly enjoyed my visit with Nancy and Paul. Paul was all enthused about a new Satanic website he was building and couldn’t wait to show it to me. I have to admit it was impressive. It was about as thorough as the best websites out there, but instead of a black and red theme, his was black and a vibrant blue, since blue is also one of Father Satan’s colors.
He let me know that he had every intention of making it the best possible website he could. He admired all the work others had had put into their websites, but wanted to do his part in spreading the truth to the world about our Father Satan.
“I have to hand it to you,” I told him. “I am impressed!”
Nancy had been standing by him at the computer. She hugged his arm. “Yes! My guy is pretty awesome!”
She was so obvious. She loved her man. “Yes he is.”
My phone rang. It was Mom. Probably worrying that I had forgotten she wanted to come over. I answered her and told her I would be home in about five minutes. That made her happy, and she cheerfully stated that she was on her way.
Paul handed me a flier he had made up promoting his website. I thanked him, folded it up and stuck it in the back pocket of my jeans. I then helped them clean up the table, bid them goodnight and left.
Mom pulled in just as I unlocked my door. When I pushed the door open, I caught a glimpse of Cal standing in the middle of the living room. This time, he wasn’t grinning like the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland. He seemed concerned about something. I frowned inquisitively, but Mom walked up and he disappeared.
“Enjoy your pizza?” she asked; all smiles as she breezed in behind me. She tossed her brown leather handbag on the sofa.
“Yes! Enjoyed it very much.” I headed for the refrigerator. “Want a Coke?”
“Sure. Haven’t had one today. Sounds good.”
I grabbed one for each of us and pulled the tab off mine and set it aside. I would toss it in the trash later. She did the same with hers.
“You eat?” I enquired.
/> “I grabbed a burger at Burger King.”
“I’m sorry about tonight, Mom, but I don’t get asked over for dinner often with my friends.”
She smiled amiably. “Pshaw! Think nothing of it. I know you need your friends. Everyone does. Unfortunately, the only friends I have around here are the ones from the church.” She sipped on her Coke, and then said, “Actually, I take that back. I am making friends at work… Not close though. Not yet.”
“Surely you will in time.”
I had forgotten about the flier Paul had handed me, and it must have fallen out of my pocket when I sat down. It was blood red and quite noticeable. I think I realized it was on the floor at the same time Mom did. “What’s that?” she asked, leaning forward to snatch it up. I tried to grab it first, but was unsuccessful.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” I lied. “Found it on the walk and stuffed it in my pocket. Haven’t had a chance to really look at it.”
She unfolded it and stared briefly before her eyes got huge. She looked up at me. “Brenda! This is promoting a Satanic website! Did you know that?”
“…I noticed something about that. Like I said, haven’t had a chance to read it.”
The furrows in her brow grew deeper as she read the paper. Then her face flushed almost as red as the flier. “This is absolute trash!” She wadded the paper in her hand and immediately got up and threw it away in my garbage can under the sink. She came back in and plopped down, eyeing me strangely.
“What?”
“Please tell me you’re not hanging out with a bunch of Satanists?”
“Where is this coming from? I told you I didn’t read it. I just found it and hadn’t really looked at it yet.”
“It is obvious that it is Satanic, though. Why did you even keep it?”
“It was on the sidewalk. I don’t like to see people leave trash on the sidewalk, Mom.”
I could tell by her expression that she had doubts that I was telling the truth. She knew me too well. “Your father told me about your venture with Wiccans.”
“History, Mom! Been there… done that. Over!”
“I certainly hope so.”
“Did he tell you that he tried to exorcise a demon out of me?”
An embarrassed frown came to her face. “Yes. I let him know that that was a terrible thing to do to you.”
“Really? That’s all you said?”
“He agreed that it was extreme, but he felt he had no choice. In fact, he’s not entirely sure it worked. He now believes that you were acting when the demon supposedly came out of you… Is that true? You’re not ‘acting’ now, are you?”
I admit I was now a little more than pissed at the way my mother was reacting, especially after all the years of crap she went through with my father, and leaving us the way she did. “Aren’t you being just a little hypocritical?” I tartly asked.
I think the anger in my voice startled her. Surprise was written all over her face. “How’s that?”
“Your hatred of Dad’s holier than thou ways. You couldn’t stand his extreme devotion to the church. You left us high and dry. Now you sit there and have a fit because of a flier about a Satanic website?”
“I see no connection, Brenda. What’s your point?”
“I think there’s a huge point – Your marriage was one big joke! Dad professes to be a man of God, but treated you like crap! You call that Godly?”
She tried to speak, but I interrupted her.
“Father thinks he’s a prophet of God or something. And Greg is getting there. They preach love and forgiveness. But do you see love in Dad? Do you? You see any real forgiveness? Has he realized why you left him?”
“Not actually.”
“Even Greg. I know he’s tried in his own way, but he still doesn’t quite get it.”
“Want to clarify that?”
“I shouldn’t have to. You know why you left. What gives them the right to judge us? Doesn’t the Bible say, ‘Judge not that you be judged?’ Yet those two pricks go around thumping their Bibles and pointing fingers and making accusations. But do they know what is really going on in a person’s head? In a person’s heart? No! They are breaking one of their God’s rules! And right now, I believe you are being just a bit judgmental too!”
“Brenda!” She sat her Coke down on the coffee table. “I know how your father is. And there is no way I want to go back to that, but I haven’t lost my faith… Looks to me like you have. Have you? I’m sorry. Maybe I am being a little judgmental. I can’t help it, knowing that you were raised a Christian! And what do you mean by ‘their God’s rules’?”
“What I said. He’s their God. Not mine.”
“Then pray tell, just who is your God?”
“I simply mean I do not believe the way the church teaches. I believe in a God who loves us. Not one who condemns us for every little thing. Sex, for one! When he made us with the desire for sex and then condemns anyone for having those feelings! Pluck your eye out if you look at a woman the wrong way! What kind of scripture is that? We are human!”
“That’s why Jesus laid down his life for us,” she responded, flustered now. “We can’t be perfect.”
“You really believe that a truly loving God would sacrifice his own son in cold blood?”
“Brenda!”
“Mom! It is a lie! The dying and reviving God idea was stolen from numerous mythologies! The scholars will tell you that Jesus wasn’t born on December twenty-fifth! The date was set close to the winter solstice. They believe he was born in September. That is, if he even really existed? There are quite a few who believe that he is an entirely fictional character. Myself, I believe he was a guru, a very wise one, but human, of course. After all, they murdered him for going against their Jewish taught lies.”
“Brenda! Oh my God! I don’t believe I am hearing this!” She stood and grabbed up her purse.
“So now you are going to walk out on me because I speak the truth?”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes I do! Don’t take my word for it. Do the research. I have. The whole Jewish, Christian, Muslim thing is nothing more than a glorified lie! A lie perpetuated to control the masses!”
I have never seen my mother so upset with me, but I had to say what was in my heart. I had to say the truth! “I won’t listen to any more of this! I can’t believe this is coming from my own daughter! Now I see I was wrong in leaving you! I didn’t really believe your father when he told me you were a lost soul. But now I see he might have been right, for once!” She ran out and slammed the door.
I swung the door open and screamed, “You hypocrite!” Then I slammed my door so hard the windows rattled, and then I locked it. When I turned back around, Cal was sitting on the sofa, sadly shaking his head. “Sorry, Brenda.” He gave the cushion next to him a pat.
I sat down beside him, and he put his short little arm around me the best he could.
“You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?”
He wriggled his head yes.
I couldn’t help it. I cried, and I cried hard for some time. But my little friend stayed right with me until I finally calmed down.
“You all better now?” he asked after a while.
“I think so,” I replied.
“Good. I go now. But I come if you need me.”
“Thank you, Cal.”
He vanished, and I went off to take my shower before going to bed. I felt numb all over and hoped to fall into the blessed blackness of sleep. However, a few minutes after I slipped under my bed covers I felt this warmth wrap around me. My first thought was that it was Paleo, but after a minute or two I realized the hug was different. It was more of a fatherly hug. I felt it all through my being, and I can’t explain it but I knew that it was Father Satan hugging me this time. I never felt so loved and cherished in my entire life. It too was like lying in front of a warm fire on a cold winter night. It is a feeling that no one could ever forget. It was so purely peaceful. He lay ther
e with me until I fell asleep.
When I awoke the next morning there was a text on my phone from Mom saying she was sorry about our tiff the night before, that Dad had had her all worked up, and when she saw the flier she had feared that maybe there were some grounds for his accusations. She hoped I would forgive her and have dinner with her at Denny’s when I got off. Though somewhat reluctant and still feeling more than a little hurt, I replied back that all was forgiven and accepted her invitation to dinner.
Even though I felt a little more at ease considering she had apologized, there was still that uncertainty as to what she would do if she really knew. How could I ever make her understand just how wonderful Father Satan truly is? For no one can know unless they do dedicate to him. No one had to tell me that we were a long, long way from that ever happening. Though rebellious to being controlled and subservient to the male gender, she still had far too much of the ‘Christian’ ideals (lies to control) for that to happen.
Of course, I hoped for her sake that one day she would come to know the truth, but it was something she would have to find on her own. The truth is all around, once one takes off the blindfolds and begins to listen to reason.
Unfortunately, so many have been brainwashed so long and so steadily that they can’t see the truth when it hits them in the face.
Still, I hoped. She’s my mother.