I decided that day that I could only get satisfaction from strangling or slitting the throat of my prey. And even though I enjoyed it, it never felt completely satisfying. Animals can’t beg for their life. They couldn’t ask for mercy. That bothered me.
All of this was a new excitement for my mind. I had found a new interest, besides learning. But in a way, I was still obtaining knowledge. This was just knowledge that I had to obtain on my own time, unobserved. And if I was going to move my focus, to a more deserving target, I would need to be able to get inside their mind. I began to focus my studies, in school, on the human mind and the control of the subconscious. Or in layman’s terms, Psychology.
CHAPTER 6: ALEXANDRIA
Although my home life was falling apart, my academic and social life gave me something positive to focus on. Through all the heartache, I was able to maintain my g.p.a. at 3.5. My father had always pushed the importance of a black woman being strong, mentally, and being well educated, for her future independence and I didn’t lose sight of that. I know he meant, so I wouldn’t have to depend on a man, but I wanted to make sure I didn’t need to depend on him or my mother either. And although he still helped support us financially after he left, he left us to fend for ourselves emotionally. I guess some father’s don’t realize that element. But I didn’t realize the void that was growing in me until one Friday evening, at the mall. His name was Roy and he was the cutest white boy I had ever seen. I don’t know who spotted who first, or who wanted who more, but I was pulled to Roy with a force that I had never felt before. I was nervous talking to him, but the adrenaline became addicting.
CHAPTER 7: DEREK
The minds of the many are very weak and easily manipulated. Intelligence is envied and praised. Security, whether false or true, is welcomed and appreciated. I yearned to take a life. A life worth taking. A life that could beg not to be taken. A life that could truly realize and accept the situation. The outcome was up to me. And although, I’d know the outcome. I imaged the anticipation would be euphoric.
CHAPTER 8: ALEXANDRIA
Come to find out, Roy actually went to my school. I really don’t know how it was possible that I never noticed him. But I guess in a school of almost 2500, it’s understandable. But once I did realize that he was there, it made going to school a lot more interesting. I had boyfriends before Roy, but none I took to seriously. It was just what kids my age did. A boy liked you and if he was cute you’d become a couple. Roy didn’t look like most of the boys at my school. He wore his long, sun-kissed brown hair in a ponytail. It was thick and hung mid-way down his back. He had these gorgeous hazel eyes that were showcased by thick, dark eyelashes. It always looked like he was wearing a light coat of mascara. But he swore, up and down, that he wasn’t. He would say that was one of the perks of having Sicilian blood. His lips...his lips were perfect. They were as pink and soft as a rose. As we spoke, I couldn’t stop looking at them. Which made him question if something was in his teeth.
How was it possible that I had never seen him before? I don’t know, but now that he was in my sight, I was locked on. We spent a lot of time together, in school. It didn’t quite sit well with some of the other boys in the school. Mainly the black guys, which was always confusing to me. I saw plenty of them walking around with white girls, which didn’t bother me. But the second I started giving my attention to a white guy, there was some sort of issue. But Roy didn’t mind, and it didn’t deter him any.
Before long everyone at school knew me and Roy were a couple, but I begged Talicia not to tell my mother. Which I knew wasn’t going to be a problem, because I had way more dirt on Talicia, than she had on me.
The only way I was able to spend time with Roy outside of school was by inviting him over to Jennifer’s house. Her parents were pretty cool and would let us all hang out in her basement. Which was fine for a while, until Roy started asking to sneak into my house on the weekends. I was nervous. What if my mom caught us? But I wanted to be alone with Roy. I wanted to lay in his arms. I wanted to feel what it was like to fall asleep next to the man you loved. So I invited him over. And it was nice. We just cuddled and whispered to the each other. Roy was a great guy, like that. And that became our thing. He’d sneak into my room every Friday and Saturday night. After a while I wanted more than to just cuddle and whisper and Roy was perfect. I don’t know what the first time is like for most girls, but Roy was gentle, attentive, and passionate. I could only compare him to what Jennifer told me about her first time with Cameron. Which she described as rough and aggressive. But Roy was neither of those things. I though I loved Roy before that night, but after, it felt even stronger. And as if he had read my mind. He told me he loved me.
Roy was a glowing light, in a very dark part of my life. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t always be. And when that light was extinguished, everything went black.
CHAPTER 9: DEREK
I had never taken a human life before, but that soon became my mission. I found myself daydreaming about it constantly. Longing for the experience. Imagining what it would be like to watch them take their last breath. How long after that last break, would it take for their eyes to go empty and soulless? I longed for that knowledge. I longed for the chance to experience it, in all it’s glory. I had picked my victim. She was an easy target, because she was known to be an easy target, sexually speaking. But I had to stalk my prey, accordingly. It could not come back to me. With her reputation, her disappears could have led to any number of gentlemen in the school, probably around town. But someone of my intelligence, should never be suspect by the judgement of the weak-minded. I had to play the game just right. Undetected. The challenge was intoxicating. There was so much to do. So much to plan for. I needed to get into her mind, while no one was watching. I needed to be lost in the crowd of potential suitors.
She was an idiot. Not just compared to me. Compared to the top, below average student...she was an idiot. The type of girl, who at the age of fifteen, had probably already peaked in life. We are all born with a predisposition toward something heartbreaking and tragic, if triggered. She and I had that in common. The trigger. Mine had set off the desire to see death in others, while her’s set off the need to be free with her body. While mine triggered a life of strength, her’s triggered a life of weakness. I was in line with the predators. She ran with the prey.
Getting close to her, without being noticed, was somewhat of a difficult challenge to maneuver. People like me did not socialize with people like her. Me talking to her would have seem abnormal to anyone. So just making polite conversation wasn’t going to work. What would we talk about anyway? We had absolutely nothing in common. I needed smoke and mirrors to get to her. I decided to offer my services to the school as a tutor for those less fortunate than myself. I decided to tutor other students if they would, in turn, allow me to observe their lifestyle and behavioral patterns a few times a week. That way I could also use this on my college entrance essay, as well as a reason for associating with my future victim.
Why did I pick Tiffany, one may ask? Was it just because she was easy prey. The answer to that question is an undeniable, yes. Of course. It is always in the best interest of the predator to go after the weakest prey. Feeding your hunger, your desire, is not about challenge. It is not about making the game as difficult as possible. It’s about conquering. Only with highly developed skills, should you increase the challenge of your target. But even then, why mess with fate. Some of us are strong, while others are weak. There is a purpose to layout that should not be altered.
Getting to know Tiffany was very enlightening. It appeared she had a desire to be wanted sexually. Although I made absolutely no suggestion that I found her attractive, because I didn’t, she still felt the need to showcase herself to me. It was rather pathetic. Here, she had a prodigy, willing to assist her with her education, possible giving her a chance at a better future, and
she was only focused on getting me inside of her. Or getting herself around me. I’m not even sure how her sick mind saw it. I was tutoring several students. Four girls and three boys. The other students truly wanted to learn and focused on the opportunity. It was the first time that I realized, some students did want to learn and it was kinda saddening that for some, it was a difficult task. Kids from different backgrounds having the same issue. Some coming from the same background and having the same issue. And then there was Tiffany.
There are two types of girls that come out of Tiffany’s situation. One was like April, another tutee, who was being raised by a working, single mother. April had a younger sibling that she watched after school. When I went to April’s home, she made sure her sibling was doing her homework, while I tutored April. And if her sibling had a problem, without hesitation, April would pause our work, to assist her sibling. Although April struggled with her education, I saw hope for her future. Tiffany? She was also being raised by a single mother, who didn’t work. I went to Tiffany’s home only one time. Tiffany’s mother was the type to suggest that we study in Tiffany’s bedroom, because she wasn’t going to be turning off her talk shows for us. And with the fact that Tiffany showed no real interest in studying, it actually made me kinda uncomfortable. From that day forward, we would only meet at the library. I never walked there with Tiffany. I always made sure that she met me there separately. And I always made sure I was a few minutes early. This setup would be an integral part in the outcome of my plan.
CHAPTER 10: ALEXANDRIA
Everything was great between Roy and I. Although the physical attraction between us was strong, our mental connection was most important to me. Roy was not cut from the same cloth as most of the people I encountered. Roy had a mind of his own and rebelled against conformity. His spirit was very free and it opened my eyes to the possibility of true freedom. Roy didn’t do anything for praise or approval. He did what made him happy.
For about six months, everything was great. Roy and I spend a lot of time together at school. He started attending the football and basketball games, so we could spend time together during half time. He and Cameron would meet Jennifer and I at the movies. And every Friday and Saturday night he’s sneak into my bedroom.
Everything began to crumble, when my father decided to come to a basketball game. He didn’t come to see me. No. He brought his new fiancee and stepdaughter out to support the team. He happened to see me and Roy talking and hugging. When he approached us and I could see the disappointment in his eyes. I was pleased to see it. I wasn’t sure why he had that look, but it was there. The very next day, my mother asked me about Roy. My father was able to keep his infidelity a secret from my mother for a long time, but he couldn’t wait to blab to her about me having a boyfriend.
I hadn’t told my mother about Roy and I for several reasons. The main one being, I didn’t feel like being judged for caring about someone. I didn’t want to have to ask for approval to be with someone. I would have loved to have had the type of mother that I could talk to about my life, my hopes, and my feelings...but I wasn’t blessed with that mother. I was cursed. I was cursed to be under the submission of The Judger.
After my mother caught wind of Roy and I’s relationship, she started in on us. She began to ask questions whenever I went anywhere with Jennifer. She began to ask if I’d spent my lunch time with Roy. She also began to speak more about the bible and fornication and damnation and blah, blah, blah. And then one night...one Saturday night, she caught us, lying in my bed. Roy, fully dressed and me in one of Roy’s old t-shirts he’d given me and my panties. The anger in her eyes was lit. But what I truly remember most, was the devilish feeling of satisfaction I felt. She saw the difference in us and although I apologized, I did not feel sorry. I knew at that moment, that my mother was about to rage a holy war to destroy what Roy and I had. And I was ready. I was ready to fight for what I wanted. I was ready to rebel in hopes of keeping my happiness. But eventually I would find that I was the only one fighting for the cause. I would find that, although Roy said he loved me more than anything, his actions would not speak as loudly. And his deception would damn near cost him is life.
CHAPTER 11: DEREK
You must plan for every obstacle, every scenario, every opportunity. You must foresee the mindset of your challenger, your prey. You must lay out the transparent path, for your prey to unconsciously follow. A weak mind is easy to manipulate. And planned choices make the weak feel in control.
At home, Tiffany was free to come and go as she pleased. Tiffany went wherever attention would be displayed. I needed to make her feel wanted, while showing others that there was no involvement. I needed to lure her away, while maintaining my set routine. Adrenaline flooded me constantly and I was on a high. A constant high, that would only peak, upon Tiffany’s last breath.
CHAPTER 12: ALEXANDRIA
My mother and I began to argue constantly. She no longer wanted to allow me any freedom, to do anything. Any school activity I participated in, she would have to personally speak with the teacher or supervisor. She would no long allow me to hang out with Jennifer at her home, after speaking with Jennifer’s parents and finding out that they didn’t have a problem with Jennifer having a boyfriend. Everything that I enjoyed doing, my mother began to destroy it.
I eventually had no choice but to skip school some days, in order to spend time with Roy. We would go to one of his friend’s home or just hang around the mall for a few hours. But it just wasn’t the same. We were always having to look over our shoulder and I knew that I would be in for a battle upon my return home.
It wasn’t long before Roy, began to change. He was fine, in school or if we skipped on a particular day. But I was rarely able to get in touch with him after school or on the weekends. He’d call me, but if I called him back later, I couldn’t get in touch with him. And then the rumors started. Roy might be cheating on me. I could feel the heat begin to ignite in my chest. Jennifer offered to have her boyfriend, Cameron, look into it. When she told me that Cameron told her the rumors were true, I grew numb inside. It was a numbness I couldn’t control. The next day, in school, as soon as I saw Roy, I confronted him. He came clean to me...and then everything went black.
CHAPTER 13: DEREK
Luring Tiffany away proved to be a lot easier than I had planned. Upon observation, I learned that there was a child-like innocence about Tiffany. Maybe innocence isn’t the right word. It was more like ignorance. Tiffany was very naive. She took everything before her at face value. She didn’t seem to question much. You could weave a tale, of truth or lies, and Tiffany would accept them both. When I would test the theory, by telling her a fabrication and then letting her know it was just that, she was surprised by the honesty.
Tiffany was one to always show the cards in her hand. And it is not considered ‘cheating’ if your challenger lays them out for you to see.
A small part of me pitied Tiffany. I was probably going to be doing her a favor by extinguishing her light. Lord knows, I’d definitely be doing her potential offspring a favor. It was obvious that Tiffany came from a repeatedly tragic ancestry. They did not take caution from the past and they did not worry about the future. They just lived.
I convinced Tiffany to leave school early, to meet me in a secluded, wooded area, just behind the old plaza. She was to tell no one, for if she did, I would take back the surprise I had for her. If anyone saw Tiffany leaving the campus early, they would probably assume she was just off to run the streets, in typical trash-fashion.
Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if Tiffany would be able to find the spot I described for her. But this would also be a test to see if her memorization skills had improved, for she was not allowed to write down any of the directions. She had to remember them, in chronological order and recite them to herself to get to the exact location.
With her leaving school early, tha
t gave her a 15 minute head-start. And it would only take me about seven minutes to get there. I began my trek as soon as the bell began to ring. I made sure to wave to all my normal passers-by. After turning the first corner of my normal route, I began my detour. I walked quickly, but did not run, as to not draw attention to myself. Once I entered the east side of the forest, I began to run. I reached inside my front left pocket and grabbed the leather gloves, quickly putting them on as I continued my pace. About 50 yards out, I grabbed the thin, white, cotton rope from my right pocket and began to wrap part of it around my right hand. I slowed down and began to walk as I got within sight of Tiffany, placing my hands inside of my coat pockets. She looked happy to see me. My heart was racing. I wasn’t sure if it was because I had ran there or if it was because of the anticipation.
I remember, just smiling at her, as she smiled back at me. She spoke a lot. I didn’t have much to say. I just walked around her in circles. She smiles and watched me as I continued. I could tell she liked the attention. She was the center of my attention and she loved it. I stopped occasionally, to place a kiss on her cheek or to smell her hair. I remember, it smelled like cheap shampoo. I stopped behind her. Slowly taking the rope out of my pocket and slowly wrapped it around my other hand, while continuing to take in her smell. She continued to talk. I only spoke to her once. “Do you want me to take you?” I asked her. She softly replied, “Yes.” And so I did.