Chapter Twelve
I braced myself. Holt had explained a lot, but none of it actually made clear why I was a problem. And judging by the Cheshire girls' behavior, I was definitely a problem. They wouldn't have ordered me to stay away from Holt unless there was more to the story. So I waited to hear what it was.
"The other thing you should know is about the Rose," he said quietly.
When I didn't say anything he kept talking.
"The One Black Rose is the Rose the heir to a Kingdom gives to the girl he wants to be his queen. Usually there is one girl predestined for it. I could give the Rose a hundred times, but only once the right girl takes it will she tap the powers of the Fairy Court and our bond. It's not always easy, though, to figure out which is the right girl. For many of our choices, if we tried to give a girl the Rose she just wouldn't be able to take it. No matter how much I cared about such a girl, she'd go on to live her life without me.
"Each royal family has only one Rose for each Prince, which means we can't go giving out five roses at a time. We can't just take it back from a girl if it starts to not work out, once we give the Rose and once she accepts it, it's for life. She is ours and we are hers. Forever."
Wow. Apparently Fairies didn't believe in divorce.
All I could think to say was, "A Black Rose isn't very romantic."
Holt shook his head and smiled wryly. "It's not black exactly. It's this riot of midnight colors dancing over the petals and stem. My mother keeps mine locked away." He pointed to the design that I'd seen when we'd come into the alcove. "It's behind there."
Normally my curiosity would get the better of me and I'd go look, but I had too many unanswered questions. "Why can't any girl accept? Shouldn't it be whoever you want?"
"We are supposed to want the one we are destined for. Samuel, for example, has never offered the Rose to a girl, because there's never been a girl he thought he'd want to spend the rest of his life with. But it wasn't until this summer that the girl he was destined for came along. From the moment the Cheshires saw you they knew you could be a Winter Queen."
That sounded overwhelming. So, it wasn't so much that I was destined for Samuel as that I was destined to be a Fairy Queen, and it was Samuel's turn to find a girl to marry. "But, when a girl accepts the Rose, what happens?" I asked. "Does she automatically become queen?"
"No, nothing like that," said Holt. "The magic has to be passed on from the current queen. It's just that she is now the prince's wife and prepared to become queen in the future. When the time is right."
"Wouldn't my taking the Rose just make me part of the Court?"
"No, not once a girl takes the Rose. For a girl to become part of the Court, the girls who are already part of the Court have to help choose that girl, and she has to not want the Rose. If she wants the Rose, then trying to become part of the Court could be disastrous for her."
"So, what is it about me that makes you think I could accept a Rose?" I asked. I really wasn't sure I believed any of this.
"Well, you don't put up with any nonsense, you just do your thing. Don't think it's the first time girls from the Winter Court have ordered potential queens around. Most run shrieking for the hills, but you just stood your ground."
None of this sounded very special to me. I was tired of being pushed around so I had refused to be pushed around. But it was probably the first time in my life that I had done that. Normally no one would describe me as brave.
All I could do at that point was nod. Could I really accept a Rose? Did I want to? I had no idea. And it still didn't explain exactly why Holt and Samuel were fighting. But I didn't even have to ask, because Holt answered the question for me.
"It is rare to have two princes so close in age," he said quietly. "The difficulty is that we both need queens to rule and we can't pick just anyone. There is no difference between Samuel and me. We would both prefer to marry for love, but he feels that he has less of a choice, because according to our customs, he must marry first. So, when you came along, his whole family expected him to marry you, and he doesn't want to."
I noticed, I thought grimly.
"I'm sorry," Holt continued. He reached out to touch me and gently placed his hand on my back, rubbing in small circles. "I never meant to hurt you."
"Still, it seems like there must be more between you and Samuel. What is it?" I asked, trying to concentrate. His touch was so distracting.
Holt sighed. "There was another girl. Lily. We were just teenagers but we both liked her. I liked her a lot and I offered her a Rose."
I gasped. "But she couldn't accept it?"
"No," said Holt. "She did accept it. Samuel was furious. He thought I'd taken her out from under him. He might have been right, but we were happy . . ."
"So, what happened?"
"A couple of months after she accepted, she was out late one night, got in an accident . . ."
Holt's voice trailed off. I saw his body clench.
"You were engaged to be married and she died?" I asked, shocked.
"Yes," Holt said, shifting uncomfortably. "We were probably too young, but I miss her."
It was clear that it wasn't something he was ready to talk about.
"And I'm the next girl?" I asked.
"Yes," he said. "There hasn't been anyone since Lily."
"I see," I said. That was comforting . . .sort of.
So, I was supposed to be with Samuel. He had to marry first. It explained why the Cheshire girls had told me to stay away from Holt. If they thought I was going to accept his Rose instead of Samuel's they'd probably do everything they could to prevent it. Somehow they had known almost as soon as I got to Castleton that we were spending time together, maybe even that I had started to care about Holt, and so they had tried to come between us.
"It's all the more important that I talk to Samuel now," I said. "Tell him that I know."
Holt's face looked ashen. "Yes, I guess you have to do that."
"But I don't want to marry him," I said. "And if he doesn't want to marry me, it should be simple." I ignored the part of me that said how attracted I was to him every time I saw him. He was sarcastic and rude and I wanted nothing to do with it. At least, I didn't think I did.
Holt smiled sadly. "It's fate. Fairy fate," he said. "It's who you're supposed to be with."
The idea that who I was supposed to be with was somehow fated, that I had no choice in the matter at all, made panic rise inside my chest. I wanted a choice! I liked Holt. I'd liked him from the minute I'd laid eyes on him. My reaction to him couldn't just be tossed aside as if it meant nothing. There was something that drew me to Samuel too, though, and now I knew that it was because he was my destiny. But he hated me, so as far as I was concerned he wasn't even an option. Still, hearing that according to the Fairy world I was destined to accept his Rose made my being interested in him even if he was a jerk make more sense.
It also explained why Holt had felt like he needed to stay away from me. He knew I wasn't his.
"What now?" I asked.
"I have no idea," said Holt. "I just know that I can't stay away from you anymore. But we have to see what happens with Samuel. If I were to offer you the Rose, his family would attack mine. There's no question about that. His mother is a vicious queen."
"The Winter Court would attack the Summer Court?" I asked, shocked that I could be in the middle of a war. Hell, I could be the cause of the war.
"Why do you think the Cheshire girls came after you?" asked Holt, as if it should be obvious. "Winter and Summer imply opposites. Of course we don't get along."
"Samuel would never let them attack your family," I protested.
"It's not up to Samuel," Holt countered. "His mother is the queen. The Cheshire girls follow her lead, not Samuel's. For Samuel to rule he has to find his own queen."
"Which is fated to be me," I said looking down at my hands.
"Yes," said Holt. "Look, if you need to talk to Samuel then do it, but I suggest you do
it when his family isn't around."
"But wait," I protested. "If I'm supposed to be with Samuel, why do I like you at all?"
Holt turned and looked at me. "I don't know. My mother doesn't either. You should just like Samuel, and not have any reaction at all to me."
"But I do have a reaction to you," I protested, getting a little frantic at the idea of losing him.
Holt smiled, but it was a dejected sort of smile. "I know, but you shouldn't." He kissed my hand, and then he was gone.
I sat in the garden for a long time, staring at the bench Holt had covered in flowers. Finally I got up and walked through the garden and back to the house. Somehow I knew my way out without getting lost. I went into the kitchen, but only Susan was there. When I asked, she told me that Nick and Carley had gone home. She offered to walk back with me (I think she knew from my dazed expression that I'd talked to Holt), but I said I'd walk alone.
I don't know how I made it home. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going or even where my feet were landing; I was too caught up in what Holt had told me. The idea of losing Holt, of not being around him, made me sick to my stomach. But now my reaction to Samuel, why I had any feelings for him at all, was clearer too. I was supposed to like him and I had never been supposed to like Holt. I just wished one of them had told me sooner.
I knew I didn't have much time before Samuel came looking for me, if he was going to at all, but I needed to get home first. It was almost dinner and Carley was probably in fits. Plus, tomorrow I was supposed to work at the caf? in the morning. Work? I barely remembered that I had a job. I definitely didn't want to spend the morning trying to serve coffee to people while my mind was in a haze of what Holt had just told me about himself and Samuel.
When I got back to the house, Nick's car was in the driveway and the lights were on inside.
As soon as I opened the door I heard Carley yell, "Where have you been?"
She and Nick were sitting in the kitchen eating pizza, so I sat down and grabbed my own slice. I had missed lunch (I had been a bit busy finding out that the two guys I liked were princes; oh, and Fairies too) and was ravenous.
"Just around," I mumbled through a mouth full of pizza.
"Where were you two?" I asked, before I took another bite and poured myself some soda.
"We went out to lunch, then shopping," said Carley. "Nick was apologizing."
"I bet he was," I said drily.
"Where were you?" Carley asked. "I called you a million times."
I chewed my lip. "Worried about me?"
"Of course," said Carley. "Plus, I needed to know what you wanted on your pizza."
"Right," I said.
"Were you with Holt?" she teased.
"Carley, leave her alone," said Nick. "Maybe Samuel's the one she likes anyway."
I nearly choked on my pizza.
"Yeah, right," I said. "Maybe, except that he hates me."
"What difference does it make, they're both gorgeous," said Carley. "And he doesn't hate you."
I knew Carley was wrong. What Holt had just told me confirmed that he did.
And now I knew it was because they were Fairy princes. I looked at Nick to see how he was taking this conversation, but he was just eating his pizza.
"I'm going to bed," I said. I had eaten two pieces of pizza in like five minutes, which must have been some kind of record.
"But we were going to watch a movie," said Carley. "We were deciding between Interview with a Vampire and A Midsummer Night's Dream. I think it's about Fairies."
I winced.
"I'm really tired. Plus, work tomorrow," I said, and grabbing my soda cup I said goodnight and headed to my room. I knew Carley and Nick were staring after me, but I didn't care. I was exhausted.
As I climbed the stairs I felt the buzz of my phone in my pocket. I pulled it out and checked the name on the caller ID. Samuel had sent me a text: "I heard you talked to Holt. I'm outside. Please come."
I turned right around on the stairs and raced down them. I rushed out the front door and down the porch steps.
"Autumn," Samuel said from the side of the house.
"Hi," I said breathlessly. Now that I knew he was a Fairy I looked to see if I noticed anything different about him. I could feel the pull toward him that I'd felt from the very first time I'd seen him, but now I knew what it was. He was my destiny . . . or at least that's what the Fairies believed. They believed that my future lay with sarcastic Samuel Cheshire.
"Are you alright?" Samuel asked. It felt like the first real concern, unlaced with sarcasm, that he had shown for me since we'd met.
"Yes," I said. "I think so." I wanted to get right to the point. "You're really a prince in the Winter Court?"
"Yes," said Samuel. It was difficult to see his face clearly in the moonlight. "I came here to see if you were okay and to see what questions you have." He paused and looked at me seriously. "Do you have questions?"
Well, duh.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked indignantly. We were standing very close, next to the house.
"How could I? It's not something you just come out and say to people. Plus, if my family had let you alone none of this would have happened," he said. He was angry, but I didn't think it was at me.
I realized I wouldn't get anywhere questioning why he had done what he did, so I changed tactics a little. "I don't get your cousins," I said. "Why did they come after me?"
"Because we are not friends with the Summer Court, and for us to ensure our legacy I must find a queen," said Samuel sharply. "Holt should back off." There was anger in his voice that I thought might be bordering on fury.
"But if you don't want me and Holt does, what's the problem?" I asked.
"I have to find my bride first," Samuel said, "and just because Holt wants you doesn't mean it's right for him to have you."
I had no response to that.
"Did he tell you about Lily?" There was a challenge in his eyes.
"Yes," I said, "But he didn't mean for that to happen."
"So!" Samuel said. "He can't be trusted."
"You can't tell me who to love," I shot back at him.
Samuel shook his head. "I know. I wouldn't." And I knew that was true. Samuel had done his best to stay out of it and stay away from me. Apparently he couldn't.
"So, what now?" I asked. I could feel tears forming at the corners of my eyes. I wanted to understand, but I didn't know how.
"Just be careful," he said, frowning. "We'll figure it out."
"Be careful of what?" I demanded. I threw up my hands and stomped around. Apparently childish behavior was called for at a time like this. "As far as I know, your family is the only one that's threatened me."
Samuel's face clouded.
"Look, they're doing what they think they have to in order to survive. They would never hurt a hair on your head, so you don't need to worry about it. Lydia and Leslie are going to back off, and if Holt stays out of our business that should be the end of it."
None of that explained what would happen to me, though. Before I had a chance to point that out, Samuel had turned on his heel and disappeared into the darkness.