day new and exciting. Being with you made me feel safe and loved. Giving you the gift of our little girl was something I got to do.
Not having her was something I never considered. I couldn’t. I loved her the moment I knew I was pregnant. She was us. And now that you can hold her and see her, you understand. How could I give her up to save myself?
You gave me the moments in life that are worth living for. You made my life this bright, shining, wonderful world. Thank you for that. Thank you for everything. I love you, Grant Carter. Every time you look into our daughter’s face, know that I love you both.
There are more letters. The ones I haven’t tied up yet are letters I wrote about our experience during my pregnancy, and they are all to Lila Kate. It tells her everything I was feeling, and I want you to read them to her when she’s old enough to understand.
Then there’s a stack of letters tied in a pink ribbon. Each is labeled. They’re for specific events and moments in Lila Kate’s life. She won’t have me there, but she will have my love and my words.
The stack with a red ribbon is for you. They’re also labeled. You’ll know when you’re supposed to open each one. Don’t read them now. Give it time. Wait and read them when each letter is meant to be opened. It will be what you need to hear at that moment in time.
You were my world. You were my one and only. I left you, but I left another love behind. Never let a day go by that Lila Kate doesn’t know how much you love her. Love her for me, too.
Forever and always,
Harlow
Grant
She had prepared letters in case she didn’t make it. I leaned against the wall of an empty hallway in the hospital. My face was wet with tears, and I didn’t give a shit. Each tear fell because I wasn’t reading this for the reason she thought I’d be. She hadn’t left us. She was here fighting hard to stay with us. When her heart had stopped, she hadn’t let go.
She was my fighter. My beautiful, wonderful fighter.
I folded the letter and pressed a kiss to the paper, knowing she had held it not too long ago, then I tucked it into my pocket. I was going to tell her I didn’t accept this. Because she was still here. She was still holding on, and it was time she opened those pretty hazel eyes and looked at me.
I wiped my face and headed for the ICU.
Once I got there, I saw Mase leaning against her door, his head hanging until his chin touched his chest. His shoulders were sagging, and he looked defeated. He needed to take his ass back to the waiting room if he was going to mope. She was going to wake up soon. He didn’t need to act like she was gone. She wasn’t gone.
I wasn’t letting her go.
His head lifted when I stopped in front of him. He looked strangely hopeful.
Had something happened? Why was he outside her door instead of in the room with her?
“What are you doing out here?” I asked, not liking the idea of her being in there alone.
“She opened her eyes and said your name through the tube in her throat, then closed her eyes again.”
His words took a moment to sink in. Then I shoved him out of my way and jerked the door open to see two nurses and a doctor standing over her. The feeding tube in her throat was gone, and so were several of the wires, but her eyes weren’t open.
“Well, hello, Mr. Carter,” the doctor said.
“She opened her eyes?” I asked, needing them to confirm.
“That’s what Mr. Manning, the younger one, said. According to her chart, it looks like there’s been some action. We took out the feeding tube because he said she tried to talk with it. Even said your name. Now we wait. If she’s coming out of it, she’s exhausted, and her body will only be able to stay awake for small amounts of time. But with the proper care, I believe Harlow is going to watch her little girl grow up. If we’re lucky.”
My knees buckled, and I had to grab the edge of the bed. The sob that broke free from me wasn’t something I could control. “She’s not leaving me,” was all I could say.
The door opened, and Mase came in and looked at me, then at Harlow. “Is she OK?” he asked in a panic.
“Yes. Mr. Carter is just overcome with the news that his fiancée will be waking up for good soon.”
“Thank God,” Mase muttered, and sank into the nearest chair, dropping his head into his hands.
“Right now, she needs Grant to talk to her. I suspect she was trying to wake up for him, and I’m sure she wants to know about their baby girl. Let’s give them some time alone,” the doctor said as he opened the door and waited for Mase to stand up and follow.
Mase looked reluctant to leave. “Will you send word as soon as she’s awake?” he asked me.
“Of course,” I assured him.
He nodded, then followed the doctor out of the room.
I pulled a chair beside her bed and sat down. Her hand was still cool, so I pulled it between both of mine and warmed it.
“I wasn’t here when you called for me. I was rocking Lila Kate. They let me hold her. She’s as light as a feather, and she smells really good. I sang to her. I sang every lullaby I could think of, and then I just started singing her Toby Keith songs. I think she really likes ‘I Love This Bar.’”
I took a deep breath. I wanted to see her eyes open so badly. It could be hours before she did it again. I had to be patient with her. Give her time.
“I read your letter. At least the first one. Blaire found the letters when she went to the house to get our things.” I stopped and brought her hand to my mouth and kissed it. “I don’t accept that. I mean, I accept the fact that I’m your world and your one and only, but I don’t accept that I won’t get forever with you. You opened your eyes before, and now you’re going to open them again. And you’re going to talk to me.”
“’K.” The word fell from her lips in a soft whisper, and my heart leaped from my chest. Her hand moved in mine and gave me a gentle, weak squeeze.
“You’re awake. You can hear me,” I said, staring in awe at her.
“Mm-hmm,” she said, still almost too softly. But I could hear her.
“Show me those eyes, sweet girl. I need to see those eyes.”
Her eyelashes fluttered a little, and then, as if in slow motion, they opened, and it took a moment for her to focus, but when she did, she was looking directly at me.
I stood up and bent down over her, then pressed my forehead to hers. “You did it,” I said before kissing her lips. They weren’t dry this time. The nurse had done as I requested. “And she’s the most perfect little girl in the world. I’ve told her all about you, and she’s getting impatient to meet you.”
A soft laugh escaped her mouth, and I took the first deep breath since she’d screamed out in pain in our bed.
“You laugh, but she’s demanding for a four-pound baby, and I’m pretty sure she’s already wrapped me around that tiny finger.” I pulled back so I could look at her. “You scared me,” I admitted.
She gave me a sad smile. “Sorry,” she whispered.
I cupped her face. “You came back. That’s all that matters. You didn’t give up. You opened your eyes for me. For us. Because, let me tell you, Lila Kate and I need her mommy very much.”
“See . . . her?” she asked, her whisper getting stronger.
“Wait right there. Keep those eyes open,” I told her, and backed up to the door without taking my eyes off her.
She smiled at me, and I winked back.
Opening the door, I still didn’t take my eyes off her. “She’s awake and talking to me. She needs water, and we need our daughter. Someone make that happen,” I called out to whoever was out there and could hear me.
A nurse ran up to the door immediately. I held Harlow’s hand as the nurse checked her vitals.
“You decided to join us. You have three very anxious men and one little girl who were waiting not so patiently to see you.”
Harlow looked at me. “Three?” she asked.
“Kiro and Mase and the rest of this t
own and every member of Slacker Demon. But yeah, your brother and dad are going to want to see you. They’ve been here the entire time. We had to force Mase to take a shower and change, because he showed up filthy and smelling bad after a middle-of-the-night emergency with a horse.”
Harlow let out a soft laugh.
“I don’t want to leave her. Can you send someone for her brother and dad?” I asked the nurse.
“Her doctor is on his way over right now and will want to check some things. We’ll have to ask you to step out while he does that. If he gives her the all-clear, we can possibly move her to a wheelchair and pay a visit to your baby girl. But first, the doctor has to see her.”
I wasn’t OK with the leaving her part. I started to shake my head, but Harlow’s hand squeezed mine firmer this time. “I won’t leave again. I’m back. I will be here when you get back. I want to see Dad and Mase.”
“Promise me,” I said, still not sure I was ready to walk out of the room yet.
“I promise,” she assured me.
With one last kiss to her head, I made my way back to the waiting room to tell them all that Harlow was awake. Then I went to talk to the nurses in the NICU to see if we could get Lila Kate to her mother sooner.
Harlow
“I’m sure your sister will want a chance to come back and see you, too. The men were just more demanding,” the nurse said after Grant stepped out of the room.
My sister? Did she think Blaire was my sister?
“Considering she was the hero, I think she deserves first visit, but your dad and your brother may not let that happen.”
“Hero?” I asked, not sure what she was talking about. Blaire had very likely done something while I was out that saved the day. I just didn’t know what that was.
The nurse smiled at me as she adjusted something attached to me. “You lost a lot of blood, and you needed a transfusion. You not only don’t have an easy blood type to match, but when someone with your condition needs blood, it’s best to use a relative with the same blood type if at all possible. A parent or a sibling. Your sister jumped right up and offered. Made it happen much faster than if we’d had to seek a donor.”
Nan? I couldn’t imagine Nan would offer to give me a cup of water if I was on fire, much less blood. Was she even here?
“What sister?” I asked. My throat was sore and dry, and I was trying not to talk, but I had to know who she was talking about.
“You have more than one? I didn’t realize that. The tall redhead. Gorgeous,” she said.
It had been Nan. Oh, wow. Nan was here, and she’d given me blood. Maybe I was still asleep. Was this a dream? Was I not about to see my baby girl? Tears welled up in my eyes. I wanted to be awake. Lila Kate was waiting for me, and Grant needed me. He had been so pitiful, begging me to open my eyes. I had been fighting so hard to say something to ease his fears. I thought it had really happened.
“Why are you crying? Did I hurt you? Does something hurt?” The nurse looked panicked.
I shook my head and sniffed. At least, the nurse in my dream was kind. “I’m still asleep,” I said as a sob broke free.
She frowned and had started to speak when the door opened and the doctor walked in. “Well, look who decided to join us.” He beamed at me.
I cried harder. I so wanted to be awake.
“What’s wrong?” the doctor asked.
“She thinks she’s still asleep,” the nurse explained.
“What? Why?”
The nurse shrugged and shook her head. “I have no idea.”
“We don’t want you crying. We want you smiling. You showed us all just how strong you are. No little heart disease is gonna keep you down. You get to see your baby girl soon. She’s a beauty, let me tell you.” He was trying to be jolly, but it wasn’t helping.
“I’m still asleep. I want to see her, but I’m still asleep,” I said as the tears continued to fall.
The doctor frowned and patted my arm. “No, Harlow, you’re awake, sweetheart. Very awake. You have a waiting room packed with people who just shouted out in a very loud cheer when Grant announced that you were awake and talking. I’ve never seen anything like it. Made my heart feel good. So stop this. Be happy. You made it. You did this.”
I shook my head. “No. Nan would never give me blood. She hates me,” I explained, and my throat burned, causing me to choke.
“Give her some water,” he instructed the nurse.
“Small sips,” she said as she held the cup to my mouth.
I did as instructed and winced as it burned my raw throat.
“Your throat will be raw for a day or so. You’ve had a feeding tube in for days. We just removed it after you woke up the first time,” the nurse explained.
“Now, about being awake. You think you’re still asleep because your sister gave you blood when you needed it?” the doctor asked.
I nodded.
“I assure you that you’re awake. Sometimes people change when faced with situations that are life-threatening. You and your sister may not get along, but she didn’t want you to die. She was willing to help.”
I managed to stop crying and let him check me out.
When he opened the door and told me he would see about getting me moved to a normal room, my father came barreling in, looking like Kiro the Rock Star Manning.
“My baby girl doesn’t do normal. I want the best. The motherfucking best. You got that? She needs room to rest and get better,” Kiro barked at the doctor.
The doctor raised his eyebrows at me and then nodded his head before stepping out of the room. Normally, I would be embarrassed, but I was just so happy to see him. That I was alive to see him.
“Hey, Daddy,” I said, and he was at my side immediately.
“I knocked out Mase to get here first. I couldn’t wait. His momma may clock me when I get back out there, but I’m not scared of Maryann. I had to see you. Scared the shit outta me, girl. I fucking don’t have that many years left, and you just shaved off at least ten of them. I think I died a thousand deaths from the moment I got that call about you. Damn near killed Grant Carter,” he said as he gently rubbed my head.
My wild, insane, passionate daddy. “I love you,” I told him.
His face crumpled, and he bent down to kiss my cheek. “I love you, too, baby girl.”
“I have a baby girl now,” I told him. “Have you seen her?”
A pained look crossed his face, and he shook his head. “I haven’t. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t, Harlow. I thought I’d lost you.”
I was his baby. Not Lila Kate. I understood that. “Grant said she’s perfect,” I told him.
“She’s yours, baby. I don’t see how she could be anything less than perfect.”
I squeezed his hand and ran my finger over my initials tattooed on his knuckles, along with my mother’s. He had gotten them done the day after I was born. He loved to tell me the story about how he had been so happy about his girls that he had to brand us on his body. “They said that Nan gave me blood,” I said, watching his face.
He frowned, and I could tell this confused him, too. “Yeah, she did. Can’t figure it out. None of us could, but then, Rush was guarding her like a damn watchdog, so I ain’t talked to her. But she did you a solid. Might be something that isn’t completely twisted and evil underneath all that after all.”
I smiled. I really hoped there was.
Grant
I opened the door to Lila Kate’s room and found Blaire sitting in the rocker, humming a song. Her eyes found me, and she nodded toward the incubator.
“They made me put her back about thirty minutes ago. They had to change her and check her and feed her. I’ve been sitting here with her, humming to help her fall asleep.”
“Harlow’s awake. She’s talking,” I said, still loving how good that sounded. Blaire shot up out of the rocking chair and threw herself into my arms. The happy cry she let out made me laugh.
“She’s awake! Oh, thank God! She’s awake! She?
??s gonna be OK, Grant!” She wiped at her tears. “All those letters . . . I didn’t read them, but I knew what they were, and I sat in Lila Kate’s room and cried like a baby. It broke my heart that she had even thought she needed to do that. But she’s OK. She won’t have to share herself with her baby girl through letters.”
“Kiro’s with her now. He actually shoved Mase down and ran past him to get to her first when I went to tell them. I was going to see what I could do about getting Lila Kate to Harlow. She wants to see our baby girl.”
Blaire was still sniffing and wiping at her face. “She needs to see her. Go talk to them. I can stay in here with her if you want me to.”