“Netti, too.” Seri leans against me.
“How did you know?” I ask. I lick my lips and furrow my brow. “How do you know about Netti?
“I think I always knew,” she says softly. “Iris talked to Netti when we were children. I listened sometimes.”
“Do you understand what…what happened to you?”
Seri’s face goes white. For a long moment, she says nothing. When she finally looks at me, her eyes are wide.
“Yes,” she whispers, “I think I do.”
“Seri? What do you remember about that day? I mean, the day when you…when you were hit? Do you remember anything at all?”
“About the truck?” She shakes her head. “I don’t remember any of that. But the river…I remember the river.”
“You mean, you remember when Kyle threw Iris off a bridge?”
“Yes,” she says. “That’s the first thing I remember clearly. I’m a good swimmer—fucking awesome, actually. The river current was rough, but I managed to make my way over to the bank. I dragged myself out and just lay there for the longest time. Two boys came by, riding their bicycles, and they called the police.”
I narrow my eyes at her use of the f-word, but say nothing.
“I couldn’t risk it,” she says. “I couldn’t have Kyle find out I was still alive. Before the police got there, I ran off. I got some clothes out of one of those donation bins they have in strip malls and hitchhiked to Montana. Got a job running a cash register at one of those dollar stores. I thought I’d be all right, but then I saw my picture flash up on the nightly news.”
“Iris’s picture,” I say softly.
“Yes, but it didn’t matter. It was me, and Kyle knew I was alive. As long as he knew that, I wasn’t safe. That’s why I headed north. Never thought he’d come this far to find me.”
“So, now you remember everything? You remember everything that Iris did? Everything Netti did?”
“Yes, I do.”
I rub my eyes and shake my head.
“This is all too much for you, isn’t it?” Seri reaches up and strokes my cheek. “I don’t blame you. I’m sure if you understood what you were going to be dragged into, you would have left me on the side of the road.”
“What? No!” I grab her face with my hands. “Seri, I would never, ever want that! I’m glad I found you. I can’t imagine my life without you now. I love you, Seri. I love you more than anyone in my life.”
“You do?”
“Fuck yes, I do!” I let out a breath. “Didn’t Iris tell you that? I mean, she’s the one who figured it out first.”
“It doesn’t quite work like that,” she says.
“How does it work?”
“Hell if I know.” Seri laughs and then strokes my jaw. “I love you, too.”
My heart beats faster when she says those words. I hug her against my chest and kiss the top of her head.
“Ow!” Seri pulls back a bit and touches her bandaged shoulder. “That fucking hurts.”
“Sorry.” I narrow my eyes at her. “You’re swearing a lot.”
“Am I?”
“Yes. You didn’t used to do that.”
“I guess someone has to.” She shrugs, offering no other explanation. “How’s your leg?”
“It fucking hurts.”
“I bet.” Seri grins for a moment and then frowns. “I’m sorry you got hurt. It’s my fault.”
“It’s not your fault,” I tell her. “I know that much.”
“How do you figure? You wouldn’t be in this mess if it weren’t for me.”
I think about it for a moment before answering.
“I’m not an educated guy. I’m really not all that smart or anything anyway. Probably got hit on the head one too many times as a kid.”
Seri cocks an eyebrow at me and rubs the side of my head.
“I do know the difference between a victim and a perpetrator.” I pause. Saying the words makes the concept sink in a little further, and I realize how much it applies to me as well. “It’s taken me a while to figure that out. We’re both where we are because of the actions of other people. We defended ourselves the best ways we knew how, and we’re not to blame for that.”
Seri sniffs, nods, and then wipes her eyes.
“You’re still bleeding,” Seri says. “I think we need to get a better look at your leg.”
Seri helps me cut away my jeans so we can get to the chunk of wood embedded in my leg. Once my skin is exposed, I pull out the large piece, and my leg starts to bleed more. Seri applies gauze to it, and the bleeding stops. Then we spend several, painful minutes pulling out small splinters from my thigh.
“There are some I can’t get out,” Seri says. “Not without hurting you more.”
“We’re going to have to get to the clinic,” I tell her. “I think I’ll be all right, but your cut needs stitches if it’s going to heal properly.”
“Can it wait until morning?” she asks. “I’m so tired and so cold.”
I check out the wound and decide it isn’t so bad that it can’t wait. With both of us bandaged up, we build up the fire and crawl into bed to finally get warm.
“So, you’re just Seri now?” I ask as she settles against my shoulder.
“I…I’m not completely sure,” she says softly. “I am, but I’m also more than that. I feel the loss of them, but at the same time, there’s some of them still inside of me. Does that make sense?”
“Not at all,” I say, “but again—I was hit on the head a lot.”
Seri smiles just as Solo jumps up on her pillow, meows loudly while kneading the fabric a few times, and then settles himself right above her head, curled up in a ball.
“Will this be easier for you?” she asks.
“What?”
“This whole…‘me being just me’ thing.”
“Honestly, Seri—I don’t mind either way. Whether it’s you, or you and the others, I’ll find a way to be okay with it. I just need you—whatever form you take—to be here with me.”
“Well, whatever I am now, I think I’m going to stay this way. If you’re all right with it, I’d like to stay this way here.”
“That’s all I really want.”
Chapter 32
In the morning, we develop a lame story about Seri cutting herself and me falling on the woodpile when I went to help her. I don’t think Amanda believed us, but at least our wounds are properly treated and antibiotics obtained. On the way back, I spot Kyle’s abandoned SUV. It’s in a secluded enough area for now, but when the snow melts, someone will see it. Eventually, someone will ask questions.
“Your backpack is in the back,” I say.
“Leave it,” she replies. “There’s nothing in there I want now.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Okay.” I’m a little surprised she doesn’t want to retrieve her items, but I’m not going to press. Kirk and Marty know about the backpack, and Kyle may have told others. Leaving it in the car might be a good idea. “We need to get rid of the car.”
“Agreed.”
I drive the abandoned car to Behchokǫ̀. With the Hand Game tournament coming up, it probably won’t be noticed like it would be in Whatì, and I don’t want to drive it all the way to Yellowknife. Seri follows behind me in the Jeep. I don’t want to involve her in an actual crime, but there really isn’t any choice.
I leave the keys inside the SUV and walk over to the Jeep as Seri is climbing over to the passenger’s seat.
“You sure this will work?” she asks.
“Pretty sure,” I say. “Anyone who sees it will assume it belongs to someone coming to town to compete, and no one will pay any attention until after the tournament is over.”
“And you kept your gloves on so you wouldn’t leave fingerprints.” Seri nods as she stares out the window. “Don’t want to leave evidence. That’s why you burned all our clothes from that night along with the bodies. I really do need some clothes other than your T-sh
irts and sweatpants, you know. Do you think Margot would give me a job? Then I could buy—”
“Seri?”
“Yes?”
“You’re babbling.”
“Sorry.”
We drive in silence for a while.
“I’ve got money,” I tell her. “We can go into Whatì to look for some clothes. Actually, we could go back to Behchokǫ̀. That area is more populated than Whatì and might have better options. If you want, we can go there now.”
“No,” Seri says. “Not today, anyway. I think I’m just a little…overwhelmed. Exhausted, too.”
“I know.” I reach over and grab her hand.
“Want to know something weird?” she asks.
“What’s that?”
“I feel a little lonely, too.” She gnaws at her lip as she stares down at our hands.
“Yeah,” I say softly, “I get that.”
I thought adjusting to life as a single personality would be an easy thing for Seri, considering she wasn’t really aware of Iris and Netti’s existence until the end. I figured it would be more difficult for me, but honestly, I find it easier. Seri is the one having the adjustment issues.
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” she says quietly. “I didn’t really know about them, but now I miss them. Does that make me crazy?”
“I don’t think so, but I might not be the right person to ask.” I give her hand a squeeze.
“Are you sure you’re okay with it?”
“I’m okay with you,” I tell her. “Whatever form you take, I’m fine with it.”
Seri smiles and leans over to put her head on my shoulder until I hit a chunk of ice, nearly giving her a concussion when the Jeep bounces. Seri rubs her head and sits up straight again.
“Sorry,” I say with a shrug. “How’s your shoulder?”
“It’s okay. How’s your leg?”
“Better.”
Inquiring about our injuries is all we have talked about regarding that night. She knows I buried the bones near the rocks on the side away from the cabin, and she helped me clear away the blood-covered snow, but we haven’t talked about it. Maybe that’s for the best, and maybe I should bring it up so it won’t always be in the back of our minds. Before I can say anything, Seri speaks.
“Is it really over?” she asks.
“It’s really over,” I say. “What are you going to do now?”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t have to hide anymore,” I say with a shrug. “You don’t have to stay with me—I mean, if you don’t want to.”
“I do want to,” she says quietly.
“You want to live in a cabin without electricity, miles away from anyone else, in the freezing cold, with a recluse like me?”
“Yes,” she says with a smile, “I do.”
“Are you sure?”
“Bishop, I can’t imagine living anywhere else but in that cabin with you,” she says. “I don’t care about the cold, and I don’t mind living without electricity. Now, if the plumbing ever stops working, we’re going to have to talk.”
“Good.”
“I can get you other stuff,” I tell her. “I mean, I know you need more clothes, but I could get other things, too. Maybe a bigger tub for bathing? Or maybe, um…hell, I don’t know. Whatever you want.”
“Not necessary.” Seri leans over and places her hand on my shoulder. She presses her lips against my temple briefly before settling back into her seat.
As we get near the turnoff to my cabin, I hear Kirk’s voice coming from the radio.
“Bishop? You there?”
Slowing the Jeep to a halt, I grab the radio from the center console and hit the button.
“I’m here.”
“Dude!” Kirk lets out a long sigh. “You scared me when I didn’t hear back from you, and then you haven’t answered all day. I was about to drive up there myself!”
“Sorry,” I say. I glance over at Seri. “I left the radio in the barn.”
“Did that guy show up at your place?”
“Uh…yeah. Yeah, he did.”
“How did it go?”
“I had a chat with him,” I say. “I told him about those hunters who were at your store at the same time. Convinced him that she hitched a ride to Yellowknife with those guys. I don’t think they’re going to come back here.”
“Oh, sweet! I felt like shit when I realized what I’d done. Glad it worked out.”
“It worked out.” I swallow hard and glance at the rocks in the distance. “Everything will be fine now. Thanks for your help.”
“Anytime, dude.”
I put the radio down, and Seri stares at me.
“Do you think people will believe that?” she asks.
“I hope so.” I take a deep breath and reach over to pull her closer to me. I kiss her head and then release her. “I will get some things that will make you more comfortable. I could even look into a generator or something for electricity.”
“I don’t need any of that,” she says. “I just need you.”
“Oh.” I swallow, not really knowing how to respond to that. “Um, I guess that’s pretty easy.”
“I love you, Bishop,” she says. “I don’t want to be anywhere else.”
“I love you, too.” I grip her hand once more. “My Serenity.”
She blushes and looks away.
“What,” I say, “you don’t like it?
“I’m not sure what I think of that.”
“I guess it doesn’t really count as a pet name or anything.”
“Probably not.” She bites her lip and smiles at me. “I think I like it. At least, when you say it.”
I bring her hand up to my lips and kiss her knuckles.
“How long will it take us to get back to the cabin?” she asks.
“Ten minutes,” I tell her, wondering why she’s asking but then realizing we’ve been in the car a long time. “If you need to get out to pee and can’t wait, we can do that.”
“No, no,” she says. “It’s not that.”
“What, then?”
“I’d just like to get you back inside where it’s warm, and then you can build up the fire until it’s too warm to be wearing your shirt…or pants…”
I glance over, wondering if I would see a glimpse of Iris returning, but it’s just Seri—Seri with a much dirtier mind than I recall her having before.
“Oh really?” I raise an eyebrow at her.
“Really.”
“See that handle right above the glovebox?”
“Yes.” Seri scowls at me, confused.
“Hang onto that.”
“Why?”
“That’s the ‘oh shit’ handle,” I tell her. “I’m going to be driving much faster now.”
Seri laughs but still grips the handle as I speed up, bouncing over the ice and snow as fast as I dare to go. The cabin looms in the distance, and I press down on the gas a little harder, plowing through a snowbank as Seri laughs and bounces in the passenger seat.
I slam on the brakes, and we skid slightly before coming to a stop. I switch the Jeep off and jump out, running around to the other side. I yank open Seri’s door and grab her by the hand.
“Let’s go!”
We both laugh as we run through the snow and into the cabin. As soon as we’re inside, we start dropping clothes everywhere. Solo goes flying across the floor and dives into the bathroom to hide when my shirt falls on top of him, making Seri laugh even harder until I pick her up and throw her onto the bed.
I crawl in after her, and the energy changes abruptly.
Seri’s laughter quiets though she is still smiling. She pulls me close to her, and we kiss softly as first, then harder. She runs her hands up my sides and over my arms, slowly tracing the edge of every muscle she comes across, making me shiver.
“Are you cold?” she asks.
“No,” I tell her, “just a little ticklish.”
Seri grins and bites her lip. I look into her sparkling eyes
as her hands continue to explore every part of me as if she’s never seen me naked before. As she touches me, I reach for her, stroking her arms, hips, and breasts. We kiss again, and when she breaks away, I continue to leave kisses over her chin and down her neck. I move on top of her, wrap one arm around her leg to hold it out of the way, and slowly enter her.
We both gasp, gazing at each other with wide eyes. Silently, I begin to move, and it feels nothing like the times we’ve been together before. It doesn’t feel like Seri. It doesn’t feel like Iris. It feels like…it feels like…
“My Serenity.”
I hear her take a sharp breath, and her muscles tighten around me. I keep moving, slowly and rhythmically. I caress her softly from her shoulder to her chest and down to her stomach. I move my hand around her hip and grip it gently as I slowly stroke in and out, watching her the whole time.
Seri looks up at me with wide eyes, her mouth slightly open as she begins to breathe rapidly. She holds my forearms, wrapping her fingers around them tightly as she moves with me.
My skin warms, and I feel the pressure coming. Even though I’m moving slowly, there is something in her eyes holding me captivated that makes me feel like I’m slamming into her as fast as I can. I lean forward, wrapping my arms under her shoulders and pressing myself against her as I continue to look at her face.
She gasps again, wraps her legs around me, and holds me inside of her. Her hands tremble as she reaches up to touch my face, running her fingertips over my jaw. I lean my cheek against her palm, and she lets out a low, hushed moan. The sound ripples through my skin, takes root in my stomach, and grows. The sensation is overwhelming as I stare into her eyes and come deep inside of her.
I can’t move for a full minute. I just hold myself there above her, staring at her. She blinks twice, and a tear falls out of the corner of her eye. I reach to brush it away, and she smiles. In the firelight, her eyes look like they’re dancing.
“You’re so beautiful,” I say.
Seri blushes, finally breaking our unwavering stare.
We roll to our sides, looking back into each other’s eyes as we settle against the pillow. We just lie there silently for the longest time. Even though I’m at rest, my heart is still beating loudly. Seri places her hand on my chest and smiles. She opens her mouth to say something just as Solo jumps up onto the bed and wedges himself between us.