Tristan handed him off to me and hugged Toni. “Thank you for being here. I appreciate you. We’re going to sort through some of this stuff and then we’ll be around.”
“What is all this stuff, T?” I questioned, my eyes going to the cartful of…stuff.
“Kiss me and I’ll tell you.”
I did. Of course I did. With a crooked grin, so in love, my lips brushed hers. “You look very pretty this morning.”
“Mmmm, keep doing that. I’m falling,” she teased, her hand going over her head like she was about to faint.
“I will, because it’s the truth. I love you in this turquoise. It does something to your eyes.”
“Oh, that’s not the dress. That’s you and little man. Look at all this stuff, T. I’m overjoyed. Beyond grateful.”
“What is it?”
“It’s stuff everyone donated for the free talk last night. Toni brought it over.”
I picked up a jar of homemade soup, still wearing a frown. “People give you food for your speeches? You do know there are people who make millions of dollars for public speaking, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. My mom’s Vanna Wise, and I’m sure she’s worth more than that. I don’t need millions of dollars, but Clair Wilson’s super-soup, now that’s a different story,” she said, a little too overzealous over a jar of food. “Wait until you taste this, Tobias. Oh what a neat idea. Look, Ty. It’s a Labyrinth. A meditation pillow,” she said, her fingers tracing the handmade pillow, crocheted in green and hand stitched to a flat red pillow. Only Tristan would trade a million dollars for a lap-pillow.
The cart was full of stuff; bananas, oranges, lots of canned food in glass jars from someone’s garden; corn, green-beans, tomatoes, sauces, peppers, potatoes, and every fruit you could imagine. Not only that, there was other stuff, too. Homemade soaps, a wooden rattle for T-Man, some kind of plant that Tristan said was good for rashes and bug bites. Aloe something. And the best one of all; boy clothes. Someone handed down some little clothes that would differentiate the sex of Tobias. Just in time. He was finally almost too big for all the pink stuff. Thank God.
“Come on, T. I want to go see some of the venders.”
“Venders for what?”
“Today is the day everyone who makes stuff sets up and either buys, sells, or trade what they come with.”
“Like what?”
“Like this kind of stuff and more,” she happily explained, a necklace on a leather string, dangling from her fingers. “Look, it’s a feather, T. Here’s your sign.”
I ducked my head when she turned and placed it around my neck. “But you found it, not me. It’s your sign.”
“I found it for you. Call it a favor, and I want to go buy you a pair of real shoes. It’s your sign to follow me. Maxine makes the coolest hemp shoes you’ve ever seen.”
“I feel like I should be offended, but I’m not sure why.”
Tristan’s lips met mine, and we stood there kissing for at least five minutes. This would never get old. I’d kiss this girl for the rest of my life, and I would. “You shouldn’t be. Look how beautiful this day is? Look at the clouds. Look at the sun. Look at us.”
God I loved her. Of course I followed her, and of course I was amazed. We walked around the camp, slowly moving from camp to camp. Paintings, dream-catchers, canned goods, the meditation pillows, beaded jewelry, lots of practical items for small spaces, fair trade coffee, and one vender had a whole slew of items, all camping stuff he’d no doubt picked up at garage sales or auctions. Smart thinking.
Around three we had another huge gathering, a potluck meal we all shared together. Although there were lots of delicious sides, the huge pot full of donated items was the main course, and delightful. I did have a piece of chocolate cake, and my new friend Colton had barbeque chicken that I couldn’t pass up.
I felt more at home with these people than anywhere I’d ever been in my life. And believe me. I’d been to lots of places. As crazy as it sounded in my head, I felt more myself. I felt in line. Straightened out. Strange but true. One short month ago I would have never been able to comprehend what that meant, but I could now. I was finding me, my true me. No, not finding. I was creating me. I was waking up. We sat on the ground in front of the pretend stage later in the evening just like we had the night before. A crowd gathered, but not for Tristan. This time it was for Max and Ella. Max with his patchwork pants, long dread-locks, and crocheted beanie. He played a trio of bongo drums while Ella chanted sounds but no words.
With Tristan between my legs, and Baby-T over her shoulder, she swayed and hummed with the mantra. As weird as it should have been. It wasn’t. It was welcoming in a way I didn’t understand.
“Why aren’t there any words?” I questioned from behind her, a quiet whisper followed by a kiss.
“Do you know how your mind gets all preoccupied with your body and all your material concerns?”
“Huh?”
“It helps with that. It helps bring us from the fear of old age and death. It’s not like listening to music with words that constantly tell a story and make you feel. This delivers us from the excessive obsession we’ve adapted to by outside influences. The only story being told is the one that sheds neurotic habits that no longer serve. You don’t care about keeping up with the Jones’s anymore. It helps return us to what truly is essential, and all the shit you’ve been conformed to, becomes irrelevant. You should listen to it all the time. You have lots of shit that could be cleared from your subconscious.”
“I feel like I should be offended again.”
Tristan laughed and kissed my jawline. “Nah, it’s not your fault, but seriously, it does help clear away stuff that doesn’t belong there. You never have to look outside yourself for the answers. You don’t, Ty.”
I only smiled, bumping my forehead to the back of her head. Tristan made me think about things I just didn’t think about, but deep down knew. There was so much energy going around; happy, euphoric energy that made couples sway together in harmony. Daddies danced with daughters like nobody was looking, kids mimicked the chanting, and everybody was together. One big happy family, a zing that felt so inviting. Until Teddy-Bear tapped me on the shoulder that is. Tristan and I bumped heads when we turned around, laughing it off with a kiss.
“You’re up. Want me to take the baby for you?”
My playful smile instantly turned into a frown. Was he serious? “No, he can stay with us.”
Teddy-Bear pulled down on his long beard, a smile somewhere behind all the hair. “Trust me. You’re not even going to remember this kid in a few minutes.”
Tristan took control, standing and pulling me to my feet by a finger. “Come on, T. Thanks, Teddy-Bear, but I already promised him to Toni. She’ll kill me if I don’t take him to her.”
“Gotcha, have fun in there.”
“In where?” I questioned with an instant frown, following Tristan and Baby-T through the crowd.
“The teepee. Have you seen Toni?”
“No. Why can’t we take him? You just fed him. He’ll be out in no time.”
“Because, Teddy-Bear’s right. We’ll forget about him. Hey, Nana Mae, have you seen Toni?”
“She was heading toward Sebastian’s camp a few minutes ago. Check behind his camper. I bet they’re having a safety meeting.”
Safety meeting? I repeated in my head. She did say safety meeting, I questioned again, just to make sure. Tristan thanked Nana Mae, declining the offer to take Baby-T off her hands, explaining how he’d been promised to Toni. I really didn’t care anymore. Toni was in the middle of a safety meeting and I needed one, too. Sort of. I knew it was only because it was mentioned. I wasn’t even thinking about it before then. My mind didn’t need to be altered around her. She altered it just fine without help. Nonetheless, I wasn’t about to turn it down. Only there was no weed smoking going on. Something else was going on.
I’m not sure how safe it was, but Toni and Sebastian were in a meeting all right. He
r long flowing skirt was around her waist, her legs were wrapped around his hips, and her back was flat against the back side of his camper. Tristan and I both just stood there winded for a second, me longer than her. It wasn’t until she pulled me by my shirt that I was able to stop watching. With a finger over her lips, shushing me, she waved me to follow her with a flick of her wrist.
As soon as we were a few feet away, I quietly asked the question I already knew the answer to. “Holy shit, T. Were they—.”
“Oh yeah. Come on, we’ll let Nana Mae keep him.”
“I’d really feel better if we just took him. He’s ready to pass out. He’s been awake a lot today. I bet he’ll sleep right through it.” Whatever it was.
Tristan spun on her feet, crashing into me with her lips the way she often did, but I never got used to it. I was always caught off guard. “We’re about to do something you’ll never in your lifetime forget. Do you remember that world-rocking thing that happened last night and the night before? Trust me.”
Yup, a twitch, for sure. I teased her bottom lip with my tongue and kissed her. “You got it.”
No problem, I’d trust her with my life. My blood did that adrenaline thing where it rushed to my brain, and straight to my heart, a fast thump, thump, thump, felt behind my chest and heard in both my ears. I followed like lost puppy, stumbling over my own feet back to Nana Mae.
“You didn’t find her. I swear they went that way.”
“Oh we found her. They’re a little busy.”
Nana Mae laughed and took Baby-T. Normally I would have had a few words to say, instructions for her to follow. Like his diaper. He fussed when you got it too tight around his legs. He didn’t like it, but I sort of forgot him, or at least my hormones did anyway. I’d just witnessed Toni getting it in against a camper, and Tristan was about to shake my foundation, but I didn’t know how. Something I would never forget my entire life was about to go down. Tristan promised. Of course I forgot him.
I remembered seeing Keisha around once I saw her. All day long, I watched couples come in and out of this teepee, wondering what the hell was going on. Tristan wouldn’t tell me shit. She didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want me to think about it. It was something I needed to experience with an open mind. We’d sat out in the sun, feeding Baby-T when she explained how learning something before experiencing it could sometimes be a double sword. Analyzing things can influence how open you are to new things. That’s what I thought about while standing in the background, observing my new surroundings.
The teepee was way bigger than it looked on the outside. Tristan walked up to Keisha and hugged her. By then I’d figured out Tristan was a hugger. She hugged people she was happy to see, she hugged people when they parted ways, she hugged little kids just because, and she hugged me—a lot.
Keisha smiled warmly at me while Tristan pulled me to the ground beside her. The next few minutes were blurred; nothing was retained. I tried like hell to keep up, learning bit by bit what Tantra meant, but I didn’t. Not really. Keisha spoke in a quiet tone, the candles and foreign scents causing her voice to sound melodramatic and far away. Something about Tantra being the art of conscious and sacred sexuality. It was supposed to help us achieve authentic love, a deep passionate connection and spiritual enlightenment. At least that’s what I’d gotten from the short introduction. Whether I was right or wrong, Tantra meant something sexual.
That was about the last coherent thing I can remember. The rest is blurred with euphoria and that’s putting it mildly. In few minutes, I learned that Tantra was a five-thousand-year old eastern love making practice between couples and very sacred. Being a first timer and Tristan not quite ready for anything physical, Keisha took sex off the table. Honestly, I was more than okay with that. For one, I didn’t know what I was about to get myself into, and for another, I wasn’t really up to getting naked in front of Keisha. The whole thing about becoming emotionally one with each other by exchanging honest feelings with our bodies and mind, but no words.
Keisha directed Tristan to stand in front of me, explaining more to me than her about what to expect. “I don’t expect for you to take much from this session, Tobias, but it should give you a good idea of what it could be some day.”
I felt her fingers slid into my hand, guiding me to step closer to Tristan. Wondering what exactly that meant. “Some day?”
“Only one in eight potential partners are capable of this level of intimacy and trust, Tobias. I want you to know that it’s okay to feel silly and not connect with Tristan for a while. This could take a lot of sessions, but as long as you’re open to it, it’ll come. The more you practice the more likely you’ll be unafraid to let go physically, emotionally, and intellectually for extended periods of time. You have an advantage being with Tristan. She’s very aware and can help take you both to the next level. And the reward…A deep connection to not only your partner, but yourself as well,” Keisha explained, her intent eyes holding mine.
The one in eight percent had me stumped for a second, wondering had Tristan already been the one. I stood there listening to Keisha say things I didn’t really hear, hoping she hadn’t. Even if I didn’t know what the hell it was, I wanted it to be a first with me.
The best way I can explain Tantric sex is like an antithesis of pornographic sex; the total opposite times a few hundred. With our clothes on, Tristan started out on her back with me on top of her, my weight held by my hands. Here’s where things start blending together. Keisha guided us into erotic moves with soft, dramatic words. Unnecessarily, she reminded us to keep as much eye contact as possible. That wasn’t even a problem. I could look into her eyes for hours on end and never get bored. Everything around us was heightened. For me anyway. The sounds of a wind chime in the melodramatic music, the scent of sage and lavender, Tristan’s breaths on my skin, the smell of her hair, the warmth of her skin, and the sound of her heart. It beat with mine, keeping perfect rhythm with background drums coming from the band outside the tent.
Tristan only shushed me once the entire hour, and that was within the first ten minutes. Keisha said something about couples who experience a certain level of intimacy can become extremely addicted to the practice.
“I could be addicted to this with you naked,” I teased.
That’s when she hushed me with a quiet, shhh, and one soft kiss.
The first ten minutes was spent getting into the grove of things, trying not to feel the silliness Keisha warned me about. I did feel silly and a little embarrassed to be moving in all these erotic poses in front of Keisha, but then the blurring started. It is silly until you do it. Until you have that enlightened reverence with someone you’re so connected to it couldn’t be anything but senseless. But once you achieve this thing that lasts beyond the length of any orgasm, you realize you’re the only one standing in your way.
I don’t know why it was so easy for us, but it was. Within fifteen minutes, we were both lost in other worlds, lost in each other. That’s the best way I can put it. Keisha had us in every bendable pose possible. An erotic music video being played in slow motion is what it reminded me of. We did make love, only we were fully dressed. Mind-expanding love. It’s another one of those things that has to be experienced before understood. Saying that Tantra was sex-yoga in slow motion merged with some extremely hot, acrobatic moves might come close. Regardless, it came so easy for us and we did open up to each other more and I didn’t even think that was possible.
If I had to put a time on how long Tristan and I stayed in the last position, I’d have to say, the last ten minutes or so. She was wrapped around my body as close as she could get, and I held her tight, pulling her even closer. I knew my eyes were closed and I knew Keisha was saying something, but I couldn’t comprehend a word of it.
“Tristan? Tobias? Guys?”
Feeling her hand on my back was when I slowly opened my eyes, toppling on the edge of reality and something that felt an awful lot like a dream. I took a few moments to acc
ess the damage, trying to put a description on my feelings. Desperate and undone. Raw and vulnerable. Immense immortal love. At the same time, Tristan and I returned to reality, and eased up on the hold we had on each other. It was at that moment she pulled away and looked at me, her eyes assuring me this was a first for her as well.
Trying to determine if everything was still in slow motion, I blinked a couple times when Tristan leisurely smiled. She placed her soft hands on each of side of my face and kissed me, bringing me another step back to the teepee. “I love you so much, Ty. There isn’t one person on this earth want more than you. I’m so glad you found us.”
There’s no cards to come back with when you’re handed confessions like that. Aces trump everything and when you’re not used to being told time and time again how much someone appreciates you and how desperately they love you, you don’t know how to respond. So I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was still trying to decide if this was real life or not.
Tristan kissed my lips and unwrapped her body from mine and stood to thank Keisha. “Wow, Keisha. I didn’t know—. What?” she questioned, her expression matching the confusion.
I came to my feet and stood beside Tristan, unsure if my legs were going to hold me or not. They felt rubbery and shaky until I too wondered why the ghostly look on Keisha’s face.
“Tristan. Oh my, God, Tristan.”
“Keisha? What?”
“I’ve only seen this three times in my life. The first time was your parents. Oh my God, you two.”
I stood there and let Tristan do the talking because this wasn’t my game and I had zero cards to play. This was way out of my league.
“Seen what three times? My parents?”
“Seen this,” she said, a huge smile as her hands rand down both our arms, pulling us into a group hug without permission. “This is phenomenal. If I didn’t know you so well, I’d bet you two have been together forever. You’re so in tune with each other.”
Tristan pulled away, more concerned than me. I already knew that. “I don’t get it. Isn’t that what Tantra is for? We’re supposed to have a connection.”