“Yes, yes, you are, but not the first time, not in an hour. This level of intimacy takes so much practice, Tristan. So much. I’m talking four and five hours a day. I should warn you though. You’re both probably going crash pretty hard tonight. I’m just so in awe right now. You two have a connection most people never get the opportunity to experience. There’s something special going on here, and if you both follow your hearts, you can do great things. I’m talking major. You two are no doubt part of the shift. I’m so excited for you, Tristan.”
I’m not sure if I read Tristan’s expression or if I was still that in tune with her, but something told me it was about more than our connection. Without asking, I knew she was reflecting on her mom and dad’s. “You did this with my mom and dad?”
“Yes. They were still in college. Up until that time, I’d never witnessed it with my own eyes. I’d felt it, I taught it, and I had heard about other couple’s experiences, but it wasn’t until them that I watched it unfold. It was quite beautiful. Just like you and Tobias. You’ve both have just gone through a life changing transformation and you don’t even know it. How do you feel?”
“I’m a little confused,” Tristan admitted. “What happened to my mom? I mean, if it’s impossible to go back to sleep after waking up, what happened to her?”
Keisha smiled and took both her hands. “Your daddy died, sweetie. She’s not asleep. She’s wide-awake with a closed door. I see her all the time on television, but she’s not the same Savannah I knew. It was easy for her to fall into that role, Tristan. Her entire political family and a good-looking man made it easy to be misled, but it’s still there. I can still see it in her eyes even if she doesn’t show it with her actions. You just have to remember that it is her lesson and not yours. Nature this right here. Hold onto this, Tristan.”
Tristan smiled over at me and hugged Keisha. Even though she let it go, I could tell it was still heavy on her mind. “Thank you so much Keisha. You’re a good soul.”
“You’re welcome, honey. Keep practicing Tantra. It truly is a blessing. I love you.”
“I love you, too. Thanks again.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Every single day with her made me a different person, a better man, and someone who for the first time ever, felt wanted and loved. Once we were finished with our hour with Keisha, we walked in the Labyrinth again, hand in hand, and more in love than ever. If that waseven possible.
We walked the giant circle to the middle; to the place we’d leave our problems. The only thing was, I didn’t have anything to leave this time. There were no chips on my shoulders, nothing pissed me off, and I wasn’t mad at anyone. Maybe she was right. Maybe Tristan had a valid point and I didn’t really need to carry anything in my heart but her and Baby-T, nothing but love. My life wasn’t over and I had way more to be grateful for than I had to complain about. Coming from me, Tobias Thomas Sheffield, that was something. That was a lot. I didn’t want to leave there. Being there changed my life in a sense. As crazy as it sounded, I knew I wasn’t the seventeen-year-old kid I’d been when I’d come there.
I did try to get her to talk about her parent’s when we sat in the middle of the labyrinth, talking about our unbelievable hour with Keisha. “I can understand, T. I’d probably be pissed off just like your mom if something bad happened to you. I couldn’t take it.”
Tristan leaned into my back from between my legs and I wrapped my arms around them both. “I don’t want to talk about that, but not because I’m closing off anything to you. It’s not that at all. I’m just extremely grateful for my little family right now, and I don’t want any of that to get in the way. My hearts too full of love. Okay?”
Of course it was okay. I kissed the back of her heard and smiled, my heart filling full to. “Okay.”
Our last night there was just as magical as the rest of them, but I’m not sure I could explain it without repeating the same feelings, emotions, and magical experiences that were so new and mystic to me. We didn’t join the rest of the campers after our walk, but I’m not sure why. We’d planned on going back and listen to some music with everyone else, but we didn’t make it. We showered and then laid on our comfy bed with Baby-T between us, kissing, holding hands, and sharing secrets.
“I want to know who his dad is, T. I feel like I’ve earned that right,” I disclosed, my thumb swiping back and forth over her hand.
A small smile formed on her lips and her eyes stayed down, staring at Baby-T and not me. Tristan took a deep breath, glanced at me, and then turned back to Tobias. “Jordan. He’s a reporter.”
That got my attention. Tristan hated reporters, including her mom. “What kind of reporter?”
“He works for Clay or did anyway. I’d say he was fired after me.”
Had I not coaxed her with prying questions, she wouldn’t have given me anymore than I asked for. “What kind of reporter?”
She shrugged one shoulder while she bit a tiny fingernail from Baby-T’s pinky finger. “I don’t know. I’m sure it was all political bullshit, but I have no idea where or what he does or anything.”
“I’m confused. You’ve got to give me more than that. You hate that life.”
“I hate Martin Bennet, too, and I didn’t know he was a reporter. I was tricked.”
I repeated it because I was a lot confused and it wasn’t a name I’d heard before. “Martin Bennet? That’s his name?”
“Yes, from what I gathered after the night I was stupid, he had just replaced yet another one of Clay’s right hand men. He goes through them pretty quick. You do what Clay says or you don’t. You go away and he ruins your career.”
“Did you love him?”
Tristan’s face scrunched up like she’d just sucked on a lemon, assuring me with great conviction that she did not. “No way. We had a one-night stand because I got drunk. Strawberry moonshine. You can thank Teddy-Bear for that.”
I’m not sure if I leaned into her or she leaned into me, but we kissed briefly before I continued to pry. “I love you.”
“I love you.”
“Did he come to a meet? How did sex even get on the table?”
Tristan smiled an ornery grin, giving more information than I cared to hear about. “How’d you know it was on a table?”
“Without the detail, where was this table?”
“It was at a small gathering in Georgia, a big flea market I’d met a few friends at.”
“Why was he there?”
Tristan shrugged one shoulder, but not because she didn’t know. She knew. “Clay hired him to follow me, but I didn’t know it at the time.”
“Wait. He was a one-night stand? You got drunk and had sex with some random guy?”
Tristan kissed Baby-T on the head and then me; same place. “I don’t really look at it like that, T. Everything that comes into our lives is for a reason. Even when we don’t get it and it makes absolutely no sense. You think I wanted that fucker to be a part of his existence? Not even a little. I mean, why him? It could have been anyone but him. I was terrified that Baby-T would be like him and not me, but he’s not. He’s like me, but for whatever reason, Baby-T needed a part of Jordan to be who he is, and maybe Jordan had a part in the lesson, too. Had it been anyone but Jordan, another baby would be between us right now. It had to be him to get Baby-T, and I’m more than okay with that.”
“But don’t you worry about him taking him from you? I mean, you do live in a van.”
“That’s why nobody knows about him, but I’m pretty safe. Jordan would be dead if Clay knew he had sex with me, let alone a baby. I don’t plan on ever taking him around them.”
“Not even your mom?”
“Especially my mom. They would abduct me and send me to Brazil or something. That’s how asleep they are. Their desire to be the most respected couple in politics is stronger than the desire to be good people. They address each other as Mr. President and First Lady. They’ve been prepping for those rolls for years now. You mark my word. Clay Wi
se will be president of the United States before he dies. Both of them know more about how it really works than how it really is; how you and the rest of the sheeples think it is.”
At least she separated me from the sheeples anyway, and I did want to know more about that, but I wanted to know more about the relationship with the guy on a picnic table more. “How could you not tell the difference? A fake reporter? What happened to your intuition? I’ve never seen anyone read people like you do. I find it hard to believe that you just laid down for some guy in a suit and tie.”
“I told you; I was drunk, and he wasn’t in a suit and tie. He was in jeans, a Bob Marley shirt, and flip-flops. Jordan tried to talk to me several times throughout the day, and I was nice. But guarded. I talked to him, but it wasn’t until later in the evening when we really talked.” Tristan explained with a pause and a quick puff of air, remembering how stupid she was. “We were all standing around listening to music and having a good time, but I still didn’t know who he was. Jordan, that’s it. That’s all I knew and all I wanted to know. Anyway, one quart of shared moonshine loosened us up enough to dance. Two quarts of shared moonshine made our clothes fall off.”
“How did you find out who he was?”
“Good service.”
“Huh?”
“Some time before day light, I was woken by his phone ringing. Lucky for me, he was a pansy-ass-drunk. A tornado could have carried him to Oz and he wouldn’t have known it. The phone woke me up and when I got up and started gathering my clothes from his tent, I noticed the name, Clay Wise. Without even knowing, I knew Clay sent him. I wasn’t expecting it at all. I hadn’t spoken to my mom in over a year at this point. I’m still not sure why or how he followed me there, but I’m never going to be that naïve again. That’s why I freaked out on you. I couldn’t believe I’d been that stupid again.”
I was the one who leaned into her that time. “Clay didn’t send me. We have a soul contract. I’ll find you forever and ever.”
Tristan’s smile touched my lips, warming my heart with love blended with magic. “I know that, and I knew it then, too, but I’m not going to lie. For a minute there, I thought you were another Jordan. I can’t ever let them find out about Baby-T. You don’t know them, T. You don’t know what they’re capable of. They would use him against me and I’m not about to take that chance.”
“But if we get married and not live in a van, they can’t do shit. We’re good parents. We love him. No judge is going to take him from us if we do it right, T. They won’t,” I assured her, my tone strong and convicted. Even if I was just a dumb kid, I was smart enough to know how this all worked, and it wasn’t how my parents did it either. I’d never be like them. Tobias would have a home, loving parents, and he would always be first. Always.
Without speaking, I read her. The expression on her face and the thin smile expressed a sadness; one that I understood without her having to say it. “I don’t want what everyone else wants, T. You know that. I don’t want the house, the corporate career, the senseless possessions, none of it is me. Tobias will never step foot in a government ran school, he’s never going to have a bedroom with toys made by third world countries, he’ll never sit in front of an X-Box and pretend to shoot people, he’ll never eat poisoned food from Monsanto, and he’ll never be in politics. Not like that. I’m never going to be like everyone else, Ty, but I’m always going to try to get everyone else to be like me.”
“You want everyone to live in a van?”
“No, and you know that’s not what I’m talking about. I don’t have a problem with anyone living in a house, a boat, a mansion, a castle, or anything else. That’s not what this is about. I want people to wake up and look around. This isn’t a nice place to live and it’s all because of following a heard of sheep. We’re not all supposed to be alike, feel alike, or act the same. Individuality doesn’t exist anymore. People are more worried about looking like the black sheep and someone pointing it out than humanity. Why, Ty? That’s the part I don’t get. I mean, I do. I just wish I could change it. You know?”
I did know, and I knew the world would be a better place with more Tristan’s and less Donald’s and Hillary’s. I also knew Tristan couldn’t change the world. “You’re putting an awful lot on your shoulders, T. You can’t change people.”
“I think you can and I’ll die trying. If I can change one person and they can change one person and they can change one person. I’m not teaching anything here, Tobias. All I’m trying to do is to get people to realize they don’t have to go outside themselves looking for the answers. Why would you trust anyone over yourself? You know what is right, but everyone is conditioned not to let that show in fear of being different. Somebody might talk about them behind their back if they eat lunch with a homeless person, but if they go out and buy that Gucci bag, they’re envied. That’s so messed up, Tobias. That’s all I’m doing here. Spreading the resistance.”
Whatever, there was no reasoning with her when it came to this stuff. Although I knew she was doing a good thing, I wasn’t naïve enough to think her activism would change the world. In a perfect world, yes. Not this one. Rather than continuing that conversation, I got back to the subject. “So what happened to Jerome?”
“Jordan,” she corrected, “I don’t know. After I took his phone keys, and wallet, I got the hell out of there. I left him asleep in his tent and headed south without a word to anyone.”
“You’re mom knows you’re sleeping in a van though, right?”
Another shrug and a long breath. “I don’t know what she thinks. I really don’t think she cares as long as I stay hidden.”
“Why do you think Clay had this guy hunt you down?”
“I don’t know. He came to get me. Once I got down the road I dialed his number from Jordan’s phone. Clay answered without a hello, he went right into his spiel, asking Jordan if he had me.”
“Had you? What does that mean?”
“He came there to get me, not to get drunk and have sex with me. Clay would probably kill him if he knew that part. Literally.”
“What happened? Did you talk to him?”
“I did. He tried to get me to come home, said my mom was worried about me and she missed me which was a lie. I lived in a boarding school. Then he tried to offer me Jordan’s job, promising lots of fame and fortune. When that didn’t work, he offered me my own foundation. He promised to help make it the best charity in America, a house hold name, he said.”
“Why?”
“Because of politics. That’s why, Ty. They don’t want me, they want me to behave, and they don’t want me to end up in the tabloids.”
“Well, stop trying to get in there,” I teased.
Tristan smiled and kissed me again. This time lacing her fingers through the back of my hair. “I love your hair longer.”
“You do?” I questioned, my tongue sliding between her lips.
“MmmHmm,” she hummed, her fingers tightening in my hair, losing herself in another amazing kiss. They were all amazing. Her lips were amazing. She was amazing.
Tristan laid her head to the pillow, wiping her watery eyes from a yawn. “I love you, Tobias.”
I laid down, too, glancing out the curtain at the crowd starting to dwindle in the middle of the filed. “I love you, Tristan. More than you could ever know.”
With her eyes closed and her fingers laced with mine below Baby-T’s feet, Tristan smiled. “I know, T. I can feel it and I’m so glad you’re here.”
“I’m always going to be here.”
Tristan dosed off rather quickly, leaving me there with my thoughts. It made me extremely happy that Jordan didn’t know about Baby-T. I hoped that he was fired, too, and I was forever grateful that Tristan got out of there when she did. It wasn’t long after that I dozed off myself, my mind back in that teepee and a smile on my face. Keisha was right. I was exhausted, drained from emotions I didn’t even know I had.
Although I did crash, sleeping sounder than I usually s
lept, I woke early the next morning. The sun was barely even up and I was wide-awake. I tried to go back to sleep, but it didn’t work. Giving up on sleep after about fifteen minutes of forcing my eyes to stay closed, I opened them and looked to Tristan and Baby-T with an instant smile. He was snuggled under the blanket with her, his little body nestled into her chest with his head barely poking out. Even though most people would argue whether or not the time she spent holding him was healthy, I loved it. It amazed me at how much she loved him. I rolled to my side and kissed his soft head and touched her sleeping lips with the ball of my thumb. She barely stirred, taking my hand from her face and holding it below Baby-T’s butt.
I laid there watching them sleep, letting my mind wander. Right to Tristan’s dad and what she didn’t know. No matter what she thought Clay Wise was capable of, she had no idea. Wondering about the tape, I let the scenario of her dad’s last words play out in my mind. I could see his beaten body being thrown into the front seat of that van by Clay’s men. I could see Clay Wise, straightening his sleeves on an expensive suit while shoving the tape into the tape player. I could even hear his voice making some snarky remark about enjoying his eighties music to his wife as he closed the door, a smile on his face as the van went over the mountain. What I couldn’t see was how Tristan’s mother ended up marrying him. It just didn’t make sense to me. If her dad was so spiritual and liberal, how the hell could he end up with someone like her?
Without opening her eyes, Tristan ordered me to quit looking at her. “Stop staring at me.”
I loved her so much it physically hurt. Not just her, but Baby-T as well. They were my life, my world, and my soul. “Good morning, Love.”
“Hmm, good morning. Did you know my name means that?”
Her groggy tone and confusing question made me wonder if she was sleep talking. “Excuse me?”
Tristan rolled to her back with a stretch and a grunt. “Tristan. It means Love.”